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Mallory Aug 2019
At first glance, I had already known what I wanted. My first look into your dull, wide-set brown eyes. I felt something I had never felt before, desire. The instant urge to be around you, giving only knowing you for nearly 60 seconds, was almost irresistible. After that night I never saw you again. Needless to say, I knew that was going to happen. Texts and calls didn't fulfill my constant cravings of you. Unfortunately, texts and calls are the only contacts we get to have. And for the meantime, it's going to have to work.
1/3 part series about my journey of me falling in love after years of being in an abyss. I hope you enjoy these, I'm genuinely putting my heart into it.
Mallory Aug 2019
will the words of my soul get me to a place in life where I'm comfortable with who I am and what I'm doing? will it give me the security in life that I've always needed? I don't know my surroundings as I am in the present but as I grow into whom I never thought id be, ill have a better idea of life outside my ego. ill open my eyes and see a world beyond compare, the ego I've built for myself has blinded me my whole life, now I'm looking through a crystal clear soul and earth has never looked so beautiful in her natural form.

just kidding my soul isn't crystal clear... I still need help.
I'm going down a dark hole again and I still don't know how to save myself.
Mallory Aug 2019
There is no easy way of telling you that I am scared. I'm scared, you will get tired of my over texting you at night because nights are my loneliest hours. Scared that maybe sometimes I tend to come off a little aggressive or that I can be a little pessimistic. A part of me fears that me needing a little more reassurance will make you think I'm being too clingy. Or when I am being a little clingy you will start to doubt us. I fear all of those. But what I fear most, is the fact that sometimes I am the one that might start to doubt... I'm the one that might get spooked once you start getting a little clingy. I dream of the day that we can say to one another "I love you" but at the same time, thinking of the day when you say "I love you" makes me feel as if I should start backing away, slowly. For as much as I crave intimacy, It scares me. Thinking of me in your arms is almost like a dream... but at the same time. It's like it could be a nightmare. I know why I am like this, I know why I am so scared of everything. Just please don't remind me why I am so broken, because then I may cry. I know this may be confusing, but with you, it feels different. it feels like I one day might be able to face these fears... and finally, be at peace with one of the many demons that haunt me.
Mallory Aug 2019
In a time of loss, you were my gain. As my life was falling apart, before my eyes, you showed me comfort, easing the painful sores growing on my soul. Who knew that the person I've ever felt such passionate love for, would be the one that tore me from myself within.
It was like off and on was our middle name. No matter the story that broke us before, the second you called my name I was there, beside you. "No good" is all I heard others say about you. "My love" is all they heard me say.
Once people started to catch on how I truly felt about you, they'd use you as my weakness, say your name just to see the broken look in my eyes. my friends couldn't even say your name, because any time I was reminded of your beauty, id begin to weep. Everybody knew I'd give my life for you, except you.
As the years went on, we became more distant, but my love never left, I still did anything to be close to you. It even got to the point where I began to play your game. "I love you, I love you not."
Mallory Aug 2019
this feeling is familiar, I've felt a touch like this once before, his kiss has a bell to it. I'm comfortable in these arms... my mind is wondering, this is like a dream, you're finally with me again. I feel content within. everything is okay until I open my eyes, it's not you. Maybe if I close them again and imagine it is, it will stop my train of thought from crashing into an abyss.

everything is calm now, he's asleep, as I'm wide awake. I stare at who I thought would be a good idea, my head begins to race, I can't look at him because I don't want that pit in my stomach, but he looks so pretty sleeping next to my white curtains. It's 2 am and I realize I need to sleep, the dark, emptiness that comes after resting my eyes shut, is eery. Maybe if I look at pictures and videos of who we used to be, it will ease my mind. wrong. I went to sleep that night with a tear dried on my face and a sore neck. never again I told myself, and never again I meant.

That night I had learned that I needed time alone. And since then I've been nothing but alone. and I'm happy for that, some just don't need others,
From when my ex and I broke up the second time
Mallory Jul 2019
Will the words of my soul, open up my blinded, broken eyes to where I see the sun of the day. from being blinded, the depths of my egotistical mind, to see true beauty in a world I once despised. As someone who is traveling long roads to seek the world and themselves within. I've learned that as much as you think your ego is protecting you from harm, it is postponing your quest to what life is truly about. Self recognization is one of the most beautiful things I have discovered. And for that, I am thankful for the suffering I have been through growing up, without being broken down, I wouldn't have had the courage to get back up and fight even harder than once before.
this isn't much of a poem, but its something I had put together

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