You know what you want deep down
there are just too many thoughts
clouding your vision
and you end up stumbling
over your choices
falling
into a state of discontented confusion
desperately grasping
at threads of coherent plans
it's all so overwhelming
when it's shoved inside your head
but if you have to write out a list
of pros and cons
it's probably not really what you wanted
anyway

Oh darling how I've missed you
your satin smile
your endless eyes
tame soul encompassing passion
but I've realized I need a wild heart
with a smiling sentiment
someone who proclaims their love
instead of whispering it into paper
someone who gives
a little more of themselves each day
for me to fall in love with
and oh how far I have fallen
but I'm learning to catch myself
so I've pushed myself away from you
toward a new start

O how far you have fallen my dear angel
O how far
stripped of your wings and grace
rubbed raw by your sinful nature
the god you held so close long ago left you
the moral pedestal you once held yourself upon
was no more
than an illusion created
by your self crafted halo
you were never an angel
just a demon in disguise

I threw my muse out a window so selfishly
I couldn't hold her any longer
I thought my heart would break
she did not fall towards earth
no not my star
she flew up
and returned to her home in the sky
my muse now warms my days from afar
though she is no longer mine
I should've known that no one person
can hold onto the sun

Dear darling I'm sorry
I wasn't all you hoped I'd be
I couldn't hold you close enough
it seems
my heart has grown cold and died waiting
to be worthy of your grace
your beauty
I feel empty as I leave your bedside
for a lonely unmarked path
I knew when I first stepped into your embrace
that I was no more than ashes
left from a previous burning passion
but I had hoped you were the fire
that could revive me

My brain beats a new tune into my skull
pounding like an alarm
telling me to get up
keep moving
always rushing from one thought to another
one place of discomfort to another
I can't breath for the matter in my lungs
coughing up limitations
and surpassing the inevitable downfall
it can be put off to a later date
when I can more fully collapse into myself
without fear of repercussions
lost moments of knowledge
needed to complete the seemly unending journey into summer light
I'm sick
but hey
nothing a little ignorance can't cure

It hits you like a bullet all of a sudden but so expectedly you think it funny you didn't figure it out sooner
the extent of my love for you
I only just realized
I should have noticed when my sun moved
from the sky to beside me
entwining fingers with shining eyes that envelope me in a warmth penetrating my chest
and lying dormant
until I need it in your absence
you've illuminated the darkness
that once consumed me
and now I just want to bask
in the very essence of you
and this epiphany