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  Jul 2019 Luna D
Why the **** can’t I stop playing this same track
Over and over,
Repeating a demonised past of thoughts
That inject my stomach with butterflies,
That scratch at my arms and legs like metal on a chalkboard,
That whoosh hot through my readily pumping blood
That results in nausea and tensed muscles.
A track that brings with it memory of a time
So thick with pain and too, confusion
That brings back memories of you,
Memories of then,
Memories of hurt,
Memories of destruction...

**So why does it feel so good to remember?
And why the **** do I kind of miss it?
  Jul 2019 Luna D
Car rides, blowing smoke, ignorance is bliss, so is smoking dope.
Keep watch, tuck below. Take a ****, you said you'd be right back and i'm still holding this **** in since we last spoke.
City lights, plane flights. Breathe some air, keep chill.
Take a chill pill just relax, keep still here's some lax.
This town overdosed, kids missing found dead. Vision blurry, getting red.
Pay attention to the Feds.
Their just fiends, they're not your friends.
This life I know
This life I was drug into
Gotta watch yourself, gotta watch your back.
They do it for the high, they do it for the cash.
Quick to getting your cards stolen for a free stash.
Steady steady, think outside the box.
They will yank you, yes they're called the cops.
Take it easy. Do what they say.
Or you'll be in handcuffs, wishing you were praying.
Prison is where the dogs go. Jail is where the ****** go.
Guns in the Trunk, gloves on my hands.
Leave no evidence, I'm not punk.
Those around you, will impact your reputation,
Those around you may impact your temptation.
Bring my bag, bring a change of clothes.
Put these on, you're tagging along.
The faces and cases of all the **** and it's users.
You might run into one while with your folks.
Or you might be running from your family to find a ****.
Don't poke, edits aren't good.
Easy to catch a case,
hard to come up on a empty parking space
It will remain forever, never let you free
  Jul 2019 Luna D
Ben bryant
To all my sober friends,

If you were one of my friends during my addiction that I left behind
please forgive me I am sorry.
I wasn't in the right frame of mind

I was too focused on my chaotic life,
I wasn't available to be there for you
please don't judge me based on who I became and what I had to do

Some of you may not understand what it's like on Satan's dance floor
before the devil found me,
remember who I was before

Some of you know the combination to unlock the demon's vaults
knowing the secret to walk away instead of being in a never-ending waltz

To all my sober friends, you possess a strength that I admire
some of you found joy in life again, some of you never fell into the fire

Just don't blame yourself for my actions, I made my own choices
I knew the game, I took the risks and listened to the evil voices

I was once that sober friend who was always getting left out
I could never grasp what hold the drugs had and what they were all about

Embarrassed by the slave I'd become there was only me to blame
I knew all this but still I took his hand and walked right into the flame

It wasn't a conscious decision it was one that was vexed
It was based on who can inflate your ego and where to score next

I could ask anyone who's felt the flames to listen to what I have to say
But addicts hearts won't listen, they always need to learn the hard way

We need proof that it will ruin our lives to the darkest parts of our souls
we need to see it with our own eyes, we need to feel the holes

We broke our promises that we made and took his hand to dance
even though we wanted to rest the devil continued to prance

Dragging us through every waltz, tango and two-step
when we fall he comforts us like a friend he's always kept

All along it was us, we were the ones who needed to let go
I hope you never dance with him, i hope you never know

I pray you never understand, I pray you see me for who I use to be
when I let go of his hand I hope you'll be there waiting for me

Hold out a hand for me, be someone

that makes the  bad things run and hide
not someone that I allow to drag me, be someone who walks beside

You give me the hope that I can be strong and let go of the devil's hand
there is a better life than dancing to the devil's evil band

You're my prayer I say each night before I go to sleep
please know that you crossed my mind when I was in too deep

I didn't want to be embarrassed, if we didn't talk you wouldn't know
if i didn't see you then there would be nothing I had to show

I wouldn't let you down like I let myself down every day
thank you for being who you are, it's for you I pray

Continue being the light because one day I won't be at his command
I will see you again even if you choose not to take my hand

Even if you're not there waiting know that with your help i grew
I hold no loathing towards you, you just did what i could never do

It's not the life I wanted, it's one I wouldn't have picked
with kind regards, from yours sincerely, your friend the drug addict
  Jul 2019 Luna D
If I can’t set free
Our love will leave
Like my life
Addiction ruined everything
I’m aware
That everything I love
turns to dirt
took my spirit & happiness
Drained out my life
Replacing it with emptiness

I’m so tired of trying
Of running & hiding
From the urges to Get High
Believing to feel like the 1st Time
I’m Tired Of Fighting
Battling and dying all times
I’m sick of working so hard
To fall back each time
I’m tired of accepting
But yet denying
I feel sad sober
I feel numb High
Both ways I’m hating my life
It’s the Of Relapse
That I’m losing more hope
Breathing .
I hate that I’m weak.
I’m not strong and Can’t think
I hate that I don’t View things Easy

I love my love
My love is him
Published Draft .
You are gone,
yet everywhere
that I touch,
see, with my sensitive eyes
and heart.

You are gone,
Yet we never stop looking.
We know you're out there.
Each morning we call the
the jails.

You are gone.
Day after day
we hear nothing.
We wonder,
we hope,
we pray that you
are alive.
That no one has hurt you too badly through the night.
That you've not hurt yourself too much to come back from.

You are gone.
Yet the shadow of you is here.
It is everywhere.
Your shadow floats down from the
moon light,
and at night
covers such deep sadness
we know then that we miss you beyond the stars.

The You
that was You..
Losing an adult child to drugs is devastating beyond words. It hurts so bad.
No way to breathe
No way to find myself
Out of this sorrow
of you

I hear rumors
Sleeping In laundry mats
Dumpsers next
to the river
At night
Under freeway passes

The **** owns you
Knowing you
are so vulnerable
Breaks my heart
Even more

I am isolated
in your aloneness
I am lost in
your lost-ness
I miss you deeply
Yet am afraid
Of all you
come with

How do I find solace
When there is none
When the
silver lining has
become tarnished

My Sparkle Girl
Gone Girl Gone
Even if I found you
You would deny me
You would deny
me because
I am the voice
of reason
That you run from

I am so very alone
in your aloneness
Methamphetamine addiction. Heartbreaking
  Jul 2019 Luna D
Quetta Rose
powder in her nose,
drink in hand.
head in a faraway land,
tears in her eyes.
Memories of mumbled goodbyes,
heart beats in and out of sync.
Relapse with the beat,
game with her feet.
wispy black hair and loose limps,
forgetting everything except the feel of her body,
losing control.
how could she fall so surely to her rock bottom,
when she was with him she was higher than a kite.
so why must she say good bye to that high,
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