Running through the midnight
Against every nightmare
Reaching for the sunlight
Against all the odds

23 years of Grace
23 years of Love
23 years of Struggles
23 years of Madness
23 years of Sadness
23 years of Joy
23 years of Life

Though this life is young
And this journey is just beginning
23 years have passed
And yet I still live
Still seeking my purpose
Still seeking my place
I still tread on
With gratitude in my heart
And courage for everyday
I pray for 23 years and more
In this colorful life of mine
As I paint a masterpiece
That would last a lifetime

It took me just one moment
One exposure of vulnerability
To make me realize that all this time
All these years and months
These days and hours
These minutes and seconds
Of being by your side
Will lead my life to
Falling in love with you

I may have felt it before
Wondering your taste
Your thoughts
And how well they synchronized
With my own tastes
That would've been so perfect
I may have been madly in love
With you from the start
I just didn't know what to call it

You've been with me all this time
But your heart, it still eludes me
How could you be so distant
Being inches apart from me?
Who is he that makes you cry?
Who visits your nightmares every night?
Whose name clings to your very lips?
Who sets aside what I've been yearning for?
Who is he? Who blinds you from seeing me?

Why him? Who toys with your emotions?
When it can be me, who truly understands you?
Why him? When he doesn't give a **** about you?
Whereas my world revolves around you?
Why can't he see what he's wasting?
While here I am waste my time praying?
Praying to be yours no matter what it takes
Even if when you're with him every inch of me aches
Is someone even listening to my every plea?

I have watched you all of my life
I've watched you grow gracefully in spring
Growing stronger and fiercer
I've endured your ferocious glow in the summer
And when reason hits you hard
I've seen you wane sheepishly in the fall
And when you broke your fragile heart
I've seen you wither helplessly in the winter

But even so, I secretly desired your crying heart
No matter how broken and scattered it became
All I want for you is a slice of true happiness
All I want is for you to wear an endless smile
Feeling joy in your beautifully-crafted life
Even if not in the comfort of my wanting arms
Even if your gaze fixes on another man
And I could only remain as a trusted friend

So please, dear Lord, if not for my wretched self
Please protect her loving smile and pure heart
That she may find the happiness that she deserves
In exchange for the happiness she shared to the undeserving me

If only she could turn to me..

It's 4:30am
And here I am
Wide awake
Eyes bloodshot
My thoughts a mess
My heart more so
Consumed by loneliness
I'm feeling helpless

The problem is
I don't know why
This sadness eats me away
All I know is that
I'm upset over life
I don't know why
My heart is aching
My brain exploding

Am I anxious?
Am I depressed?
If so, why?
The world is filled
With everything real
With the beautiful
And the contrary
Why waste my time on abstract sadness?

But here I am
In a state of despair
Feeling like all hope
Is gone from my life
I need help
I need friends
I need motivation
I need to get out of here

But they're not here
They're nowhere to be seen
My thoughts twisting
By each second passing
My pulse slowing down
My limbs feeling numb
What should I do
To get out of this pit?

I'm dying inside
The void in my heart
Has consumed me completely
My sanity slipping away
From the twists in my brain
Tell me what should I do
And how should I move
From here

Help..

Another sleepless night
My mind feels restless
My heart in confusion
What am I gonna do?

Would these worries go away?
As I learn and grow with age?
Should I just choose death
Rather than loving the undeserving?

I guess I don't have the answers today
Maybe tomorrow will shed some light
To these worries in my young life
I'll open my doors when the need arises

This paranoia is damning
I've had enough
Maybe a dream will do for now
And face the real thing tomorrow

After I go to sleep..

It comes for me
Judgement from the sins
That litter my past
They linger to this day
I'm suffocating
from their grasp
Pulling me deeper
within the Abyss
I am imprisoned
within the blackness of my deeds
within the evil of my soul
They hover over me
The guilt slowly eating me
It plays with my twisted mind
Delusions feel like they're real
The whispers getting louder
Its ******* depressing here
I'm almost out of breath
from the anxiety building up
Just **** me now!

Save me
Hold me
Hear me plea
Come for me

The demons of the past catch up
To destroy what remains
Of my being today
They're almost here

Midnight queen makes her presence known
Eyes lit up like sparkling diamonds
Lips shaded red as a blooming rose
Porcelain skin and an angel's face

The world of men sits at her feet
Wars are waged for her one night
Men competing for the goddess' favor
like playing with children's innocent curiosity

The eyes of this cougar stalking quietly
Hunting for the next unsuspecting prey
Her deadly charm her most effective tool
To catch and break the young and foolish boys

There I stood looking from a far
Desires getting stronger even if I stood no chance
Accepting that she won't ever look my way
And yet there she was, staring through my soul

God, my awkward smile and juvenile heart
You shined like starlight in my eyes
Heartbeats in maximum overdrive
When you lace your fingers into mine

Pent up desires taking over
Love bursting like a broken dam
Surging forth into each others' embrace
Raging like storms on a collision course

Making love like the torrid summer sun
Fiery encounters burning all trace of innocence
You, who consumes all the oxygen in my lungs
Whose kisses are my elixirs of eternal life

Stronger than *****, yet addictive like wine
You embody my deepest, darkest desires
You are a dream and a nightmare combined
And yet here I am, succumbing to my desires

You leave me thirsty for more of you
You plague me day and night in my dreams
Whose every word become my life's creed
Whose very silhouette I cannot live without

I am a slave to your mischievous desires
The goddess that I kneel to each night
I am a plaything running on your fingers
Your quick game whenever you feel bored

The devil in red and white claims me as hers
I am but a casualty in her rampaging storm
A victim who is left addicted to her taste
The plaything of a cougar whom every man desires

Slowly
But surely
Step by step
Inch by inch

I'm almost there
Almost to the end
Letting them go
Gradually

Feelings remain
Crumbling, dwindling
Memories replay
Blurring, fading

Tempo in ad agio
Hands pulling away
Hearts disconnecting
From synchronized beating

The music dies down
As the love dies out
I'm almost there
Almost over you

It's been slow
But I'll be over it
My heart will heal
Even as I miss you

Since you were gone
Nothing worked out
Motivation out the window
Dreams in an indefinite hiatus

But I'll get there
To the sunset by the sea
Where in the waves
I'll bury your memories

The pain will subside
Slowly and carefully
As I shed your chains
From every inch of my body

This is farewell
My love in ad agio
Slowly fading away
Into its final breath

I'm choking on oxygen

My palms are sweating too much
My heart is jumping inside my chest
My brain is on a drunken haywire
I'm literally left speechless and dazed

I didn't see this coming

You're standing in front of me
Once again I get a glimpse of you
A glimpse that I would've killed for
In what was like a lifetime ago

You render me helpless

I thought I was done with this
My life was back on track again
My heart healing from the wounds
That your departure inflicted on me

And yet here I am

Time froze again for me
Because as the pain resurfaced in me
You seem like you're having fun
Living life as if nothing happened

And yet you left me in misery

How dare you smile in front of me
Showing me expressions that I've never seen before
Your smile a mockery of the harrowing experience
Of everything I went through because of you

I'm trying not to sob

You look like you own the world
Being happy with someone else nowadays
Yet here I am frozen and dumbstruck
As you blatantly ignore me when our eyes met

Here I go again

Spiraling in a downward depression
Feeling used and abused
When I simply gave my all to you
And you show me how insignificant I am to you

I'm done with this

I'm done with you and your cruel heart
That enjoys the misery of those she left
That craves attention only for self fulfillment
And leaves destruction in your wake

You are a storm

As storm that passed by my life
Who's torrential downpour I craved
But left me destroyed and broken
Leaving me to die out of breath

This is the last goodbye

I never want anything from you
Whose love is too hellish to earn
I never want to go through this again
Even if it leaves me wanting more from you

See what mess you left me in?

Gising na naman ng alas dos ng gabi
Hinihingal at pinagpapawisan ng sobra
Mula sa isang bangungot ako’y nagising
Nagising sa katotohanang parang bangungot din.
Hindi mapigilang bumuhos ang mga luha
Puno ng hinagpis mula sa kahapong mapait
Bawat hikbi at buntong-hininga pilit pinipigil
Habang nagkukumahog hanapin ang nawawala

Damdaming nagtitimpi ay biglang pumutok
Mga emosyong rumagasa ng walang habas
Mula sa nasirang prinsa ng aking puso
Umaagos papunta sa mga matang ayaw tumahan
Hinahanap-hanap pa rin ang ‘yong haplos
Pati mga halik na ibinuhos sa aking mga labi
Unti-unting nawawala ang wangis mo sa ating kama
Ang kamang nilisan mo nung ako’y iniwan mo

Gabi-gabing iniisip ang mga dahilan
Kung bakit dun pa sa ating kalungkutan
Bigla mo na lang akong isinantabi’t iniwan
Kahit pa nangako tayo ng walang hanggan
Hinahanap-hanap pa rin ang ‘yong anino
Mga bakas ng kahapong gustong balikan
Ngunit kahit kailanman at ano man ang gawin
Hinding-hindi ko na muling mararanasan

Sana’y naririnig ang mga sigaw ng puso
Na nagtitiis sa sakit habang nangungulila sa’yo
Sana’y marinig muli ang mga salitang
“Mahal kita” mula sa’yong mga labi
Kaya nandito pa rin ako sa ating dulo
Inaantay ang malabong pagbabalik mo
Kahit ang puso’y nawawalan na ng pag-asa
Pilit hinihiling ang katuparan ng mga “sana”

Pag-ibig ko’y iyo pa rin
Nag-aantay sa kamang unti-unting nilalamig
Ang mga bisig na ang tanging nais
Ang yakapin at hagkan kang muli

Come and play with me
Flash that lovely smile
and ****** my woes away
Make my heart beat wild

Give me an unforgettable rush
Take me to paradise and back
Kiss me viciously sweet
Like tomorrow never comes

Make me desperate for air
Let me cling to my life
As we go deep within the pleasure
And our bodies take control

**** me dry of all life
As I get addicted to you
Let your scent wash over me
As I go down on your being

Pull me deeper within you
As our bodies syncronize with the rhythm
Move like an untamed animal
With wild and deadly eyes

Let the pleasure consume us
As we **** our sorrows tonight
Moan like no one can hear us
And give me the memory of a lifetime

Love me just for tonight
Need me just for once in this life
Embrace me fiercely as we try to reach the end
Don't let go of my hand as we go to the ******

The sweat dripping from my eyebrows
The heat leaves me blank and dull
Your small body resting on top of mine
Both tired from that torrid encounter

As sunlight illuminates what hides
Morning reveals a stranger's face
This once in a lifetime encounter
Forgotten in a flash of daylight

The crystal moon glowed bright that night
The sky dotted with glistening starlight
The clouds drifting with the gentle wind
The rivers flowing in a symphonic stream

The forest trees looked strong and mighty
Towering all over the the mountain skyline
Yet in the cool breeze they seem to whisper
To soothe the ailing of a broken heart

She was alone, left cold and in the dark
Her quiet sobbing rings across the abyss
It seems every thing and being hears her pleas
Everyone except those who fell deaf, except me

Her tears were bursting like a raging river
Flowing with every frustration she endured
Her heart, once filled up by love for me
Swollen and bursting with all her angst

There I was, standing frozen like a glacier
My heart beating crazy, my mind going blank
That broken heart was on my bloodied hands
That broken smile caused by my poisonous lies

She, who found me at the times of my best
She, who stayed even when I was at my worst
She, who loved me all throughout my changing whims
And yet here I am, choosing to break her heart.

My only desire was to gain some worth
Setting aside what mattered to me most
I was stupid enough to cling to the temporary
as I pushed aside what was to be for a lifetime

So here I am standing in front of you
Choking on the pride I held for so long
Digging deeply within to find the courage to say
I'm sorry, I love you, please give me another way

Banish me from your heart if that is your price
Free yourself from my memories, both good and bad
But please hear me out, hear my humbled cries
Another chance is all I ask from you, don't say goodbye

We stood cold and frozen in the rain
Raindrops hiding the tears you've shed
Heads are bowed low, hearts broken to pieces
Our bodies locked tight in a last embrace

Your breathing felt warm yet faint
Our minds went blank and confused
As much as we don't want to let go
The rift between us grows wider by the second

As I held your small, fragile face up
I can't help but stare at the fading light in your eyes
We just had to lean in for one last sweet kiss
Let the last spark of passion between us dissipate

As I try to let you go, you begged with dear life
As I struggled to resist your plea, I knew I wouldn't win
Even as I said goodbye, my arms were wrapped tight
Frozen in place with you in between them

With all the strength I had left in my heart
I turned my back to the sweetest memories we shared
But you desperately clung to every fiber of my being
I knew in my heart how badly I still wanted to stay

With all the voice you still had left
You screamed your final "I love you's"
I knew they're enough to make me turn around
But this time, we need to let each other go

As I walked away dragging my resisting feet
and I struggled to run away from your embrace
God knew how it crushed the life out of me
As I broke free from your heavy gravity

As I let you go, it took every cell in my being
Every muscle in my body rebelled against me
But because I love you with everything I have
Letting go was the only way to save you from my destruction

As I let you go, all memories of us surged like flash floods
Every smile of yours etched in my mind and heart
All of your kisses that I know I will never feel again
All those feelings broke out as tears fell from my eyes

I missed you every night in every dream
You haunted me in every way I couldn't imagine
Letting you go was my life's biggest regret
But to see you broken in my last moments, that I cannot bear

As heaven took my last breath away
Your small smiling face solely gave me ease
I know I won't be able to embrace you in this life again
So please wait for my return on our next chance

Some things should be left in the past..
Some things should be lived in the present..
Some things should be reaped in the future..

And so I leave yesterday with all the agony I've felt..
I'll live today with all the hope and courage I could muster..
And I hope to reap tomorrow the love and attention I seek..

Dear God, hear me please.

We're stuck in a fragile state
Hanging by a thinning thread
Standing on a melting winter lake
Struggling on a sinking ship

I'm pulling and you're pushing
In a discreetly vicious tug-of-war
We bare our emotions for each other
Yet we both end up getting hurt being together

Every night you're in my thoughts
Every day I'm on your mind
Insomniacs in an endless cycle
Worrying and doubting over their budding love

Is this the end?
Dancing slowly and cautiously as the music fades away
Do we let it end?
Even if the feelings pull us closer by the minute?

Why are we still at it?
Even if we're both bleeding
Injuries caused by each other
Yet I still choose to love you?

We're drifting in an uncertain stage
Taking a shot at love against odds
Even if the odds are us ourselves
I choose to be with you still

How about you?
Will you stay here?
And bleed together with me?
Or leave me bleed by myself?

Lying on this bed
With you sleeping in my arms
On a quiet dawn

Sometimes I just can't
take the pressure
Sometimes I just don't
Know what I should do
Sometimes I can't identify
Who am I supposed to be
Sometimes I just need
A time out to think

As much as I want to
Run away from all of this
I can't just give in
I still need to find you

I just need to breathe
inhale some fresh air
Take a break and assess
What happens next
So wait for me
As I think of a way
To get away from here
And come get you
To take you in my arms
And bring you to
Our share of paradise

City lights glowing on the horizon
Busy traffic bustling the wide roads
Chatter and car horns blaring in unison
Worn out souls coming home from heavy workloads

Bloodshot eyes feel like popping out
Insomniac born from hundreds of sleepless nights
Demons inside me scream and shout
Pleading for a taste of freedom just for tonight

Dim irises reflect the sorrows felt inside
Fake smiles can't hide the dead soul behind
Please tell me how to cross this wide divide
Let me feed your lust, heal the ills of your mind

Come with me now, its do or die
Let's go away and find our northern lights
Come now, don't be afraid, no more alibis
Let's be free from our woes, just for tonight

Fallen angels in search of a paradise
In this dreadful hell people call Life
A place of solitude just for us will suffice
A sweet serenity in this lifetime of strife

Let your kisses be my addiction
Let your breathing be music to my ears
Let me consume your lustful affliction
Let me dive and banish your silly fears

Let me loose myself in the city of angels
Let me bask in the glory of its bright lights
Let my demons burn from the touch of angels
Bring me to where you are and calm my sighs

You are the bright lights in my dim existence
You are my soothing calm in this endless storm
You satiate my longing just with your presence
In this midnight love affair all of me you've restored

Morning sunlight shines its rays on us
Warm blankets wrapped around your curvatures
The storms in our eyes gone in that quick rush
Vanishing in the dust in our one night adventure

My legs feel heavy
My muscles stiff
My eyes looking bleak
My heart barely beating

God I feel so tired
Every day has been a cycle
Walking in the same pace
As everybody else in this world

I need a break
An adrenaline rush
That makes me feel
Life is worth living

I need a change in pacing
I have to get over this phase
Gotta wake up and slap my face
And get out of this stressful daze

God I feel so burned out
The embers in my youth
Slowly dying out
I may cease to function soon

They cling to me
Those memories of smiles
Etched in my mind
Bringing nothing but sighs

Oh how my heart jumped
When you kissed me sweetly
How you brought me joy
Whenever despair plagues me

You were the love I wanted badly
All my life was yours to keep
You were the beat of my heart
The one that deprived me of sleep

Now only your memories remain
Even your silhouette left no trace
It pains me to miss you this much
Knowing that now you lie in another's embrace

I am chained to your haunting memories
Chained to the hurt that you've caused
Chained to the guilt I shouldered to endure
Chained to you still, can't get over your loss

I am chained to your lingering ghost
Chained to the prison of your past
Free me please from this shattered romance
Free me from the pain, Let me go at last

As long as I remained in your chains
And I carry these feelings that will go to waste
I won't get over our whirlwind affair
I'll feel the pain all over again as I yearn for your taste

Let me go, please hear my plea
Don't chain me to your toxic memories.

As the sun chases the moon in perpetual cycle,
As the ocean currents swirl in endless uncertainty;
As the winds come and go to wherever it pleases,
So does the heart changes its color constantly.

The young heart opens up like a flower in spring,
Gentle yet cautious, budding yet reluctant;
Love nourishes it like mild rays of sunlight,
Like an innocent child, forgiving and repentant.

As the days go by the heart slowly blooms,
Nurtured by love and care, by trust and faith;
With emotions growing in each passing moment,
The heart takes you deeper in its natural state.

When summer arrives, the heart becomes passionate,
As torrid as the scorching sun, driven and consumed;
Like a flower standing gloriously, beautiful and lively,
With all doubts and hindrances, all barriers removed.

Love is at its strongest yet most vulnerable phase,
Raging like a dangerous storm on a path of destruction;
When passion can inflict a wound with one wrong step,
Everything starts to fall, piece by piece into abolition.

Like the leaves of a tree shedding in autumn,
Hands slowly slipping, Love barely breathing;
The heart rapidly descending into paranoia,
shrouded in fear, in weakness and uneasy feelings.

Then the storms come to topple what was left,
The heart in a whirlwind of emotional disarray;
Which is why men has also called  the autumn ‘fall’,
because love falls, turning to animosity, hate and dismay.

Winter knocks at the doors of a cold heart,
Where it is on its deepest, most isolated chapter;
Where bitterness stings the like an unbearable venom,
the heart frozen in pain, growing ruthless and harder.

As the darkness creeps in, seeping through the walls,
The cold air suffocating, the temperature intolerable;
The snow growing thicker in the absence of warmth,
The heart stands still, its walls becoming unbreakable.

But amidst all the angst and the sorrows one bears,
The seeds of hope will never leave the young heart;
It wouldn’t abandon those who love purely and faithfully,
And it opens the heart once again for a brand new start.

Like the seasons of the year the heart needs change,
From passion to bitterness, from uncertainty to trust;
Like a rose in the middle of a garden, it needs to endure,
The changing phases of life, to learn and adapt, it must.

One day, the young heart will learn and mature,
Stronger and more passionate than it ever will be;
Then and there, God will grant it the love it yearns,
For it has learned to sacrifice and love unconditionally.

These are the different facets of the human heart,
Like the changing tides, it shifts and morphs suddenly;
It is wild, full of life and hope, like an untamed lion,
And it loves fiercely, unpredictable, and passionately.

Love naturally comes in a flash of light,
so one must learn to endure its sudden impact;
That's why the heart must change repeatedly,
To prepare it for uncertainty, not to be pushed back.

Charmed

By those eyes that stare deeply
By that smile that feels giddy
By those hugs that bring warmth
By those kisses that melt my heart

That laugh that rings in my ears
Crushing all my foolish fears
That sweet scent lingering on my clothes
Calming all my anxious woes

I'm charmed by the way you are
Charmed by the purity of your heart
I'm falling further each and everyday
Loving you even better, in more ways

I almost lost hope until you came
Then you picked up and loved what remained
I'm never letting you go my Dear
All my heartbreaks led me to you, here

Could I love you any more than this?
I ask God in my prayers
To make it our whole lives' quest
To find it out

I can't write anything else
You left me at a loss for words
I guess
I just love you

Its 3:30 in the morning
My eyes bloodshot and wide awake
My mind in a confused trance
My chest running out of breath
My heart growing heavier by the minute

Desperately going for my keys
Wallet on hand, phone in my pocket
I think I need a drive just for tonight
To chase where my mind goes
And clear the thoughts off my head

My hands trembling in panic
My eyes stealing focus on the road
Limbs on automatic as my mind wanders
I guess a trip to get some alcohol
Would help calm my nerves down

Took a sip while heading to Lord knows where
Holding back my tears as I run around in circles
I don't know where I'm heading, I just kept on driving
My heart in a constant state of agony
As I found myself stopping at your front door

Bursting into tears when I realized
Where I sought to find some comfort
In your arms I've always felt at ease
But this time it feels so different
When the same arms are the ones hurting me

I know I agreed to wait for you
Wait for you to fully open your heart to me
I even said I'd wait against all the odds
Just to earn the chance to win your heart
But why do I feel miserable at this moment?

You seemed so close to me
Well within my hands' reach
You shower my body with your embrace
And nurture my lips with your kisses
Yet why do you feel so distant?

No matter how much I try to run to you
You keep on pushing me farther away
No matter how much I try to break your walls
You keep on setting up newer, stronger barriers
Sometimes I can't keep up with your thoughts

You leave me dazed and confused
And yet you still make me feel loved
You make me believe that this could be concrete
Yet you can't put words on how much I mean to you
I don't know how to respond to any of this

You make me feel at ease in adversity
And yet sometimes you're confusing to me
A source of both my serenity and sweet agony
You're an addiction that may be bad for my being
And yet I still offer to you my everything

You drove me in a crossroad I can't avoid
You want me to stay and yet you freely let me go
So now I'm in a dilemma I can't imagine to escape
Because even as all the signs point to danger
Here I am, still driving, still going towards you

I'll keep on driving towards where you are
No matter how near or no matter how far
People may say that I'm idiotic and crazy
But regardless I stand by the routes I choose
And amidst all the traffic, I'll chase the elusive wind called you

Lingering questions on my mind
Like pests circling around my head
An open heart wanting to understand
A rushed yet unrelenting answer

Since when does falling in love
Giving everything you have
Become an unbearable burden
For the people you simply want to love?

Is my heart that frightening?
Why do I keep running around
The same, tiring and old cycle?
Give me a break, will you please?

I just needed someone to return
The love I wanted to give out
When did my actions of caring
Make me a villain in your eyes?

I don't need your full commitment
I simply wanted a chance with you
A chance to earn your time and attention
A small portion of your day is what I demand

And yet, why does no one ever stay?
How long do I have to keep this up?
Running around in endless circles
Only to end up broken and trashed

When will this heart give up?
When the tears from my eyes run dry?
Or my body can no longer feel pain?
Until when can I endure this endless cycle?

I'm almost done
Almost there
Don't test me
Loosing my patience here

Cool winds blew from the Northeast,
My thoughts drifted into the starry night;
The howling breeze echoed in my ears,
My eyes wandered towards the city lights.

The midnight horizon left me breathless,
The ivory moon reigned supreme in the sky;
But amidst all the beauty I'm encircled with,
Only your warm smile kept my spirits high.

By the concrete walls we sat together,
Discussing our problems with some hot chocolate;
the cool blows of air whispered a love song,
Nature herself setting the mood, or was it Fate?

Stars illuminated the dark, endless night sky,
But your eyes glistened brighter than any of them;
I'd rather give up everything I have in my life,
to eternally gaze upon these soul-piercing gems.

Your warm embrace made my heartbeat wild,
As I stared at your lips my chest thumped even wilder;
Your fragrant hair danced with the gentle breeze,
God, I prayed that the night would extend longer.

Your soft whispers resounded in my mind,
The sight of your face made my heart melt;
The sound of your voice echoed deeply in my thoughts,
Is this Love? this strange, complicated emotion I've felt?

You affect me greatly as if by magic,
Just you around makes me feels as if I'm in paradise;
From the abyss of depression I rose up again,
When I'm with you gone goes my doubts and sighs.

What is this feeling that lingers in me?
So many questions caught my attention frequently;
You're the only one who can help me answer them,
but I have to hide these feelings from you, sadly.

The darkness passed by and the morning sun came out,
Our friendship stayed strong even after that cold night;
But I've always hoped your feelings would change,
just like a new day where the eastern sun shines bright.

Before I put my writing to a halt,
I want you to know that I will always love you;
as a friend or as a lover I'll be with you,
to the end of time I'll always be beside you.

A common proverb says "Patience is a virtue",
Well if this is true then I'll be waiting for you;
Be it long or be it quick, I don't and won't ever mind,
If you're God's best then I'll always want you.

Bodies colliding
Sweat dripping
Lips vigorously kissing
Biting what it can
Mapping every inch
Touching every nook
Cherishing every cranny
In a messy dance

It's coming
That burst of emotions
Desired and untamed
Taking mind and body
Into absolute bliss
Into unholy pleasure
Into carnal ecstasy
I can't control it

Your wet thighs
Latched on to mine
Locked in place
Never wanting to separate

Pulling me closer
Locking me deeper
Squeezing me tighter
My mind turns blank

Moving faster
Thrusting deeper
Fcking wilder
Loving harder

Every push and pull
Every sweat and breath
Every touch of tongue
Melting my brain away

Struggling together
Fcking like hell
Until we reach ******
Until heaven

-J

Those simple, honest smiles
That leaves my lungs breathless
That noisy, heart-felt laughter
That leaves my chest bursting with joy
Those innocent, striking eyes
That render every muscle in me helpless
Those subtle, soft whispers
That feels like music to my ears
Your warm and fuzzy embrace
That I look forward to all day

They bring my frozen heart
closer to melting point
They make me fall from my heaven
fast down to your earth
They pull me closer by the minute
to wanting to stay with you
They give life to my nightly dreams
of getting pulled towards your gravity

I want to chase your heart
catch it and make it mine
As you chased mine
and made it yours
The world may be imperfect
but you are my taste of heaven
Everything may feel wrong
but you're the only thing that feels right
I won't ask for anything else
because I am content
of getting closer
to you

Winter coming soon
The cold embracing my skin
Seeking your warm touch

Time froze
As your eyes met mine
Gravity felt heavier
As I moved towards you
Chest about to burst
When I heard that innocent laugh
Heart in palpitations
As you made your way to me

You are a natural head turner
I could feel their jealous stares
As a bright star like you
Heads on a collision course towards me
My heart almost jumping out
With every little step you take
My throat dried of words
As I tried to talk to you

As the conversations grew deeper
And the night grew more intimate
You took me by surprise
When you held my sweating palms
I knew where this was heading
And little by little the anticipation fades
As reality unfolds what happens next
Then and there I took the chance

My mind was melting
When your soft lips touched mine
My brain went haywire
When you pulled me even more
My lungs felt breathless
When I pulled you in for a second time
You suprised me even further
When you whispered what happens next

You took me by the hand
As we walked in the hallway
Giggling childishly
As we opened the door to your room
My mind went blank
As you took me to your bed
Every muscle in overdrive
As you pulled me down towards you

You guided my hands
As I took off your every clothing
You gently caressed my head
As I kissed from point to point
Sweetly kissing every inch of you
Made my heartbeats erratic
Wanting even more of you
Loving every taste of you

I can't stop myself
From getting addicted to you
As you gave me your all
And I gave you mine
Bodies colliding and sweaty
Making love in this dimly lit room
Thrusting my everything into you
Like its the last night of our lives

Your every movement
Sending shivers down my spine
Your heavy breathing
Raising the hairs on my nape
Your honest moans
Felt like music to my ears
Your warm and wet kisses
Sending me into paradise

Tangled in your arms
As we try to reach the end
The innocence slowly fading
As the encounter grew more intense
Your kisses becomes wilder
Almost leaving me suffocating
Bodies becoming more synchronized
As the ****** comes to pass

Dawn illuminates the room
As I ponder last night's memories
With you sleeping under the messy sheets
Your petite body resting on top of me
God I wish to never forget
That once in a lifetime chance
That crazy one night romance
That wild girl who took my heart with her

I knew this was a one time thing
I knew this was only a physical love
And yet I still want to take a chance
To jump and take a leap of fate
To give in to my pleasures and desires
To love viciously and decide on my own
To fall in love regardless of how I met her
To cherish her for the rest of my life

I can't let this chance come to pass
I cemented this silly resolve of mine
I knew this collision course will lead me to ruin
But I don't care, I just want to be with you
You opened your still bewitching eyes
It still left me lovestruck and breathless
And when you flashed that killer smile
My mind went to a blank state

"Can I still get your number?"
Blurted out my stupid mouth
I said it without even thinking
Knowing that it may never turn out well
You stared at my dumb self
Chuckled sweetly for a bit
What surprised me the most
Was how you answered with just one smile.

The moment when my heart
Started beating for you
I can't help but seek you alone
And beg Heaven for your love

This heart may change directions
It may doubt, be tempted, stumble
Fall, and even be broken apart
But it prays only to be yours

Your arms are the home it seeks
I don't ever want to ever let this go
The compass may head to other paths
But the heart always points to you

I love you
Now,
Tomorrow
And until the day this ends
With my lungs breathing its last

Lonely travelers in this long journey
Meeting at the crossroads of fate
Lone souls looking for companions
Hearts looking for their heartbeats
Curiosity sparkled from bright eyes
In them resides an adventurous light
Take my hand as we walk this road
Where should we go in this uncertainty?

Warm hands and soft kisses
Make us both feel at home
This time I know I’m not alone
Holding hands on this path with you
As long as you’re here, I’ll be fine
As long as I’m here, I’ll save you
Let’s see the wonder this life offers
As you and I traverse this road together

Where do we go now?
What should we do?
That I have no idea
But in my dreams
and in my hopes
As long as I’m with you
It doesn’t matter where we are
Or what we'll see
As long as you see only me
And I see only you

Sa lamig ng hanging sumisipol sa gabi
Init ng iyong mga yakap ang iniisip
Sa mga umagang nasisikatan ng araw
Bakas ng iyong mga yapos ang hinahanap

Labis-labis kitang hinahanap
Ang lambot ng iyong mga kamay
Habang nakakapit sa akin
Pilit hinihingi ng pusong nagdaramdam

Panginoon, akin pong dalangin
Magisnang muli hindi sa panaginip
Ang kanyang mga matang nangugusap
Ng kanyang matamis na pag-ibig saakin

Akin pong hinihiling ng mataimtim
Ang madama ang kanyang yakap na mahigpit
At madampian ng kanya mga labi
Na pumapayo sa puso kong nag-aamok

Akin pong ipinagsusumamo
Ang muling marinig ang kanyang tinig
Ang boses na matamis pakinggan
Na nagpapakalma sa aking damdamin

Panginoon, akin pong hinihiling
Ang mahagkan ang minamahal ko
Ang nagkukulay ng buhay ko
At ang pag-ibig kong matamis

Sana'y ika'y mahagkan na muli
Marinig ang iyong boses na nagpapasaya sa akin
Makasama muli sa hirap at lungkot
At magpasalamat sa mga biyaya at saya ng buhay

Mahal ko, lagi ika'y nasa isip
Kailanman, hindi ko ipapahamak
Ang pag-ibig na ipinaglaban at hiningi
Niluhuran at binuhusan ng luha

Mahal ko, nasaan ka na?
Sana'y magbalik ka na
Sa mga bisig na hinahanap ka
Sa pusong tahanan mo

Gabi-gabing tinitiis ang lamig
Ng pusong binibigo ng pag-ibig
Unti-unting bumibitaw ang mga kamay
Sa relasyong unti-unti na ring namamatay

Sa bawat bitaw ng buntong-hininga
Kalakip ang malaking panghihinayang
Sa bawat luha na tumulo mula sa mata
Kalakip ang mga alaalang puno ng lumbay at ligaya

Pilit mang itulog na lang ang lahat
Pilit mang ibaon ang sakit sa limot
Pilit mang magpakalunod sa nadaramang lungkot
Sadyang hindi magawa ng pusong nayayamot

Kailan kaya gigising sa umaga
Na kayang tanggaping wala ka na?
Kailan kaya gagalaw muli ang oras
Na tumigil nung bigla kang nawala?

Kailan maghihilom ang mga sugat
Na dulot ng mga hinagpis ng kahapon?
Kailan kaya ako makakalimot ng lubos
Para puso'y matutunang umibig muli?

Bathalang Maykapal na sa langit ay nagmamasid
Dinggin ang aking mga panalangin ng hinagpis
Ako po'y nagsusumamo't dumudulog sa inyo
Pawiin ang lungkot na pinagdurusahan ko

O Pag-ibig na mahirap mahagilap
Na hanggang ngayo'y nananatiling mailap
Sana'y ang susunod siya na ang huli
Ang babaeng makatatagal sa aking mga bisig

It's slowly dwindling away
Crumbling into pieces
That can never be repaired
Breaking down to the point
Of no return

I'm loosing it
The ability to feel
To give in to my emotions
Its as if my sanity
Slowly sinks into oblivion

I used to have them
Feelings of joy
Of sadness and pain
Of anger and lust
Or even love

But as the days pass by
And age catches up
My heart begins to harden
To feel as cold as ice
Like I'm barely even alive

I was once a young boy
With eyes full of dreams
And a heart full of courage
An unwaivering mindset
To take the world head on

But Reality was cruel
I kept searching for happiness
But all it gave was pain
And as I succumbed to endless pain
I started to not care at all

Years passed by and yet
I still struggle in the pain
I still endure the bitterness
Stuck on my mouth
As if it were candies

Soon after I'm left here
Wanting to feel again
Wanting my chest to swell
With anger or excitement
I don't even care which

I just want to start feeling again
For time to move from hereon
To exist again in this timeline
To love and lose once more
To experience emotions like so

They still evade me though
The feelings that once coloured
The corners of my heart
And graced the different periods
Of my rollercoaster life

Someday I may lose it all
The emotions that once
Made me feel alive
I'm a dead man walking right now
Just waiting for the final execution

I hope someone intervenes
I hope that phone call comes
The call thats saves me from
This endless pit I don't want to go to
An emotionless and dull damnation

Because I don't wanna lose it all
I just want to feel that I exist
And that I am worth something
That I am worth saving
And I deserve to be alive even as the mess I truly am

I simply want to feel again..

Dear you..

It's been a while
Since we last talked
How have you been?
I hope you're doing okay

Me?

I guess I still miss you
Missing how I wake up seeing you
Smiling at me each morning
Wanting to stay in bed the entire day

Dear you..

Do you remember how
We enjoy making breakfast everyday?
How dreadful it feels to leave in the morning
only to hurry back and eat dinner together

I do

I still remember our weekend dates
Whether going out, or staying home
Remember the first roses I gave you?
And my promise to give you some every week?

Remember, Dear?

I still remember how you caressed my hair
and how you kissed me every time I messed up
I also remember how we used to cuddle
When we stayed home on the weekends

Do you still remember?

How warm it feels when you hug me
At times when it feels cold in bed at night
and how we ate on the same bowl or plate
Whenever we lazily eat our meals on the bed

Those were the days

When I felt happiest the most
When I felt like I'm truly alive
Sharing that simple, fun life with you
Brought contentment to my heart.

Did you feel the same way?

You smiled whenever you looked at me
You kissed back even when I nervously messed up
You had that effect on me back then
I thought I also had the same effect on you

But I guess not..

When that blissful life took a bad turn
We turned for the worst downfall as well
You kept looking for someone else in me
Someone's love that's completely different from mine

And then it crumbled..

The life we shared and held on dearly
The way we shouted and fought every night
and how we slept on the opposite sides of the bed
I guess you really didn't feel the same

Who was he?

The one you still held on to
Even though I was the one beside you
The person who kept you from being mine
Whose memories outweighed the love I gave?

Then the end came..

It came by so fast I never caught a glimpse
I was still willing to fix it yet you alone brought it down
You walked out that door and left me for good
You took my heart with you as you went to him

It still hurts..

I am still stuck with loving you
Even if my mind says otherwise
Your ghost still haunts my life
I don't know what else to do

So please..

Stop running to me when you need comfort from him
Stop calling me every time you cry on lonely nights
Stop stirring this weak heart of mine
And please don't consider me yours anymore

So..

I'm saying a final goodbye
I hope you'll be happy in this life
In time I'll move on, I'll be free
Even if in my heart, you'll always be dear to me

I just can't think straight
Your eyes leave me blank in bliss
They stare right through me

Even if our stars weren't aligned
Even if our hearts weren't inclined
Even if our paths were only meant to cross
Even if our love won't always get across

Know that this love will persist
Against the whispers of fate it will resist
My eyes will focus only on you
My compass always pointing at you

These emotions will always stay
This love will never go away
The memories carved in our minds
Each other we will always find

No matter what the stars may say
No matter if the gods tear us away
Like flames kissing the ice
Like cats chasing mice

You always take my breath away
You make my thoughts easily swayed
You are always only for me
And I will always fall only for you

I fall for you still

And I plan on falling further..

This space between us
I want to cross to get you
Screaming I miss you

My dreams are whimsical tastes of happiness
Dreams of holding hands while walking in the cold evenings
Dreams of a perfect life with no signs of loneliness
Dreams of you sleeping in my arms in the warm mornings

My dreams involve every inch of your being
Dreams of your tight embrace and addictive kisses
Dreams of your warm breath while sleeping in cold nights
Dreams of being with you all my life, basking in your light

My dream is you and you alone
Without you in my arms is a nightmare
A nightmare that I pray never comes
A nightmare that I hope doesn't become reality

A life without your love is a nightmare
That I pray I don't wake up to one morning

Why do I exist?
Floating along time and space
Where should I be now?

Emptiness
This heart is a mess
Broken to the core
In search of something more

Useless
My life in a mess
Without meaning nor purpose
No direction nor course

Senseless
My path is aimless
Stuck in uneasy fears
My plea no one hears


This soul is tired
These hands reaching out
Trying to save itself
While slowly succumbing to surrender
This drought in my life
Consumes me every day
******* me of all confidence
Feeding my personal demons
Day and night
Rescue me please
From this faithless walk
Show me a path
That leads to a purpose

Do I have to sell myself
Just to get out of this hell?
It's a suffocating existence
It's an endless self-pity
******* me dry of all life
Leaving me restless
At least save my soul
From all this mess
Before I completely surrender
To this drought in my life

I think I'm going insane
My heart is jumping in my chest
My mind is in a psychedelic rush
My body in an uncontrollable addiction

With one look from those eyes
All my prohibitions are dropped
These feelings are growing stronger
Growing more potent than any drug

Your scent is an insatiable craving
Your lips tastes better than bourbon
Kissing every inch of you feels the best
Giving me a better high than
any marijuana

You leave me in a submissive trance
Every touch of your skin tingles
Sending shocks down my spine
I'm losing myself deeper into you

Your subtle moans growing louder
Playing like sweet music in my ears
As I slide down kissing every inch of you
Slowly working my way between your thighs

The way you caress my hair gives me goosebumps
Softly pulling my head towards pleasure
Leading me to your most sensitive spots
As you succumb to your wildest desires

Your wanting eyes pull me deeper
Your greedy lips devouring my own
Giving me no ample time to breathe
And yet I still want more of you

You give me a trip like no other
Our bodies colliding like wild animals
The way your nails puncture my skin
Leaves me in a high sense of euphoria

Every ****** goes deeper and deeper
Every kiss gets wetter and wetter
These raging emotions bringing us closer
Taking us to a ****** unlike any other

My body is in a lustful overdrive
My mind in a hallucinating blank
As our bodies keep on clashing all over
Finally reaching that ultimate high

This carnal love keeps on consuming us
Why do we bother to avoid something so good?
Your body feels more addictive than any drug
You lips the strongest aphrodisiac I need

I can't get enough of you
I'll always want more of you
This love is a greater addiction
Than anything I've ever had

Please give me more

Nangarap lang naman ng isang pag-ibig
Na kayang magtagal sa aking mga bisig
Ngunit bakit ganoon kadaya ang tadhana?
Parati na lamang naiiwan at namamaalam.

Wagas na pagmamahal ay kayang ialay
Ngunit kahit nilalako na ang pag-ibig
Walang sinuman ang tumatanggap
Walang sinuman ang kayang tumagal

Hanggang dito na lang ba talaga tayo?
Wala na bang pwede pang iareglo?
Pinagdasal na umabot sana sa simbahan
Ngunit mukhang ako lang talaga ang umasa

Ang pinakamasakit sa lahat ng 'to?
Yung naiwan kang nag-iisip na baka
Pwede pang isalba kung anong meron
Pero hindi ka pinayagang gumawa ng hakbang

Kaya 'eto't nagmumukmok sa isang tabi
Iniisip kung ano bang nagawang mali
Kasi ang mga rasong "hindi ikaw, ako"
Ay mas masakit pa sa "may iba ako"

Mas maiintindihan ko pa kung ang pag-ibig
Na kay tagal kong pinaghirapan ay bigla na lang maglaho
Kaysa sa mga rasong malabo namang basahin
At ang mga mala-bugtong na sagot sa aking mga tanong

Namamaalam muli sa pag-ibig na hindi nagtagal
Na kahit anong pilit ang aking gawin, walang nararating
Walang kapangyarihang baguhin ang kasalukuyan
Ang mga pinanghawakan dumudulas sa aking mga kamay.

Hanggang sa mawala sa puso
Isisigaw ang pagmamahal sa'yo
Sambit ng mga labi ang ngalan mo
Hanggang ang pag-ibig ay maglaho.

It's 4am now
Still no trace of you in bed
What did I do wrong?

I miss you each night
This bed feels cold without you
Come back to me please

Time
Everything stopped in time
When you walked in my life

Eyes
Those blue eyes staring back
Placed me under your spell

Touch
When your fingers touched mine
My mind went into a trance

Whispers
Those whispers of your desires
Made me a slave to them

A Kiss
A passionate kiss placed on my lips
Sealed the deal and locked my fate

Embrace
You entwined me in your embrace
Gentle, yet subconsciously Greedy

Enchantment
You kept me under your enchantment
Playing with me under your fingers

Trash
Thrown away like trash in an abyss
When you were done using me

Curse
The spell became a curse
When you took my heart away

Despair
You left me in despair
In a cage of your enchantment

Fulfilled
The enchantment became a curse
The spell remained only in my insanity
The dreams turned into vicious nightmares
Pushing me to the edges of my mind
These games have fulfilled their purpose
Costing you nothing
But leaving with my everything

Heart beating fast, throat feeling dry,
Butterflies in my stomach, Can't tell why?
Hands feeling sweaty, thoughts filled with sighs,
Head in the clouds, as if I'm up high.

Memories flashing vividly, like old movie reels,
Feelings forgotten flowing, like an old box unsealed,
Images of your smile that used to trigger these feels,
As if I'm back to that moment when my heart was revealed.

Its been a while since I last saw your face,
Last time I heard, you've made quite a change of pace,
I still remember how those eyes made my heart race,
While I kept thinking of how to have that smile fixed in place.

A madman, I truly was back then,
When I'd think of you, I'd grab paper and pen,
Poetic were my words, but only silence when my mouth opens,
My heart filled with admiration for this simple maiden.

No words can describe how I felt,
No words, guess I can't be helped,
Yet like a burning candle, hope began to melt,
With one strike, gone were everything I held.

After all this time, I picked myself up,
It was a lost cause, guess I wasn't enough,
I changed my pace even if it felt rough,
I went and moved on, kept the pressure up.

I thought facing you right now would be okay,
Yet here I am still thinking about what to say,
Should I start with a "Hello", "Hi" or "Hey"?
I give up, should it even matter anyway?

Out of nowhere, your voice echoed within me,
Resonating within every inch of my being,
That small voice that stole my heart quickly,
Revealing all my hidden, bottled up feelings.

I thought I can replace you in my heart,
Loosing this battle, This old love restarts,
Out they go, this feeling I carried so long,
Under everything I suppressed lies my love all along.

I still love you, endless as the moon and sky,
Still holding on, hoping that someday, you'll be mine,
My only promise is to cherish you, never to make you cry,
Will you give me a chance this time, sweet love of mine?

This world is twisted
That's a proven fact
No need to elaborate
Just listen to the news
Watch internet content
Listen to today's music
Where everything is sexualized
Killing people almost everyday
Almost like its a sport
Governments in disarray
Corruption every possible way
War is a daily event
Where people die by the hundreds
And those who cling to power
Comfortable with their lives
While people die for lost causes
Everything feels tiring
Everyday feels dreadful
Fear rules the hearts
Anxiety becomes a plague

I've had enough of this world
Enough of this life
When will things change?
When will people live
Without prejudice or fear
Without hate or suffering
With respect and love
With tolerance and balance
Without lust for power
Without insatiable greed
When will that day come
When all the world
Dreams together
For a brighter future
And just lived in harmony?

Enough
I'm done
I've had it
I don't care anymore
I'm sick of it all
I quit

Come with me
Take my hand
And take a leap
Into my arms
And drift with me
To uncertainty
To hell with this life
Which only shed your tears
And escape the worries

Just come here
And stay with me
As long as I'm with you
And you're with me
I'll be content
And be happy
Because only you
Can sustain me
Only your love
Matters to me
So come
Escape with me

Sometimes I stare at the vast yet blank night sky
Thinking of the memories we shared that are as wide
Sometimes I wonder how abysmal the ocean is
Thinking of the emotions I felt that are as deep

The alcohol is starting to take it's toll
The beer cans scattered all over the floor
Holding back the screams that want to be heard
Holding back the tears that want to fall

I wonder every night if happiness is with you
If the choices we made were really for the best
I wonder every day how my sadness would end
Even if I chose to leave everything and let you go

My deepest fears are making their way to the surface
My deepest grievances are making themselves known
Let me be free from the ghost you left me with
Let me be free from the past that I made painful

Everyday I pray with desperate earnesty
That our paths would never meet again
That I see your face full of joy, no regrets
While my heart is filled by none other than regret

I pray our paths would never cross again
Dreading that moment that I find out
That you never missed me even a second
While I missed you so much each and every second

I pray our eyes would never meet again
Dreading that moment that I find out
That even though a long time has passed
My resurgent feelings would remain the same

Dear God, please don't let me drown in these fears
Please relieve me from these harrowing sorrows
Don't let me see her with all the happiness in the world
While I drown with all the emptiness I got from it.

Mend the heart she left broken, please I beg
For she took away every piece, yet threw them all away
Stop the tears that kept on coming every night
Keep me from feeling numb and unworthy again.

Attraction
The first fall
When eyes first meet
The lingering stares
The first heartbeats
Awkward smiles
Like shy children
Feelings unexplained
Growing deep within

Infatuation
The first moves
When feelings meet
The weight of emotions
The unbearable tension
Pulling like gravity
Hoping to get closer
Wanting to go deeper
Yet far from reach

Denial
The first tests
When doubts can’t rest
The uneasy jealousy
The unnecessary confirmations
Testing out the waters
Checking the compatibility
When in reality
Needing each other furiously

Realization
The first acceptance
When nothing can be done
The fast free-fall
The great longing
Kisses addicting
Embraces nourishing
Passionate in every step
Cherishing every stolen moment

Conclusion
The first and last surrender
When everything is given
The uncontrollable throbbing
The love bursting
Heart feeling comfortable
Mind put to ease
The memories we create
Lasts an entire lifetime

The wild trees dance with the thundering wind
within the forest floor life blooms in all living beings
And on top of the mountain, a campfire dances
As two hearts merged into one, conveying their feelings

The Dark Clouds conquered the night sky,
still, moonlight illuminates the mountain top
yet your face outshines all, supreme in beauty
striking me resolutely, leaving me jaw-dropped

How this woman stares right through me
the reason I might never be able to know
and as her almond brown irises gaze upon me
my heart opens, dormant emotions start to show

Her hair gives off the scent of jasmine
Her body curves like a perfect porcelain vase
Her skin radiated much brighter than the fire
a goddess illuminated by glory, beauty, and grace

How soft her lips are as it touches my own
Her breath warmed my face as the night grew cooler
Her beauty seems to last for a thousand eras
The gods might envy me, for this mortal wonder

Love was igniting between the two of us
and I won’t let anyone ****** her away from me
Selfish as I may be, we stay in each other’s arms
My heart shall yearn for her each moment, perpetually

As dawn unveils what the shadows hid
I wake up with my lover within my arms
and as we smile waiting for the rising sun
we vowed this love of ours will never be harmed