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Maria Lumbreras Jul 2023
It was the way he spoke to me
I hadn’t heard his voice
I could imagine it though..
The way he would express himself
That’s something I adored

I had the chance to met him
Without thinking too much, I said yes
For some reason he was the only one I wanted to see and befriend

Each message he would send
Would make me feel like a dandelion
I would never leave them unread
All I knew was that I felt different

Like if I was in a field of flowers , Feeling the breeze of the wind
Picking me up and blowing me away Into the air, making spins
As if my wish came true
Dancing like a ballerina
Taking me places I’ve never been to

I remember the smile he carried
I didn’t expect it when we met
But his eyes captivated me
Ever since then, I never felt obligated

I was fascinated by him
I knew one thing for sure
He created a new feeling in me
I wanted to explore it, but not alone
I’ve had done some self-healing
But he managed to steal my heart

I’m not upset about it..
Because..
He managed to take good care of it
His touch is magical
I can’t fully explain it
Touched my heart, soul and mind

The way he looks at me
Sends shivers down my spine
Everytime we lock eyes
I can’t help but analyze them
As the sunsets and the moon rises
I am filled with surprises by his side

I fantasize of all we can be
Ever since the moment,
He wrapped his arm around my neck
The first day we met
I knew I had given him the keys
To my heart without knowing

Every since we held hands
I never wanted anything else
But his whispers into my ears
hit each note filled with love
And I love that , something I didn’t know I wanted, I now needed it

I will never leave his side
In my eyes he’s my whole universe
Without him I’m unable to breath
I wouldn’t speak if it isn’t with him

He has demonstrated he is wise
That he wants to grow with me
One day I promise I’ll be his wife
Together I know we would build a life
A beautiful and pure one

And if I had a chance to met him
I would do it all over again..

~ With love your love ~
Maria Lumbreras May 2021
Yes, it’s a bright shining morning
Hoping you wake up to the fresh smell of wind
Once as a kid, it was all that gave me comfort
As I walked down the halls
I was no longer afraid to fall
Not in the darkness, not in the unknown
I then grew up, everything changed
The way I wore my clothes
to my favorite tv show
What didn’t change was the smell of the wind and my stubbornness
Not tying my shoelaces because of how confident I was I wouldn’t fall and I never did.
I would fall indeed but not with what I had brought with me instead,
It was with what was put in front of me.
I would trip on the cracks that I would walk into because I no longer payed attention to what I was walking into as my parents would remind me to do so
I then grew up again , everything changed
Each year that passes by
I still make up an excuse to not tie my shoes
It’s not that I don’t want to bend down and tie them
It’s because I still carried that same confidence with me as I did as a kid
This time I knew the reason why I could move forward without being scared to fall
If I did one day fall
It’s not because I didn’t want to
It’s because I chose to take the risk
Your path won’t always be clear
Neither would your mind
You might not know what to do in such a moment
That’s okay, your heart will know it
It will help guide you to the direction you need
I guess what I’m trying to say is it’s okay to know and to not know how this year and the next few years will go
How you will continue to grow and find the real you, despite what anyone says you know yourself the best.
You will achieve what you would like to achieve
The thoughts that may be circulating your mind today
One day will be taken out into the world
and be taken care of
Things will unravel themselves with time
Don’t rush but know when it’s time to move on
I wish you to receive all the wonderful things this mysterious world will offer you
To strengthen your strength
To find ways to get to the places you want to go To never change once you’ve unlocked your true potential
To always remember, you were born to be here
Happy 22nd birthday my precious-human 👩🏻‍❤️‍👨🏻
Maria Lumbreras Dec 2019
There comes a time where you realize

The things we think, see, touch, hear, and smell are so much like a guide for living life itself.

Need further explanation? Do you hate cliff hangers? Or do you simply love the idea that there can be more to this?

You may have heard of the saying, live, love and learn.

As simple and wonderful as it sounds referring back to one of our senses by the way.

Sometimes living becomes the thing we see as dying and we confuse the both at all times. So we really don’t know in which way it is suppose to be like, but we think we know our feelings enough right?

And we fear love because it’s stronger than what we can handle, isn’t that true in a way? It comes so unexpected but yet we see it coming, at least that’s what the majority believes.

Going through walls is the hardest thing we can bump into.  We despise having to learn something new when we pass through a harsh experience. We have a hard time acknowledging what we actually need to overcome the obstacles.

So how does this all connect together? You know the answer, yet you’re mind is such a beautiful creature that loves exploring even beyond of its abilities.

This is where everything complicates itself more than it should. Us humans love being so complex, it’s crazy right? No it isn’t because it’s such a natural thing for us to do. In the way our world has constructed itself to be like. This is what we have set ourselfs to follow, the path that our past generations have left for us. Could it have been done unintentionally how everything is suppose to work or is it a game we have to learn how to survive and somehow win?

We can be the one’s in the back of the crowd, the unnoticed whose minds run wild that no one will know about till they learn how to show the world their little contribution of their knowledge. The one’s that are unsure of what they say but make it seem like they know what they are talking about. The leader that makes everyone look up at them because they weren’t afraid to finally be who they wanted to be. There are so many roles that can be played or taken. It seems as we are on a song that’s set on repeat. We may love it, we may hate it, we might changed it or we might not mind the way it has been made so we flow with it.

So we live, love and learn. No matter how many times we have to repeat the cycle.
We use our senses in so many different ways constantly. This is not bad actually, but know that, what we may think or feel might just be an illusion of what we might never really know is real.

So do you realize everything is only a guide that only gets us through some parts and not all of it on how to live life it self?
Maria Lumbreras May 2019
Bury me with my hands crossed against my beating heart

Let me flow in the river so I can feel the steadiness that I never felt

Breathing has never been so easy

Dreaming is no longer my reality

Connections are made and no longer forgotten

Mind that I no longer control nor pay attention to

Consuming less energy, moving forward with nothing

Lazy days are now busy ones

Receiving feelings instead of numbness

One simple touch, now marks my body

Loving the way smiles are given curves

My puppet strings have been cut off

Admired, Followed, Loved, Taken, Hated

Unstoppable I have become with them
Maria Lumbreras Apr 2019
After all these years
I thought you were the strongest one
Everything that we’ve gone through
The laughter, anger, and the sadness
I was so blessed having you with me
We’ve had our rough patch and I get it
Anyone would have done the same and left
I couldn’t believe, you out of everything would actually leave me
I guess you started to drift off
Something that I would do with most
I hated that feeling of emptiness
Despised the way I would act out all the time
Push others away when they were the first to even care
To even love me the way I always hoped one day someone would
I felt so guilty and so bad that I’d hurt them
After all these years
I thought you were the strongest
Little did I know you were always there to comfort me, to heal me
I never doubted you but I always made it tough on you
I guess I dragged you away finally
I will never forget you for everything you’ve done
I’m not the same without you to be honest
I’d beg and plead for you to come back
However you never listen no more,
you don’t know how to react either
Not even my tears catch your attention
My stuffy nose and the pink shadow on my eyelids are just for you, but you never understand anymore, it’s frustrating
I miss you like no other
Nowadays I don’t even bother
I’m exhausted from trying to bring you back
I fake it most times and I’m pretty successful because no one notices
But you in my mind just don’t connect like you used to...
I wish I wasn’t so numb
I would be so much happier with you
You’ve affected my life dramatically,
now I’m unsteady all the time
Please beat for me once again
You are my heart and I need you to respond
This is about my heart not feeling what I want it to feel
Maria Lumbreras Feb 2019
A blessing to be present till this day
Thankful for the way I was raised
Having a roof to keep me safe
My stomach always full which was good
Being surrounded by love all day long
For days,weeks, months even years
Though I have been given everything
I’ve lost more than what I have been given
More of me has disappeared over the years
More than I have ever been able to built
Im scared full of fear
To be so young yet so grown up
Im not secure at work, home or even less my mind
I do not want to die alone
However I’ve already have more than a couple of times
I let the labels as a child define who I was and I accepted them even if it wasn’t me
I’ve been let to believe something in not
It’s hard to keep a reputation going
I hate having to make everyone happy
Although it’s the only thing that makes me feel now
Im so numb
I never know what wrong from right or vise versa
Am I selfish for feeling this way?
So empty without a face more like no identity
A lost soul, to the earth it doesn’t matter
What I am or become I’m only a small pile of dust
Who cares about me?
When all I ever done I’d give the worst of me
I might affect others and they may remember partially about me
But I’ve never actually been included in their lives because I could never cross the line that and I have set up for myself
I am with fear of letting myself actually discover my true identity
Im open minded so much that it amazes me
I’ve always been capable of taking a certain situation and looking at all the perspectives and outcomes but I’m so closed minded as well because I know I’m wise
I feel filthy
I’ve done things you wouldn’t expect me to do
To some though that’s normal
Im just a kid that has never fully let anyone into my own world
I’ve made mistakes over and over again
The kind that hurt only me
I look out for others before myself
And is it wrong that I just want to grow up now and worry only about myself?
Is it wrong to blame others for leaving me to believe I have to stay the same?
They won’t die with me
Im internally sad, never regretful yet the feelings there
Im overly happy but blocked by the dark emotions I carry with me from the past
Im grateful yet ungrateful
Ready to make moves but stuck on what to do
How can I explain to you that I am a lost soul waiting to be found
Many say I’m amazing and so mature but that’s just a part of me that I aromatically show off because I am still stuck on the same label and I can’t move from there
I leave my mark on your path but I push you away and leave it and never come back and never feel bad about it either
And I’m left alone again not an unusual thing to happen
It doesn’t damage me because I don’t dream on things I can’t have
It’s always been like this for some reason
if I do it’s nice but I push it aside
It’s fun letting everyone pay attention to you but it’s more fun when they staying after it
You leave so much effort into one person and you may not realize it but after a few times you tend to see that you’re left with nothing but somehow you still managed to give something
Thoughts that consume my mind
I can ignore but my heart can’t anymore
I believe it doesn’t realize it’s too concentrated on the bad that it’s not paying attention to do good
It makes me feel guilty when I beg my heart to feel the same way you do
I’m jealous you can still feel butterflies in your stomach and I can’t
It breaks me even more when you believe I’m not trying or when im not able to show my love to you
I’m a criminal for being emotional just to grab your attention because I love when you do
I’m crazy to believe that the only way to be loved is to be someone you look down upon to be comforted
I hate questions when I don’t want to say anything even if I do want to burst
Even with this trouble where I am the one that is giving the burden to you that I never got with past relationships when they said it
I ask the same thing they asked me before
Which I thought was silly because the answer was obvious but so deep in itself they would say, now I say,
how can you still be here and love me when I’m a complete mess? I did not want to be on the other side where they stood, but it’s too late
I’m already here
Maria Lumbreras Jan 2019
I have committed a crime
I struggle to look at you in the eyes
My soul feels so different, empty and shattered
I let out sighs into the air, saying I once was a women with dignity and grace
I can no longer feel the same
If I must be replaced then so be it
I let things pass through me so easily
I had acknowledged this could’ve happened
I would understand if you were angry at me
Furious i’d Be if you did the same thing to me
Leave me in my misery or stay with me
All I see is blurry images more than ever and it’s not my bad sight
Fog consumes my thoughts
This will haunt me forever if I don’t tell u
What I’ve done is awful and unforgivable
I deserve the disappointment in your eyes
I let you down, failed you terribly
I could never forgive myself for that
Because of the moment, I lost my faithfulness towards you
Please tell me you don’t hate me
I wish I could tell myself the same thing
I walk through the streets with a burden that makes my knees weak
My heart has always been numb but it’s much more than that now
I can’t feel right, I obviously can’t think right either
You don’t deserve me
I don’t deserve your love and attention like I’ve always wished for
But if we start fresh like a new page
Would you still be here by my side?
Or would you leave me behind?
Because I need you
Like you need your cigarette,
When you want to relive some stress
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