Nobody seems to care
About the happy poet
It can get very depressing
Being a happy poet
I just can't seem to let that dirt sit
On my shoulder
And so I remain
Happy poet

I don't want to be content with what I know
I don't want to wake up to that regular normal life
The predicatable pattern
The usual circle

I want to to challenge my reality
My ever constant changing perception
Expound on my imagination

I don't want to settle for that regular normal life
I don't want to live and not taste the waters
I don't want to be limited by "this is how it's always been"

I want to deeply and empathetically  analyze
Transform the meaning of reason
Offer a vacuum of doubt instead of acceptance
Be critical in our dawning reality

I want to listen, truly listen and observe
I want to know why you believe what you belive
I want to think

i fear i am too much for you.

too many feelings,
both good and bad.

too many opinions,
too much anxiety,
too much noise.

i'm afraid you don't want me anymore,
now that you've gotten to know me.

now that you've realized how clingy i am,
how i thrive off of attention,
how much trauma i've been through and how badly it has affected me.
now that you know how honest i am,
how much i overshare with some people,
and never share with others.
now that you are aware how the smallest thing can put me in the worst mood,
how i need constant validation or i shut down.

i am so ******* terrified,
that i've scared you away.

just by showing you who i am

i thought i was starving for home
the smell of the soul and the taste of the air
i thought my hunger was for all that sunshine
the familiar roads, the wind in my hair
but i sit on this ground that i have lived on before
waiting on home to accept me once again
loneliness and betrayal, this land is empty
hollowness and silence, there is no love here
i sit here in my nothingness and count the black sky
this isn't home
this can't be home

(i miss you).