empty seas

empty seas May 2019

i wish you could give me a hug again
i wish i could mess up my brother’s hair
and try to pet all our dogs at once

i’m not at home here
this was supposed to be a
dream come true
a new family, a new life
traveling and living
but it’s not

after hearing the things
the woman who took me in said
i want to go back home
i want to be happy

this four year long dream
has been crushed

i’ve been on and off crying for an hour and have a bad headache now

#vent

empty seas May 2019

coming to terms

i’m trying
to wrap my head
around what happened
i’ve never been dropped so
fast after being told
”i love you”

how much
was a lie you told?
how much was just so
you could wrap your hands
around my fragile heart?
i don’t think i’ll
ever know

i want
to scream
rage and make
you understand the
pain

you
spun tales
about a future
you never truly wanted
i was just
an option
an outcome
someone to
maybe choose
to love

and it hurts.

a lot.

my heart was an open house
you let yourself in
and tore the
place to
shreds

i don’t know
if you’ll ever understand
what your decisions
have done
to me

i feel used. my heart hurts so much. why did i let this happen to me again.

#used #anxiety #sad #hurt #broken #heart #love