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Ameliorate Jul 2015
You were the only thing in the Universe shining brighter than any star above us in the sky; the night I realized I loved you.
Ameliorate Apr 2016
Often an unusual thing here, that of silence.
Where as its welcoming, it's also consuming.
Your face, like a neon advertisement on a billboard, flashing messages.
Chastised between the whipping willow tree.
Then and now, through all of time and all of space.
In a very seldom looked upon way, we are all time travelers.
Destined forth between black holes and brilliant supernovas.
Sprinkled dose of fairie dust upon the imagination of a child.
Shame as we grow older we lose sight of that which imagination thrives.
A collective innocence of a generation.
A first kiss, a scraped knee.
How you felt one summer night long ago, while a storm rolled in and your favorite person in the whole universe pulled you close and kissed you as the sky broke.
Unleashing a powerful rainstorm, but you stood there.
Braced against the elements within love.
Maybe the answer to life isn't who your forever love will be, but how many little moments can you remember that are entirely worth remembering?
Ameliorate Jun 2015
There is something so beautiful about a rain shower.
Water falling from the sky , light at first then turning heavy.
I never quite understood why people were so concerned about covering up from the water.
Feeling the rain fall on your skin is just part of the magic.
Fresh and wonderful.
Never seeming to last quite long enough to satisfy the wonder.
Rain is the strongest point of relaxation for me.
A powerful force released by nature in attempts to wash away all sorrows and anxieties.
The cool water on your skin reminding you that you're alive and breathing.
Everything is going to be okay.
Ameliorate Jun 2015
She stands for solidity
A force to be reckoned with
Her name comprised of two syllables
Ebbing and flowing effortlessly like ships on a calm sea
Unmistakable beauty radiates
While people are drawn to her presence like a moth to a flame
This girl has a spark which is derived from her selfless soul
The way her eyes smile when she speaks
A true taste of simplicity.
Radiance, compassion
A true friend to have
Kelsey, my cousin
The girl who came from the sea.
Drawing inspiration from someone close to me.
Ameliorate Jun 2015
The rock, a perfect place to be seated and become enveloped and lost in the sounds which surround you.
Nature at its finest.
The whipping of the wind, blowing on your skin and through your hair.
A pleasant sensation mixed with the thunk of the waves hitting the shore and rock.
A rather unique way of saying hello with each passing moment.
A combination of the wind and waves creates this aura of serenity.
A calming only experienced by the person in the moment.
Nature is full of life, and sounds which is not appreciated enough.
The rock is teeming with life.
The little flies, who in turn play a part in the annoyance of biting your skin. Everything coexists together and it's a shame any of it has to be interrupted because people came into the land to essentially take over and share in the beauty of the land.
Nothing quite says brisk like a dip in the lake while partial cloud cover and wind blows by.
I want to stay here, forever.
Written at Blue Lake, Ontario. July 28, 2014
Ameliorate Jun 2015
Forget your appearance
Erase your name.
Relish in the anonymity
The freedom of new beginnings.
Who was I?
More importantly, who have I become?  -----
That can only be told by the future.
Matters not does the past
Be who you are without the confines of pressure.
For you are brilliant
In your own peculiar way.

- Natasha Whitley
Ameliorate Mar 22
You nor I can reverse time
Please stop running laps through my mind.
Ameliorate Jun 2015
Sometimes we become so very afraid of our own shadows, that we forget there's so much more to be scared of in this world.
Ameliorate Jun 2015
The itch of a sunburn on my skin, being home is slightly bittersweet.
A reminder that problems which trouble your mind follow you everywhere.
I'm constantly caught up in the everyday battle of deciphering what's really there and what isn't
In the sense of real ailments and anxiety.
A trouble of the mind and body, plaguing me
Making me feel like some reject, unable to live a normal life.

But it started because of something I did to myself. Underlying feelings my entire life let loose by some rampant act of idiocy. (All to impress a dumb boy. )
Irrevocable and for years now it's been an ongoing struggle.
Trying to feel normal, when I can barely remember what normal is.
Constantly feeling like I have to explain every ******* symptom to someone so I don't feel like I'm dying.
It's exhausting.
It doesn't happen every day and I thank whoever for that, because if it was....
I don't know what I would do.

Sick and tired of feeling sick and tired with all these unexplained questions. Always searching for an answer. Hypochondriac tendencies, introverted so deeply without a reason.
And the entire time I've just wanted to feel like I'm not coming undone at my seams.
That I have more of a ******* purpose than over analyzing every single feeling I have in my body on a day-to-day basis. Somehow in all of the disarray, I found someone who loves me, my gigantic flaws and all, and despite all the trouble I have, sometimes I feel like if I don't keep it to myself that he's going to leave me.
Because who wants to be with someone who doesn't work at all?

A child of a mother who was severely schizophrenic. A father who was gone for too **** long, but not by his own fault.
Resentment towards a woman who despite her problems did everything in her power to keep her two children alive, when she probably wasn't feeling so alive inside. Raised by myself, with her guidance and having to come to terms with the fact that you spent your entire young-life knowing you didn't have a dad. To having him save you in the midst of a war you didn't want to have, and that was a miracle. Realizing all you knew in your life to that point was a struggle and not the way things were supposed to be. You were freed.
Spending the next few years trying to live up to my fathers seemingly unrealistic expectations, never quite understanding that was all that he was given. Trying to make the most of what he felt was slipping through his hands, and *******. To know then what I know now.
I wasted so much time just wanting to feel loved, because I was lacking what vital fundamentals I didn't have. Thinking that's what made life worthwhile.
Years passed, and I always told myself, diminishing my life struggles because someone has had it worse. But my struggles were real, and they mattered.

Never allowing myself to say "yes, you've been through hell" and it's ****** that I have to pay for it now. A few wrong choices can ******* up real nicely. How long do I keep resenting myself instead of accepting and moving on? My life has been filled with good intentions and wrong choices. Looking back at all the things that I've seen and all the people who have come and gone, I'm absolutely joyed I have who I have now.  The few who stuck around.

The hardest part of it all is telling yourself that you're okay, that you're going to be okay. Watching the city come alive on the balcony cause you're afraid to fall back asleep. Anxiety comes with a price. You lose pieces of your sanity.

Ultimately in life's big write your own song- you learn a few things. Feeling the cold air making my hair stand on end, causing a shiver reminding me that I am alive. Without my struggles and problems I've experienced there is no way I could've shaped into the individual I am. Something to say thanks to.

A deep breath, a longer than usual exhale.  Acknowledge these feelings for what they are. I hope they won't be here forever.

-spoken word.
I wrote this last August, as a spoken word piece I am ultimately proud of.
Ameliorate Jun 2015
Take the plunge with me
Answer to the irrevocable calling that is this moment
Maybe in comparison the fear you might have if you were to jump off a cliff bungee jumping.
For this we won't have harnesses
Only flesh embodied, skin caressed with the warmth of the blankets and each other.
Swim with me in this forbidden pool
The night is young and the taste of white wine heavy on your tongue
Ameliorate Aug 2015
Over the many years which have passed, my mind constantly brings me back to one place
Where the strong waves crash against the heavy rocks
So powerful, whitecaps form on the waters surface
Could easily knock a grown man off his feet.
But I am secure on shore, dry and content
Blindly in love
For you are beside me where I've always envisioned you
Hand firmly wrapped, untwined with my fingers
You told me I have no reason to fear.

We sit here for a long time, in silence
Connected by our hands, our bodies lost in an unspoken moment with Mother Nature
The wind confirms it's affair with the trees, deep gusts of air blow through rustling up a wonderful sound
I become cold, involuntarily shiver.
Your arm wraps around me, and I shiver again
Just not because of the wind this time
Drawing me closer, I am with you
The birds, the lake
This is all for us
I never want to leave
Transfixed in a dimension furthest from our own

My eyes grow heavy, and I am afraid if we leave here now that things might change
I'm always weary and afraid of the unknown
You pull me to my feet and kiss me so strongly
Breaking apart you say the first spoken words in hours
"I don't know where you came from, but I am so glad you're mine".
The wind carried those words away from us
High above, under the winds of sea birds.
Across the lake, whispering
Across time.

As I sit here, in my
Cobweb covered rocking chair, miles and miles from that spot
I could've sworn I heard your voice carried with that last gust of wind
As it blew through my hair
"I don't know where you came from, but I am so glad you're mine"
Sleep overcame me,
                             And I dreamed.
February 17, 2016: At the time this wasn't written for anyone or with anyone specific in mind. Looking back now at this piece, in this moment, it seems like I wrote this about seven years ago.
Ameliorate Jun 2015
My mind is an ocean
It's harsh waves drowning the things I cannot say for fear of harsh judgements
Toying with the things I want to
Like a small boat on the open water
The darkening skies harboring no nice weather
For your boat is out too far to return safely
You are alone tonight
With your bottle you plan on drinking dry
Your solitude can be your savior but it can also be your demise
And all that's left is me sitting here in silence, wondering why.
December 22, 2014
Ameliorate Jun 2015
Clouds and colors painted across the sky,
Evening is upon us in all of it's wondrous glory.
The golden hour; an artist's canvas.
Sunlight glows over the treetops,
Saying goodnight to the daytime; welcoming dusk.
A sliver of the moon; peaking out making it's presence known.
For in a few short hours the sky will harbor a new scene,
One where the moon becomes dominant over all.
Deep blue darkness with perfectly plotted stars burning millions of miles away.
I wonder to myself of all the star crossed lovers,
Who have looked upon the same night sky.
I feel lucky to have you by my side in this moment of beauty,
For true love shall never die.
Ameliorate Jun 2015
Brown eyes which mirror mine
Could you sing to pass the time?
An old one from my archives; December 18, 2015
Ameliorate Jun 2015
You're inches away from me, but I want to feel you closer.
To feel your hand resting on my thigh, moving ever so slightly.
The pulse of electricity with each passing moment sends shock waves through my body.
Wondering if you feel this too.
As greedy as it sounds, I want to feel you wanting me.
Craving each inch of me.
Never feeling close enough.
You put your arm around me and I nestle closer to you on the couch.
We lay back like this.
I just want to dance with you.
January 31, 2015
Ameliorate Dec 2019
My entire adult life spent through selfies adorned with false smiles, vanity portraying the "best version" of myself.
My own body delusions still presented without filter, although masked.
Raw, vulnerable photographs through my weakest moments, tear strings, pink cheeks and red eyes aren't something I've felt comfortable posting.
However posed my photos are, they still aren't altered.
Playing up my own dysmorphic disorder from youth yet grasping my own beauty seen as overly vain.
Early youth Ex boyfriends told me selfies were extremely narcissistic, and made me seem rampant for attention.
But does a girl who has such little following still seek approval of others when they don't like photos?
I'm not sure.
My instagram feed is dull.
It's not uniform or beautifully choreographed.
I often hide photos, as I too enjoy hiding myself from time to time.
I intended on leaving an imprint of all these useless photos I've taken over the last decade. Physically I no longer share similar traits to younger versions of myself, though mentally I've changed overall time and time again. People have called me iron-clad, the strongest person they know.
But am I?
My body embellished with secrets of a personality I used to be too afraid of showing men until this fall.
How many basic accommodations I've missed out on, how my body soaks up the granules of this love.
My being is a season, wise in my own way and mystic in terms of value.  
Windows beaming with warm midday sunlight, and crispy fall mornings.
Evolving rituals, moonglow and warmth. Certain darkness like still plotted night skies. Teetering vulnerability, and overstuffed closet.
Days less spent pining over lost dysfunction, and moreover trying to figure out who I have become.
Perceived destruction of oneself versus proverbial Phoenix reconditioning.  
Warrior ignite.
This winter's met with welcomed warmth though grazed heartache and sadness.
My dad died this month by suicide and I'm still trying to figure out up from down.
Ameliorate Mar 22
Mother is broken
Her heart pumps blood through her veins like everyone else
Lungs breathe air to keep her alive, yet deep down I know she is different.
Her eyes are a brilliant shade of green
I adore her yet she terrifies me.
My mother, the schizophrenic.
Written in 2017 through the back flashes of my childhood.
Ameliorate Jun 2015
You visited me in my dreams last night
Laying restlessly in my bed, wondering if sleep would consume me or if I were to lie awake until the early hours of the morn.
Adoration overcame me, and there you were walking towards me.
Myself paying little attention to the surroundings, fixed upon you as you  traipsed towards me.
Grin breaking upon your face.
Distant music flooded to my ears however I could not place a name to this familiar tune.
Reaching me, you asked me to dance.
I nodded clumsily trying to find the words to tell you I hadn't had the experience of slow dancing before.
You grabbed hold of my hand, leading me to the floor bridging the gap between our bodies.
A distance I always tried to keep due to uncertainty of how I would be perceived.
My breath hitched as you placed your hand across the small of my back
I could not sense anything from you
Taken aback by the pure spontinuity of it all, I allowed you to lead following your movements as best and gracefully as I could manage.
Whispering to myself many times not to step on your feet.
We danced, and after a few moments I allowed myself to just experience the time in which we were free to be as we pleased.
Carried away in the music
We danced long into the morning
Awaking with a smile on my face, your arms still wrapped firmly around me as you too slept and dreamed.
Ameliorate Jul 2015
The suddenness of her lips on his left him momentarily stunned as he fought to steady himself once again
Swiftly recovering  his senses, returning her kiss feveroisly.
Tongues intertwined softly, breathing heavy and labored.
A powerful electricity buzzed between them
The energy from the vastly starry night sky radiating down upon them, casting everything within a ravishing glow.
His dimpled, beautiful smile; powerful enough to render any woman incapacitated.
Her eyes shone brightly as the stars above.
Below them, the lake water called out, beconing.
An inviting sonnet, lapping against the rocky coastline with a steady rhythm like their two hearts beating.
Enveloping them completely, becoming lost within each other and falling victim to the impossibly beautiful mid-July night.
Ameliorate Aug 2015
I hate being a woman sometimes
Ripe with blistering emotions
Falling into impossible crushes
With men completely out of your league .
Well, it's true.
Ameliorate Jul 2019
Erase your name from my fingertips, never again quench these thirsty lips.
Fright said right an ending was left.
Head against pillowcase she wept of mourning.
Ameliorate Jul 2015
His eyes,
Burned into the deep backwoods of my mind,
Calling out to me even more with the passing of time.

Secretly glancing over at you,
Desperate to know if your eyes want mine too.
Ameliorate Aug 2015
It's the allure of everything unknown that we find most desirable.
Ameliorate Jun 2015
There is a moment between the cusp of darkness, and the rise of the morning sun
As the colors of a new day creep forth
The fire crackles as the hot embers burn
Emitting enough heat that I am not cold as I sit here
Soon you return to me
The bench shifts under our weight
You don't say anything for a moment
Allowing the silence take us forward into a new day
We watch the sun slowly creeping
Turning to me, the orange-red of the fire catching the whites of your eyes, bathing them with the soft glow.
I catch you smile and I can't help but laugh
A strange thing us sharing this moment
I am sure you think it's strange too
"Quite beautiful", you say with absolute precision
I tell myself not to read into it
Looking at you, it's hard to not see the attraction
Your features are very warm, your eyes scrunch up like mine when you smile
I think you must know that you're handsome
How could you not?
The sky is a brilliant red now
Glowing off the backdrop of darkness.
The fire seems pointless now, since the sky has burst into flames
Maybe it too looks up in awe and wonder
Welcoming the light of a new day

Your hand finds it's way to rest a top mine,
The instant contact startles me
I feel myself blushing
Your eyes are filled with fire now
A deep burning that I couldn't see before
We sit there silently in the moment
As the morning comes alive.
Ameliorate Jul 2015
She is finally freed from her cage
Her flight feathers grew back
Her wingspan impressive like the dawn of a new day
Flighted, and ready
She takes to the sky
An eruption of beauty
Never to be seen again.
Ameliorate Jun 2015
You were a poison
An exoskeleton of the lies you built around you
Your sole purpose; hate the world for the wrong done to you even if some of your pain was by your own hand.
A deadly plague infecting and wiping out the surrounding villages
You knew not of pure air
Just layered muck filled with pollutants, black tar and Crystal.
Oh how you loved Crystal
A true serpent with ice cold eyes
Luring in your victim and ******* the corpse dry
An endless circle of distraction, but you could never escape your mind.
Take a look back through history
Paints a clear image
All tyrants are brought down by a lesser Evil.
You too shall fall.
Written about a time in 2011
Ameliorate Jul 2015
You raise that beer glass to your lips with such expert precision .
We exchange words out loud, yet we've been speaking with our eyes this whole time.
Yours looking softly through your glasses.
Lower, lower, lower.
However unintentionally, I notice when your eyes come to rest on my exposed cleavage.
Have I done this on purpose?
Worn a low-cut shirt to watch you squirm.
As little as I know you, oh I am wildly attracted .
You've snared me with your lips, dimples, eyes.
To know what you're thinking,
As we enjoy each-others company in a room filled with the chatter of many humans.
Each with their own agendas.
How long has it been since someone ****** softly on your bottom lip during the heat of a kiss?
Am I crazy for thinking that maybe you're just as attracted to me?
I fell very vulnerable, exposed as I sit here.
My hair is up and I can't hide behind dim lit campfire.
We just watch each other, with the frustrating inability to read the others mind.
Now we are just locked in another battle with time.
Your laugh is incredibly intoxicating
It has me more buzzed than these drinks
I crave to listen to your voice for hours
Away from this crowded environment.
What could happen if we were alone?
Would you kiss me, heated, like I've been dying to kiss you?
To taste your lips, choreograph a dance with your tongue
You have the strong hands of a man who's been working on vehicles his whole life
Dirt etched deeply within the fabrication of your flesh
What are those fingers capable of?
I shiver, drawn back out of my daydream
People laugh and cheer around us
There's a football game on the surrounding TVs.
The game doesn't interest me
But I need to pay extra attention to be able to hear you over the roar of people
Drown out the sound
It's only static
Watching your lips move
You're a piece of art
Perfectly canvassed for a poetic muse
Yet you're sitting here with me
The lost art of conversation, by now we must be experts
You must be able to see right through everything I am
My good intentions like driving at hyper speed
I wear my attraction so visibly I feel it must be noticeable
You don't give away if you know, though
I'll catch you off guard underneath the stars one day
When everything else becomes obsolete
And we lose ourselves until the sun breaks across the horizon
Yes, I intended to make you squirm
I've added an ending, since a lot of people told me my ending was too abrupt and I wasn't satisfied with how I left it halted.
Ameliorate Jun 2015
Rising, like a Phoenix out of the ashes.
Burning  the skies strike a match to the tarmac.
Holy water, sprinkle a dose on your sins;
Remember not to let the poison win.
A short little blurb
Ameliorate Jun 2015
Mind to mouth, misconstrue
Topic of conversation here's looking at you
My hearts worth more than the money in my pockets
Penny for your thoughts if you could afford it.
My time is precious, you can't deny this
Heaven or hell, who knows which exists.
Mind on a billion things at the same time.
Curvature is more than a four letter word
Maybe my body has been found less desirable
But do you know anything that has been this reliable?
All of these little mind games
We play with each other each and every day
Times are a changing at least you can respect
Before you're left with nothing but regrets
A little something about feeling insecure, and unwanted because I'm heavier than average.
Ameliorate Mar 16
Your eyes were my own private river, bathing in the ring of blue around your iris. Enamored with the greenery protected by your eyelashes.
November to February not long enough to drown beneath them

I am plagued by the ghost of your reassuring caress
Your breath during nighttime a missing comfort
For alone I am surrounded by darkness.
Moments spent cradling cobwebs of each-others limbs
Intricate designs casting from our bodies as we felt like one in the same.
Our allure as a couple outshone the mundanes of just a ****** attraction
My soul felt yours

         ­                                     but I am alone,
     ­                                          with the overbearing grief of love lost.

                                                       ­                                  March 16th, 2020

                                      please find your way back home.
Mourning the loss of love
Ameliorate Aug 2018
Another week is done and little has been accomplished
It seems lately I only exist to eat, I’ve barely left the house
Sleepless nights filled with scrambled egg thoughts of a time which doesn’t exist any longer, served up on a plate come breakfast time
My new home although filled with animals, holds no resemblance to what we had built together
The home I finally deserved left desiccated come springtime’s-battle with mental health
The cats although great company do not replace the steady hum of your computer fans
The rhythm of your breathing knowing you were somewhere close in proximity
Weekends brought a time when we felt whole
6 am memories releasing silent fountains of tears do not bring us back together
Hours passing can’t erase the 4 months it’s been since you left me
Or the wintertime when everything had been perfectly comfortable
No, our love left me with a void of blankness impossible to just shake away
Entirely unforgiving feelings, grieving for every kind word you ever said
Id be lying if I didn’t miss you.
Ameliorate Jul 2015
Underneath the window to the galaxy we sat,
Basking in the warm red glow of the fire that burned brightly before us.
Swarms of Mosquitos nipping at whatever piece of skin they could sink their spouts into.
The wind roared, causing hot flare ups of the firewood sending us swinging backward batting away embers which had taken flight.
Sipping our drinks, smiling too widely, laughing with our friends.
Sharing unforgettable moments and making priceless memories;
All while the sky unfolded it's beauty above,
Holding each of us in our little places in the universe, so completely.
Pondering the vastness of it all.
Sitting under the Milky Way,
Making new friends and growing closer to the ones you've always known.
This is the magic of Hecla;
Hecla is part of us, forever.
Inspired by the gorgeous night sky over the weekend.
Ameliorate Aug 2015
You're a memory etched between my thighs,
You're the tender caresses athwart my shape,
You're held captive, situated permanently under my eyelids,
You're the inspiration inside my lungs,
You're wholeheartedly a piece of me,
Tethered to yours truly,
Ameliorate Mar 16
Morning dew as I mourn you
Pale skin rising into goosebumps, as my warm flesh chills.
City noise fading lowly into the background as passing cars filter through the open window.
This rythmic hum of heartbreak coursing through my bloodstream, threatening to overrule.

A single being interlaced with the heart of another, mind embodiment of everything I felt true.
I am encased in my late nights tangled up within your arms, laughter swirling our convictions.
Placement of forgiveness engulfed through wholesome involvement.
Diet coke, popcorn and marijuanna
Your laugh was my favorite song.
Weight gain and symptomatic depression.
Ameliorate Jun 2015
Welcome Back
My dear friend
I've missed you
You've been gone so long
Lost amongst the passage of time
Yet someone you returned
Made your way
Safely back
Back to me
Ameliorate Mar 16
Daylight emanating coils of uncertainty from within myself
Trajectory for unwavering retribution
I am lost among the crevices thy mind creates, etching fabrications with regression
U n w o r t h y
U n l o v e a b l e
F a t

Grievances I whisper from blanketed sheath depression
Thoughtless lies birthed onto soft flesh and bone
I am worth......

Damage inflicted, heartbroken thoughts coveted blissful time spent among your breath.

Unkind to myself during depressive episodes, clockwork fabrications intertwined rationality.
Those become a new truth forging insecurities of panhandle insecurities

You are more than the darkness surrounding you.
Ameliorate Jul 2015
Thunder rolls in, booming out of nowhere
Disturbing the otherwise clear blue July sky
Just as suddenly as those clouds rolled in
Overhead the heavens broke
Sending rain plummeting to Earth with fruition
An aero plane flies overhead, loud engine roar trying to compete with the ominous thunder clashes
Wind dancing with the trees
Nothing pauses for the rain
The city doesn't come to a halt
Only me, sitting alone on my front stoop
Inhaling the scent of nature
Feeling the cold against my skin, ruffling up my hair
I was born for days like this
I live to become part of the storm
The scent in the air is quite divine.
Ameliorate Mar 22
Curdled cream and three separate drafts of a memory I can't quite pen properly.
Disappointment inbound, pouring the first cup of freshly brewed coffee down the drain.
Had I checked the date this wouldn't have been a waste of $4; but a solemn reminder of analogies leaping from my brain.
Cycle of sleeping all day to lie awake during the nighttime, overthinking. Curtains of feeling bad about inability to wake normally, darkness of the evening encompassed I finally pull myself out of the bed.
Despite this current pattern, last winter undoubtedly worse with feelings of self destruction and loathing.
For currently I do not cry every waking hour, just wish I was different with no apparent response to change.
Cats continue to be stricken with yet another upper respiratory response to declined immune system of an exotic breed.
Lost debit card, jobless flounder.
No appetite or desire to binge eat for the first day of my existence.
Headlight reflections crawl across the ceiling and I'm suddenly five years old again, afraid of almost everything.
Summer evenings when the whipper-well called out haunting symphony of their nighttime songs.
I never quite believed they were birds, moreover monsters and I never heard those calls other than childhood.
My father outside, and I in the grass.
Childhood wonder as he climbed a ladder to retrieve me a piece of the moon.
Wide eyed awe at this miraculous feat, my father could reach the moon.
Unnoticed by young eyes, the moons sphere just out of reach by trillions of lightyears.
A rock plucked off the driveway.
He must've been proud of his farce, my bewilderment and excitement beaming.
I love you.
Twenty five years later, a memory I haven't connected to in decades.
Perhaps the next time I look to the man in the moon, I'll see your face etched softly on the surface.
That radiating glow reminding me things will be alright.
It's been an odd winter, my heart is cooled more than our weather as of late.
Somewhere through the forests of Sandilands Provincial forest a deer crunches across the snow.
Silence, except for its breath, a softness.
Trees encompass, nurture and protect.
You are home.
I wrote this a month after the suicide of my father.
Ameliorate Jul 2015
Manitoban Skies

Clouds are the mountains of the prairies
Towering cumulonimbus masses
Incredible backdrops across an otherwise plain blue sky
Warning call that rainstorms may approach
Vertical reminders of atmospheric instability
Jetted upwards into vast formations stretching miles and miles
Promises of unrelenting lighting and thunder
Cinematic sequences is country folk are lucky to view
Humidity in the summer, ah
What would we do without you?
Rolling clouds are a fair trade for the lack of rolling hills
Clouds are the mountains of the prairies.
Ameliorate Jul 2015
Imagining your lips trailing soft delicate kisses across my skin
Leaving little goosebumps in it's wake
My body tingling in response as you send shivers down my spine
Feeling your breath, hot on my neck as I arch my back in a primal response
Your fingers lingering in the most sensitive of places, calling out a dark sudden urge inside me.
You toy with me, cradled away from the world
For a night I am yours, lost within a sea of blankets and soft, delicious moans.
I am your marionette and tonight, you're pulling on all of my strings.
Control me, puppet master.
Your every wish is my body's command.
Ameliorate Mar 31
Darkening night sky
Crescent moon shape between you and I
Taste of lust on your lips
Hand brushes slowly up my thigh.

Whisper your name
Fist clenched sheets
Learning the language your body speaks.
Bringing me toward my defeat.
Ameliorate Jul 2015
Un-relentlessly beaconing to us with the ebb and flow of passing time,
Lake Winnipeg crashed against her rocky shoreline.
Creating harmonious ambiance for the star struck budding lovers lost in each others eyes.
Oh contingency, lock your hands with fate.
Make this moment surpass even time.
Ameliorate Jul 2015
Mommy spoke to god today
He told her to wash all of my sins away
I put up a fight, but mommy won
I'm in the tub with my clothes still on
She shoved the shower head up to my face
This is a punishment for my disgrace
I swore out loud, I started to cry
Water poured into my eyes
I cannot see, I dare not to breathe
A few moments of torture and I hope I break free
Mommy has to wash my sins away
God told her so today
He said I was bad
Young children must obey
I don't even know what I did anyway
I cannot scream
I cannot cope
Mommy please stop you're making me choke
Ten years old
Nothing but cold
After a few moments she allowed me to go
The apologies followed
I felt oddly betrayed
"Do you not love me?" I wanted to say
Mommy is okay now
Thankfully Mommy calmed down
I don't understand
The force of her hands
God spoke to mommy today
The water washed my sins away
Am I a good girl now?
I'll try to behave
I'm just a child
Looking to you for guidance
I'm not feeling very confident about sharing this piece. It stems from an incident when I was a young girl living with my mother who has mental illness. However back then we didn't know that or understand. She was in one of her attacks, I was about ten years old and she threw me fully clothed into the bathtub. And held me there for about ten minutes with the shower pouring cold water all over me to try and "cleanse" me.
This piece doesn't really express the fear I felt, but I wanted to try write it from the innocent POV of a child.
I'm not fully comfortable writing about my past, but this is a start.
Ameliorate Jun 2015
He undressed you with his eyes long before he planted that greatly anticipated kiss on your mouth.
Taking you by surprise as suddenly his lips fell heavy upon yours.
The aroma of consumed alcohol sweet on his breathe as you tasted each other for the first time.
Afterwards he laughed because you were a good kisser, and seemingly all those wasted kisses were the unscheduled target practice for the moment in front of you.
You toyed with his attention, finding it refreshing after barren winters with less feeling than that of frostbite.
His eyes consumed your view, unable to quite place the color. You just started uninhibited into his vision galaxy.
"You're eyes are beautiful", erupted from his lips like a geyser, nestling deep into the crevices of your soul and finding a home among the dust and cobwebs.
His words on replay like the playlist you comprised of the songs that he showed you.
Your subconscious ushering threats of caution, beware that of beauty.
The laughter shared was infectious and for the first time you felt whole, but not because a pretty eyed boy was attracted to you.
Sharing close quarters with a similar soul.
Those eyes burned a hole into the back of your mind, written in stone until they're chosen to be forgotten.
Replaying the events of that night, to as not forget.
Dance with the devil, because he's disguised as a beautiful boy with greyish blue eyes.
Ameliorate Aug 2015
You are sweetness embodied
And I am the Devil, just begging for you to sin.
Ameliorate Feb 2016
To be nineteen again;
Blissfully ignorant,
Wrapped up in conversation that eventually lead me to be tightly secured in your arms.
Laid out together underneath the warm August moonlight.
We crept outback wrapped in a blanket and you made love to me as the sun came up on a rickety old lawn chair
I was so afraid of being caught,
But we were together and you kept me safe;
Until one day you were the one my heart needed protecting against.
Years pass, like time through the hourglass.

I forgive you.
Ameliorate Feb 2017
When I was younger I lusted after the quieter days
Dead of winter months ******* in a haze
Unable to see through another's eyes
Studclosed trying to decipher life's truth from its lies.
Foundations were built from less than what I had
Underappreciated minor convictions
Brought forth with deeper afflictions.
Nothing makes sense, of that I am sure
Obiediently await the deafening allure.
Ameliorate Jun 2015
One bed, two hearts
Lips meet, fingers touch
Welcome home
Ameliorate Feb 2017
Midnight is moments away yet I'm heavily preoccupied
The smoothness of your cool skin beneath my fingertips
Trailing lines and leaving tiny goosebumps in its wake
You're a whirlwind of the unknown and even now your thoughts are a mystery to me
Attachment separated by a long pattern of half fearing abandonment
My fleeting youth swirling up flashbacks, semicolons and wasted years

They say that love is a fight, and anything worth fighting for never comes easy
I call *******
Love doesn't have to be complicated erupting in geysers of harsh words meant to wound you deep to your core
Arguments and fighting don't mean you love someone
Humans are these fragile creatures equipped with the capacity to aspire and inspire

I can't express myself like I used to
Ameliorate Jun 2015
Life forces intertwining, strangers if not for a moment when their two worlds collide.
And somewhere lost to the years your soul recognizes one another.
Even if you don't care to admit it out loud.
Getting caught up in a sea of possibility, the unknown darkness creeping up into a new dawn.
And yet there he is beside you, for twelve hours ago you were strangers to an extent.
Meeting for the first time.
However you are still strangers now, as you lay side by side un-touching.
The words which escaped his drawn out perfect lips, ring through your head.
The scent of alcohol and cheap beer still linger in your mouth and cling to your unwashed skin.
You muster up everything in your being not to give in to the temptation laying beside you.
Because lord knows you want to.
But you already realize this is just another game of cat and mouse to him.
And no matter what, he will always be the victor.
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