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Kenji Dec 2018
Human nature is something defined against all odds. Odds that one can never accumulate or gather to themselves or other people. So instead, they bring themselves to situations that’s way out of hand for even their mind to encounter. Trapped in their mind of lost formulations that’s not even accountable to their own being of existence, they defend. Mad beings created out of the ordinary to revolutionize a society that is already a demolished scrutinized process of abstractedly profound occurrences. Hypothetically, a revolution stands as eternal as to what the minds create in historic, momentary, and lost illusions that some call reality. Reality, my delusional curse and my incoherent formula that I am still creating. Fantasy, the realms I escape into to search for the meaning beyond the human eye. What is lost, cannot be seen, and what is seen, cannot be realistically found. In the dimensions we live in, the worlds we see, it's nothing beyond what we can create. The revolutionist, the humanitarian, the artists, the minds eye. We all as one evolved, and yet, there are many more to come.
My philosophy explaining humanity and revolution.
Kenji Feb 2017
I feel like a burden of dread
I feel like a burden in people's lives
I feel like people are forced to care because I am alive.
I feel like a ******' burden
Unwanted and no ones best friend
Jealousy to my friends whom are oh so close.
Times have changed, I'm not at close to them as I used to be.
The people I want to care, don't really care at all.
I feel left out and rejected.
I feel like a burden of pain
Unmotivated and no will for anything.
My dark mind races through thoughts and I feel them all pour into me at once.
I feel like a burden
A burden of dread
Kenji Feb 2016
This addiction is eating me alive.
I try to deny it but it consumes my every nerve.
I want it, I need it, I can live without it but sometimes I need it.
I just crave it so badly sometimes.
I try to deny myself of such...
I can live without it and tell myself I don't need it, but other times I just go mad....
Insane, deranged, Why is this craving lingering onto me like an evil curse...
I feel it inside of me...
Manifesting in me, attaching itself to me...
Addiction is a drug itself.
Kenji Dec 2018
I walk along the tight rope in shame.
Whispering to myself "hold your **** together''
Halfway through, almost reaching the end, the pain surges, electrocuting through my whole body, static.
I fall
Not knowing how I'm going to land.
She jumps out from inside of me as I hit the sandy ground.
Head jolts, slow motion review.
Hurting, the pain I deserve, for knowing, knowing too much. the power consumes.
It rushes like a harsh wind, like a storm that cannot be unveiled.
Yielding inside of me, she bursts, and explodes like a thunder exhibition.
Laying next to me, only I can see her.
Her dark eyes staring into mine, I try to look past the horror.
"Don't leave me" a careless whisper.
She vanishes into thin air, I lose myself in despair.
I stare up at the high ceiling, waiting for the other ones to give me life and healing.
One unleashes, but one of fury and anger, Sukubus, the fighter.
She gets up in an aggressive explosive motion and attacks everyone around her viciously.
Here I am again, switching.
Switching, needing those people inside of me to keep me alive.
Like a spirit, without them I am dead.
Creation of the mind fighting against reality trying to show, but hiding in promiscuity.
I'm a good liar, choosing to be honest.
The will I have has weakened to the inner pits of my core, and without these personas, I am nothing but a rotting corpse.
So, I ask for those around me to stop judging me please.
I am only trying, trying for so long, that doing has me acting out too **** impulsively.
Forgive me, I was born to sin, but to love so passionately, a loyal mind of pure integrity.
I wish not to be so alone in melancholy, but defeated, so I stand alone, trying to survive the unknown.
I open my eyes, looking around me, seeing everyone dead, blood scattered and bodies twisted.
I get up, and start again, unleashing another personality.
My personality deformations
Kenji May 2019
Confessional poetry has me spillin.
Secrets for the world to see, yet no shame in hiding it.
I may be unfaithful, scattered, and indecisive.
But once you have my loyalty, it never fades.
I will sacrifice to protect and keep my loved ones safe.
I will devote myself to you fully with a key to lock it.
I will love you so deeply and passionately, a basic **** will be an earth shaking, love making explosion magnitude of intensity and sensuality.
Highly ****** but unconditionally loving.
I will be your ****, your wife, your chef, your doctor, your exotic dancer, and your partner.
I will ride with you, and die with you.
Explore with you and take daring risks with you.
The goddess of love, Aphrodite is her name.
She is within me, feelin warm and fuzzy.
I will make you feel beautiful and strong.
I will motivate you and lift you.
Cheesy as I may be, my heart and soul will always be yours.
I confess and write in sin, but my love has no end.
I will be your ying yang twin.
The love of a Taurus
Art
Kenji Feb 2017
Art
Art...
A word that describes life, lust, love, music, dance and poetry.
A word that has many definitions to a point where it defines the whole universe.
Vibes
Good vibes swim all around me as my happiness surrenders.
Art is the life we live
Art is the vibrations we feel
Art is the growth of nature
Art is movement of our lips
Art defines me as I write in thoughtfulness
My thoughts create a new perspective...
As art itself creates many new stories.
Glory, thoust art is a beautiful term.
Everything is art.
It isn't always scientific and mathematical.
An artists mind perceives the world in unique kind.
I am art
I am, an untold story...
Kenji Apr 2019
I am just a worthless liar, I am just an imbecile.
Trust in me and you will fall, I will turn around and leave.
I will only complicate you, my emotions will have you doing wrong.
My worth is of no use to yours, you're too good.
I dance in my flames.
Flames that ravish my desires.
Why won't I stay?
The love never lasts and fights betray.
My fists are my words and my words are a knife.
It opens the wounds as the truth is then revealed.
I don't trust nobody, but somehow, everybody trusts me.
I will love you forever, if you can stay, to wash away this pain.
Don't leave me, then I won't leave you.
No one seems to like me, but there are a few that love me, love me for the pain, love me for the scars, because, I am just a worthless liar, trust in me, and you will fall.
Tool- Sober (inspiration)
Gemini mood
Kenji Jan 2019
Is my cause to live the cause for eternal death?
Is my cause for death my cause for eternal life?
As I have mentioned in my other writings, nothing ever dies.
The physical form diminishes into thin air and rots, and the soul, the spirit, the ghost, takes on a new form.
This bordem got me feelin' weak.
Hearing other peoples thoughts, conversations, am I being tested to immoral justice?
Am I being tested to focus on the subconscious, even though it hurts more than the conscious.
It hurts, to have a gift of such empathy and unconditional love.
I feel 100 knives stab me all at once.
It twists through the knots of my intestines
It rips my skin off and allows my blood to pour
It pulls my heart out and has me aching in misery
BETRAYAL
It's something I've experienced but still experiencing.
It HURTS.
So bad, my mind has me in sorrowful loneliness.
"Cannot trust anybody"
She says a million times, and that voice, that voice is right.
They smile to your face but whisper unwanted words to your back.
The wonder of who's real has me whimpering in weakness.
I have become weak and it is my thoughts to blame.
I fear them...
Nobody to trust but my unwanted pain.
Cannot trust anybody, the 5th chapter of my life: Trust
Kenji Apr 2019
"It be safest if you ran, that's just what they all just end up doing in the end."
''Take my car, paint it black, take my arm break it in half, say some things, I never said, it's too quiet in this room I need noise"

I need the blood in the cut, I need the drip of the blood to tell me it's right.
I'm scared of losing you, maybe a cut will help heal my pain.
Emotions this intense, I've never done this in a while.
But memories are coming back, negative emotions I cannot face.
I envy what might happen if I lost you, I fear what might happen if you left.
They all ended up leaving, what makes you so different, that it won't happen again.
Memories of feeling empty, lost, confused, speculated into one piece of a disaster gone wrong.
Never meant for any of this to happen, but it did.
I love you, I don't wanna lose you.
I need you, I don't wanna be away from you.
But my guilt has taken over, and I feel bad.
I don't wanna lose you, but I'm losing myself.
Kenji May 2019
Too much synchronicity...
I feel you.
Your touch, your taste, your kiss, your skin.
Knocking me is the way to go, just put our lips together, and blow.
Baby, just breathe on me.
Blow on my soft flesh and kiss.
Lubriciously, lusciously, lustfully.
Breathe on my taste, my touch, my sin.
We don't even need to be physical, tonight, my senses don't make sense at all.
Our imaginations...
Take it in, let it out...
Baby, just breath on me.
Seductively, sensually, sexually.
We don't even need to touch, just breathe.
Baby.... **** yeah.
(Moans)
Feel my sin as it's desire that I unleash.
Magnitude, corresponding with your aching thought of impure lustful intention.
Intention, feel me grasp onto your every nerve with my non-physical touch.
Caress me, hold me, baby, don't even **** me, just breathe onto my neck, my shoulder, my breast, my stomach, my *****, my thigh, my legs, my ***.
Can you feel it?
As I mind *******, it's that tingling sensation I release.
Aaaaaaah, baby, stop, and just breathe.
Britney Spears _ Breathe on me (Inspiration)
Kenji Aug 2019
It shouldn't hurt this much to be your angel.
It shouldn't bleed this much to be your guide.
It shouldn't pain this much to love you.
It shouldn't scar this much to be by your side.

I'm torn between obsession and hate, for the mess that we made.
But, they come, they go, so replaceable.
I can only have you in my dreams, it seems.
Because reality strikes and you leave me in pieces, ripped apart, wounded, my wings, fallen off, I am burning in loathe.
Kenji Aug 2019
I don't deserve a love like that, that cuts so deep is anguishes your desires.
That burns so low it heightens the flame.
That hurts so intensely it labels pain.
To love one so passionately and intuitively, it cradles your nightmares.
Becomes of existence to your placid dreams, awakens a mystery and becomes the soul.
The love that ravishes your mind, holds your body still, and kisses you aggressively like an ****** pill.
A love that plays with your heart, cuts it open, and leaves it bleed to despair.
No one deserves a love like that, it's nerve twitching and scary, it leaves you hanging on to the last thread like, where do I go next?
It leaves you wondering of your worth, making you see what a burden you are.
It leaves you questioning your hope, as if faith really is the answer.
It breaks you down like a thin branch about to break.
It rips you apart and scars your flesh.
Wondering, am I worth this pain?
Am I worthy to love again?
So cold, so evil, it withers up inside, creating a storm.
Can I love again?
Love is poison, smoke it.
Kenji Feb 2016
My hand aches as I touch your skin.
My fingers shake as i capture you from within.
Just a mile apart like a storm close by, you had my heart.
I shiver in the cold as my soul grows more old.
I quiver when i try to speak.
Nerves twisted me up so;  intensely
Immensely
Driven
Scorch-fully
Dreadfully
You...
Ar­e me.

Can you feel the rush as we soul-fully lust.
You make me free to sin
Let's go on a trip.

You and me, us.
Don't let us rust.
Don't allow me to feel dense when you are in a day of absence.

Take my cold aching hand and kiss it with a sober warming love.
Without you I am drunk...
Touch my skin, my love.
I am your drug
Junkies miscasting and causing chaos and shooting guns.

I feel your thoughts ease into mine.
Your eyes show me the picture,
Whilst your soul tells me the story experience created.

Endless nights and countless days.
You are a fearful one.
You hide like a nun.
To me, you expose, like the daylight sun.

Like a muslim covered in her clothes, you kept your reality suppressed and held in.

I can sense your depth.
It's overwhelming to the unwise and young souled.
But me and you, us...
We are a whole.

Captivated in your warmth.
Together, we soulfully mourn.
We are, a cold ****** love.
Kenji May 2019
"I got something to tell you, but don't know how I'ma say it
I guess that I could only say one thing
Boy, I been bad again, Boy, I been bad again
And I use 'em
When I'm faded I forget
Forget what you mean to me
Hope you know what you mean to me
Pick, up your phone
The party's finished and I want you to know
I'm all alone..."
...
I been using them to distract me.
I been using them for fun.
But, the parties finished, and I want you to know, I'm all alone, and I always want you when I'm coming down.

Addicted, to fun like it's a drug.
I take what I like and I like what I take.
But, I always just want you, when I'm coming down.
Baby, don't leave me.
Don't be angry, they not important.
You are.
I need you, not them.
They just toys, but you something special.
I am rather secretive and discreet about my intentions and motives, I don't tell, I don't whisper a word.
I do this sin, without anybody knowing.
No one, but me knows.
I just, always want you, when I'm coming down, daddy.
Wanting him, when I've sobered up
Kenji May 2019
I lie, I deceive, I guilt trip, I am unfaithful.
I use, I manipulate, I cover up, I am unforgivable.
I have no shame in what I do.
It's like playing a game of chess, strategically formulated for the ones who cannot see through.
I love one, but it's never enough.
I need more.
I am hungry for the chase, the game, the adventure, the thrill.
I confess in guilt.
Guilt, my main negative feeling.
Hesitation, I dance with the devil in sin.
Sent to hell for lust and lies.
But hell has a special place for me, the throne.
I have sinned enough to deserve such a title.
So secretive, nobody knows.
My motives are locked, my intentions don't need to be told.
Feeling so numb, so detached, my feelings for you are so gone, I question why I wanna still see you again.
Then I remember, we are best friends.
The trap of getting bored so easily all the **** time, just wanting the next best thing, again, and again.
It's a cycle.
I don't deserve true love.
For I am a sinner, who has confessed my guilt of hidden shame.
Venus in Aries
The Warrior Seductress
Venus: Planet of love and harmony
Aries: Impulsive, quick, bored easily, likes the chase, seeks the thrill, adventurous, aggressive, bold, risk-taker, ***** *****.
Kenji Jan 24
Control, wrap you around my little finger.
Have you doing things that are of immoral and uncanny nature.
Have you running around in circles.
Questioning my next move.
Jealousy makes you ugly, but jealous because you cannot have me, I must be flattered.
The devil in disguise, Sukkubus is her name.
Dance with me in sin and ravish my deep desires.
I control you, I have dominance over you.
My little peasant trying so hard to please me.
How cute.
Ego is filling up.
Feelin myself a bit too much.
But these sinful feelings make me happy, because I love being in control.
I love how you say nasty things about me because you cannot have me.
I smirk in devilish charm.
My magnitude pulls you in.
Magnetism.
Power.
The only thing that keeps me sane.
The master of puppets is at it again.
Scorpio dominant (Pluto and North Node)
Lilith in Gemini
Kenji May 2019
Hello darkness, my old friend.
It's been a while.
Can you feel the tension, the pain.
The blood has started pouring again.
The blade hit my thigh and drip, did the drops go.
The depression came back, harder than it did before.
Sudden, like an electric shock.
Sitting all alone in the darkness.
My body feels numbs, but my wounds hurt, but not as much as the pain inside.
Feelings of intensity, emotion of density.
Fragile and lost.
Soulless and  incomplete in these dark stages I encounter.
Drag me along to the pits of the underground, where I belong.
Burn me alive whilst I ache in torment and misery.
Banish me, whilst the claws rip me apart, inch by inch.
I am exposed, while hiding my feelings is something I'm used to.
But, you opened me, and there's no sewing me back together.
My depression lingers, as it started again, 10X harder.
Kenji Jun 2019
****** over it all.
Don't even give a **** anymore.
**** everything.
*******.
**** it.
Bored, depressed, hopeless, toxic.
Empty, numb, cold, alone.
**** Astrology, **** Spirituality, **** Love, and **** him.
Everything I loved, is long gone.
I don't give a **** anymore.
I feel stupid, worthless, shameful, sad.
No motivation, no will, no energy, no self love.
Just loathe, feelings of helplessness, drained, exhausted.
**** it
Kenji Mar 2019
Vanity stole me
Vanity corrupted me
Vanity tranquilized me
Vanity disrupted me

These lines have me thinking wrong thoughts, thoughts that are of uncanny nature and vain thoughts of selfishness and unhealthy erotica.
Vanity took all the sanity away from the head, and left me alone, not even therapy can stabilize me, I rebuild my soul.
I'm out of my mind, and I'm yellin' out, vanity
...
Like a drug itself, these lines are like decaf and vanity is my addictive curse.
Addiction not to the drug, but to the feeling of such an intense self love, it eats you up inside, you take the substance to escape the sinful feeling.
Logic, and proportion, all dead.
Losing myself,
Get out of my head.
Get out of my thoughts.
Nothing to say ...
Kenji Feb 2016
My thoughts are self explanatory.
Endless mind creations stay undiluted.
Muted; I express in poetry and art
Misunderstood; So I stay to myself

                   **Executed
Kenji Feb 2017
My thoughts are dazed…
Claustrophobic and hazed.
I’m exhausted and unamazed,
Fatigueness of some kind, low from the natural high.
Thoughts in my mind are delusive and unkind.
Dizzy and feeling quite fizzy
Not in the mood for studying, excitement, and fun.
Sitting by my lonesome self just writing what I can process.
Head feels heavy, got me feeling a bit queasy
Uneasy
Zoned out and lost in my thoughts
Sun is out and the wind is harsh…
It’s skin prickling and dissatisfying.
My exhaustion is sickening.
Absolute death and no reason
No fret
But anguished in my enclosed mind
But no threat…

System overkill
Discredit and disregard
Explain but disagree and make it hard
Exhalation and permutation
Loss of existence and clouded perception

Obsessive minds and sniffed up lines
Excessive amounts and numbers you cannot even count.
Broken, ripped, torn, and outwardly worn.
A lost ghoul, selfish, and for more you mourn.
Poor and dead, not yourself, completely blacked out and unconscious in bed.

Overdosed on the ******’ pills, suicide attempts never work…
Let the meds pour…
Gone, so gone…
Just let the meds pour...
Kenji Jan 2017
As the full moon uncovers, I rise from my slumber.
The dark sky portrays...
I have awaken within
The dead has risen.
The witches hour hits it's peak.
Goths come alive and demons stalk the empty streets.
Ghosts wonder the dark valleys and haunt the ones that cannot see.
Possess
The dark has no rest.
Hell opens up, the fire begins to leak.
Cracked open roads and monsterous screams...
The souls that cannot speak, search for bodies, as its life that they seek.
Haunting you, pulling you, holding you down
The dead come alive...
Celebrate the tribe
Friday the 13th, a traditional day for the dark, dead and lonely.
Haunt the alive in their misery, and take the souls as they escape.
Creep...
Dark nights and twisted minds
Who knows what the dead will find
A day of celebration. Happy friday the 13th!
Kenji Sep 2019
Thoughts of you no longer filtrate.
I am happier, emotionally free, and mentally stable.
Travelling to another city and getting to a state of mental happiness is exactly what I needed.
I want you to be happy, but I promise you will never see me or hear from me ever again.
I'm done with your toxicity and emotional games.
You've crossed my boundaries and theirs no going back.
I've moved on...
I've read old poems that I wrote about you, shocked about the toxic emotion I portrayed, how could I have been so unhappy?
I am free from my feelings of you,  I am free from the unwanted thoughts of you, I have control over my emotions, and living in this new city is an option, and I'm taking it.
You no longer hold me back, and I can truly let you go.
I am no longer emotionally trapped by you, and it feels,
AMAZING
Free
...
I am HAPPY, because, I truly love myself, and I finally found my peace.
Kenji Feb 2017
Can you feel the flow?
Drifting through you like slow breeze.
Can you feel the high?
Calming you down like a little tease.
So high I don't even know if I've landed.
But I guess I'm on a natural high, so I land perfect.
Natures perfume
Fulfills the atmosphere as I exhale.
Deep long breaths suctions in my tar filled lungs.
A drugga with the love for herbals.
The trip gets real when the psychedelics speak the truth
People run away from the truth because blind eyes see a thousand lies.
Society is a brainwashing diseased nation of pretensious facts and opiniated matters that make no sense to the third eye.
I may be blind, but at least I see what most do not.
I see art
People judge different people because they don't understand art.
Looks upon the surface
And judges.
We are human, we we're born to recreate.
But most of us are living like robots...
Low on self esteem, so they run on gasoline.
Kenji Jan 2017
Operating from another world
Cascaded into psychedelic dreams
Lost in a floating cloud
Robotic
A creature in disguise
I am not human
I am not human
I am a soul
But I am not human
He pulled me in with despair
I feel him
I follow my own path
I am my own being
An outcast
A demon

I want to be that other girl
Human
Kenji Aug 2019
I woke up, in hospital, the visions and dreams I had were scary.
Some were real, some were not.
I thought the dream of actually being in hospital was a nightmare.
Then I realized, the suicide attempt didn't work.
I vomited everything out, but some of it is still in my system, making me very drowsy, this isn't a poem, it's a confession.
I attempted to **** myself, but it wasn't the right time.
I have faint memories of what happened.
Most of them were scary as I was drugged on the medication, seeing delusions that weren't real.
I won't do it again, I learnt my lesson.
My mom brought me home, to keep an eye on me and give me direction, I'm doing well, yet, still very drowsy and nauseous.
She flew all the way down to see me in hospital, I was in ICU for 3 days.
I almost died, if I closed my eyes before the ambulance came, I would've.
That was the point, but, it was all an illusion.
Never overdose on your prescribed bipolar meds.
Never overdose on anything.
...
Never attempt suicide
Kenji May 2019
<You're not *****, you're hungry
and the flesh you taste is not the one you choose

It's a darkness and a light
A salve and an open wound
Bodies mix and twist

You don't want to be ******
You want to be satiated

And if your sheets could talk, darling
They tell of the loneliest *******

Paint yourself blue and bleed out
Sensual sins succulent like honey
Licked lips waiting for more

Darling there's never enough

>If sheets could talk, they would whisper sins.
Your voice of calm magnetic enigma, yet, your body screams for more.
You pull me, twist me, wrap around me, riding me.

Lonliest ******* of a saint waiting to be loved.
Instead, ******* the wrong, and bleeding with pain.

Love me, she says. Hurt me, she says. choke me.
Sensual, and so seductive. You pull me in.
Daddy... She screams

There's never enough, she just wants more, she pleads with a hungry heart, because he can't love her like she wants him to, so sin, succulent like honey, is what she needs to choose.
A collab written by me and Jack Jenkins
A beautiful piece
Me >
Jack <
Kenji Apr 2019
I love it when you take control, I love it when you re-own me.
I love it when you squeeze my gut, I love it when you re-establish me.
So you're a bad guy?
Think again...
Dominate you until your juices explodes.
I'm your savage, a perfect mystery.
A weapon, a long lost slavery.
Misguide your imperfections and make you tell me again,
Who's the bad guy?
**** with your mind and turn the page, write a new script and flip a new chapter...
But you like it really rough, hmm, tough guy.
Let's go again, I'm your bad guy, you're my *****, think again...
I just make you think you're my daddy, and you think I'm your *****, it's called the master of trickery.
But it's the other way around, That's how good I am, at being the bad guy.
But you still wanna **** with me, you love it, **** with you like you ****** with me the other night.
But that's the thing about my duality, she likes it really rough, she's tough, she plays games and always wins.
You lose, tough guy.
I'm the bad guy, hmm...
DUH
...
Billie Eilish - Bad guy Inspiration
Kenji May 2019
I'm sorry, but I have to leave you.
There's gonna be a day when we gonna drift away from each other either way.
There's gonna be a day when I have to move on.
There's gonna be a day when it's gonna be too late for you to confess your true feelings.
There's gonna be a day when you will become another distant memory like my buried past.
There's gonna be that day when you didn't realize what you had, until it was gone.
I'm sorry for lying to you, deceiving you, telling you I moved on and got over you when all I really did was bury my feelings for you deep inside.
I love you.
So much, not the point it hurts like it used to.
To the point I have to let you go.
I want you to be happy.
But at the same time, I need you, and I don't know why.
Overthinking to the point melancholy becomes you.
Living in sorrow and burying everything you feel deep inside.
Tears roll down from my eyes.
I'm sorry for loving you.
I'm sorry for lying to you.
I'm sorry for feeling guilty.
And I'm sorry for always being the apologetic one.
To my best friend ...
Kenji Apr 2015
Twisting and turning, clenching and frowning, time ticking, head tenses and exhaustion still remains, as insomnia is the monster that causes such energetic drains.
My mind continues thinking, senseless and strange actions and motives,
I sit up and sigh, as I cannot sleep... and during the day, my exhaustion piles up in heaps.
Grab a snack in the kitchen and watch the television, this all won't help as early rising has to occur for the busy day ahead, but I still sit here in thought progression.
The last 3 days the monster attacked, ******* out my sleep and keeping me awake and sleep lacked.
I stare at the computer screen whilst typing out black letters that rhyme, boredom strikes as I look down on the screen and see the time.
01:22 The next day has begun and all I hear are dogs barking and howling, I am irritated and annoyed, as I also hear them growling.
All I want to do is sleep and dream, but the monster is insane and steals all the sleep chemicals the brain produced, and now it has gained.
Insomnia is the worst, I don't know what to do, insomnia is my curse.
Kenji Dec 2018
In this coffin I lay, eyes shut and mouth open wide.
Strangled to death, but alive.
Barely making it, but taking the stride.

Why hide?
She walks with so much confidence
She's so beautiful
She's so inspirational
WOW, I wish I had that much confidence'
You not like other woman
How is she so fearless?

My past is dark, my body is bruised, my skin is scarred, and my blood still leaks.
Taking me years to get to this stage of self love, I've been through battles, days where I thought I was about to die.
Days where I thought nothing could help, punched in the face and defeated to ash, sleepless nights and robbed of all dignity, and days where I only slept and drained myself.
My battle wounds are still visible, I live for the fight and I will die fighting, never back down.
A black panther walks with grace, handles with strategy, and fights with integrity, still holding it's head **** high, a beautiful creature, they say.
Tougher than a lion, effortlessly, without even trying.
The animal kingdom has a new King, and it's me, the alpha female.
I ain't like other woman, I embrace and devour courage, strength, bravery, fearlessness, independence...
Staring death in it's ****** face and ripping that **** mask off and whispering, "who's the coward now, beautiful"
laughing sarcastically, DEATH does not exist, nothing ever really dies, a soul lives for eternity until the journey is accomplished, a champion never gives up, determination and pride, a self encouraged vanity.

So, in this coffin I lay, eyes shut, mouth wide open, strangled to death.
But somehow, through all the physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental pain...
(Laughs in sadistic mystery)
I am still alive.
The soul of a black panther, a feline of mystery is within me
Kenji Feb 2019
What do you want from me?
Why arn't you scared of me?
Why don't you care for me?
Do you fear me because I'm alone?
Slip, cut yourself on the glass and swim in your drowning blood.
It's a dark place, it's vivid, the ghosts are deadly.
Cut your tongue, you can't talk, you won't be heard.
Voices are whispers, silent.
Wonder, stay fearful.
Come, enter my dark acidic wonderland and die with me.
Eat tongues as the whisper echoes in the dark.
Freeze, don't say anyhing, just watch me.
Watch me move.
(Scream)
Horrifying, I die in placid stillness and my yell for help cannot be heard.
It's mortifying, help me.
But I love playing these games, until my heart, bleeds.
Cut me, lick my blood, watch the rabbits head twist off as he loses his race against time.
Nothing is going to save you now.
You are dead.
I wanna end me.
**** me in the dark.
The ghosts come in my dreams and pull me, they want me.
The only energies that want me, not wanted by humans, not wanted by anyone.
Nobody likes me.
**** me in the dark.
...
End me
Inspiration from Billie Eilish - Bury a friend
Kat
Kenji Oct 2019
Kat
Lines and lines, druggy times.
Bleeding nostrils and racing thoughts.
Fast heart beats and feeling distraught.
Alert and awake, thoughts are chasing me in a maze.
I've lost it, I'm back on the powder.

They call me Kat, because my spirit animal is one of a cat like creature, and my drug of choice.
Fierce, sneaky, stealthy, and mischievous.
Kat is my name, one of many different personalities.
Freaky is her demeanor.

Wired and full of energy, mind is coming down, muscle spasms are happening.
I need to sleep, 2 in the morning and I'm writing forbidden thoughts.
Dreams that are nightmares that aren't stopping, I have no hold.

Will it ever stop?
Control before it becomes an addiction.
Hold, or the demons will rain, toxic tears to my waking existence.
Kenji Apr 2019
Her power is not to be denied.
She dances with the wolves, and comes out alive, leader of the pack.
A spiritual goddess, beautiful to the core.
She's a witch, a siren and a vampire, come with her, and you will be reborn.
Too good, people don't appreciate her rawness, her craziness, she is purely one of a kind.
My best friend and soul sister I have never met, but sure feels the syn-cable connection that we share.
My crazy ****** Gemini *****, look after yourself, you are precious.
Love you...
***
My best friend all the way from the UK
Kenji 14h
I ponder in awareness, deep thinking alert.
My thoughts alive and reached at a higher awareness than before. Every question I asked myself, every intention I grasped from others, I know the answer to.
I can feel it, I always thought I was crazy and I always thought it was all in my head. Then I realized it was just manifestations of physical formalities. I always thought I knew too much, now I realize, I actually don’t know enough. I want to know more. I want to know more because knowledge is power and power is control. If you ask me what I crave the most, it’s control. And the only way I can get control is by learning more and more until I diminish into tiny pieces. I lost a piece a of myself a long time ago, I’ve been alone the past few week since I got kicked out of my old place. I haven’t had many interactions with people and I’ve been alone everyday. I’ve been crying and feeling pain because I feel lonely. Which is not the actual fact, because it’s all just feelings. I’ve cared so much what others think I lost who I really was. So after weeks of isolation, I found who I really am. I lost everyone I loved. And I lost all my friends. People don’t care about me, because caring about me means making time for me and actually being there. People are too wrapped up in their own lives to even try. I always thought I was the burden. I always thought less of myself. For someone who cares so much and loves so deeply, I know I am valuable of more. So the question I ask now, is, WHAT AM I?
Since my human thoughts have manifested answers according to life changes and time for myself. I know I am destined for more. For one to write such amazing poetry an philosophy at the blink of an eye without even thinking about it. It flows out like word ***** and it never stops. For one to be so intense and intuitive it scares the blind ones away. To be so intelligent and mystique, an intuition of pure knowledge and wisdom, I ask, WHAT AM I?
I’ve never felt human, for years. It’s a general thing, everyone is gifted with certain abilities that makes them god-like. A human term “god”. But people block off these abilities because they scared of what the power can do to them. I know what the power can do to me. It’s already killed me inside and I never was scared of it. I died for the pain and I transformed. I rised again and astrology itself isn’t even in its rightful existence to my knowledge. What I know, what I seek to know, is above universal laws. The planets itself. Matter, atoms, molecules, the brain, cells, skin, bones, spirit, soul.... I AM MORE. I ask, what am I? What was I before I was human? How many lives have I lived to have such wisdom. What was I before I was sent to earth to carry my purpose and help people that cannot be helped. My quest was always to find myself, I found her. Now I need to know what I truly am.
Kenji Aug 2014
Music is my soul
Fate is my life
Love is my strength
But i fear like a knife

Knowledge in my mind
Prosperity I strive
Inner peace I feel
But still cold as ice

Mean as I am
Superficial I might be
Heartless I may seem
But all my friends still love me

Life is a game
A battle it may seem
Play the cards right
Then you shall see

Born an angel
But die a devil I shall
Live life, learn
Make your own mistakes
Just hope it all ends well

Insanity at its best
But sometimes at its worst
Listen to you instincts
Give your mind a rest

Life is a test
You better study hard
Pass or fail
Just choose the right card

Only thing that really matters in the end
Is your happiness
The worst strengthens your inner core

Rejoice the good times
And don't listen to what em' haters gotta say!

Peace, Love, life, death....Passed the first 3....the last won't be a tragedy.
First poem I've ever written. I was at school, sitting in the office waiting for my mom to come fetch me cuz I got tested positive. Thoughts started hitting me. Then resulted to this. I was 18. Can't believe ive made it thus far
Kenji Aug 2019
When people find out they have a certain amount of time left to live, it breaks them.
When a loved one passes away, regrets start pouring.
Unspoken words filtrate and reminiscing of memories elaborate.

****** up, ain't it.

If I had a certain amount of time left to live, I would use it wisely.
I would be happy, because life to me is pointless, I'm not suicidal, or maybe I am.
But I would rather die.
If I had cancer, I would suffer in happiness, hoping not to get better.
Honest thoughts, I WANT TO DIE.

Easiest suicide method, a gun to the head.
May take a few minutes to bleed out and die afterwards, but where to get a gun with such little cash.

Life is an ongoing cycle of pain, loss, betrayal, and abuse.
I AM SICK OF IT

Physically, mentally, and spiritually drained.
Emotionally abused and always taken advantage of by toxic people.
I need help, but I don't want it, because when I'm happy, it starts again.

**** ME

The pain and hurt and loneliness I feel inside is not worth it anymore.
I cannot do this anymore

POINTLESS

No motivation, no will, I have nothing left to live and be grateful for.
My sacrifices mean nothing and I am just a worthless burden to all.
Kenji Aug 2019
Can I love again?
Is it worth my dying consumable pain?
Can I reach out, so you feel me?
Can you touch me, so I feel you?

Can, I love again?
Can I become you ...
Kenji Apr 2019
Love is my curse, forever burdened. Love is toxic, forever hurting. I fall inlove and then fall out. My mind runs at a fast pace and thoughts are never quiet. I shut my mouth because expressing these thoughts is poisonous to my being. It's a trap, I am not good enough for the ones I love, the ones who love me, are not good enough either. The pain lingers, holding onto this tight rope in shame. I've always been numb to the topic of lovin, because falling for the subject of sin feels less pain. I hurt so intensely the wounds start bleeding. Emotions this high I am forever in melancholy. Seems like I ain't good enough for anyone but myself. I've been in a relationship with myself for so long, letting someone take my place is a painful sacrifice I ain't willing to make. But I hate you, for making me feel this way. The depression starts again and being alone never felt this way in a while. It hurts to feel you, to love you, but it hurts more to let you go.
Kenji Mar 2019
"Thought I found a way, a way out, but you never go away...
So, I guess I gotta stay.
Isn't it lovely, all alone, heart made of glass, my mind of stone, tear me to pieces, skin and bone."
"Somethings on my mind, Need to get out my headspace..."

Tear me to pieces, rip me apart, kiss me slow, hold me down, and touch me low.
Feel the flow. Gradually pulling you towards me.
Holding you close. Take me out of my head space.
I don't know what feels true.
Let me crawl inside your veins.
Hide you away, lock you up in my treasure chest.
Keep you, you're mine.
Take my wall down, let's do the unthinkable, I think I'm ready...
I learnt to lose, can't afford to anymore.
Billie Eilish _ Lovely inspiration
Kenji Oct 2015
Make me shake...
Loose yourself between my words...
make my thighs quake.

Caress me as you kiss me ever so divinely,
hold me and never let go...
Can you feel my flow?

Devour me and consume my inner thoughts,
wrap me up and allow your mind to get caught.

Euphoria sends chills throughout your body...
your nerves, your veins, and your soul,
day'm ***** you know...

Let me magnate you and passionately bite your neck,
I will inspire you to learn to love if you feel too empty inside,
Let me be the drug in your empty cold veins and let me teach you to fight through the harsh mind-created pain...
Feel my skin create sensations of erotica whilst touching yours...
Feel my pleasurable sins...as I give you a little peck.

Love me, even though you don't love me, just for tonight, I will make you feel ever so majestically light.
You are my dream, and healing your empty soul is my scheme.

Love me hard baby...cuz sexuality is insane when there hate to impatiently drain...
Kenji Mar 2016
Maybe it's your lips
Maybe it's your eyes
Maybe it's your touch
Maybe it's your little lies

Captivate me in your lustful charm, kiss me down as you mean no harm.
Alarmed, I am the ****** goddess, I'll ride you til' you feel inburdened of your sins, til' you come back for more, til' it's me that you lustfully want to lure.
Your lustful cure... Incurable but desirable, mystical and sensual... My touch will evaporate your being of existence as you will only crave me more... I am your lust drug....
Addictive, Withdrawl.

Satisfy you with my every sensual intention, grasp my breath and give me my deserved attention.

I am a queen, royalty, in vain.
I won't apologise as I quite enjoy it messy...
Spank me hard and **** me...
Our birthday suit...
**** me til' I'm too tired to leave you.
Numb all emotions and get onto my level, it's all about the ***, the drugs, and the life we are livin'...
Faded, gone, no attachments...
Just pure lustful passive aggression.
Kenji May 2019
Take a sip, take a hit, take a drag, take a sniff.
Mix it up, lose yourself in your sins.
Take this lust potion baby, move that slow motion.
Just take another sip, lean, trip.
******* to the floor, playing with my hair, fingers like a web.
Just listen, red eyes in a room full of lies.
I know you bite, I need it, take a sip and feel free.
Just take another sip, and we'l lean.
Oooooh baby, stick down to the ground, I need you on the floor. knees to the ground.
I know you feelin, the same way that I feel and I know this is for real.
He says hes feelin, that feelin, that we're feelin, and he want it bad.
Just take another sip, and we'l lean.
Mushrooms got us trippin, got you rollin on the floor, laughing, passed out, then I **** you.
Papi like it good.
Call me baby while I give it like I should.
Put a spell on you, a lust potion.
Take it, sip it, eat it, **** it.
How did I get like this?
Voodoo lust.
You think this lust we have is normal?
It's passionate, hard, ******, intense, sinful, unapologetic, desirable, sensual.
Pull my neck from the back and choke me harder daddy.
...
It's my voodoo magic baby.
My lust potion
Kenji Oct 2017
Philosophy intrigues me.
The depth is formulating.
The aspect is deriving.
My mind...
Its enticing.

Questionable thoughts and unanswered delusions.
The thought of every desire onto which I account to...
Its illusions got me fantasised.
The dilemma...
The time lapse...
The ticking clock...
Tick tock...
Tick tock...

The universe is my soul...
My soul, the universe.
May time unravel my true desires...
As I continuously ascend

**Alien goddess in a human form
Kenji Aug 2015
I creep upon the shadows that do nothing but follow.
I lift above the ground like the angels, I have found.

A failure to results but a successor in the making, I'm battling through the crowd but somehow I'm still smiling and faking.

Hope, I still carry
Faith, I am not in a hurry
Courage, I am still building
Wisdom, I am still learning

To all that life has to offer, I am just accepting...

Pain; self doubt
Drain; a sad pout
Broken; Fixing myself up
Unspoken; I am learning to let it all out

Selfish and sinful, stubborn and hard to fulfil,
but through the cracks within me, I am trying to focus where I want to be.

Dark and depressive, lost and suppressive, misunderstood and aggressive...

HELP... I call out
Fix me... I shout
Make me fly... I just want to let it out

But unfortunately I fear...
I fear what people may say
I fear things will not go my way
I fear the darkest day
I fear my emotions won't go away.

I have not treated my ghost well
I have kept my  deep secrets hidden
and this left me feeling dark and dull.

I chose Satan because he gave me power, then I saw the light, now it is my god that I pray to every hour.

Invincibility and visibility is what I craved
The feeling made me well behaved
But deep within me I am not well
Sick; strange, and hiding like a shell.

But I need to break the shell...
Kenji Feb 2017
Emotions are illusive like the monsters one can see. Monsters cannot be seen, so they live inside your head.
Are the monsters really destroying you? Or is it your thoughts whilst alone, lying in bed...
The illusion of life itself can lead to many emotions of ones mind...
Blinds us.
So we feed on the illusion of negativity.
Things happen that make us see the darkness.
Destructive, like a dead body and a ****** mess.
Corruptive...
Yet still I test.

I look around,
I see a sea of faces...
So many faces pretending
To be content with the life they have.
They walk around acting as if marriage and kids is the only source of fulfillment.
I feel a deep wealth of sadness
As the ones without those things
Still continue to progress forward,
While I sit washed away feeling useless.

Useless like a bird without wings...
Numbness is a glimpse.
As the emotions pour into you...
Your soul feels inburdened with dread.
Sins...

Sin isn't something that I believe in,
I believe in enjoying life to the fullest...
Yet I'm always with both knees to the ground.
Wondering if I'll ever be worthy of success,
I mean I'm just an outcast to most eyes that inhabit this planet.
There's not much meaning to my life.

An outcast with a craving for happiness.
So I take the devils side in hopes for success.
Failure is an illusive matter that my dark mind cannot cope with...
I judge myself in misery.
My dark philosophical thoughts rise inside of me...
Blind eyes see the lies...
And when in doubt, I see it too.
My third eye shut down...
My spirituality is all but gone...
I crave the high...
I need the drug in my veins to fight through the **** pain.

But even happiness is forbidden fruit,
An illusion best served as a party favor.
Written by me and Xoaquin Oznian ...
Our compatible thoughts make a unique poem.
Kenji Nov 2016
The drug
The high
The confusion
The craving
The withdrawal

The brain feels overwhelmed
The noise creates chaos in my mind
The silence I seek
The alone time I need

The anxiety kicks in
Struggling to breathe...
Overthinking creates an addiction, to the things that cause mind suppression.

My mind is noisy, with thoughts of occurrences that have happened, and some not.
I try not to depress myself, but mistakenly think too far in the future, then get disappointed because expectations have not been reached.
Busy, distracted, chaotic, and unfocused.

I reach no end to where my mind goes...
A path of little thoughts that creates an explosion and downfall.

I crave the drugs to give my mind a rest.
To give it a sense of peacefulness...
I have failed lifes tests.

Tense, tight, my mind implodes.
Burn my thoughts and bury them in ashed coal.

Cannot sleep
Cannot close my eyes
Always in a state of overthinking...
Like my brain is constantly blinking
Kenji Feb 2019
The flow of systematic beings disintegrate and **** with my own flow sometimes.
Can't seem to get a grip on my mind.
I'm losing myself in lost formalities.
The whole diagrammatic systems falls into closure and creates a case of it's own.
The system is wrong, it doesn't flow with the equilibrium structure of life itself.
It just falls off, and finds a balance of it's own.
It has no real forecast, nor balance, just destruction.
It's chaotic to humankind and it needs strategy of some kind.
It needs appreciation, moral technique, or justification.
The flow of the subconscious is losing itself again in the brainwashing systems, it's locked, it cannot get out, stuck.
This philosophy is somewhat confusing, but it's just a descriptive rant about the brainwashing formula of society itself.
We a part of it, living in the lie, suffocating, trying to find, trying to heal, trying to bind.
Society has become so fake that the truth actually bothers people, the truth that, technology is not needed, love and purity is needed, humanity got so caught up in the wealth, they forgot the essence of true love.  
**** THE SYSTEM
Kenji Aug 2019
Choose one:

- A vampire needing blood, because they lose their power. So, they
  **** people and torture humans in order to get it.
- A fallen angel needing love, because it loses power. So, it manipulates, charms, and leads people into falling in love with them so can steal their heart.

ALL FOR THEIR OWN GAIN

                   Power
Kenji Nov 2015
Classic princesses, all elegantly beautiful and charming...
All irresistible and disarming...
Like a dandelion, a rose, a tulip and a lilly,
All hold such meaningful characteristics and lovely culture.

Belle, her gorgeous yellow dress and her most adored beast,
A red rose petal drops, the more she falls inlove with him,
A love so true, everlasting and has no clue.

Aurora, beautiful golden hair and lips as pink as a Bonica rosa,
a delightful melodic voice and a heart as pure as gold, this love story will never get old.

Snow White, lips as red as an Ingrid Bergman rosa, skin as luminous as pimpinellifolia rosa, and hair as black as an ebony crow...
Naive yet loving, a spark of faith and unharming.

Jasmine, long ebony hair and beautiful big brown eyes, a magical love story with a thief she goes away with, as the magical carpet flys.
Tanned skin and an exotic Arabian look, she is a stunner, Aladdin is hooked.

Mulan, courageous and simple, strong, but elegant and delightful, brave, determined and insightful...
A love story that is oh so wonderful.

Ariel, pure red locks and soft pale skin, a tail as green as the water world corals, exotic and girly, illuminating and fiery.
She saves her true lover, she is the hero in the aqua story.

Another princess, who is bound to become a queen, deep big brown eyes, tanned brown skin, lips ever so luscious, and skin ever so soft and delicious...
Caring and loving, yet boastful and inappropriate, a love story that has no happy ending, just heartbreak and pain, and feelings of soul drain, a beautiful tragedy, lost, but is still writing her story, she loves with all of her metaphoric diamond heart and touches your soul with her cupid love dart, she touches you so magically, her soft skin is like a baby's.
She is elegantly ****** in her speech, yet thoughtful and innocent...
she just needs a main squeeze...
This princess is me, Kiara.
A soon to be indian queen.
My world
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