Uncertainty drips from every pore
I can’t count how many times I’ve cried
I don’t know what I’m crying for
I don’t know how many times they’ve lied

“You can’t trust anyone,” he said
After so long, the words awake in my mind
Fear and anxiety crawl into my bed
To keep me awake until the sun goes blind

No one helps, no one fights it anymore
Mental illness is the hottest new trend
Everything is rushing towards the open door
So once again I can’t tell who is my friend

I’m not yet ready to accept defeat
Yet the suffocating tension only grows
Maybe it’s over, maybe I’m already beat
Maybe I should just let go

Maybe I should let them drift
Let myself sink into the unknown
Maybe this is their final gift
To someone undeserving of their throne

Narrow blue eyes
Some empty, some still closed
Uncomfortable, unsure of what to do
I look down at my feet
At muddy shoes on the rug
I stare while my teeth start to chatter
I expected warmth in here, instead
Cold blue eyes.

The eyes tower above
Forcefully smiling at me
I still didn’t want to, but
sent half a real smile
when eyes burned holes in my back.
My face would definitely bruise.
I used to be a pretty girl, now just
Dull blue eyes.

Another minute of struggling,
Of revealing the rust underneath
Their gaze, it makes me sick
The eyes are twitching,
Obsessed with loosening strings
Watching my every move.
Some empty, some still closed;
Hateful blue eyes.

I feel the urge to run,
Escape from their clutches
The door is closed behind me.
They grab me again, drag me back
To paint a smile on my face,
To paint blue eyes narrow,
Framed by long black lashes;
So my blue eyes can stare

At the next pretty girl.

so much depends
upon

a red rose,
tacked

to walls not
mine,

dried to stay
forever.

I focus myself on water,
though I believe I am light.
Not my own, but a reflection on the moon.
Or maybe just the moon on water.

I'm beautiful now

My mother punched until her knuckles bled
I could hear her screaming from up the stairs
I just put in earbuds and washed the dishes
I swear I would help if it weren't for the fear

My mother made a hole in the bedroom wall
With the doorknob of my door
Big sister was having a fit again
And mother couldn't take it anymore

My mother stabbed the kitchen counter
She tried to cut off her hand
Little sister took the knife from her
I tried to just go back to sleep

My mother took the keys and drove off
No one knew where she went
But she had been drinking Smirnoff
I just hid in my room and tried not to think

I hardly ever come home anymore

I talk, and they ignore
The trees
Why won't they respond?

They talk to each other
They whisper
Why do they ignore me

Alone in the forest
I hear words
Amongst the trees

None of them are for me
Alone in the forest

My mouth is flooding
Water pours out and
it pools on the floor

It keeps coming
Pouring and pouring
and pouring and pouring

Why can't I stop
I'm drowning in it
You're drowning too

I've always been a weak swimmer
I'm afraid one day I'll sink
The seaweed will grab me
and my limbs will stop moving

My lungs burn with need
They won't get what they want
But then they collapse
And maybe my fears disappear

I've heard that drowning
is the most peaceful death

The dots of light under which I cry
I cry for the comfort I now can find
I smile for the light which holds me now
I sing for the stars that can hold the sound

I hear them sing our voices back
Every time I look into night
Echoing the laughter that we shared
Choking on tears only we can see

It happens every time I see the light
Of a sun that isn’t mine
They whisper again to me
The feeling of one that is

If I’m ever too much, reign me in
Don’t bite off more than you can chew,
And if I do feed it to you
Let it not be more than you can keep down

For I am a feast made for the gods
I know it can be too much
Please don’t eat too much today
For you might start to find the taste to be bland

I have a brother
I can't tell who it is
The word brother comes to me
With such a bitter taste
For my brother is a person
He could be one who used me
Or one who hates me
Or one who saved me
Is it literal or mental
Is it blood or adoption or feeling
Can I forgive the one who hurt me
Can I convince the one who hates me
I know I can love the one who saved me
I want it to be him

It feels like drowning
Sinking in, open mouthed,
Gliding across my body
Constantly making me swallow

All the gasping for breath
He makes my throat feel tight
I can feel him everywhere
Pushing in on all sides

My body gives in
So I finally can let go
Decide to give myself to him
In ways I’ve never known

I feel empty
Please fill me with the water
Because when I saw what he is
Death never sounded better

My airways close
And I can feel his breath
Brushing up like air bubbles
On the bare skin of my chest

He rocks against me
Up and down like the waves
Gentle and caressing
I let it pull me through the lake

But when I feel it brush against me
Like seaweed at the untouchable ground
That’s when I feel the urge to flee
Back up to where the surface hits
I know I can’t get too deep
Or I’ll awake and hate to drown

Butterflies with Broken Wings
I had a ring with a butterfly
The butterfly had a broken wing
I never wore it because it hurt
The edges would stab my hand
A man I loved saw that ring
And asked if he could have it
He said it reminded him of himself
Because butterflies with broken wings can still live
He said he found a way to fly
And that he thinks he’s doing good
I told him I’d never seen flight
Quite as beautiful as his

I don’t let them call me the sun
I tell them I think I’m the moon
My best memories live under the stars
I tell them I think I’m the moon

They call me the moon
Dancing along through night
I don’t think they know the meaning
I tell them I think I’m the moon

I act like I’m the moon
The part they can see always shines
But the dark side comes around sometimes
I tell them I think I’m the moon

I feel like I’m the moon
When the dark side comes
It’s always invisible to the naked eye
I tell them I think I’m the moon

When I feel most like the moon
I think they become an astronaut
A brilliant boy, a breath of packaged air
I tell them I think I’m the moon

I look like I’m the moon
Sometimes I can’t be seen
Unless you’re truly looking
I tell them I think I’m the moon

I shine like I’m the moon
I borrow light from the sons
The boys, the suns that hold me
I tell him I’m the moon

Call out to me, preach your joys and your woes
"Confess your sins and you will be forgiven"
And Oh Lord, do I forgive, I'll give it all if you're not overwhelmed
But lest it be too much, reign me in
Don't bite off more than you can chew, and if I do feed it to you
Let it not be more than you can keep down