Thank you for calling me beautiful even when I know I look like a mess
Thank you for dealing with my mood swings
Thank you for listening when I tell you my gossip
Thank you for holding me so tightly
For not letting me slip away
Thank you for being there even when you don’t want to be
Just for being you
Sometimes I worry about the things
That are out of my control
But I most worry about the thing that are and I choose not to
I always make stupid decisions
And I’m not stupid so I don’t know why I do it
Sometimes I feel like I’m such an idiot
But I never try to change
I feel like I can’t try, like the idea
to try, to do, to not **** it all up,
Doing okay is in my control
But I decided to worry about things that aren’t in my control
Instead of doing okay
I wanna be kissed in the rain
And wear a wedding ring
I wanna love you
Loving you is like being on fire
It’s like having a flat but not knowing how to change a tire
It’s like going on a car trip
Not knowing you get car sick
I just wish that you could understand
Maybe, you’re not ready to be my man
Maybe just maybe you’re still in a faze
Locking with other girls gazes
Maybe it’s possible you can’t be loyal
You grabbed my throat and shaped me as if I were foil
Do you even know what you’ve done
No you don’t, because your new life has only just begun
If you understand I’m sorry, stay strong friend.
It’s three am and I’m currently debating talking to ghosts about my problems
Because I stayed up till three am thinking about said problems without actually trying to **** myself, I’ll give myself a pat on the back make myself a tea in the mug you left at my place and call it self care,
I talk to the ghosts about my problems and they don’t answer back,
The same way you won’t answer my calls
The same way I know you won’t answer my calls because like the ghosts you are dead.
Because you decided to **** yourself.
And I hate you for it
I hate you because I know you stayed up till three am thinking about your problems
I hate you because sometimes I wish you talked to ghosts about your problems
Talked to me
I hate that I didn’t notice
I hate myself for hating you at first
I still use your stupid mug
It’s just like every other ******* mug
Just drank by a ghost
I'm scared because of how much I want things.
I want to be selfish.
I want to be loved and love
I want to care for and be cared for,
I want people to look at me and just know that something is off.
and I'm scared because of how much
I want you.
I was born on January tenth 2002. That makes my Chinese zodiac horse.
I don’t really know what that means but I don’t really know what a lot of things mean. Like why people believe in love at first sight.
Like why my dad is an emotionless ******* but I love him forever.
Like Why i still wanna **** myself even though I know it won’t solve anything.
I don’t know a lot. But I do this.
I know that yellow candy is always the best.
I know that writing a poem isn’t easy.
That my grandma hums to herself everyday when doing the dishes cause she can’t always sing.
That my shadow follows me everywhere but only when something bright is ahead of me
Because I’m always alone in the dark.
But never alone in my head
I know that somewhere somehow love is waiting for me to find it.
And I know that somehow.