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My                                              
heart is                                                  
A LANTERN                                              
Inside, lives a                                              
fae                                                  
♡         ­                                       
g                                          
e                   ­                 
n                                      
t                       ­                       
l                                                
e                                          
♡                                
a                          
  ­   n                                
      d                        ­                  
      ♡                                       ­             
s                                                  ­  
w                                              
e                                        
e                     ­             
t                                        
♡                                                      

                  With
                   bright wings
                     G L I T T E R I N G
                     with love, life and
                     hope
                    ♡
                 f
           o
           r
                 ♡
                         p
                             e
                             a
                       c
                 e
                     ♡

As                    
I grow,                
S H E  R E M A I N S              
youthful, timid,              
safe                
♡              
a        
f      
r        
a                
i                  
d       ­     
♡    
t
     o

f        
l              
y          


                                        She
                   ­                     spent days
                                          JUST  CRYING
     ­                                     feeling so lost
                                          Hurt
             ­                             ♡
                                  ­        I
                                               '
                                                     m
                                                      ♡
       ­                                             s
                  ­                             o
                                        ♡
                     ­          s
                             o
                                    r
                                          r
                    ­                              y
                                 ­                   ♡

                                           ­                             The
                                ­                                         summer
                                                          ­                OF HER HEART
                                                           ­                  became winter
                                                          ­                bleak
                                           ­                            ♡
                                                               ­                 a
                                                                ­                     n
                                                               ­                   d
                                            ­                            ♡
                                   ­                            c
                                                             o
                                                               ­   l
                                                            ­                d
                                                                ­                   ♡

                        But
                       with time
                          SHE MANAGED
                        to pick herself
                       up
                      ♡
                  a
                  ­ n
                           d
                                  ♡
                           ­               h
                                        e
      ­                           r
                          ♡
              p
      e
          n­
                 ♡

With                        
the help                        
O F  O T H E R                        
fellow Kings and                        
Queens                      
♡                    
t              
h          
a              
n                        
k         ­                         
♡                                      ­    
y                                      
o                                
  u                        
♡  ­        
s
       o
       ♡
m    
u              
c                
h        


                   You                                                              ­    
all have                                              
A D D E D   TO                                            
my heart's inner                                              
flame        ­                                        
♡                                              
a                                                          
n   ­                                                       
d                                                      
♡       ­                               
h                            
o  ­                      
p                              
e                               ­       
s                                        
♡                     ­           

       Winds                                                            ­              
blow, wings                                                            ­      
NOW FLUTTER                                                          ­        
I'm ready to                                                               ­   
fly                                                              ­  
♡                                                                ­
s                                                              
i                                                      
d                                                
e                                                
♡                                                          
b                                                               ­ 
y                                                              ­  
♡                                                          
s    ­                                            
i                                                  
d            ­                                              
e                 ­                                                   ♡
I'm back!
So sorry everyone, the last few weeks have been... a strain on me.
I am still doing my media course and all, but mentally and emotionally,
I was slipping down into a dark place. My sleeping patterns have been messed up, my nerves have been completely out of control, my self-doubt, anxiety and depression drained me so much that I found it really hard to write, so I needed time to gather myself. It was so hard for me to pick up a pen. To do anything. My smiles were hollow and I just felt so lost.

I just wanted to apologise, I didn't mean to worry anyone. I'm truly touched by the out-pour of support for me. I got so many messages asking if I was alright. I can't express how much that warmed my heart. I'm so used to people being angry at me for my silence that it usually scares me to come back. By nature, with everything I've experienced, it's made me more and more of an isolationist. To all of those people, truly, thank you so so much for staying and just being kind to me...
Really. Thank you T-T
And thank you to all my followers, old and new.
245 followers... I can't even... T-T
I'm sorry if I sound like a broken record but thank you.
I'm back now, and I'm feeling better.
It's easier to hold my pen so I will resume spilling my ink.

I'll continue the Masked Bard on Thursday, I'm free the whole day.
I have no idea of my schedule the coming week.
Again, I appreciate everyone one of you.
Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts.
Thank you for staying with someone like me.
With much love,
Lyn ***
"Where do you want to go?"

"Far, far away..."

"It doesn't seem right."

"Never it did"

"Was that supposed to hurt? The constant disappointment."

"..."

"Your mind is in a dark place and you let them win, don't you?"

"..."

"You can't keep it all inside. You're torturing yourself."

"I always end up getting into this situation."

"Stop doing a damage to your ownself."

"You have no idea what I've been through, do you?"
Pretending that your feelings doesn't exist is one of the worst punishment a man can do to himself.
I thought I was throwing away those feelings but I realized that I, myself was only burying my feelings and emotions deep down. Pretending everything didn't exist in the first place.
I caught myself making up excuses that I shouldn't feel those things. I made my own reasons. It's sad because I didn't realized I was hurting myself.
 Dec 2019 MartialPoet
savspoetry
*      *      *      and you are      *      *            
   *           *  just­ like the moon *      *          
*        *   *      -----so, alone-----      *      *    
   *      *    but you shine bright  *      *    
*     *            at the darkest  *      *     *
   *      *      *     of times  *      *      *      *    
*           *           *           *         *          
 Nov 2019 MartialPoet
scully
What a rotten time to fall in love.
When I'm on the brink of tragedy,
On the edge of something so insurmountable that
I can't even contain it in both outstretched, weak, aching arms.
When I'm so close to the capstone of calamity that I can taste
The wreck on my tongue as it rains down my face.
I'm a goner.
The cataclysm that all good poetry is known for-
I am drowning on the words before they reach you-
I asphyxiate on the dark after you fall asleep.
Steady, lulled into a composition of notes and gasps.
I wonder if you know what I'm thinking about
When you wrap your hand around my throat.
I want to be the kind of person that your love deserves.
I just want to be the kind of person who isn't dripping with
Grief.
I'll find a sermon in every word you speak,
I'll chant it like prayer,
With my hands clasped to my chest in some
Frenzied, violent attempt to swear to God.
There is no reply.
Just your hand on my skin-
Less like touch and more like collision.
Please, stay. I'm begging now. I'm on my knees.
How do I look?
Do I look as pathetic as I feel?
I sink into the sadness but you're still holding my hand.
I don't speak, I overflow.
I don't love, I anesthetize.
I am destroying myself and you won't turn your head away.
Like a car crash. Like a collision. Like your hand around my throat.
I am paralyzed with a fear that God can't hear me.
"I love you" and I suffocate on the silence.
"I love you" and I choke on the apology that follows.
"I love you" and I am so sorry.
“I love you, too.” and I take my first breath.
ouch this is a really good depiction of how I feel right now and reading it hurts.


It is in my fall is your rise
It is in my dark is your light
It is in my lows is your high
It is in my small is your BIG
It is in my loss is your gain
It is in my night is your day
It is in my humiliation is your appreciation
It is in my descent is your rise
It is in my poverty is your wealth
It is in my begging is your charity
It is in my moon is your sun
It is in my clouds is your rain
It is in my internal is your eternal
It is in my stagnation is your flow
It is in my desert is your ocean
It is in my decrease is your increase
It is in my small is your large
It is in my hungry is your eating
It is in my cry is your laughter
It is in my absent is your presence
It is in my sleep is your dreamZ
It is in my heat is your cool
It is in my fire is your water
It is in my dusk is your dawn
It is in my blame is your forgiveness
It is in my sufferings is your help
It is in my last is your first
It is in my few is your many
It is in my slow is your fast
It is in my vulnerability is your empowerment
It is in my victim-hood is your assertiveness
It is in my earth is your sky
it is in my idiocy is your smartness
It is in my minus is your plus
It is in my foolishness is your cleverness
It is in my heart is your mind
It is in my despair is your hope
It is in my evening is your morning
It is in my end is your beginning
It is in my shrinkage is your expanse
It is in my silence is your talks
It is in my prisons is your freedom
It is in my solitude is your wander
It is in my unknown is your famous
It is in my sinking is your floating
It is in my ignorance is your education
It is in my demotion is your promotion
It is in my trivial is your importance
It is in my injustice is your justice
It is in my indignity is your human rights
It is in my leaving is my staying
It is in my being lonely is your friendships
It is in my sadness is your merry
It is in my dive is your soar
It is in my crawl is your flight
In is in my valley is your mountains
It is in my exploitation is your sustainability
It is in my rebel is your loyal duty
It is in my defeat is your success
It is in my scarce is your abundance
It is in my failure is your achievement
It is in my rejection is your acceptance
It is in my dislike - there is your adoration
It is in my retreat is your advancement
It is in my "against" the world is your "for" the world
It is in my dead is your alive
It is in my NO ONE is your everyone
It is my amateurishness is your professionalism
It is in my leaving is your arrival
It is in my slumber is your awakening
It is in my ugliness is your beauty
It is in my end is your beginning
It is in my end-note is your prelude
It is in my worst is your BEST
It is in my death is your birth
It is in my bitter is your sweet
It is in my blame is your praise
It is in cursing me is your blessing

It is in my timidness is your bold
It is in my being weak is your strength
It is my being at bottom is your being at top
It is in my idleness is your busyness
It is in my tears is your smiles
It is in my captivity is your LIBERTY
It is in my sad is your cheer
It is in my child is your adulthood
It is in my innocence is your maturity
It is in my adolescent is your aging
It is in my gulp of helplessness is your courage
It is in my spark is your lightning
It is in my destruction is your creativity

And over and above all what is said and written
It is LOVEz understanding and realization of YOURS
That WE are two bodies and ONE SOUL
OUR togetherness makes us YIN-YANG
It is in my veins is your blood
It is in my pulse is your breathe
It is in my womb is your cosmos
It is in my heart is your soul
It is in my LOVING you is YOU LOVING yourself
It is in my LOVERz is your BELOVEDz
It is in ME is YOU is me




 Sep 2019 MartialPoet
VOID
Evil people  live in safe places
With dogs and jobs
With a husband under her control
With children she manipulated  the state to get
Evil people hide in safe places
They are nurses in church
A " hard working mother"
But behind closed doors
They project all their hurt
They pour their trauma into their children like potted plants
They train you to believe  you are the weakest  link.
They morph your brain into soilders fighting for the wrong side
Evil peopl hide in safe places
 Sep 2019 MartialPoet
BR Dragos
Some daughters love their fathers
a bit too much
and their mothers not enough

This father was a cop,
the type that deals with the nasty cases
and he often came home drunk.
Alcohol did help, he said
and drank some more on the couch
and sometimes drank until he passed out

she was thirteen, his daughter
and would constantly nag
him with questions
about work. He didn't wanna talk about work,
about the gruesome details of
it and all that, but edgy teenagers will be
edgy teenagers
She insisted
and he kept drinking and eventually
passed out on his side

She was excited
took his gun from the holster
and started studying it with passion
turning it on all sides, smelling it,
holding it close
to the face
and

BANG!

the bullet got her lower jaw
it was a ****** mess
and she was in pain and gagging on blood
and shards of bone and teeth
But...

to call for help right now
would be wrong.
The whole world would accuse daddy
and he had no fault. And mommy would
reopen the case and
have no problem gaining custody of her
****! This was bad!
This was so bad!

And it was getting worse,
she felt it. Felt close to fainting. Father was still
on the couch. Passed out drunk.

She had to take matters into
her own hands. Shambled
into the kitchen
and grabbed the cutting board from
the table
and dipped a finger in her ****** mouth
and wrote with it on the cutting board

MY FAULT
DADDY INOCENT
(with a single 'N')

She went outside holding the cutting board
and knocked on
the neighbor's door.
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