Lilly MacArthur Apr 11

Insecurities crawling and biting
Doubt and fear smashing and burning
Safety and trust sreaming and hiding
Love and hope lost and broke

When the darkness blinds you
And the cold burns your skin
Barley moving while running away
Growing numb the the simple touch

Who knew the silence could be so loud.

Silence broken truse deep dark alone fear reality
 Apr 9 Lilly
Alexander Leino 

You're so beautiful and you don't even know it that's my favorite part
Your laugh is so cute and innocent that's my favorite part
Your smile makes me melt and that's my favorite part
Your wall you put up falls apart when I'm around that's my favorite part
Your will to be honest about your insecurities that's favorite part
Your will to talk about anything that bothers you that's my favorite part
Your eyes make me lose track of time that's my favorite part
You feeling like you can be yourself around me is my favorite part

I could keep going on and on but I just wanted to make your day.
 Apr 5 Lilly

You have the power to prove.
potential energy is physics and screw-ups can't have it removed.
If you miss to watch your step
n' slip,
don't send yourself home dear.
'cause you got everything going for yourself here.

 Apr 4 Lilly
Alexander Leino 

Everyone was out being jolly and happy
I sat there in living my biggest fear
Being completely alone with no one willing to lend an ear
Feeling like I have lost everything
All I had were my thoughts and my own ears
Telling myself I let down my family and peers
Letting her get away was my biggest mistake I ever made
She was with a guy that didn't deserve to see her tears
Seeing her everyday was a living nightmare
Because I couldn't take away her hidden tears
Everyday I tried my hardest to shovel my feelings into a shallow grave
Just to have them resurface by the water from my own tears

Everyday was a nightmare
I was bleeding internally while being kick down by people
That I thought actually cared
I tried my hardest to hold back my tears
But that night I cried for the first time out of feeling completely alone
Asking myself what could've I done
Why am I the one crying these tears I never deserved
Why am I so alone when all I try to do is bring joy to the world

I was mourning my own death for so long I forgot how to live
I continued walking forward in this nightmarish state
I was doing everything to make myself proud just to see light
In such a dimly lit place in my mind
What a dreary and dreadful nightmare I was living
But something reached out and caught me

One day my dreams were no longer about loneliness or fear
I looked back at all those nightmares and I saw a different version of me
I climbed mountains without realizing it
I killed many demons that were so much bigger than me
I was started feeling light and cherished
Cherished by my peers
Cherished by my family
Cherished by my friends
Cherished by her
Now I am scared to wake up because everything feels like a dream

This poem starts out about how I felt on January 1st, 2017 and goes through all the days that proceeded it up until now.
 Mar 27 Lilly
Alexander Leino 

Born in this world as a innocent cub
Born into a world of temptations and desires
I use to be so scared of rejection and chased perfection
I lost my vision of perfection when I was introduced to temptations
I have had countless dances with these temptations
They just made me feel so free from this pursuit of perfection
This chase has led me astray and introduced me to a world of gray

A world of gray filled with nothing but space and me
I have used every fiber in me to paint my world of gray
By drinking just to sleep when I didn't even believe in me
Running miles for people that wouldn't even get out of bed for me
Doing everything to fit in instead of trying to stand out
Pretending that everything is okay while I was internally bleeding
Giving people chances that didn't even deserve a second one
Having sex just to feel something

Now my world is no longer gray
Its turned into a beautiful shade of white
Ready for me to paint a masterpiece
Time to let this little light of mine shine
And get what is mine....

My homework. You are welcome Lilly.
Lilly MacArthur Mar 27

For so long I have lived in fear.
Fear of loneliness, rejection and betrayal.
I'd run to the wrong people for their protection.
Only to find myself stung by the scorpion.
For once, I stand on my own.
A beautiful wild golden rose.
I may sway and dance in the summer storms.
Though my roots are deeply placed.
Knowing that the sun will shine again.
I do not have regrets.
For every path and mistake that I have made,
Has brought me to where I am.
Stronger than I was yesterday.
To only grow stronger tomorrow.
For this I am thankful for.
Now watch me as I stand tall.

There's my homework for you Alex. :)

There you have it.
5 months of wasted time.
5 months of lies and betrayal.
Should've known you had another.
I should've seen the signs.
But here I stand stronger than ever.
You're in my past where you'll stay forever.
I have my state, you keep yours.
Go back to your side lover...
because this is no longer  yours.

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