I'm trapped and enclosed.
Buried under paranoia.
I fear he will leave.
Replaced by Chanel perfume and deception, cat like eyes and caramelized extensions.
Drowning under mental images I've created. Mentions being spoken.
Inevitable feelings I try to avoid, but I can not.
Her existence makes me melt, even though we have never met.
My thoughts are too much to bare.
I despise this naked evil.
I’m high then suddenly low
I wish to die before I grow old
Not wanting to burden the ones around me
Rather be sad and forever lonely
If that’s the case
I’m a waste of space
The constant disappointment in my mothers eyes
The slips of blatant lies
Depressed feelings is what I’ve kept
I’m destroying myself until there’s nothing left
My stomach stays in knots
I’m a movie without a plot
I’m the tree without the branches
Was never gifted second chances
Made promises I was forced to keep
I’m only alive when I’m asleep
So these are my last words ever to be said
The secrets I place inside my head
I’m broken up about my thoughts never being spoken
I hold onto those words, my eyes have barely opened
My thoughts are consumed of memorizes we use to share
But now I must strip them off, I’m bare
In the shower I let the scalding water, drop by drop run down my skin
Afraid that I made a mistake by letting you back in
I have bruises, tenderness surrounding my heart
I’m having cold feet, I should have known from the start
That you would create this electric shock passing through my veins
I feel as if we will never really be the same
I scrub off the smell of your cologne from my pours
Just the feeling of your plump lips leaves me sore
I try to wash off the feeling of your finger tips from my scalp with shampoo
But this routine will inevitably bring me back to you
Because I love your touch, your lips, your smell
But that’s a secret I’ll keep from you, will never tell
I’ll count the days until I’m back under your blue satin sheets
But for now I’m left with the mental pictures I keep
I'm not sure when exactly I fell in love with you.
But I remember those last words you spoke that crushed my soul.
Tell me I'm the funniest girl you've met
Tell me I'm creative
-Tell me I'm not the as smart as you
Tell me you want to kiss me
Tell me we'll be together
-Tell me you want this to be low-key
Tell me about school
Tell me about all your new friends
-Tell me how you never mention me
Tell me that I give great head
Tell me I'm the only girl you talk to
-Tell me about the text from your ex
Tell me how special I am
Tell me you love my voice
-Tell me to shut up
Tell me I'm beautiful
Tell me to never change
-Tell me why we can't take pictures together
Tell me you love me
Tell me I make you happy
-Tell me why you won't text me back
Tell me I don't need to get any smaller
Tell me you'll love my body no matter what
-Tell me my ribs pop out too much
Tell me I need to take care of myself
Tell me you're not jealous
-Tell each other it's over
Tell me you miss me
Tell me you want to see each other again
-Tell me why use me for ***
Tell me let's hang out
Tell me you want to meet my friends
-Tell me why you came two hours away just to ****
Tell me why I can't let you go
Tell me why I loved you so much
-Tell me what you think happened
I don't know what you see in "her"
You ask me to come over at 1 am
I go cause it feels familiar
But every time it ends
I say I'm never coming back again
Now it feels wrong
You say, "it's okay"
But I'm slowly becoming a ticking time bomb
And I really don't want to stay
Too many lies, and I cry
Cause with you I feel numb
I've never felt so dumb
In your arms
While there's alarms
Ringing in my head
Reminding me that I should leave instead
But I wait and wait till I'm kicked out
And theres something I hate about you without a doubt
So why do I keep doing this to myself
While you're out I'm avoiding everyone else
I don't understand anything anymore
I'm always left hurt mentally, emotionally, and physically sore
Maybe I'll know
When I finally have the courage to let you go
I hate what I have become
Someone incapable of love
Never long lasting
I've been emotionally fasting
You've changed who I was
I will never be the same because
Of you....I'm no longer that hopeless romantic
I'm now that girl who wish she never had it
Being in love was a myth
All those months proved it
With all your lies
Now my heart is lower in size
It's hard to trust new people I meet
Because there is nothing I can do but keep
Remembering everything you put me through
Now I can't move onto something new
As I stare into space, standing quietly and still
I don't think anyone can save me or ever will
Your voice replays in my head, the time we spent together this summer
I can't think of any other
That made me weak in the knees so please don't leave
I want to remember how you felt
The words you sang made my heart melt
I want to relive that moment when we fell in love
At night I still dream of
The times we would laugh till we cried
When you would hold me in your arms and I'd sigh
The soft feeling of your kiss
These are the things that I miss
As we hold hands in the rain
I believe I can relive this feeling again
I feel drunk after tasting your lips on mine
The way both our legs intertwine
On top of these white silk sheets
Are some of the secrets that we keep
One touch and I'm high
The words you whisper in my ear makes me feel alive
Is this just a dream
That's how it seems
If so I want to sleep forever
Close my eyes tight and think of you whenever
I'm alone and missing you
It'll be something I have to do
Because I want to remember how it was
To be young and in love
The way we lay on the grass looking at the stars above
Staying close holding each other tight
Knowing that with you everything feels alright
I miss how it was
When we were so in love
The things we use to do
But now I feel nothing without you
My face is emotionless when I walk
My throats sore from screaming, can barley talk
I shiver whenever I hear your name
It's like a curse word I hear everyday
From our friends
Again and again
It makes me sick to my stomach
Because you don't care, probably even love it
How powerful this must make you feel
Knowing you hurt me deep, how it felt so real
I can't stop the sadness
I can't shake it off, it's madness
I just want to curl up into a ball
How do you make me feel so ******* small
Confusion is soaring and my brain
I can't help but feel that I am going insane
The things I want, the things I need
The things I pray for, are never meant to be
Feeling empty inside
Darkness surrounding me
Not a noise, not a whisper
Nothing here to see
Dropping to my knees, hands covering my eyes
Wanting to sleep, wanting to dream
Wishing that things were not the way the seem
They hug you and say they love you
That's a lie
They say it's going to be okay
But I still want to cry
Ashamed of what I am
Never wanting to see that face in the mirror again
Staring back at me with disgust
Telling me I'm not worth much
So this is how it ends
Because I fell in love with my best friend
Didn't have much luck
Because I wasn't enough
All I wanted in life was love
That was all I could ever dream of
But now all my hopes and dreams are gone
I should have believed all along
That you were going to do this
How could I have missed
I suppose you were never really mine
You turned my beating heart into stone
Now I'm afraid of dying alone
My tears spill on the words on these pages
Seems like I've cried for ages
I hate how you make me feel
How I actually believed this was real
At night I lay in bed and sigh
Because now I don't know how to feel alive
Let me sign
This letter to you
Write my confessions
Of lifeless secrets
Something you can have
Cry over me
Over my grave
Speak for me
Think of me in your sleep
The memory of me keep
The hugs and laughs
Let them last
In your mind
Now read and understand
I wasn't born to be who I am
So I ended this for you to see
That I am gone now
So just leave
She's the epitome of perfection.
Her smile lights up a room.
Her eyes seductive, mines fill with gloom.
Her hair sleek and straight while mine is too much to take.
Her style is hard to define, you could say she's one of a kind.
Her skin flawless to everyone,
while I need make-up by the ton.
Her long pearl dress dances in the wind,
while I'm in worn out jeans and a big shirt. How will I ever win?
She's better than me in every grace.
I'm just a girl with a horrid face.
Her hourglass body can easily be picked up.
While my figures the image of a pickup truck.
You deserve to be with someone who you can show off to your family and friends.
Not a girl who never wants to be seen again.
That must be why you text each other on your special days.
Every day that passes by I feel you distancing yourself further away.
I'm sorry I put you through all this mess.
It's time I leave and give you some peace and rest.
I can't compete with such beauty in any way.
So why are you with me?
Why do you stay?
My first poem on this site!
— The End —