I'm not made for you.
We won't fit like perfect puzzle pieces,
I can't give you the whole world and magically make it look somewhat decent.
You expect too much from me.
I can't even look out for myself,
you sit there and watch me crying on the floor and come asking me for help,
I can't support you.
It'll hurt me too much to try,
your codependency is overbearing I don't text you and you wonder why.
I can't do this.
But I can't tell you that right now,
if I leave you it gives you a reason to start drinking and you'll just drag me down.
I don't love you.
But I don't think you care,
every thought I have in the back of my head somehow you're always there.
Just stay away from me.
I don't want this anymore.
You aren't the person that I want to be with,
and you're starting to **** me off.

I've never met someone like you
someone that could put words
into constellations
your terminology leaving
me hanging on by a strand
of disgusting infatuation
just enough to keep me in your
company
never enough to keep my hopes
up
just faintly there to keep me craving your dispassionate rendering of this false love

you don't cross my mind
you cross my heart
and hope I die
pins and needles in my eyes
I don't think you're happy
darling I won't lie
but it's your fate
I'll let you live your life
just know I love you
and that you're killing me
with all your fake laughs
and your lack of energy
you're fading and you don't
give a **** about me
but you're dragging us all down
it's the end of my humility
you're ******* bolts into
you ******* coffin we're
both going down silently
there's still nothing I can do for
you if there were I'd fight
this violently

the last thing I remember about that night
is you saying you'd always love me.
I don't remember anything the next day past the words 'I'm sorry I have to be the one to tell you this'
not even the numbness.
But I know I never want to know that feeling again.
Sometimes, I get so angry that I say I hate you, like you did this to me.
How dare you take away the only girl I've ever loved
but I think I understand now.
you didn't do this to me
it's not your fault that the ******* in this world bash on little girls
it's not your fault that most people don't concider your ex drugging and ****** you "actual ****" because she was a girl.
it's not your fault that your parents were unsupportive in all of your ventures.
I'm sorry I couldn't be there to watch you perform in your plays
I'm sorry I couldn't always be there on your worst days and I'm sorry that I can't believe in god if you're not here.
I love you.
distance couldn't change that
and neither can death

"my chest hurts and I don't know why"
that's a mood
that's my constant dilemma
I'm nothing if not yours and you're nothing if not unobtainable
who am I and who are you
those are questions for the century
smoke your life away
like the years you waste are ash from a cigarette
screaming gets old just get your point across
again I'm nothing if not yours so who have I been all of this time

we're so so pretty,
pretty, pretty.
we're so put together,
darling.
we're so-so as far as
okay goes.
but we're alive none the
less.
we're all so ******* pretty
when we take our clothes off
we're all so ******* pretty
when you forget our names
we're all so *******
desperate
when we need a shoulder to cry on
we're all so ******* petty when we
beg you not to go
and we are all so ******* strong
you'll never understand us

you know, some people judge me
they say that I can't love and I'm crule and no one will ever be 'exciting' enough to make me stay with them
but
it just so happens
that I wake up every morning to think about how you drum your fingers on your steering wheel
and if you're so into a song you'll close your eyes and purse your lips and tap your hands on the side of it
and how funny you are without trying
and how smart you are
and that ******* laugh I love
the genuine one. not the fake one.
and how sad we are together.
you give the best hugs of all time
and I absolutely love the way you say my name, not 'dawnie', Desirea
you made me love the sound of it.
hearing your voice after a hard day was such a better pick me up than coming home and smoking *** spaced out on my couch.
I love you.