God, put me back into time
I just wanted to be part of the atmosphere
I forgot what bleeding felt like
I have never been this human
I have never hit quite this hard, despite the ground being miles below me
I'm hanging on to nothing
I'm bleeding water through the palms of my hands
Trying to find something to drown in
God, put me back into time
I've said something with an echo that's still ringing
And it hurts, as if mistakes were nails in my coffin sixty years too soon
God, I don't believe but I was praying on the gym floor the other day
It was the only free second I had, the only thought which had any traction
And I just needed something to grip
I got lost in shouting girls and locker rooms and the same path days in and out
I prayed that I could disintegrate
That I had finally worked hard enough, that if I kept running in the same circles, I would eventually evaporate
Vapour rises until it melts into the atmosphere and coagulates into rain
I forgot what bleeding felt like
Always looking both ways before crossing the same street at the same intersection
Always saying I love you before I leave the house
Broken, like a record, like an old glass window and a misplaced baseball, like a teddy bear who learned what too much love is
Always
Always
Always
God,
Put me back into time