Trapped in a mindset of fantasy.
Cradling beliefs with no foundation in reality.
Alone in a mind of oil.
Staining all who brave my touch.
Familiar faces soaked in anxiety.
They stare with memories I long to forget.
These glossy eyes that fear closing.
Moving.
Shifting.
Seeing.
Worlds will fall.
Perceptions will alter.
These words are caught in my throat.
Festering.

How do I say Hello?
How do I keep the conversation going?
Are they staring at me because they know I'm not normal?
Can they see my disfigured soul hiding beneath this skin?
This deformed skin...
Do they notice that I am an imposter?
Do they see how I react alien to how they do?
How I second guess each expression?

Words fall from my eyes without allowance.
The connection isn't there.
I stare down.
Drowning them with every glance.
Words fall.
Flooding.
Making oceans of unspoken phrases.
Needs.
They breathe me in.
All the words I've never spoken.
They drown in my delusions.
And run away like mad men.
To a world, I can't seem to be a part of.

Trapped in a mindset of fantasy.
Oil drowns me and dilutes my words.
Taking away who I am.

My words are my life.
But, I cannot speak them.

The trees you once told me to follow home...
They're gone.
You told me to burn them to my memory so that I would always be able to find my way home.
Now I'm lost, Mama.
Places of only memory now.
Outside the gate.
Stuck on the wrong side.
Nothing feels right.
Giants that once stood so tall and guarding.
Cut down as if they had never been.
Mama, I can't find my way home.
The trees are gone.

Drinking you in cured me.
If only for a night.
Your flesh delighted me.
If only for a moment.
Anxiety melted from my stiff frame.
Allowing for a clear mind.

For once in my cluttered being...
I felt like dancing.
If only for a night.

We're just two silly kids trying to build a life in a big world.
Best friends finding their way through space together.
Leaping through galaxies trying to find our home.

White water meets white sky.

No escape from this fog bubble we call paradise.

Eyes blinded by white blankets of smoke.

We wonder what is beyond.

A white canvas to project one's desires of a far-off dream.

Thinking...
Anything is better than this, right?

Comfort swam over me as the light left the world.
Hidden, I was alone in the quiet.
My mind ached to run.
Screaming, but the world was mute.

The world didn't play along to my distorted melody.

Instead,
it soothed me like a fitful child.

Silhouettes of giants loomed over me.
I stood firm and screamed with my swollen throat.
But,
the loudest sound in the world was in my head.
The earth was deaf to my disfigured temper.

Cold wind kissed my face
Turning tears to ice, and I fell to my knees defeated.
A lonely battle between me and my mind in a beautiful world that only wishes to love me.