A SPARK SET FREE

Bewitched, like I've never known before.
Swirling green pools, a  light flickering behind.
Dancing in time with the flame, entranced, enticed....

Freedom whispers sweet nothings in my ear,in dance a love set free.
I am love,I am rage,I am submission and so much more!
I am all and nothing,a flow of self.
I crumble and rise,seconds apart...Freedom from a poisoned heart.

Looking around at the forest surrounding me, tears stream from my eyes..uncontrollable cries,but not tears of sorrow or fear.
A mourning,but not one of despair.

For a life taken that night and for a birth set in it's place.
A birth full of love,beauty and grace.

Donna lilley
Dec 2018 (c)

As i sit here my mind wanders.who have i become,what is my life,do i live for me or exists to make sure everyone else is ok.
Do i matter or just a easy way to not be alone.
I ponder,do people actually know me,or just the parts that benefit them.Do they actually love who i am,or just want to not be alone so make do?
Its not that peoples opinion of me matters,its not that.
People fling around the word love without barely understanding its true meaning.To me love is deep and its real,it means something.to say you truly love someone is to understand and appreciate who they are,im not sure many people truly do.
I'm slipping into a place where i am alone in my thoughts again.That place isn't fun.i long for someone to understand how i see the world,share my passion and vision.But it seems I'm destined to be a lone wolf.
I love someone because i really see them,i fear many don't.Its so sad in this day and age that there is always a condition put on love.people stay with each other out of fear of being alone,siblings who cant stand each other,stay in each others lives because thats what your ment to do,friends stay friends because it benefits in some way etc etc.
The world is a very false place and every now and again i have no choice but to acknowledge that,but it leads me to evaluate every relationship in my life.
I am comfortable in who i am,but are those around me? Or do i just serve a purpose? There is a difference between loving someone unconditionally and just putting up with parts you don't like because you don't want to be left alone.
This isn't a depressed writing,just a wondering really.
The definition of love varies so vastly from person to person,it is inherently hard to come across people with the same ideals and morals,not just on a romantic level,family,friends etc too.
We keep people in our lives,even if they are negative,for all sorts of reasons but very rarely out of love.usually misguided attachment of some sort.
I wonder if the people of this world will ever learn to be true to themselves.
I think love starts with you.loving yourself means loving you,warts and all.knowing your worth will stop you allowing others to treat you as a back up option etc.you will eventually understand,you deserve love that is real,with no conditions because you will be willing and able to give the right love yourself.
Don't settle for relationships of any sort,just  because you dont want to feel alone.Trust me,thats a lonely place to be and it makes you a shell of who you are.
Be true and hold your head up high,the right people will love that about you ❤

Donna-lou lilley
Dec 2015(c)

if you only do one thing today,do it for you.
do it because it makes you smile
do it because you love it
do it because you deserve it
do it because you matter
do it because your special
do it to feel joy
do it because you deserve beauty in your life
do it because its a privilege to have a life
do it because you are able
do it because you have a dream
do it because you know what you love
do it for your passion
do it because anything is possible
do it because you are free
do it because only you can be you

never forget you are special and you matter.security starts within,the minute you start to consider yourself and treat yourself with love and respect,so will others.
follow your passions because they are your gateway to who you really are.never except being treated as less than you are,always know that you deserve to be treated with love and respect.
you are beautiful <3 <3

Donna-Louise Lilley
June 2015 (c)

I see you.
I do not laugh at you,I laugh because you need laughter, I smile with you even though your smile is a mask. My actions are not thoughtless..I see you.
I know your battle, I know it well...in but out
Strong yet weak.
Fighting is rough a relentless game..
Beautifully flawed this life we have.
An illusion you know well as much as I do
You see me and I see you

Today is darkness,the world makes no sense. . I make no sense..my being/essence lost
Scrambling to find a reason,a connection. ..self!
I know this day will pass and reason will return..the cycle as ever must be fulfilled but in this moment sadness and lack of reason takes up pride of place.
Tears stream from my eyes but no clue as to why. Dead but hanging on..today I fail at being strong.
Every weakness comes out to play..powerless..failure...death consumes my mind but the twinkle of survival shines from my soul.
Forgotten every goal!! Can't see....
Will I ever remember me.
Stings of past laid out bare,yet today I'm incapable of seeing what it's all been for!
I she'll lays here trying to gain life,passion dead. . Creative gone...who am I now?
Lost to the void unescapable..just a ***** of light is all I need at least maybe then I can remember to breath.
Drowning in this sticky state..nothing to do but ride the waves.
Donna-louise lilley may 2017

Never have I known freedom as I do in this moment,in this moment I feel whole,at peace.Whatever may come my way in form of obstacles,shall not bring me down....in this moment I know and understand that completely.
I understand who I am,why my life has been this way.i almost cant put into words the feelings flowing through me of pure acceptance of my life this far,in this beautiful moment,I can fly.
Such a strange feeling (actual) knowing,that the end of the negative cycle you have indulged for so long,is almost a distant memory.Self sabotage has a place no longer...in this moment,I am the me I deserve to be.
My life is filled with beauty and freedom and that has come to be the case because i decided i deserved everything i could visualise.in this moment,i understand my freedom.
The world is full of music,if you would only let yourself hear it,i chose to hear it.in this moment,im thankful to have life.

Donna-louise lilley 2015(c)