Papalubog na ang araw. Nakatutok ang mga bata sa harap ng gadget nila. Mga chismosang naninira ng kapwa nila. Lahat ay masaya sa kalayaang nadadama nila.
Lingid sa kaalaman nila ay may isang babaeng nakamasid lamang sa isang sulok.. Dala-dala nito ang alaala ng masakit na kahapon.
ISANG madugong nakaraan- mga bayaning dumanak ng dugo para sa lupang sinilangan. Mga iyak- sigaw at kapighatian ng mga pilipinong inapi nang mga dayuhan. Mga sakripisyong tiniis at inalay nila para sa kalayaan ng bayan.
Nasasaktan ang babaeng iyon. Nasasaktan ang ating Inang Bayan.
It's that feeling again. A deep longing for something, for someone. For a feeling- an embrace.
As I lay near the window pane with a heaviness inside my heart, I hear a sudden fall. A soft thud replaced by a loud cry. As raindrops started to dominate- I closed my eyes and thought of something.
My mind was blank. My body cold and restless. I reached for the blanket and stuffed myself in.
I've always thought that the rain was melancholy. How it could make me feel happy and sad at the same time. It's either a blessing or a curse. I've thought of it as a nature's call- a sign that even the world gets tired sometimes.
Busy streets, busy people. You will never know how deep the rain is until you have found yourself broken for the first time. How you could feel how angry thunderstorms are and how stupid the rain keeps on falling. You think of it as something you hate for getting yourself wet, but the coldness you will feel after getting a shade will stay. It would be like hearing every droplets fall in slow motion and feeling how heavy the weight is under your chest.
It's like a rhythm, a song you must learn to dance. Feeling the droplets fall into the stillness of your hands. Oh, how you wanted it to stay that way- but it keeps on slipping away. Those droplets delicately stroking your palm and smoothly going in between your fingers. It's like a touch- something you know is nonexistent, but it brings you at peace.
These are the stages- where you feel like everything is falling apart. Sadness is like that- and it will be sad for a while, you know it will be, but then you will notice a streak of sunshine after the rain.
Rain is captivating. Rain is shallow. It's the pain that's inside your heart who keeps on hurting you, the memories you once forgot deciding to ruin you again. It's because of all those things that have made you sad.
Own it. Gravitate to it. Rain isn't all about the sad endings. A rainbow after the rain has always taught me that i can be happy. I can always be happy- as long as i accept the things that are keeping me away from the happiness i deserve. Rain is beautiful. Rain is magical.
Science explained how the rain was made, but i still believe that it's something God has given to us. It was as if even though we have different lives and different problems, it kept us one. Like we know that somewhere and somehow- we have a place to belong to. A place where we know we can truly be free.
And that is what the rain is for me. Something that kept me whole. Something that made me think will wash away the pain of my yesterday. Something i know will last.
. . . . the reason i see the beauty of life. A sign to keep me going. A sign to know that i'm real.
It isn't a bad thing,
to love someone else entirely,
and to get drunk with the idea of love,
so you let yourself get wasted.
I wasn't sad nor naive,
but the roses you held before bled,
with a shade of dried maroon red,
i mixed my blood in the palette and painted.
Under the light of the moon, i stare at the stars, wondering if i could be one of them if i died- if i could be immortal. If I could live up as someone who was looked upon- someone who was aware of my existence. It's such a calm night, hearing my favorite songs playing and the curtains swaying by the wind.
It somehow feels magical- like a hidden power. The moon sees me whenever i'm not around a lot of people- sometimes, i think the moon knows all my secrets. I stare at it and wonder if you're looking at it too. I hope you do. I really hope you do.
My love for you is like of an asymptote- a line waiting to be intersected, hoping to be a red string brought by fate.
I wish we could happen- but we can't, because you didn't know... and i couldn't tell you.
So under the light of the moon- i hoped alot. We couldn't happen but it's not yet the end.
We were under the same sky atleast.. That's what I needed, and that's what we will ever be.
So I hope you remember me, not just that someone who walked past you, the one you caught staring at you, and the one you were really annoyed to... because if you only knew..
Your happiness was mine too.
It wasn't an underestatement. Those three words were not enough to explain how i felt for you. Nobody knew.
So if ever you looked up at the midnight sky- I hope you think of me, not just that someone who would creep behind just to catch a glimpse of you..
. . . . but as the girl who would have given the world to know.
It was like breathing every ocean air and letting go. Like a sunshine creeping in the small corner of your room and those familiar eyes you once loved turned to you slow in recognition.
Like your favorite red balloon slowly slipping away from the tip of your finger. An old photograph left in the lost places of a book.
That's what i used to be. Someone who tried so hard to make you laugh. Someone who wanted to make you happy. Someone who prayed so hard to make it last.
Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Maybe you were just another lesson being taught to me. Someone who could only stay for a while and leave you when you're asleep.
A nightmare dressed like a daydream. An angel who was ought to destroy me in the end.
I've gone too far from reminiscing the past,
the world is turning so fast,
Nobody dared to help me catch my breath,
it's like as if i never really did exist.
In this world of chaos,
i found myself changing,
from sandcastles and september rain,
to the smell of gas and fire burning.
It was the kind of hurt where your tears were falling silently. Your eyes eyeing the ceiling and being unable to think of anything- and those silent sobs you left- that was the proof you were hurting.
And no- it was not that kind of hurt, not yet. It was that kind of hurt where you were left wondering about the things you've done. That kind of hurt where you've locked yourself out inside a cubicle and cried. That kind of hurt where you feel like swimming in the icy waters and feeling yourself go numb.
And no- that was not all. You've only seen that small tip of an iceberg- not the dept.
Everyone has different views- different points. Points in their life where they were lost in knowing what's really for the best. Some already had their happy ending- some don't. Some were lost in a reverie of going back to the past and undoing- while some just don't care. If i was one of those people- i would be the one who created her own tragedy. Seeing you now- i realized that you were that every great thing i lost., and that every time i think about it- not everything i've lost- was really worth losing for. You were just one of those people who lost the chance to be with someone who would treat you with all honesty and be with you at all cost- and in that i realized. . . That i was that every great thing i lost.
From the smiles i faked,
to the tears i've wept,
the path i took,
left me lost in just a hook.
If i could just rewrite the past,
i would still bring back us,
back to those times,
where things weren't a mess.
I was still wondering if everything was really falling into place. If this was just another test- if it was everything worth losing for. It hurts so bad that seeing you now being with somebody else- somebody else who could offer you safety and laughter. Everyone seemed normal, everything seemed boring. I miss those times where i got to chat with you- all those times you'd laugh at my stupid jokes. Everyone thought that i was okay despite the smiles i showed- but believe me when i say i don't. I don't feel complete now that i am starting to lose everything once again.
It felt like a shuddered memory, a ghost from the past i tried so hard to remove. Your name as i heard them in the silence of my sleep. The half paged book i left scattered on the floor and that gold antique necklace left where you held it. We were supposed to be happy, yet it ended so quickly.
- = - = - = - = - = - =
"We were so happy. Why did it end?"
"We were so happy that the heavens punished us."
It was like becoming an ill,
everything just wasn't well,
the longer i tried to feel,
every second feels like hell.
And i tried to understand,
all the words you said at hand,
maybe it wasn't just what i expected,
but believe me when i say,
every lie stated my end.
I almost forgot how reality felt like,
whenever you make everything feel right,
and as time continue to run vast,
i remembered that not all things were meant to last.
I found myself in wonderland,
a false fairytale to be exact,
i think i have lost my mind,
but i hope i get back.
I fell in a rabbit hole endlessly,
my head is spinning vigorously,
i think i am going crazy,
so i ran and ran carelessly.
Today i met the hatter,
laughing over some matter,
out of the blue he gave me a reminder,
that this dream was a killer.
Confused from the warning,
i woke up from dreaming,
i held my hands when it started trembling,
for the things i don't remember doing.
Now i was left alone
Alive and breathing
Feeling all kinds of drowning
The second i breathe, the harder i feel
and from that i knew... i might never recover.
And just as i was about to jump to the shallows,
a hand pulled me up from my obscure state.
Telling me how dense i was
for trying to jump in an empty hole.
I asked myself.. Is this what i get?
For giving my all to the one i love?
A voice replied to my side
Saying that there's nothing wrong with having vast dreams
If a man truly holds you dear
He'll understand your every aim.
And in a spur of moment
I found myself in a reverie
He held me slowly
like how the wind caressed my skin.
He told me things i didn't know
Including the feelings i've never felt before
If he was the end of me
Then i would gladly accept my fall.
The waves grew rough
as the strings started to break
my hands held too long that it started to bleed
"Hold on.." i said as i felt his hands glide.
"I can't.." he said as he removed my bleeding hands from his.
"This boat is too small for two people, you have to let go." i felt the sinking of the boat as my tears started to fall i realized,
maybe he was right..
I was too selfish for my own good that i forgot what mattered most..
The one i want to share my dreams with.
The one i want to be with in the future..
Crestfallen and gradually i asked him. "Do you still.. love me?" Every word killed my very being, afraid of the words he'd say.
He kept mum.
I felt this queer feeling- the feeling of being worthless.
My heart aching from so much pain.
My hands throbbing from holding too long.
Little did i know it was me.
It was me who needed the saving.
"You chose your dream and now you lose me." He looks over to his shoulder as he heard a yacht coming.
And still, he chose to leave me at my worst.
— The End —