Thami Nov 28

I'm sorry I give you so little love that you have to be satisfied with the little scraps people give you.

I'm sorry I beat you up for your imperfections instead of embracing them.

I'm sorry for all the times I've stayed up all night being horrible to you. Calling you stupid,ugly and unworthy.

I'm sorry for all the times I told you you deserve to die and that nobody would even notice if you were to disappear.

I'm sorry I have nothing but these words to offer you.

I pray that you will forgive me someday,Thami.

I've spent my teenage years punishing myself for not being perfect. Being mean to myself. Hating myself. Today,I begin my journey to truly accepting, loving and appreciating myself.
Thami Nov 10

It's been a month since you left, but it still feels like yesterday to me.

I still remember the exact time it was,

The feeling I got in my chest as I lay there reading your text,

The flood of tears that followed afterwards,

The amount of "you'll be fine"s I whispered to myself that night.

I remember it all.

It's been a month since you left, but it still feels like yesterday to me.

Thami Oct 14

I haven't done half the things I wanted to do with you.
Haven't made half the memories I wanted us to
And now you're gone and it hurts to  know I'll never get to do the simple things like
Lie on the grass & gaze at the stars with you
I wish we had more time.

Thami Oct 12

You occupy my thoughts day and night.
All my days are wasted daydreaming about you finally giving me my fairytale ending
& you again,visit me in my dreams. There's no escaping you. It's torturous.

My first heartbreak. How do people do it?move on from the person they thought they'd be with forever?
Thami Oct 5

Just as I had predicted,you finally got tired.
Tired of trying to carry my problems & not being able to.
Tired of constantly having to talk me out of suicide attempts.
Tired of reminding me that it'll all get better.
Tired of trying to convince me to get out of bed,when the last thing I wanted to do was face the world.
I don't blame you though,I'd also walk away from myself if I could. Pity I'm stuck with me for life.

Thami Oct 5
:-(

I wish my illness was physical.
Maybe then I'd be more forgiving of myself.
I can't help but think of myself as weak for being brought down to my knees by my own mind.
And it would also mean I wouldn't have to deal with the occasional "Hey,but you look fine" or "just get over it".
Get over it how?

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