Ugly, and lame that's how they describe me. Their words still linger in my mind like a preachers sermon. But then I look up and I see that light, and I acknowledge that I am more than what you see.
Because I am strong, I am beautiful and that's the truth. My body may not be to standards that you hold so dearly but the way I am is the way I'm proud of so all the hate that you throw my way will never affect me ever again because the only love I truly need is self love.

I HATE YOU, I want you dead.
You don't deserve to live, you ruined my life, jails not enough.
I hope you get jumped on the daily, I hope they stab when they jump you, then I'll be happy.
Knowing you're dead is all I want...
Or do I?
Maybe I don't, what if I'm just
Saying this cause I'm hurting, maybe I still don't want to accept reality.
I'm sorry that's not what I want at all I don't know what I was saying.

Do you fear death?
I don't.
When the time comes I'll be ready, why people get scared when the time comes.
Nobody can live forever, so why does this come as a surprise.
I hate to be a **** about it, but you have to **** it up and deal with the fact that you will die, so grow up it's going to happen.

Snakes, spiders, ghosts.
Heights, clowns, death.
No, my fear goes deeper than that, something way deeper and meaningful than all of that.
Some may understand, so may not sadly, but I'm afraid of losing the one person that knows me the best.
The person that keeps me from doing anything dumb, the one person that seems to be there when nobody is there, the only person I can talk to when I can't talk to anyone else.
My deepest fear is losing myself.

Now this has to come out. What makes a straight person better than a gay person, huh?
Absolutely nothing ok, we are all the same no matter what.
Now before people start preaching to me with you're Bible quotes and how it's a sin, did God not say he loves all his children, and did he not make us equally. Are we not all citizens of the same counties no matter where we are, now if you have anything that can counter what I said feel free to let me know, I am straight but I do support gays.

Now this has to come out. What makes a straight person better than a gay person, huh?
Absolutely nothing ok, we are all the same no matter what.
Now before people start preaching to me with you're Bible quotes and how it's a sin, did God not say he loves all his children, and did he not make us equally. Are we not all citizens of the same counties no matter where we are, now if you have anything that can counter what I said feel free to let me know, I am straight but I do support gays.

Son, I love you.
I want you to be smart, strong, brave, kind, and loving. Protect you're mom and sister, and show them respect. Embrace who you are and don't forget your roots, don't hold grudges and always be forgiving, be a people person and don't be shy. That's all I ask of you son.
Now, daughter,I love you with all my heart and and will always protect you. I want you to be kind, generous, loving, and smart. Try not to give your brother any problrms, and listen to your mother, she knows what she's talking about. You guys mean the world to me and I only want the best for you.

Sitting in this hospital drives me crazy, can't stand to see my family suffer, getting fed through a tube and having a machine breath for her, that's not something any person wants.
But when I walk around here seeing everyone else around here, has me thinking about all the other families, all the pain they go through.
I can understand, I feel it too, so for all those families going through this kind of struggle.,here's my prayer for you.
You're going to make it through, whether good or bad life has life has to carry on, and God will be by your side the whole time.

So I met this girl a while back, I'm glad I did.
Because without her I don't know what I would do, what can I say she completes me.
Though her confidence isn't the highest, her smile is the brightest.
She accepts the person ia am, hasn't complained yet, honestly that's a first, she has to be the one there is no way anyone could be more perfect. I love this girl and absolutely nobody can change my mind about that that's for sure. She's my blue rose.

People say to think before you act, but I can't do that anymore.
Because everytime I start to think I get paranoid and emotional,that's not a good sight when in public. But whatever I'll just keep being crazy, embrace the insanity let the world know who I am, be the freak I'm supposed to be.
Or should I just leg he worked shape me to whatever they see fit I don't know so just tell me and I'll do it.

I've been thinking a lot lately, trying to wrap my head around everything.
Maybe I'm paranoid, maybe I'm going insane, or am I just trying to fit in?
No thanks I'm Ok just being an outsider, I may not know what I am doing but I will be alright.
Maybe I should get a job, or just go out and do something with my life I'm trying to get out this place and just be myself.

Look at me I'm older than you and you think that I'm this awesome person, and nobody can do what I can.
Well let me give you a reality check, I'm not a role model.
Don't do what I do, don't say what I say. Don't try to be me.
I'm not perfect Ok, I got flaws, a lot of flaws most of them are my fault but that's cause it was my choice, I did this to myself and I've learned to deal with it, so do yourself a favor.
Don't look up to me.

Ok look I know you need me here and I know I'm a big help,
But at least take the time to say thanks or maybe show a little ******* appreciation is it to much to ask.
Oh now you want to get mad just cause I messed up something small and now I'm a ******* or wait what's your favorite one... Oh yeah dumb **** thanks, that's how I know I'm appreciated you know what of you want to complain so much do it yourself cause I'm done.
I'm so ******* done I really don't need to be here I'm here for you not for me if rather be far from here, if I'm being honest so go ahead just try and stop me.

One of the things you learn from being a
Army kid is how to hide the real you.
I got this skill and I've been using it for a long time so all those who think you know me think again.
If I'm honest with myself ,I don't want to do this anymore I want people to know the real me even if I'm someone they don't like.
So my one and only question is to my family when can I stop, stop with the fake laughing, fake caring, and yes even the fake love.
From: The Real Me.

Why am I mad?
You really want to know
Then strap up and sit back for my
emotional roller coaster.
Alright we're moving... again this is that bull that I hate pack it up we're going man I hate it.
Dad's issues are catching up to him again he gets at how people drive so he yells, feeling stressed how about you yell it out, oh I'm moving to slow yell about it this **** is getting old that's why I look like I don't give a ****.
Oh wait I have to put off my plans for the army... great now I'll another year to leave no you know what I'll wait till I'm thirty hours that **** sound to you.
I'm tired of this ******* I'm trying to do something with my life not stay home so please let me do my thing for ***** sake, starting over from scratch gotta make some new friends in a new town with a name, and a new mask, how the **** do you expect me to be alright?

There's a lot of mad people walking around America, is it because of Trump or are they just not satisfied.
Do they Wendy something more then what they have our are we really made of greed and wasn't the world to ourselves.
Should I get another job or wait for the army I don't think I can handle studying and working at the same time, that's too much for me, I'm a simple person I don't think too much. I wonder what it's like to run a business and ooh look that bird almost got hit that's scary for him... what did I have for breakfast?

So Mr.T
You run the country what's next, hope you realize that most if the country hates you just cause you're you.
Them you got a wall working to block my people from a better life, that's the only reason we come here not everybody has the money you have out life you had.
Now I know I'm not the only one that feels this way but, if you are going to be president you should respect anyone that wants to be in your so called
Great America.

I used to think that, I could just lute my way out of things and that, I could do no wrong by staying quiet and just watching on the side, turns out I was dead wrong.
See in these times you have to be honest and voice your opinion, you can't get anywhere in life if you don't it's a major part in being an independent person.
Don't be afraid to say what you want cause the truth is your opinion does matter.

Everywhere I go I see these pretty young women posing and showing of their body, then I start to wonder do they even respect themselves?
They go around taking pictures almost naked just because they have a "nice body" and they call that their job, whatever.
All I'm saying is that girls should respect themselves more not going around looking for the wrong kind of attention is that to much to ask.

I wish I could go back to when I was younger and take advantage of all the fun things in life, do all the things that I didn't do, hangout with friends, go to homecoming and prom, just be a teen.
But it's hard to do that when you ***** up every five seconds, and every word you speak is a lie!
So I guess you can say I just want a redo.

Please don't
I know times may be hard right now, you just want it all to end but that's not how it works.
Trials never end, you are being tested for much greater things, you are such an important piece of the world that we may lose a future president, teacher, father,or mother, I hope you understand.

Death
It's such a horrible and beautiful thing, reason being you're losing someone you live but also because they're somewhere far better than here.
I hope one day we all make it up there cause no matter who you are or what you've done we all deserve it.

A brother isn't made or produced.
No, it is born not bought.
You were there when I needed you and I for you, we always knew what each other was thinking and what we wanted to say.
Made each other laugh had the same sarcastic ways and even stood up for each other, that's what brothers are.
I'm sorry you left so soon if we could I'd switch places with you but I can't so enjoy your new life my brother.

No, not again mom and dad are fighting, and little sis is crying and I can't do anything about it.
It drives me crazy when this happens because I don't want them to spilt but if it comes down to it I'll have to choose a side and I don't want to, how about I don't choose, what if I just ran away I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore.
You guys say we're a family but we're not are we, none of us get along or agree on anything so I'm leaving this "family"and I'm taking sis with me so bye figure it out on your own.

What I see in my future is well...
A family that's not the best but not worst.
I see a man that is loyal, loving, and happy.
I see a woman that cares for me and children that love me.
But as much as I want this only the
Lord knows if it will.
So if you ask me I'll say
"What future?"

If only, if only you could see the things in my head,
the things I've thought, dreamed ,and feared.
If only,if only you felt what I felt,
understood what every word did to me,
what I've wanted to do to those who hurt my family.
If only, if only you actually cared what I was saying right now,
then maybe just maybe we could see eye to eye for once, and
actually get along like normal people but that's just.
If only.

For all the time that I would never respond or ignore your calls I'm sorry.
And the lies I told not thinking of anybody but myself I'm sorry.
If you were here you'd be crying due to my choice of career well even for that I'm sorry
That's things I never got to tell you before are this,
I love you mom and I'm sorry

No matter how many times we're told to speak truth we don't seem to get it.
So many people more are lying about the smallest things, things that don't even matter.
Well here is my declaration to the world that I will be starting my own rebellion against lies I will now become a fighter for The Truth
Those in favor of joining my rebellion come forth and we shall conquer.

Have you ever wondered,
What if I was never born?
What if I was dead?
I have plenty of times and in my head it goes like this.
I'm at home and I see my family laughing and enjoying life, but they don't see me I'm confused at first but then I realize I'm dead.
I see a picture with them by my grave and I want to cry but I can't because I'm dead.
So that's how it looks to me, how about you?

Hey...my names F* um I saw that you seem to be struggling
in our english class so if you need help with your work feel free to ask me.
Hi I'm A* that's nice of you for offering but are you trying to flirt, because I'm not looking for a boyfriend right now so if that's your intention please move along.
No,no if that's how it seems I'm sorry I'm just trying to help out a fellow classmate but if you're not interested then I understand.
Oh well then sure I guess I could use a little bit of help on what we went over today it was kind of confusing.
Yeah, I can help you out no problem let's head to the library then.

Hey bro, check out those chicks let's go hit'em up.
Uhhh....
Hey don't do it you already told yourself you have standards
look at them that's not you, we know what you want.
But if I don't they'll think I'm a flake and I don't wanna deal with that remember what happened last time.
Now I know you had some trouble with friends but seriously
you're worried about them they don't care about you and you know it.
Yo, bruh you coming or not I see one looking at you.
Here's your chance show them you're better than that
they need to understand who you are they can't control you show'em
who you are.**
Umm... No I'm good that's for you guys go enjoy see you guys later.

WARNING!
Please do not take this unless
you want to risk losing all respect, care, interest, and relationships with friends, family, and or the general population.
Side Effects may include anxiety, paranoia, bipolarity, and lack of integrity, as well as highly common lack of sleep.
DO NOT TAKE** if not prescribed by God, any saints, and any angels.
Or better yet just don't take it at all this WILL ruin your life for good.
Please take responsibly.

To my little bros and little sisters
I can only tell you one thing,
Fear not.
Fear not for I am here for you always and forever,
through thick and thin
trials and tribulations I will
make a vow to never forsake you
and I will love you forever.
Until the day I die I will be with you,
even when I die my spirit will protect you
from all danger,
NO Danger
NO Evil
NOTHING!
So when you're feeling down
look to me and I will be there for you
no matter what nothing will stop me.
So...
Fear Not.

Hey mom...
it's me your oldest son,
first baby,
first headache.
I just wanted to talk to you,
it's been so so long since we talked
and I just wanted to check in with you,
so...how you been?
Things have been okay with me I guess,
you should the others they're growing up so fast
Neko is probably taller than you,
Meena is so beautiful she acts like us,
and Ian he's getting so big he looks like his dad though.
But I'm still the same-old, non-athletic,tech head,****** son
you left behind that day.
Well I hope that you got wifi at your house
in the clouds so you can read this but,
LOVE & MISS YOU
Sincerely
Baby #1

Follow Me!
Those who dare for I am not a true leader
yet and I do not know where we may go
but together we shall explore the world.
We will never be lost,
for we will have no destination.
We may be rejected but it will
not matter for we are our own people.
And we may be unknown but we do not
need to be known for our names are already
written in the stars.
So ounce again my friends,
Follow me if you dare**.

One question I have for the world is,
what is hate?
To some hate is a resolution to all problems,
others it's a ball and chain that restrains them from
loving others.
Well to me hate is an excuse to not forgive
a person who has wronged you, either
the situation is major or minor you
just don't want to forgive that person,
and it becomes a parasite and begins to
eat you alive day by day and doesn't stop until
you die.
But that's just my opinion.

Lonely and isolated he stands,
in the orphanage that he calls home not letting anyone close to heart he pushes them out so nobody, nobody knows how he feels, then a day comes when a family wants him for their own.
Scared and worried for he doesn't, doesn't want love and care so, the boy rebels refusing authority and rebukes the name "son"
Now the parents are worried calling the police since he has started to get violent,hurting them with no remorse, they go to dial, the phone rings.ring ring,ring then silence the phone has ceased it's ringing and the boy stands there with the in hand, an evil look upon his face ,then they scream.Then as a light going out, silence.

Sometimes we ask ourselves
whyeven try do anything?
Maybe to think that we're getting somewhere in life,
Or to just satisfy our need to not die alone.
Or even the thought of actually becoming someone
in this world drives us.
Well stop,stop all efforts of success
because in the end it's all worth nothing.
Some of the best riches are hidden from everyone
so just give up, don't try to be someone just STOP!
You can't do it the world is relentless toward newborn
stars so I say to you again.
Why Try?

I am nobody to you
you don't need to
care what I say.
I am nothing
I don't matter to anyone
I can't change the world at all.
I am dirt under
your feet and have no importance
to you or anyone.
I am the opposite
of what people love.
I am...Reality.

Who am I ?
I am the one people have liked,
Hated for my words and my truth
Loved for my silence and my lies.
I am the one who has been dark
Seen by death and ignored by life
Died and revived within a day.
I am the one who has been innocent,
Love was killed and hate was born
Fueled by anger and ceased for happiness.
I am the one who's spirit has fled,
Soul as black as night an endless abyss
Mind as bright as the sun a never ending sky.
I am the one who could not love,
My trust has fled and hid itself
My love bid me farewell and died long ago.
For those who who have asked me,
Who am I?
Now you know me.

Hero's, why do they exist?
They exist so that people can have role models to become someday.
They give hope to the hopeless, and strength to the weak.
Or do they?
No they enforce Jealousy, Hate, and Devastation.
Don't be the hero what ever you do,
people will want to do it and if can't they become
Jealous.
Which leads to Hate and in the end leads to
Devastation.
Not to others but to you.
They hate you for who you are and in the end **** to be you.
Are you the Hero?

Beauty can only be seen by those who know it.
STOP!
Beauty is what you see not what others see.
People need to fit in to live normally.
NOPE!
People can live their own way and be prosperous.
She looks so ugly like nobody would date her.
DON'T TOUCH HER!
She has true beauty,nobody can match the beauty she possess
in her soul.

What is a friend?
Does it care or envy,
maybe love or lust?
Is it like you or does it
feed off of your knowledge?
Well, here you go a friend is a soul-eater,
it will make you hate your choices
and regret having your own heart.
They lust and envy you for all you are
they want to be you the longer you
live the more it sets inside of them.
So choose your "friends" wisely and take notice
of those who are friends.

My friend is known by many names,
some may love and some may hate.
To see him you cannot sleep he's with
me night and day and speaks when he
wants,some may praise and some may boo.
But he's my friend and together we may not lose
One.
Two.
Three.
Hear he comes nine on the dot and he greets
all with open arms especially I who greets him
as well, if you must know who he is, his name
is very close to me and will be told to you.
His name is...
Darkness.

You and I
I remember the days
when I could say that.
All the promises we made,
now broken due to each others
stupidity.
Love had found us and we
believed but somehow faded
away.
You were my only friend and when
I lost you ,there was nothing.
If you came back I would take you,
but don't think we'd be the same.
See I love you but, I really need
to know one thing.
Do You?