Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Sep 24 · 90
I am full.
Meadow Sep 24
Uncertainly still lingers in the cracks of my future, but I am feeling so full.
So full of goodness and growth.
Optimisims and joy
I've grown so much from the me just a year ago.
I speak now.
I can speak.
Ive been gentle with myself, and allowing of rest.
I am feeling so full of acceptance and self- love.
Something I thought I didn't deserve.
Some days are so hard still, but I remember when I sat down in therapy the first time, and cried my eyes out begging to be healed and that I felt so broken.
Irreparable.
The words cut at my throat as I released them.
I never thought I'd make the growth that I have so far.
I feel like a full being.
I feel healed and capable of healing.
To all of you in rough times of stagnation or the cold swift waters of change
It will be ok.
Allow yourself time.
Change comes like warm water.
Unnoticed until submerged.
Raw 10 minute brain dump.
Thank you
Sep 20 · 52
Humanity Erased
Meadow Sep 20
Identity facilitates a lense for which makes us capable of opinions.

Identity is what I've lacked in my attempts to connect with the world.

Identity helps to emphasize with others. To build a community through shared values and beliefs.

I am an earthing I have no identity beyond this.
Who I am has been erased from a lifetime of isomorphism.

Does this erase you to?
To collide the world into one being.
One consiousness.
One struggle, sameness to our differences?
Does this erase you?

Culture washed away, clensing my skin.
Scrubbing away at me until I am white.
"Clean".
While cradling my head and whispering mimetic kindness.
Cleansing me of who I could be.
Cleansing me of my ancestors values.

I have been erased.
Just a physical embodiement of what Im allowed to be.

I am human.
Just some raw thoughts on colonization.
Sep 4 · 65
Social Anxiety
Meadow Sep 4
Trapped in a mindset of fantasy
Cradling beliefs with no foundation in reality.
Alone in a mind of oil
Staining all who brave my touch

Familiar faces soaked in anxiety
They stare with memories I long to forget

These glossy eyes that fear closing... moving.... shifting.... seeing...
Worlds will fall
Perceptions will alter

These words are caught in my throat
Festering

How do I say hello?
How do I keep the conversation going? Are they staring at me because they know I'm not normal. Can they see my disfigured soul hiding beneath this skin?
This deformed skin....
Do they notice that I am an imposter?
Do they see how I react alien to how they do? How I second guess each expression.

Words fall from my eyes without allowance.
The connection isn't there.

I Stare down
I drown them with every glance.
Words falling.
Flooding.
Making oceans of unspoken phrases.
Needs.
They breathe me in.
All the words I've never spoken.

They drown in my illusions.
And run away like mad men.
To a world I cant seem to be a part of.

Trapped in a mindset of fantasy
Oil drowns me, and dilutes my words.
Taking away who I am.
My words are my life.
But I cannot speak them.

No one will ever know.
And I will never tell them.
I am Drowning in illness.
________
An older poem I never posted.
After 2 years of therapy, I finally feel like I'm past this. I'm in a place I NEVER thought i could be at  and I am learning to love my life, myself, and others better.
Aug 27 · 59
Social Exclusion
Meadow Aug 27
She speaks.
Content misshapen. Ill-crafted.
She's a little off, but she continues to share.

It begins with shifting eyes,
making sure it's ok to share this feeling of superiority
with this, small snickers escape curled lips
Social Exclusion a form of weeding out those that are of "lesser" value.

I don't want to participate.
I don't want to wear this mask.
It hurts my face, and pulls at my hair.

Wide eyes expressing judgement.
I don't look into them.
I look down.
In a room of "normal people"
they judge her.

I don't want to participate.
I want to listen. To decode her language. Learn the way she speaks.
I want to defend.
I want to rip these masks off these people who will tell you you're perfect then slander you when absent.
I don't want to participate.
I don't understand how THIS is ok in this sensitive world where nothing else is.
First day back at school.
I don't like the way we act with another. High and mighty we think we are, but when we see someone that doesn't belong we're so quick to make fun. Desperately seeking social approval, and inclusion at the expense of others.

Raw thoughts after a long day.
Meadow Aug 21
Summer is coming soon to an end.
A bittersweet summer.
One that has aged me to wise. Solemnly, I stand welcoming and allowing.
Loosened grips, blood returns to white knuckles.
Numbed fear, but wild excitement.
Random 1 minute poem: raw
Apr 3 · 188
Love Is Like A Garden
Meadow Apr 3
He is the sun if it ever took human form.
Radiant and warm

You treated his love as if it were a heat storm.
As if his love were burning you from the inside.
You mistook his intensity, and you let it suffocate you.

You tried to put out the fire.
As smoke seeped from your painted smile, you subdued him.

You tried to put out the sun.

But I...
I found him
His flame dimmed.
Under the artificial assumption, his light was too much.

He came to me trying to cover that intensity.

But I thought...
Why fit the sun in a lantern?
When it could light the world.

My love like fertile earth.
Smothered with rich soil.
Saplings reached for that warmth of him.
I wanted all of him.
A lantern wouldn't do.

We planted our seeds in moments.
And well nourished they grew.

Many moons came to pass, but now I have before me a garden of overgrowth.
Watered by our tears. Nourished by passion. Warmed by our love, and given life through our memories.

He is larger than life.
He is bold and bright and the light in my sky.
& I will tend to this garden and bathe in his sun.
He is my home, my light, and my reason.

You tried to put out the fire,
but now he is the sun.
Some raw thoughts that had been sitting in my memo's for a few months.
Oct 2018 · 338
Isolation
Meadow Oct 2018
Trapped in a mindset of fantasy.
Cradling beliefs with no foundation in reality.
Alone in a mind of oil.
Staining all who brave my touch.
Familiar faces soaked in anxiety.
They stare with memories I long to forget.
These glossy eyes that fear closing.
Moving.
Shifting.
Seeing.
Worlds will fall.
Perceptions will alter.
These words are caught in my throat.
Festering.

How do I say Hello?
How do I keep the conversation going?
Are they staring at me because they know I'm not normal?
Can they see my disfigured soul hiding beneath this skin?
This deformed skin...
Do they notice that I am an imposter?
Do they see how I react alien to how they do?
How I second guess each expression?

Words fall from my eyes without allowance.
The connection isn't there.
I stare down.
Drowning them with every glance.
Words fall.
Flooding.
Making oceans of unspoken phrases.
Needs.
They breathe me in.
All the words I've never spoken.
They drown in my delusions.
And run away like mad men.
To a world, I can't seem to be a part of.

Trapped in a mindset of fantasy.
Oil drowns me and dilutes my words.
Taking away who I am.

My words are my life.
But, I cannot speak them.
Oct 2018 · 190
6630
Meadow Oct 2018
The trees you once told me to follow home...
They're gone.
You told me to burn them to my memory so that I would always be able to find my way home.
Now I'm lost, Mama.
Places of only memory now.
Outside the gate.
Stuck on the wrong side.
Nothing feels right.
Giants that once stood so tall and guarding.
Cut down as if they had never been.
Mama, I can't find my way home.
The trees are gone.
I drove past my childhood home up in the mountains.
Oct 2018 · 107
A poet's love
Meadow Oct 2018
She wrote sentences cluttered with subtle & fragile meanings.
Interlaced in a pile of words from deep in her heart.
However,
He would never understand.
Oct 2018 · 68
Cactus
Meadow Oct 2018
Drinking you in cured me.
If only for a night.
Your flesh delighted me.
If only for a moment.
Anxiety melted from my stiff frame.
Allowing for a clear mind.

For once in my cluttered being...
I felt like dancing.
If only for a night.
Oct 2018 · 63
Orion
Meadow Oct 2018
We're just two silly kids trying to build a life in a big world.
Best friends finding their way through space together.
Leaping through galaxies trying to find our home.
Sep 2018 · 1.5k
Humboldt
Meadow Sep 2018
White water meets white sky.

No escape from this fog bubble we call paradise.

Eyes blinded by white blankets of smoke.

We wonder what is beyond.

A white canvas to project one's desires of a far-off dream.

Thinking...
Anything is better than this, right?
Sep 2018 · 44
Forlorn
Meadow Sep 2018
Comfort swam over me as the light left the world.
Hidden, I was alone in the quiet.
My mind ached to run.
Screaming, but the world was mute.

The world didn't play along to my distorted melody.

Instead,
it soothed me like a fitful child.

Silhouettes of giants loomed over me.
I stood firm and screamed with my swollen throat.
But,
the loudest sound in the world was in my head.
The earth was deaf to my disfigured temper.

Cold wind kissed my face
Turning tears to ice, and I fell to my knees defeated.
A lonely battle between me and my mind in a beautiful world that only wishes to love me.

— The End —