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Marta Feb 2019
There is a BOX with many moving parts It
is a GAME The object of the game is to
move the parts in such a way that all
shapes and colours align in perfect ORDER
Every time you move one piece all other
pieces move in response Creating ORDER in
one corner destroys it in another Removing
TENSION in one place creates it in another
It is an IMPOSSIBLE game The game is
called LIFE Its purpose is to seek order The
way to ENJOY it is to appreciate DISORDER
Marta Mar 2018
I want to have a cookie but to eat it too!
Split reality in half and make it anew!

Our greatest gift and the greatest curse
To see what is not, to dream up the best

At times I will fly when the universe bends
At times I will crush when my path suddenly ends

So be it! I will take what I know is my due!
I will eat my cookie and then lose it too!
Marta Mar 2018
I am sorry Mr Confucius
I have broken the world

It fell apart into ten thousand pieces
of a crystal glass
It dissolved into ten thousand grains
of a dry sand castle
It frayed into ten thousand threads
of a silk cloth

Words became sounds with no meaning
Hugs turned into meaningless sensations
Faces changed into mute colours

The terrifying truth of deep reality
The loneliness of complete unification

The old sages lied
There is no peace in truth

You were right Mr Confucius
The woman's job is to weave
I’m clearly not an original in this sentiment:
“To each his suff'rings: all are men,
         Condemn'd alike to groan,
The tender for another's pain;
         Th' unfeeling for his own.
Yet ah! why should they know their fate?
Since sorrow never comes too late,
         And happiness too swiftly flies.
Thought would destroy their paradise.
No more; where ignorance is bliss,
       'Tis folly to be wise.”
Thomas Gray, 1742
Marta Nov 2018
My mind is under attack

A tumour in the grey matter
creates connections where there should not be any
destroys the paths that define who I am

The person I was
dissolves in front of my terrified family

It is so hard to hold on to who I was

I feel more peaceful when
I transform into an illogical mess of a being

A part of me still knows that this creature
is me

The same me in a different brain

And that me finds the courage
To forgive the mess
And love myself
As I am
As I end
Marta Mar 2018
I started watching my breath

It twists and turns
under the stern gaze of my consciousness

Like a slippery fish
it escapes once again

Suddenly I got it!

Just then thoughtful clouds arrive
and shelter it for a moment

Safe at last it relaxes

I daydream
Marta Aug 2018
My psychotherapist tells me
There is no black or white
No good or bad
No pleasure or pain
It's just a trick that my mind likes to play on me whenever I open my eyes

My psychotherapist tells me
Life is just shades of gray

I take another look
Hmmmmm
From a distance life does appear to be a dull sort of brown
But as I get closer colours start to appear
Bright colours, swirling, mixing, seething

Ever so exciting
Ever so exhausting

I get even closer and the colours begin to vanish
They blink out of existence
They blink back in again
There is just presence and absence
Cold void and a hot fullness

To be or not to be
To live or not to live
Marta Aug 2018
What colour am I?

My eyes are blue
My nose is red
My belly is white

Mostly still green
I hope
Marta Mar 2018
I know I should be grateful
I have got everything and anything
I ever wanted

And yet the itch doesn’t go away
And yet enough
does not have a place in my vocabulary

I know I should be grateful
Gratitude has a power to heal it all

To take the itch away
To allow me to be content

So why doesn’t it come?

What, oh what
are the conditions
for the emergence of gratitude?
Marta Aug 2018
Enjoying life quietly
Enduring life calmly
Not hoarding treasures
Not holding grudges
yang and yin
win win

Let the world be imperfect
Let yourself be imperfect
It's not what you thought it was
All but a thought it was
not for yourself - for them
your life is a gem

A dance that never stops
Seething life all around you
A part and the whole
The end and the go on
Marta Aug 2018
It is at night when the blessed madness comes
to free the sky for the soul to dance
And now you can howl so happily
Despair and joy indistinguishable
Marta May 2019
In my madness
I’m a lone wolf

When I’m sane I will be with you
I’ll care for you
I’ll be kind
I’ll smile and chat

But in my madness
I’ll be magnificent
Greater than Life
Impossible

Nobody dare to touch me

When I’m sane I’ll be with you
When I’m mad
I’ll write poetry

I’ll be with you when I’m sane
Because you read my poetry
Marta Aug 2018
The romantics had it right
They had a better word for it too
Melancholy ...
Beautiful and sensitive
They looked down on the brutes who stomp through life unaffected,
They enriched the world with their artful suffering
Mr Byron, Mr Wagner
Thank you
I shell treasure and enjoy my depression
So this really cheered me up this morning. I felt strong. I felt I brushed against some higher truth ... and then this evening my husband just melancholifowered it and I can’t take it seriously any more!
Marta Mar 2018
I don’t write
That implies some creative act
Instead
I catch the thoughts as they pass by
Bottle them into shapes
And display them
Hoping for the oohs and aahs

I don’t write
That’s too peaceful
I  stalk the words
I wrestle with them
Hold them down
For posterity
And for fame

I don’t write
I beg
For acceptance
For appreciation
For validation
For me
Marta Feb 2019
in the world that moves so fast
our bodies do not keep up
and the instincts that
served us so well
lead us astray
everyday
I find that my automatic reactions - fight and flight responses for example - often lead me to behave in a way that I later regret. What would be a matter of life and death in a jungle, in our society, is a matter of embarrassment.
Marta Jan 2019
I remember when things used to happen in the future
The dreams, the hopes and the worries

Suddenly things stared to happen in the past
The memories, the victories and the regrets

How did I miss the time when the they were all happening now?
Marta Nov 2018
I am painting a portrait

I was painting a portrait of my FRIENDS
But instead

I am only portraying what I THINK
I SEE

There is so much I DON’T see

My words
They don’t portray the friends at all
They only portray how I SEE them
They only portray ME

Is there a painter WHO paints what IS
Not what is SEEN?

Would you have to be HEARTLESS
Would you have to be FEARLESS
Would you have to be THOUGHTLESS

Let’s face it
I am painting a SELF portrait
Words, they convey more about ourselves then the topic we trying to cover.
Words, we all interpret them differently.
Words, they are so frustrating!
How can we ever hope to understand each other!
Marta Sep 2018
How can you count your blessings
When there are too many to count
Bring back the days of few
When few was fair amount

How can you smell the roses
When the nose’s full of smells
With a swollen belly and a heart that hurts
We torment ourselves with a choice of dessert

How can less be more
When you’ve never had less
Where the curve of diminishing returns steers
Fear unknown is the fear most feared

How can you count your blessings
When there are too many to count
Count them back - don’t count them alone
Count them slow - don’t count for more
Marta Nov 2018
Which one is real?

Blink in and blink out?
Seething mass of chemicals?
Two animals?
Two lovers?
Love story?

All real
All needed
Just as it is

The reality has many layers
Marta Aug 2018
Stillness and immobility
They look just the same
But one can be bliss the other is pain

The stillness arises when the tension is gone
When the tension grows immobility is born

The blessing of stillness it flies high and wide
The curse of tension pulls the mind closely tied

Stillness and immobility
They look just the same
But one can be bliss the other is pain

In the eye of a storm mighty worrier she waits
Her opponent exhausted from the forces he breaks

From the centre she moves in any direction
Her hands tied only by one thing - affection

Stillness and immobility
They look just the same
But one can be bliss the other is pain
Marta Mar 2018
One must choose carefully
When choosing a friend

Friends tend to get close
They are hard to defend
Yourself from them

Some nourish you
And some **** you dry

Some leave you when you need them
To some, you say good bye
But they don’t leave

So carefully chose
Take your time to select

The best from the multitude
And then once more check
Is this the right way to
think?

You are a multitude
And so is he

You are very different
With him and with me

Anyone can be your best friend
or the worst of the foes
So make friends with the friend
and ignore the blows

Chose the person inside
that feels like your brother
Nourish them and you’ll never
need to see the other

You are a multitude
And so is he
A universe of potential
An ocean of personality

— The End —