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May 2019 · 121
Growing up with pain
Shadow May 2019
growing up in
nothing but pain
in someone's life
all they know
is pain not
love their love
is the pain
they endured in
their life time
people don't know
how to love
other's without hurting
their loved ones
the pain of
growing up in
traumatic abusive life
is so hard to
not hurt the
ones who don't
hurt you
This poetry is for those who were or are in an abusive relationship I understand the pain of the abuse
May 2019 · 98
The life of pain
Shadow May 2019
my life of pain
is real but all
I do is ignore
it my pain
is nothing to
other people's pain
my pain is
nothing like others
the pain is
real but why
would I care
my life of
pain is always
with me it
may have killed
me inside but
I am alive
but what am
I to the biological
parents that abandoned
me I AM
Worthless to them
they never loved me
why would they
want me a scarred
girl who isn't
a BOY
I am adopted so this pain is real
Jan 2019 · 195
Life is unfair
Shadow Jan 2019
Life is unfair, brutality is around the air
I always wonder how can God let this happen around me, life is just so unfair
God just lets this happen to others around me and the world. Why am I so sad, people will ask, don’t they see or even feel sympathetic  towards the people who have to endure a lot of brutality
Nov 2018 · 94
Don't you see
Shadow Nov 2018
Don't you see
The pain in
Thy eyes of
The creature the
Eyes are dull
No one treated
It right the
Eyes of a
Abused one the
Broken one of
The life it
Used to have
You look back
There standing there
Is a dog
The dog of
Abandonment abusement loveless
Dog is so
Broken don't you
See it in
It's eyes on
It's body
Oct 2018 · 183
Dull eyes
Shadow Oct 2018
You see a
Girl with dull
Eyes people judge
Bullied her no
One thought she
Was good she
Herself believes she
Is worthless to
Be loved all
The pain came
Towards her the
Skin on her
Is scarred but
She hides the
Scars no one
Notices her pain
They don't see
Her they see
A toy of
Their own jokes
This girl tries
To hide away
Oct 2018 · 200
You see my scars
Shadow Oct 2018
You see my
Scars my hate
Towards myself you
Stare at me
I stare back
My eyes are
Dull but with
Pain and loneliness
You just looked
I hide the
Scars of my
Past you wonder
Why I have
Them but I
Just cover them
Up with my
Sleeve all you
See is my
Fake smile that
Doesn't do much
But to hide
My past the
Past of self injury
You don't know
How much I
Felt so worthless
So lonely so
Broken that I
Hide away into
The heart of
Mine
Oct 2018 · 290
Why do you?
Shadow Oct 2018
Why do you
Hurt me why
Do you manipulate
Me why don't
You love me
I gave you
My love but
What you do
Is make me
Scared of you
I don't like
You I am
Tired of you
Hurting me using
Me why don't
You love me
You used me
You used important
Things to get
My attention but
You don't just
Tell me you
Want my attention
I hate that
You used me
You scared me
You scarred me
No one can
Probably heal that
Pain you gave
Me putting up
Walls but what
Will I do
If someone tries
To hurt me
It's unknown
Oct 2018 · 116
Hurt me
Shadow Oct 2018
You believe that
You didn't hurt
Me but what
Do you know
You know nothing
About me you
Only see the
Fake me the
"Happy one" not
The sad broken
One you don't
Take time to
Realize that you
Had hurt me
Why did I
Give you my
Love when you
Just manipulated me
You hurt me
You tramatized me
But did you
Know of course
Not you just
Hurt me you didn't
Love me you
Used me
Oct 2018 · 281
Lost time
Shadow Oct 2018
Time turns slowly
Like the way pain
Comes and goes
Time is the worst
Time when you
Feel so lonely
Nothing seems to
Help you but
Only time with
Someone but nothing
Comes free there's
A price when you
Choose your path
Nothing is for free
Don't take it for
Grant it by
The time you do
Time changes you
Could be alone again
So there's a price
For your choice
Oct 2018 · 99
How I am
Shadow Oct 2018
How I am is
What I am
I am a sad
Soul but I
Hide it with
Masking I look
More happy cause
I am hiding what
I was I am going
To the sad days
The odd one
I am not great
I am moderate
How I am is
Not how I was
I hide things from
Myself I hide the
Pain of time
Time turns pain comes
Around an around
Oct 2018 · 94
Broken self
Shadow Oct 2018
You say to yourself
I will find the one
But inside you
Have been broken
Used hurt that
Can scar us
But do you see
It no of course
Not we mask our
Pain you say
Love me for me
But do some do
Some hurt you
Some beat you
Some use you
To you it
Makes no difference
You are just a
Person who has been
Torn broken down by
Someone who you used
To treasure but now
You have no one
Oct 2018 · 111
Changing thy self
Shadow Oct 2018
So many times
I've tried to
Change myself to
Be the one
I've changed myself
For you and
What do you
Do you walk
Over me you
Hurt me even
If I try
To change for
You so I
Won't feel the
Pain of being
Abandoned but what
I get is
Hurt broken used
So many times
You don't know
What you have
Caused me to
Do I have
Masked in being
Happy for you
But really I'm
Dying I'm hurt
And broken you
Ignore my pain
My eyes say
Pain but you
See happiness why
Do you hurt me
When I tried
To change myself
For you but
Now I am
A hollow soul
Oct 2018 · 148
It ain't right bully
Shadow Oct 2018
It ain't right
To see you
Bully another one
Who didn't do
Anything wrong to
You I see
You beat up
The other but
Why go violent
To someone who
Had done nothing
To you all
I see is
You yelling at
That person to
Go **** him/herself
That you were
Hurting bullying beating
Up why do
It if you yourself
Have been beaten
Yelled at to
**** yourself what
Gives you the
Power to put
Someone down with
Hatred and bullying
I've been bullied, people have bullied and have been suicidal please to those BULLYS don't put them in deep depression
Oct 2018 · 94
I am what you call..
Shadow Oct 2018
I am called
Suicide self harm
I am called
Dark unholy cause
I cause a
Lot of low
Self esteem and
I cause people
To go to
Suicide you can't
See me but you
Can feel me
Taking your soul
I am called
A demenator who
Steals everything from
You I'm calling
To you to
Let me haunt
And taunt you
I'm called your
Worst saddest nightmare
I AM DEATH
Oct 2018 · 123
I am called...
Shadow Oct 2018
I am called
Hurt loneliness hate
Harm I live
Within you you
Can not see
Me but you
Can feel me
I am calling
To you to
Do harm to
Commit suicide I'm
Always with you
Even if you
You think I'm
"Gone" I am
Not I am
Going to taunt
You and haunt
You I can
And I will
I am also
Called your worse
Nightmare every single
Day you can't
Defeat me cause
I live within
You I AM
CALLED YOUR DEPRESSION
Depression is a dark one
Oct 2018 · 128
Pain taunts me and you
Shadow Oct 2018
A lot of
Pain taunts me
To do suicide
But do I
Try it the
Pain taunts me
It brings back
Bad memories but
Do I listen to
It no I
Am alive but
Also dying inside
Depression can make
You feel like
You don't matter
But to those
Who are about
To do suicide
Your life matters
You can get
Help the pain
Will taunt me
But I will
Persevere it I
Will be the one
Who is strong
So will you
Depression and people who have tried to end there lives
Oct 2018 · 99
Love but lies
Shadow Oct 2018
I don't mind
If you have
Scars of your
Past I do
Mind in you
Try to manipulate
Me I don't mind
If you have
PTSD but I
Do mind if you
Think of me
As your therapist
I am a teen
Just like thy self
But why don't
You see it
You use me
Hurt me for what
I am worth
I am nothing
But your outlet
Why don't you
See me as me
Not as a therapist
Oct 2018 · 95
Life going...
Shadow Oct 2018
I felt like
Death is stealing
My soul my
Life with gratitude
Leaving me with
Depression the darkness
Consumes me the rose
Is starting to
Wilt away from
The life that once
Was a happy one
The petals wilting
Into nothing but
Dust in the
Soul of the
Old former me
Oct 2018 · 99
You can't use her
Shadow Oct 2018
You can't use her
You shouldn't make
Her into your
Toy she isn't your
Ploy your slave
You can't control
Her doings her life
You can't be the
King of her
She isn't your
Toy she is
A human being
Don't use her
Love her treat
Her well don't
Hurt her force
Her into being
Yours and yours only
She has the
Right to say
No to you
Don't control her
Don't use her
She isn't your ploy
She's a person
With emotions with
A beating heart
Oct 2018 · 97
What does fear get
Shadow Oct 2018
Fear comes and goes but
What does fear get?
Fear gets your memories
Of your traumas fear won't
Shut off if you ask it
To but what will you
Do if you want to
Beat it do you just
Put a fake smile to
Get through the days?
What do you do to
Be at peace with it?
You think that it isn't
Possible to defeat it,
Do you know why it's
Hard to defeat it?
You let it consume you
You're vulnerable to your
Own fears that eat you up
Oct 2018 · 195
I am a...
Shadow Oct 2018
I am a shadow
A shadow of curses
A dark misty figure
That will follow you
I will take your
Life your soul
When you're asleep
I am the shadow
With red eyes
I will come to
Get you when
You're not watching
I am the spirit of
The Ouija board
I will come and
Get you I will
Not stop I will
Keep on haunting
You I will get you
I will be in the
Dark I will follow
You until you
Fall into my trap
Oct 2018 · 96
Shadow death
Shadow Oct 2018
Shadow is a misty black
Figure you can feel
It taking your soul
The shadow is Death
Who changes forms to
Get you while you're
Not paying attention
Death is the shadow
Of depressed suicidal
People death will
Follow you into you
Are on verge of
Your life line
It waits for you
It will take you
To its dungeon
You could say
That the shadowy
Mist is your former
Self esteem that
Is betraying you
Oct 2018 · 186
You think I ain't real
Shadow Oct 2018
You think I ain't real
But what do you know
I will haunt you I
Am what you call
A shadow of your
Former self I will
Keep playing the things
That had happened to
You in your past life
I am called your fears
I will keep giving you
Fears of your past
In your present life
I will not stop I
Will keep going until
You go insane with
Feeling that something
Is watching you
I am called the board
Of knowledge or known
As the spirit board
The Ouija board
Oct 2018 · 149
Who would love me?
Shadow Oct 2018
Who could love someone
Who beats themselves up
Who can be friends with
A shadow of themselves
Who is capable to see
Right through my walls
Why would anyone be
Friends with a weakling
A person who can't take
The hurt but only brings
It to her character her
Heart that breaks every time
Who could love someone who's
Broken every time she looks
Strong but in her eyes
She is not she is a shadow
Who can be friends with
Someone who is now
A weak person not strong
Towards herself but strong
To others in her friend group
Who knows the truth behind
Her smile behind her laughter
Who takes the time to get
To know her even if
She is tainted with hatred
Hatred of herself being
Vulnerable to people
Who can see through
My walls that I'm not
Fine that I'm falling apart
Who can see through my
White lies to protect myself
Who sees the reason
To be friends with me
A shadow of my former self
Why would anyone be friends
With a too sensitive deep person
I am only strong enough to
Be the person you want

— The End —