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Ameliorate Mar 31
Darkening night sky
Crescent moon shape between you and I
Taste of lust on your lips
Hand brushes slowly up my thigh.

Whisper your name
Fist clenched sheets
Learning the language your body speaks.
Bringing me toward my defeat.
Ameliorate Mar 22
You nor I can reverse time
Please stop running laps through my mind.
2018
Ameliorate Mar 22
Mother is broken
Her heart pumps blood through her veins like everyone else
Lungs breathe air to keep her alive, yet deep down I know she is different.
Her eyes are a brilliant shade of green
I adore her yet she terrifies me.
My mother, the schizophrenic.
Written in 2017 through the back flashes of my childhood.
Ameliorate Mar 22
Your love was the equivalent of getting tangled up in a spiderweb
2018
Ameliorate Mar 22
That earth shattering silence of winter has returned to us. Too frigid outside to venture forth. Bone chilling winds blow, making our bodies quiver.
Finally protected by the warmth of happiness. I no longer fear winters longevity.
Together we are kept safe within the hallway of tranquility your daughters laughter brings.
Nestled deeply within the quarantine of a self made family.love family winter  
Strangers once through the varying degrees of different worlds.
Knowingly creating something from time. My soul layered within yours, within hers, and hers within yours.
Three is my most hopeful number.
Written December 2017.
Ameliorate Mar 22
Curdled cream and three separate drafts of a memory I can't quite pen properly.
Disappointment inbound, pouring the first cup of freshly brewed coffee down the drain.
Had I checked the date this wouldn't have been a waste of $4; but a solemn reminder of analogies leaping from my brain.
Cycle of sleeping all day to lie awake during the nighttime, overthinking. Curtains of feeling bad about inability to wake normally, darkness of the evening encompassed I finally pull myself out of the bed.
Despite this current pattern, last winter undoubtedly worse with feelings of self destruction and loathing.
For currently I do not cry every waking hour, just wish I was different with no apparent response to change.
Cats continue to be stricken with yet another upper respiratory response to declined immune system of an exotic breed.
Lost debit card, jobless flounder.
No appetite or desire to binge eat for the first day of my existence.
Headlight reflections crawl across the ceiling and I'm suddenly five years old again, afraid of almost everything.
Summer evenings when the whipper-well called out haunting symphony of their nighttime songs.
I never quite believed they were birds, moreover monsters and I never heard those calls other than childhood.
My father outside, and I in the grass.
Childhood wonder as he climbed a ladder to retrieve me a piece of the moon.
Wide eyed awe at this miraculous feat, my father could reach the moon.
Unnoticed by young eyes, the moons sphere just out of reach by trillions of lightyears.
A rock plucked off the driveway.
He must've been proud of his farce, my bewilderment and excitement beaming.
I love you.
Twenty five years later, a memory I haven't connected to in decades.
Perhaps the next time I look to the man in the moon, I'll see your face etched softly on the surface.
That radiating glow reminding me things will be alright.
It's been an odd winter, my heart is cooled more than our weather as of late.
Somewhere through the forests of Sandilands Provincial forest a deer crunches across the snow.
Silence, except for its breath, a softness.
Trees encompass, nurture and protect.
You are home.
I wrote this a month after the suicide of my father.
Ameliorate Mar 16
Daylight emanating coils of uncertainty from within myself
Trajectory for unwavering retribution
I am lost among the crevices thy mind creates, etching fabrications with regression
U n w o r t h y
U n l o v e a b l e
F a t


Grievances I whisper from blanketed sheath depression
Thoughtless lies birthed onto soft flesh and bone
I am worth......
                                         less.

Damage inflicted, heartbroken thoughts coveted blissful time spent among your breath.

Unkind to myself during depressive episodes, clockwork fabrications intertwined rationality.
Those become a new truth forging insecurities of panhandle insecurities



You are more than the darkness surrounding you.
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