The sound of my voice will only be in your heart.. the twitter of my giggles will echo in your mind.. The spout of my breath will only be a fantasy..like I just faded away..so if I do, just let me..

When I would be lying in peace.. the box will be my happy place, which was once your arms.. the darkness will be my solace, which was once your smile.. And it will be that day, when you give your hand out, and I won’t be around to hold it..so, if I fade away, let me..

The night when you turn over and I won’t be by your side to warm you.. All those times when you held my hand and crossed roads will be too distant.. it will all seem like yesterday.. The dances in the rain. The smiles in the pain. The long walks, the dinner talks… or the calls through the night.. those silly puns and the grimy jokes.. will all stop like I did.. Uncalled for, but there will be a time when I’ll fade away..let me..

The desire of holding me tight for one last time, will seem like a dream that wouldn’t work out. But don’t you cry, for I won’t be there to collect those precious tears.. Don’t lose hope, for I won’t be around to boost you up. Don’t miss me at places and moments, for I won’t be able to be there for you, with you.Just keep me in your mind, with a warm smile..may be then, my care will pay off.. my love will mean something..so if I fade away, please let me..

When you look back, I would be glad to see the way you miss me, but please stop looking, for I won’t get to be by your side.. for my happy place is the darkness the that coffin now, and I will have the desire for sunshine and smile in yours.. I will be there as a twinkle in the sky, looking over you.. but if I fade away, just let me..

May be some day..

The case in my storage fell on my head..when I was hysterically hitting my hands for the lost confirmations of adulthood..
The mother of coincidences and fate was up today..

The box contained all the pictures of my childhood.. which today are on Facebook, and the timely flashes of memories that don’t mean as much, pokes a hole in my heart..

The time where careless was adored and playful and silly was the only way to be.. running behind my little chickens and teasing my parrot for a chilli was the sport that kept me fit..sad that sport today means watching matches at the stadium or late night football leagues..

The exercise that we got when mother ran left and right only to put that bite in our hunger hole.. how so luxurious has that bite of mother’s love become..

When Hotwheels and Funschool and Playdough was the hip of the hour.. when did an iPhone replace it all ?
Popcorns and Rasna, and Uncle Chips and  lime juice were the menu desired.. no one told me Rasna becomes *** and coke and uncle chips becomes Pizza and Fries.. or lime juice would turn into a Mojito, flustered..

May be cotton candy will never be ‘buddhi ka baal’ again..and nutties and gems and boomer bubble gum are left just words..

Balloons outside the park were the reason we went to weddings..who knew weddings will be the misnomer for departing friends..how swing sets and see-saws are just equations of physics and childish banter..

When the only cricket teams were the kids in the colony, and we hadn’t to worry about India, Australia and South Africa..
When gangs rode cycles and ate Eclairs for evening snacks.. how has it become bikes and cars and kebabs with whiskey over the years..
When getting hurt in the knees was a sign of strength..how heart breaks have become a taboo of the weak..

Times when fever was a festival of cold packs and mother’s kisses on the forehead and stomach aches were the cheat codes for skipping school.
How even diarrhoea and fractures don’t get us off work..

Chilling meant Cartoon Network.. parties meant cakes and presents in the house..and birthday songs still meant like Grammy nominated jingles of happiness and satisfaction..

Sitting on the floor with a tiny tear and a wrinkle of a smile on my face, I get spotted by my mother. She’s curious to know, how her ever frantic and running child came to a halt.. and the time turned tides, it was 5th grade again, when I shared with my mother all the happenings and happiness and sorrows.. and insecurities meant bullies and not bosses anymore..

Like my wish of ‘may be some day, all over again’.., mommy picks her mess of a child up, hugs me tight with a kiss full of affection on my forehead..
May be someday, again this box will fall into my hands, and Luck will play its tricks to muster a kiss from my mother..
May be some day..

Series of nightmares, the monsters in my mind lured me into traps..
Scratching my hands and face.. under the starry sky was a foggy moon night. Persuading that it wouldn’t hurt.. just to take my inhibition away.. for I ought to get comfortable with my fear..

The monster was howling like a Werewolf in my ears, made me think twice before I got off my lair.. and he was not alone.. the Shifter took the essence of my dead father from my locked memories..
Reckoning me into the shelter of his arms, to slit my throat open..
Series of nightmares, the monsters in my mind lured me into traps..

The fear ate me alive... immobilising my limbs. But I was compelled to think, what if I broke free ? Will the dark clouds clear the sky, and will the moon be full again ? Will the stars take me back to my room ?
Wandering through the woods like a lost bunny, I decided to pick up pace and it made all the difference in that race..
Series of nightmares, the monsters in my mind lured me into traps..

The fear reached the pinnacle and the werewolf chased me to the end of the cliff. Pinned me down and aimed for my neck, his paws heavy on my chest..
His cannibalistic eyes debilitating my soul.
The shifter chuckled, I could see him from the corner of my eye..
And the vampire now waited in line, to **** the blood off of my thigh..
But the pace had taken toll on me..I tried to break free. But the nails of that fierce beast were buried into my chest, remember he pinned me down...

But.. But my soul had power tonight, and it picked my hand, held it tight.. couldn’t help but touch his face and the wolf turn into a puppy, to loving from enraged..
My fear looked him in the eye without a flinch and the little puppy licked my face..

Suddenly all the mist and clouds cleared the werewolf stood by my side, the shifter left my father’s coat. And the vampire took steps ahead..
Now my father is gone but so is the blood ******* monster who snickered and sought my depart.
The vampire is just a tiny bat with the trickling lust for blood that’s now dead..

And I’m back in my bed, wide awake and I see the monsters from a distance, they are the raggedy Ann dolls on my windows, smiling into my dreams, and I’ve made friends with the monsters inside my mind..
Series of nightmares, the monsters in my mind lured me into traps..

And tonight, We hugged, embraced and slept tight..

If you don’t want to say anything,
Then sit beside me..
Even I love the sound of silence..

The silence that is all the bedlam in your mind, those that keep you awake at night.
The silences that tossed your love distant, but little did she know that it was all the noise that you could make..unheard..
So sit beside me, for even I love the sound of silence..

Did you not smile the other night, and muster the courage to utter the poisonous words, ‘I’m fine..’ ?
That venom is still deep in my spine, plunging through my nerves..
But dear friend, I know you are scared to share.. so sit beside me, let’s hold hands and hug tight.
Stay silent for the night..

I know it’s my fault that I let you alone tonight, and the silence made your blood make the chaotic clamour.. I didn’t believe you, lost my gamble..
The cut on your wrist betrayed me, and the one on your ankle was mocking along..
the puddle of your flesh and the red demon oozing out, the howls and snarls and growls in your silence, only smirked and scoffed and sneered in my face..

Little did I know that this is how much you love silence, that you confided into it’s humble embrace than share it with your only friend..

May I follow you? Send me the address to where you are now, may be we get to sit on that terrace and blow off our last cigarette, smile and stare into the blank.
That’s what we do best, that’s how we became friends..
Because you never wanted to say anything,
So you sat beside me, even I love the sound of silence.

I met a stranger in the bus..a man in the black suit..and I seemed to know him since ages..took the same route as mine..
Ours was a unique acquaintance, it was of smiles and stares, words hardly spared..

But today, today was different..he, with a diminished smile, seemed like he had a taxing day to cuss..in his eyes, he had the world locked like the pandora..
To open it was calamity, and to keep it all in was fatality.. but he was brave, went on burning his soul in the fire of the heist..
I always wanted to ask him about his pursuit, but I was scared of the explosion, he might endure his own Big Bang..

This stranger in the bus, the man in the black suit, who I seemed to know since ages now, was unordinarily restless today. And I couldn’t guess why..
Flicking his fingers, frantic, hasty and teary eyes, who was once my persona for strength, he left me drowning into the depths of my thoughts..
Oh how could I have even resisted, I was falling short of smiles..
Deciding to trade a word today, this harmless stranger extends a clumpsy mind, just like mine.. the troubles were little too wild, and I was compelled to listen..
They said talking helped, but we shared more smiles, words lesser spared..remember ?
The lump in his throat did most of the work.. While I got lost in his unshared troubles, i learnt something tonight..

Melting cold nights and rumbling leaves at the height. The swaying trees and the smooth slow breeze..These are the flaws of nature that are meant to make us feel right. But the evil, vicious ones, loneliness and anxiety, are our unborn progenies, and we nurture them with will and pride..they tell us of our existence, of the blood and flesh and the emotions running through our veins.. they make us pop and bleed, through our ears and eyes.. like the dictators back in time.. they eat through us, mummify us for the rest of our lives..
And this stranger in the bus, the man in the black suit..
I finally sense him.. He held my hand, asked me one simple question.
Why do we weep when we lose control ? Why are there storms and tempests inside our tiny hearts? Why do we feel wounded by the ******* loneliness that we create with our own flesh and blood, our own nurturing ? Why are we possessive about this poison that is freezing our blood, one cell at a time..? Yes, anxiety.. why do we let it turn us blue, **** us ?

I could only wonder, how smoothly he filled all the blanks. The blanks inside my gut. The blanks inside my head, the questions that he slapped in my face left red marks, but the ringing in my ears gave me the answer..

How easily could I let this venom out of my nose, with each exhale, I could sense the fumes of the blue escaping, leaving me with the spectrum of all colours but the one..

I see this stranger in the black suit everyday now. Everyday, In my bed, embracing me into sound sleep, in the mirror telling me that I was the prettiest of all, in my thoughts, in my walks, talks and mindful tirades.
The stranger now is a part of me, he camps inside me.. he replaced my poisons and demons..
And now we look out the window together, and smile more often.. the storms seem sorted now and ****** anxiety sits beside me, not inside me..

I met a stranger in the bus..a man in the black suit..and I seemed to know him since ages..took the same route as mine..
Ours was a unique acquaintance, it was of smiles and stares, words hardly spared..

But today, today was different..he, with a diminished smile, seemed like he had a taxing day to cuss..in his eyes, he had the world locked like the pandora..
To open it was calamity, and to keep it all in was fatality.. but he was brave, went on burning his soul in the fire of the heist..
I always wanted to ask him about his pursuit, but I was scared of the explosion, he might endure his own Big Bang..

This stranger in the bus, the man in the black suit, who I seemed to know since ages now, was unordinarily restless today. And I couldn’t guess why..
Flicking his fingers, frantic, hasty and teary eyes, who was once my persona for strength, he left me drowning into the depths of my thoughts..
Oh how could I have even resisted, I was falling short of smiles..
Deciding to trade a word today, this harmless stranger extends a clumpsy mind, just like mine.. the troubles were little too wild, and I was compelled to listen..
They said talking helped, but we shared more smiles, words lesser spared..remember ?
The lump in his throat did most of the work.. While I got lost in his unshared troubles, i learnt something tonight..

Melting cold nights and rumbling leaves at the height. The swaying trees and the smooth slow breeze..These are the flaws of nature that are meant to make us feel right. But the evil, vicious ones, loneliness and anxiety, are our unborn progenies, and we nurture them with will and pride..they tell us of our existence, of the blood and flesh and the emotions running through our veins.. they make us pop and bleed, through our ears and eyes.. like the dictators back in time.. they eat through us, mummify us for the rest of our lives..
And this stranger in the bus, the man in the black suit..
I finally sense him.. He held my hand, asked me one simple question.
Why do we weep when we lose control ? Why are there storms and tempests inside our tiny hearts? Why do we feel wounded by the ******* loneliness that we create with our own flesh and blood, our own nurturing ? Why are we possessive about this poison that is freezing our blood, one cell at a time..? Yes, anxiety.. why do we let it turn us blue, **** us ?

I could only wonder, how smoothly he filled all the blanks. The blanks inside my gut. The blanks inside my head, the questions that he slapped in my face left red marks, but the ringing in my ears gave me the answer..

How easily could I let this venom out of my nose, with each exhale, I could sense the fumes of the blue escaping, leaving me with the spectrum of all colours but the one..

I see this stranger in the black suit everyday now. Everyday, In my bed, embracing me into sound sleep, in the mirror telling me that I was the prettiest of all, in my thoughts, in my walks, talks and mindful tirades.
The stranger now is a part of me, he camps inside me.. he replaced my poisons and demons..
And now we look out the window together, and smile more often.. the storms seem sorted now and ****** anxiety sits beside me, not inside me..

When I met him for the first time..
It seemed like I was abducted and thrown into a meadow.
It’s jolt was such an impact, yet overwhelmingly mellow.

The breath of fresh air. Away from all my usuals. But most definitely, my type..

And there he was. Standing with his words all over the place, but he’s smarter..
He has them all decorated like an uncomplicated flower arrangement, better !

When I met him for the first time..it felt like he knows..
He knows how to grab my attention, but he does something bigger..
He exposes his soul to me, opens up in a manner that is a little wee..
Now that he’s naked, and raw.. I can finally feel the marks of that paw..that scratched his soul, it wounded my own..

I wanted to tell him, out loud..
That I was here. And that he could count..
Count on me till the end, for this was just a speed bump, the F1 race is far from over..

When I met him for the first time..
There he was, like an open treasure chest, and all I could feel was like Jack sparrow, at his black pearl’s quest.. I wanted to tell him that this is just the intermission, life has it’s own gradualization..

But he looks up, and cracks a joke that’s fake.. he is trying so hard to hide the ache.. but little does he know, that I pile too, When it all gets much too..
but fear is what gets us going.. defines our being.

Suddenly I feel his breath on my shoulder, for now he has taken shelter..
His hands getting colder..
Yet the embrace getting bolder.
He turns to me.. says will I be alright ? And that’s when I know he was already a little better..a little right.

So when I met him for the first time, I asked him too..
If I could drop my curtains..?
All he could do is be all ears.
And listen to all the nasty anecdotes over my years..
And I think, I finally found my soul mate..
who said it had to be someone you marry ? It could be someone with who you can relate..

When I met him for the first time..
It seemed like I was abducted and thrown into a meadow.
It’s jolt was such an impact, yet overwhelmingly mellow.