Shower in my blood

I feel your heat

my simmer

We are far

far from love


But I’m falling

at landing

will there be a pillow?


Crocodiles ****

but you can torture

you have more power

over me than you realize


Power struggle


You always win

because I ******* let you


But I don’t want to let you, anymore

because I’m a ******* shark


I’ll bite your ***** off

and leave your timber.

A righteous man cannot stand for adversity
when his daughters weep for the contrary.

A righteous man should not back away from the dragon or it’s flames
and allow his daughters to be swallowed up in war.

A righteous man
knows no good or bad
          no right or wrong.

He knows of responsibility
He knows of compassion
He knows of understanding
He knows of commitment

My father stands before the dragon.

I am a woman

I am a woman
who loves women
who loves men

I hate that I get confused
I hate that I act differently
depending on whom I’m with.

My name is Mayara Deo
I have a shaved head
I wear man jeans
I spread when I sit

And I rather prefer to be called masculine
than feminine

Still
I love my female body
I feel **** in bikinis
I feel **** in boxers
But I feel observed
         preyed on
         & harassed in bikinis.

I am a woman
I do have a ******

Still
I hate being told that I am not a man.

I hate that I still confuse
my identity
my sexuality
my being

for the sake of society’s expectations of
of whom I should be.

I crush on guys

I crush on girls

I have loved a man

I have loved a woman

And if one day
I love a person
I hope to marry them.

I hate labels
**** stereotypes

And
I ******* hate that they’re ingrained.

I hate not being considered
stable
sure
a manly-woman

a womanly-man.

My name is Mayara Deo
I am a person

And I want a person
to fall in love with my mind.

I don’t care to bear children
I do want kids
I want to always have a career
I want to care for my home.

I want to be seen as an equal

I want to feel comfortable
wearing a suit on date
with a man.

I want to feel comfortable holding my girlfriend’s hand

For I want to feel valued
as myself.

**** all men

**** all women

who choose to not understand

why I feel so confused:


It’s because of you.

I see the rain

pour from your eyes

And wish only to hide

behind your scented leaves

your rocky plane

Under the water

under the rocks

under the tons and tons

of air.


I will stay right there

between your thumb

between your hair


So let it be known

I am not gone

I am only in hiding

waiting

craving

for my oceans to reach your toes

once again.

Preachers in another storm

‘STAY’ whispers Mother

Followed by another joint

hands are met

and with him I crash


My bloodstained shadow

running

thrashed onto the walls


Cray-Cray Calling

Dos Tres – Another! Better!

Quatro Cinco – What a disaster!


T’was never my intention

But I succeed at my own failures

for there has always been a reward after my tormented failure.

-

But You can’t say I left you empty handed

you can’t say I didn’t offer you all I had

I just left

for I found better.


I know – What a ***!

Picnics under rays of cancer

Sandstorms,
continuously in center.

I wish I could have mentioned
I wish I could have mentioned

Drawings of my dead mother

Foreplay to no end

Endless laughter with no beginning

I hope I still have time

I hope you still allow
for me to say,
thank you.


Nightmares filled with little girls

Clovers of two cloves

what am I supposed to do with this information?

I guess I’ll just hold on to this information.


Picnics in a sandstorm
Under rays of cancer
Is how I portray my feelings
of loving you

at your center.

Straight lines

Some curves


Straight lines

get you there faster

Curved lines

show mistakes
show loopholes
show limbo

Every single one of
our lives

have always
will always

be curved.

We must learn to tread
with these mistakes

We must learn to find
these loopholes

We must be willing to be
in constant limbo
in constant darkness

in order to reach the greener side.

One house

Two house

Three house

Plural if it suits

Four house

Five house

Six house

******* seventy two

I had a house

my 72

that I just threw away

I have a house

a tiny house

that I continue to stray


It’s not that I don’t love my house

It’s not that it’s not true

My worry is: is this my house
       or am I making do?


But the more I realize

the more I do

that a house is not a home

and those are only in your head


so grow it on your own.

So how many thoughts can one have

all at once?

All at once

my eyes close

and my mind drifts

to open shores


Fly!

My beautiful daughter

Fly!

Till the end of the day


For if time comes

and you receive thy chain

free to fly never again you shall be.


Pardon my view but I have lived through too many

and know nothing new.

Maybe far away
     is where you’ll stay
for as my muse
     I can create
the tales
     I can create
the feelings

Maybe far away
     you should **** stay
  for Gills can pour from me
  
  any day.