nobody can hear me
no matter how loud I scream
I keep reaching out for help, but
the closer I get to it
the further I am from waking up

When you walked into my world
and undertook my greatest sin,
I sought to depict myself in your image
to yearn for the life you live,
and to lust after the life you love.
Despite my fantasy being a forgotten daydream,
I often long for that dream
to be my reality.

When I reach out for help,
a hellish beast returns from the void,
only to bite my hand.
My utmost desire is to scream,
I crave to cry the sweet tears of sorrow,
I wish to unleash my demons from their prison.

But i'm afraid I can't.

Every now and then, I still get butterflies
when I look into your eyes
I see a mesmerizing sight, glimmering pools of sparkling hazel shine
one's fixed on me, the other wanders off to the side, never to align
it's almost glimpsing into our destiny, our fate.
as if you had read my mind, you smile at me and then I remember
that I know I've found my soul mate
and I've been waiting for this moment, ever since September.

Mister psychopath
I can see through your facade,
faking innocence.

You want to hurt me,
tear me apart limb by limb,
to bathe in my blood.

to make me suffer,
it would make you laugh once more.
stay away from me!

Mister treachery,
you're a wolf in sheep's clothing,
you're not who you seem.

manipulating,
only using charm and wit?
that won't work again.

I'll overthrow you,
because you're no longer king!
I, the queen, mean war.

You told me that I played all my cards right
but what I played didn't compare to her,
and the house of cards you were building would soon ignite.

So I ask:

Alaina,
did you really ruin my life?
Or was I too blind to see that you had come to my rescue?
All this time I've despised you,
but it's as clear as day that it wasn't your fault.
And because you were the key to set me free,
he will suffer in agony knowing he'll no longer get the best of both worlds.

I'll just wait 'till I die,
and I'll meet you by a bench somewhere in the afterlife;
We can just sit there and watch the world burn for all eternity.

you always come crawling back
chasing me into fields of black
tell me, why do you keep falling for me
only to feed off my heart like a dog's flea
you hold my chin and look into my soul with a sly grin
why am I your heart's kingpin?
I'd almost fall for you again
but I know I'll be left for dead in the pouring rain

I wish you had died on that day
then maybe I'd only face grief
and not the betrayal of that double-edged sword you jabbed into my back.
you said that you also wanted to die on that day
then maybe you couldn't have to face the stress of killing me,
and the depressing aftermath of which you ensued on yourself.

The more I find out, the less I know
you gaze into the black abyss of my eyes
while I admire your pale skin like it's snow
you think I can't see through your seductive disguise?
your blue eyes only entice me more
I didn't mean to dive in this deep
lost in your ocean, no hope of washing ashore
as your blond hair glistens in the moonlight, the secrets seem to seep.

I'm filled with anger and resentment for what you did to me.
The cheating, lies, and betrayal even after you got down on one knee
you used to be my everything, day in and day out
now we're nothing but strangers with memories, without a doubt.
you've been the source of my suffering all this time
you led me on, pulled me in, only to break me again once you hit your prime
I told you that I'd never forgive you
But I find that it's the only way for me to forget you too.

I will see you again, with her
but I will feel no emotion
because what we once had is way beyond a blur
It once felt like i was drowning in the ocean's deep abyss with everything unspoken
but don't cry over spilt milk
I used to drown thinking of all the horrible things you did to me
Now without you I'm floating on clouds of silk
and you're far too spoiled at this point, wouldn't you agree?

your feelings for me are twisted and unlisted
yet you're the person who keeps crossing my mind
I can't say that I never resisted
to keep our strings from being intertwined
but I know
the version of you that I knew so well
is no longer my precious freak show
you aren't my favorite thing for show-and-tell
anymore

How do people become distant so quickly;
Why do people feel heartbreak?
What are they thinking when they say they mean things sincerely
This disconnection keeps me awake
how do you fall out of love?
why is it that I'm trying to detach from you for god's sake,
what am I doing here, just being let go of?

every now and then
I look back at your video logs
and see you expressed your love for me again
and remembering how we chased each other like dogs
It's been two months now since you left
why won't these tears stop
why do I remember the beat of your heart when I'd lay on your chest
every sweet memory of you in every drop
these emotions are killing me
please tell me why am I still so attached to you
is it because I keep remembering how you got down on one knee
and proposed out of the blue
today I remembered something you said in one video
I hesitated to go find it
I tried telling myself no
but now here I lie, in this pit

you called me another womans name
who is she?
she has the same name as the girl who was contacting you
all this time
you cheated on me, I know it
so please get out of my head
please get out of my life
i never want to see your face ever again
or hear your voice, the sound that shattered my heart
so please
I beg of you
get out

All my dreams are other people's nightmares
very unrealistic to anyone, but those people always have *** up for sale
because everyone's out having affairs
and true love to them is nothing but a fairytale
but, my biggest dream is finding the love of my life
and all they want and crave is me, and all I crave and need is them
to get married; our souls intertwined into the afterlife
while my head rests on his chest, I sit on his lap and listen to his heart beat like a drum
looking into his eyes would bring me under waves of pure bliss;
he stares back into my eyes peering into my soul
and without thinking as our souls get closer we kiss
our spirits aren't so far away, because I can hear your call

I have unrealistic dreams
     you expect the love to last for eternity but it's never like that.
                                                 it goes from
         "I want to marry you."
                                                   to just..
                                                          ­      "Can we just be friends.."
You say it's not my fault;
was it truely all in your head?
Or was it because of that woman,
that woman who was just your "friend?"
The woman who has you on strings like a marionette?
Why is it that you went from
"you're my future wife,"
                                                to              ­  
                                                             "I don't love you anymore.."  
after spending time with her?
You say it's because you're finally being honest with yourself..
But you were never honest with me.

please get out of my head
I beg of you
every second I think of you is agony
Remembering how perfect I thought you were
How you'd talk to me and soothe me
with those kind eyes of yours
I want to forget you
pretend we never met
purge all our memories together
please stop taunting me with your handsome face
please get out of my head

you hate me so much
the constant tears and panic attacks you give me
You said you loved me not so long ago
I want to hate you
why can't I hate you
why won't you get out of my mind?
you want nothing to do with me
our conversations are dull
I can tell you hate me
you're my ex fiancé, why can't I let you go
why can't I say goodbye
please let me forget you already
because I hate you too.

If I never met you
I wouldn't be trapped here
if only I hadn't met you two years ago
I would still be happy to hear
that she loved me so
But I loved him instead, she didn't get the message
after the big reveal,  he never wanted me,
despite even proposing for marriage
I showed him my scrapbook of fantasies
while she's trapped in purgatory
but he took it all from me
this could be the end of the story
because you didn't like what you see.

I was your slave
to every end of your lust
I'd be punished if I were to misbehave
but this addiction to you was a must
you said it was forever
I was too naive to know that it's never true
I've been addicted to every part of you since November
and way beyond that, and you never had a clue
until that one fateful autumn day
when what you said started it all
and what I said, was no misplay
little did I know what I answered would result in my downfall.

You don't feel the same way as before
did you ever feel that way in the first place?
We've heard it all in the lore
here I rest my case
You're unsatisfied
I didn't "pleasure" you enough?
Lust manifests
you can make it rough
and witness the effect
you don't love me anymore
you just wanted my body
why didn't you tell me before
before all this
I waited for the right reasons
it's not fair
pain heals with the seasons
but you wouldn't care.

tease me,
play me,
kiss me.

curiosity killed the cat.
and satisfaction never brought it back.

Six was the fall
climb and reach for it
motivated by your all
you let me go, into the pit
into the void
how could I have let this happen, the periodical sin
to let you avoid
a lot more than my skin

six minus all
it's pretty hard to recall
when I was a slave to your orders
manifesting disorders
using me
for your sick desires
you weren't the key
but you flaunted it, spread around like wildfire

here you made me crawl
as I followed your every demand
shattered me in the rainfall
scattered the shards with your very own hand
if I knew it would turn out like this,
on that very special day near the end of autumn
I would've declined that kiss
and it'd be not him.

Life's simple illusion
it's too real
the simple love is just my delusion
but your charisma, it's a steal
I don't expect much from a long overdue love letter
I wanted to be yours
It felt I belonged to you the way I wore your sweater
sacrificed it all and got on all fours
dissatisfaction
you don't need me anymore
but you still have your attraction
I don't understand, what for?

You were the man I wanted to marry
There's my downfall, my simple delusion
due to disorder, you grew wary
So, here's our conclusion

in your arms, safe from the rest of the world
your eyes were the deepest abyss into your soul
so perfect, now it's just apart of my dreamworld
so full of self-control
But it's far too late for a love letter.