i look outside at the picture created by the snow drifting down my windshield.
the snow so real i could get out of the car and let it settle softly on my tongue.
so cold / yet inviting.
so harsh and ready to bite,
but so irresistible.
it’s strange how pain can corrupt me.
how i can be having a perfect moment
evil, digging, angry thoughts,
thoughts that strike me hard,
fill my head.
and in moments like these.
when i know i can’t do anything to help myself,
i bask in the pain.
feeling it with my whole being.
strengthening the sadness coursing through my skin
seeping into my blood and slamming me in the heart.
late night/early morning diners.
pancakes and talks with friends.
sneaking out and being teenagers.
pounding venoms and sitting in a chilled car.
these are the things I live for
even in a joking unmeaningful way.
even when you don’t think the person is listening
but they can.
and it burrows into their brain and infects their day like a parasite, thoroughly changing the perception of a good day.
even when it’s relayed as a message to them by someone thought to be a friend or a family member.
and they harm
and they affect
and they hurt.
tears stream down the face of the crying girl.
i know nothing of her troubles.
she can’t seem to formulate or figure it out, and it is wreaking hell on her mind.
neither can I.
i am stuck in my own feeling.
unable to escape.
i know i must push past and work, so as to please the anger of a unapproving world.
but none of that matters right now.
except for the tears that stream down the face of the crying girl.
the lack of sleep covers my perception.
i can feel by bones creak and my muscles sigh as I take each step.
it’s as if the worlds air were replaced with syrup, and I have to walk through it.
people pass by in a blur as i focus on the path i take to my next class.
i know i have somewhere to be, something to do.
but right now?
right now I have to move my body through a tired, sleep day.
all is calm in the world
as i sit on the cracked pavement
green lights flash and change
wind of cold rushes around my ears
cold plastic soda bottles rest on the ground.
but all is calm in the world of constant business.