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Nov 2023 · 66
This sickness
Alexander Nov 2023
This sickness,
Unlike anything before,
A tar like substance seeping from the marrow,
As it accumulates in the blood it seeps from the pours.
Slowly you feel it like a hot sweat dripping from your legs.
The more it develops the harder it becomes to move,
Losing all the momentum once gained.
The more you struggle against it the deeper it flows into the blood,
Soon to be seeping out of ever orifice.
You must find calm in this sickness,
It encourages madness, and dissipates sanity.
It will erase the ease you once had and at heart and the comfort at mind.
It will drive you into sorrow and depravity,
Driving away all You've cared for until it becomes your only comfort.
Jun 2022 · 1.4k
Just a disappointed son.
Alexander Jun 2022
As a kid I remember always wanting to make you proud or smile or even laugh.
As I've grown I only found disappointment.
I could make you smile, I could make you laugh, but I couldn't teach you.
As I watched my sister grow up I could only see her disappointment in you grow.
As I tried to push you to be more then just a voice on the phone to us you pushed us away even further,
Only leaving me to do my best for her, every single time you fell short.
I got over how you are early on in my life,
But I watched her give you every chance in the world, all you did was disappoint her.
I watched you live your life, and she watched you too,
And all she wanted was to be more apart of it.
My heart broke every time she had something to show you she was proud of and you weren't there,
You made it clear if what we do isn't something you like you won't support us even if it was better for us.
You've made it clear we can't speak to you, not without you getting drunk first and arguing after.
So as we've grown you've left us in disappointment,
As we've grown more open minded to the world you've only shown that you'd rather stay closed off to it, and us as well.
So now on father's Day my sister wishes me a happy father's day,
And I wish none of my own.
For all I am is a disappointed son.

To a father that only needed to listen and be there.
Feb 2021 · 648
The Chair within it all.
Alexander Feb 2021
A Chair far beyond reach to those that want it, and those that seek it out, Its desire seeks those weak enough to swallow whole.
Its miles below the surface dwelling in a cold depth far from all known life, behind an old wood door, miles further more, from warmth of sunlight.
It's a place so far from help, hope is hopeless, the Only way out is from within it, and your self.

Beyond the Wooden door, you become trapped,  the Chair draws you deeper, as the door is consumed into darkness, and all walls consumed by oblivion, your direction has been taken, as you lay bare and lost.
Gain just your footing, and your stars, only for the last peak of hope to fade away aswell as the above becomes below and below above as you walk into the darkness,
Miles you cross, into the abyss you've been lost,
you in stupefaction, hope now gone, the Chair draws you nearer.

This place will know you inside, know your heart and mind, it will break you, defeat you and after its won it seeks to decimate, changing your very way of being.
It will let you see the world through eyes not your own,
in a body you feel you simply occupy.
As you step through your own life it sheds you into darkness,  it forces you away from others and shelters you for its self to feed moreover on.
It creates a new you, alone, trapped in darkness and anguish.

Once it has taken your mind and your body, this is when  you have found the Chair, or it finds you, it waits, after all your pain and suffering after your fall from oblivion into the abyss of woes, you may sit, you may now find a place of gravity of center, this chair, or the darkness ahead.

If your wise you leave this chair, for it is the throne of death, it is your resting place, to sit is suicide,
The chair will force to vanquish your own life,
It chooses every method known to man,
It let's you decide, and as your final seconds pass with your last breath, you see the light that waited beyond the darkness tat was ahead, as you perish.

But to those that walk forward and pass the Chair,
Your granted life, and your granted happiness,
It will teach you more struggles then others will face but it will end, and walking onward will grant you life, happiness and wellbeing.

For that door is the pathway through the gates of depression, the Chair is the seat if death when you surrender to lifestyle struggles and the light is the hope you will never lose, walk forward an onward survivor of life and death.
Feb 2021 · 125
Feast of the flesh.
Alexander Feb 2021
I walked up to you with every intention to taste you.
I looked you in your eyes and you new what I had come to do.
I took your hand and led you to the sofa, ******* you I took my time kissing and rubbing your body an ****** massage as each article of clothing falls.
Feb 2021 · 268
A Doms pet
Alexander Feb 2021
Getting hotter
On your knees
Only one rule
Do as I say

Gags on her toy
Is wet with joy
Ready to play
We have all day.
,
Feb 2021 · 104
The morning of Despondency
Alexander Feb 2021
The sun's not up yet but soon,
The air is dry the wind cold,
A dark street, trash scattered about,
a few mice near by eating from the gutter.

The smell of old food and ***** lingers on the sea salted breeze.

It's a corner street in miami,
Theres a few people living in tents near by,
Some arguing around the corner sirens in the distance as the eco of a near by freeways traffic floats on with the sound of clubs and bars, the sound of a city.

I've walked for hours as this night draws its end and day starts, my ride pulls up, I jump in and head home.

I take the side door, i always have, makes me feel like i have privacy, not much but some in this house with my uncle his wife and my grandmother.

My rooms dark with the shades down light enough not to need a light but dark enough for naps, I drop a bag on the floor, drop another in the bed, and then I throw myself to the pillows.

I always found some solice in laying alone watching the dust particles float by the sun's light peaking through the blackout curtains, I always think of when I was a child, or my old apartment,  these were comfortable to me.

I layed there looking up words, I do this sometimes, especially after reading often, I'd look up a word that intrested me, then I'd try to find as many words in germaneness, that means," in relevance to".

I found several words that peaked my intrest, and they were separated by a basic understanding,
One is with intent to leave serious issues the other is the intent to leave discomfort,
The difference is as great as harm and hurt.

Placing my back down, I decided to watch the dust,
Even moving about a blanket in order to stir more into my view of the beams of light,  I hadn't slept by now, I was shaking in fear hours prior, and moments after this a total desire for smarting,as I punched a tree. I punched until the bark came off and I was punching nothing more then the juicy flesh of the tree its self.


I simply felt and felt the need to continue to feel pang.
When I reach a certain point of defeat or anguish I feel the need to dwell in it, and so I did so. Hands painted knuckles red not ******,
And my lungs give me an old smoker's body hello, shorty after another ****** cough to follow.
I clearly should have stopped smoking hours prior but at this point the taste of blood is familiar as it mixed in with the nicotine,
Another cough, my eyes heavy I start to sleep, wakingnup in a panic over and over I retain my self enough to close my eyes again and again.

Its tiresome now, theres not much point in fighting it.
So again and again I close my eyes to wake in panic.

Relentlessly fearing my own slumber.
Feb 2021 · 114
Love lesson 1
Alexander Feb 2021
Love is wonderful,

But it's at times more painful to apply logic to love,


Most people share love differently,
Some use it against you,
Others can mix it up.

To do your best in good and bad times for one individual,
While that individual wont do things the same way.

Leaving you to feel as tho you were wronged,
This is love,
Some people can show you 24/7  how they love you, others will take it away and give it back depending on the situation,
In the end the application of action in the words of love displays more then most expect yet most dont push to see that stride in actions and settle with less.


If you will maintain your composure in order to show restraint and respect in one situation,
Yet in your attempt you love refuses to hold the same demeanor as you creating a negative situa6in which you can feel overwhelmed and even alone.


Sacrifice is a big one but Sacrifice can build resentment if your not successfully putting in what your taking out, to sacrifice parts of your life for another is noble, but if asked would they?

Love isnt easy and it's not fun, it's hard and its painfull, love often love many, and let your heart break a few times you may never understand the full complexity of love but you will gain more in feeling it then not at all.
Love. Lesson 1
Alexander Feb 2021
Why is it so easy for you to defiy my thoughts of you?
So easy to move my mind to another level
Feb 2021 · 81
Let me destroy you
Alexander Feb 2021
Let me have my way.
My leash your collar.
Wrists cuffed.
I want your body right now.
No questions.
Do what I ask.
And take all I'll give.
Feb 2021 · 85
Understand this insanity
Alexander Feb 2021
Sunny disposition-- a term used for people that -seem- happy in all situations.
Understand logically- people aren't always happy.
After an extensive period of time I'm not happy. And pretending to be for so long becomes a bad habit.
And that reply when someone asks " how's your day" to hear back" outstanding " is a lie. But if it's all you know are you lying ? No instead at this point it's more the lack of understanding for properly exspressing the pains felt within one's self.
It's become acceptable mentally and it's not okay.
But only I can change it.
And the problem is how hard it is to change something you've lived into existence.
Feb 2021 · 273
May 30th 4:00pm. Day 1
Alexander Feb 2021
"Today's a hot one that's for sure!"
Sunny out here in the miami sun,
I've been working in my grandmother's yard since 9a.m.
I sat down for a moment to have a cigarette when I get a call,
"Are you go to head to the protests?"

"If there's one happening I'm there."

"Theres 5,  I found happening now."

"Send me the locations I'm heading out now to get my gear!"

Moments later im speeding down a freeway wondering where I left my bullet proof vest and plates, im going about, 96,
Windows down, and the wind was hot.
Not many cars on i75, I hit the exit and I dont think I slowed down at all, it was a blind race to the finish a blurry fast flurry,for the flag and camouflage.

Thinking back on it now I could tell you I new it was going to be bad, not for me, for the police.

All the small chatter I had heard led me to believe there was going to be a big march in miami and ft Lauderdale,  so I was in a hurry,
The cops in those areas had hardly any experience in protesters so I new there was something bad coming on.

My last protest there were thousands of us as we led the million mask marrch for anonymous, before that was bulldozers used with swat and feds during occupy miami.

So I was ready for anything
But this seemed different.

The caller was nervous when giving me that information asif they were calling me as the backup.
And so when I got home i went right to my wall and grabbed my guy fawks mask from my other protests, it was cracked, painted with a tribal design that was stained with my blood from my last protest, I brought my smoke bombs my knife and a vest under camo with a flag, from  anonymous walk on wall street, and lastly a medic kit.

I got in my car and drove to ft Lauderdale, it wasnt until I hit the downtown area that I could smell that burnt sulphur sent and then I could taste it,                          


Cs-gass.

As I rounded the corner I was met with rubber bullets and as I heard the pings across my car I turned around,
Getting a call "they got cleared out from the area and were heading to miami", so I drove straight there.

The drive between was blurry,
Mut when I got to the tower across from bayside I could already see people running,
I drove blocks away and headed into a deeper area, park my car there incase of a situation occurring for a fast exit.

As I made my way back I could already see smoke, i come to a bride with a group of protesters as more gass is dispersed,  I run from it with them towards a larger group as the smoke grows seeing who I was looking for,
I kept running and I came to a underpass where there was a police car in flames,
I kept moving to meet my associate.

We spoke briefly but I found out the team we were with was fallen hurt and arrested some before today but we only met during these occasions.

We used our medkits and got to quick work of those we came across,

It wasnt long before we realized we weren't supplied enough to keep going and so we moved around trying to keep the peace and prevent more chaos before we finally departed.

I remember that night well because day 2 would've much worse or much better only the morning would tell, but after what we saw we decided to pretend we weren't even there. < we were identified anyway later that week by others from day 1>
Oct 2020 · 187
I may not know you, but.
Alexander Oct 2020
I may not know you,
And I might never meet you,
But I wish I did.
I may not be able to be your friend,
But I'd like to be.
Whether or not you know me,
or I know you,
I want you to read this.

I know it's hard.
I know you feel alone,
or afraid.
I know you've been tired of being tired.
And I know you've been to hurt to feel anymore.

But your still you,
and all I want today is to tell you,
That I appreciate you.
I appreciate all you do,
even if I never see your actions,
with my own eyes.
I appreciate every effort you've made.
And I thank you for every detail of what you do.

I want you to know your not alone,
If my voice is able to reach you,
Know its because I'm here,
And I know.

Your loved and cared for,
Your life has more meaning then you know.

Don't give up,
No matter what,
You will always have me here.
I may not know you,
but want you to know,
If your reading this,

I love you.
And your going to be okay.
Pass  the love on
Oct 2020 · 107
Low?
Alexander Oct 2020
I cant say I'm smiling,
I cant say im happy,
I cant quite feel these butterflies,
Now that theres this pit,
All I needed was a word or two,
Something to make me feel right,
not blue.
But who new,
I could come and go for an hour if you wish,
A night a day a stay,
But in this one moment an hour is refused,
And I am left to feel so used,
I wait alot,
For time or words,
But just an hour,
Low isnt the low of it,
sad isnt the depths,
Alone in this moment,
That's not the best of it,
Alone because your request of it,
Make me feel like less of it,
Chest in pain I'll rest on it,
Stuck  in my throat I'll choke on it,
Expressed my self,
Like I'm the joke of it,
The words set aside,
As they flow into my mind,
But not in rhymes,
Hurting like I'm the punchline with no joke,
Enjoy your day,
I know I wont,
Made these plans for you,
all fell through,
Just because I opened up?!,
to much,
To soon,
My heart on my sleeve but I'll eat it,
I'm fine,
it just hurts,
I'll beat it,
Have a good night,
I mean it
I'll be out with the trash ,
you flipped in a dash,
But that's okay,
I've been alone for many days ,
in many ways,
Just didnt expect it from you,
Who knew.
Alexander Sep 2020
Every time I see you I have one,
Every time we kiss I know it's coming,
Every time we have and adventure theres a dozen,
And every time I make you laugh theres more,
Every time see you there a moment or a dozen or a hundred.
But it's always there,
Just like the colors in your hair.
I love that with you these moments are endless,
And I'd love to continue them,
Let's make it relentless,
I love you for every moment we shared,
Every moment, relentlessly.
Alexander Sep 2020
Some ideas birth inventions,
Other's fantasy,
Some spring forth wars,
Religion,
Love,
Greed,
Happiness,
And pain.

Ideas are lots of things,
For some they keep you in good spirits,
For others in bad mindsets,

Some ideas clash with other ideas,
Some people have ideas they cant figure out,
While others hate there ideas,
Some love the idea or have one,
And now you do to.

But my ideas good and bad ones,
Make a mess of what I say,
And sometimes when I know they clash,
I sit alone for a day,
But other times if there clashing,
I end up in a rage.

To save you from a drawn out story,
Ideas are mighty, powerful,  
Or boring.
Sep 2020 · 47
Disarray
Alexander Sep 2020
Mind fighting its self,
Love is an enemy,
while my friend.

Plague myself with thoughts of distrust,
Lingering doubts,
created another massacre,
Of ideas.

Your worth is less then worth,
You are only meant to be hurt,
Accept this,

Thoughts scrambled to fight this,
But I have value,
I am here,


But I do hurt.


I reach for a hand and its warm
Embrace,
Only to find my self,
covering my face.

More thoughts of pain ideas of  nothing,
But my own thoughts are what eat me alive.

Ideas of you with another,
Screaming pain,
But then I wonder,
Its probably true,
And what's best for you.

I sit and wonder,
Thoughts,
And ideas,
Mash in a blender,
Straight to the center of pain.

Dwelling deep within my brian.

Deep within my brain.


I'm a monster for these thoughts,
Someone like you,
Someone so loving caring and true,

So I defeat myself again and again,
Ideas endlessly onslaught,
My emotions struggle,
But I stand true,
Knowing how much I do love you,

I fight my thoughts,
A pain you've mended,
Ideas fighting any form of love,
Its defensive thoughts,
that save me,
but hurt me,
but take me.

Shes not what my pain has created ,
And she isnt made if hatred,
My heart feels safe,
My mind will race,

These thoughts can consume me,
Avoiding the pain I feel but to me it is real until I beat it.

My mind is in disarray,
My thoughts clash with what's good and my past and I fear that for this I will lose you.

A dream of you hand in my hand our feet in the sand and those blue seas.

Your like a melody of calm warm loving,
Hums,
With a base beat,
down for some drums.

You make my heart flutter you lift me off my feet,
And because of this,
My brain ushers defeat,
Reasons to worry,
With no real reason,
Doubts still linger,
From an old spring season,

I'm sorry if I hurt you or doubt you to myself,
It isnt fair,
It isnt right,
And you deserve the works.

I'm trying to fix it,
But my mind has been torn,
My heart wasnt in peace's but my love it is worn.
Jul 2020 · 83
Crawl and Struggle
Alexander Jul 2020
Ash rains down,
Your eyes open as you can see the, mud ,blood and fire around you,
With all your might you push forward,
Pulling yourself across the waistland of dispare,
Sulphur burns the nostrils, and eyes,
But you'll push on,

Chest burning as you try to breathe,
Dieing with each gasp your stride on,
In time you see others, death breathing down there neck as he dose yours.
May 2020 · 77
A loss for words,
Alexander May 2020
A million thing to say,
A billion ideas scrambled,
But your words,
" what's it mater?" ,
Remain clear,
So so what's there to say,
For a short time,
I got to make you smile,
And oh what a smile,
For a short time,
I got to make you laugh,
And what a memorable laugh,
But what's it matter?
3 days to make a connection,
4 to share a kiss,
6 to develop desire,
2 weeks to build up the joy,
And 3 weeks to build up emotion,
To me that's a beautiful thing,
Something wonderful,
Something cherished,

But what's it matter,
As my words fall short,
My actions contort,
My mind now distorts,

At a loss for words,
At least the ones that mean something,
If any did.
Mar 2020 · 71
My calm
Alexander Mar 2020
Awoken,

8 A.M.
Sun creeps threw those black out curtains,
As I gaze at the beams of light,
I think,

"The old house I once lived,
I'd look to the light beaming through,
And always see dust",

'Floating,"

"Lingering in the air,"

"Always reminding me,
of the dry old houses age,"

Its was calming,
"As calming to me as the ocean,
but so is this fresh air,
Of the new environment."

I check the time again,
8:12 A.M.
"I'll just close my eyes."

Awoken,

So Suddenly,

As the sound of five small engines,

  roars away outside my window,



The lawn crew,
"Must be the last day of the month",

9:15A.M.

I grin,
A light chuckle,
As a speak quietly to my self,

"Thanks for the good morning fellas"

I step out back to my patios,
Morning air fresh and crisp,

Not as fresh as the air,
Floating  around you at sunrise,
But still,

I close my eyes and take in the warm air,

"Today will be beautiful ",
" and I will enjoy it to my best",

My days usually start with a quiet but confident comment to start with,

Something to help start on a positive note,

Its something I started long ago with my sibling,

But I just never stopped,
Once in a while we need that boost,

From us to our selves.


And so I sit and think about my day before  and my day tomorrow,  lightly putting any intrestes in today,

I breath out a sigh of relief,

"Today's my day,"


I look out at the ducks I've been feeding,
As they start to swim,

" a swim sounds good to me to",

I smile,

I'll have my coffee or a tea, and think of the flavors,

The scent of my coffee and the sweetness in its froth,

Or the green tea and honey, maybe to much honey,

" I'll chuckle"

But I am calm,

Happy,

Sound,

And calm.

"Breakfast?", " i am hungry",
"Eggs and bacon,  a blt?,
Maybe a pb&j,  oh how about a smoothie?"

All the choices I'll make today will make me,

happy,

Calm,

Sound.
Relax, calm, sound
Feb 2020 · 64
The simple complication
Alexander Feb 2020
I know what the problems are, I know why.
You have something you care about, so do I, you have someone you cherish and keep dear to your heart, and so do I.
These things I understand in complete fruition.

I do not challenge them, not do I intend to replace anything, I know that isn't what you want, nor I.

You, to me are someone of a different nature, a chance encounter, that I won't let slip.

I care and love and want and crave, if not the same, then more then the next.

I had decided long ago I liked you, I've resisted the want to try, simply because I didn't think you'd want me to.

But now this switch has been hit, and I don't want to stop.

I understand these small complications we have, but I understand the care and compassion, the attention and affection.
And I want to embrace it in full.

You to me deserve that, or more, and more.

But that's the complication, you can have, but can't take, you can want but can't yet act, and I know, I know all to well.

Witch just make me want this more.
You more, your smile that laugh those eyes, do you understand I like you?

Maybe more then I say, maybe less then you know.
But I care.

And due to the small situation, of our creation, we have a complication, but that's fine.
Alexander Feb 2020
My love, you don't realize how much,
Exactly how much, I love you.
There's a billion moment in every aspect of being at your side I notice, I love and I appreciate, all of them, every one.
There's a trillion reasons why I still love you more by the day ,tomorrow ten trillion more.
There's never enough days in a year, or hours in a day, seconds in a minute, with you near.
Time is never enough, but just enough for love to grow, and continue to.
Your laugh, smile, eyes and the million other things, I will continue to fall in love with, I've loved you since the day the clocks started and the sun's light first shined, and I'll love you until the last second stops, and the moon comes crashing down, and I love you forever after.
Alexander Feb 2020
The day was wet,
Fresh with puddles left scattered from the morning rains,
But a beautiful day, wet day,
The breeze picks up,
the sun started to show,
High but hidden, darker clouds roll off.
It's Asif light was made for our path,
I glance to see a smile, simple sweet,
But real, and true, genuine have you.
And the breeze again I see it as your hair picks up, that smile.
Distracted by it again and the look as she looked out,
What could she be thinking,
It's so blissful,
So at peace here,
I'm happy, definitely happy, I'm filled with a warmth like what cake must feel like fresh from the oven full soft warm,
It's this smile I keep noticing,
I can't help it, I can't help but want more of it,
The look she gives me, Asif I'm staring, but I know I am, the next look is nervous, I can't help it.
But we continue her smile lasting for hours, this day, what a wet and wonderful day,
Absolutely stunning.
But my day, my moments.
Alexander Nov 2019
At work busy as ever, my break comes, with that beautiful little icon glowing on my phone, "sms message received", it you again, "hello", a smile warms my face.

A long night and I'm finally heading home, a drive often met with either silence, or my playlist blaring at top notch, but Tonight a new tone, echoed in my car, a voice, so sweet, so honest, so kind, again my face, warm with a smile.

A long week of problems, and a moment alone for an escape, soon that tone again echo's, a beautiful and soft voice, with such a delicate tone, soothing me,
as it flowed threw me.

Soon I find myself in thoughts that bother me, upset about things I can't change, saddened by things beyond me, but again, a glow in the dark at the corner of my couch, "my phone?", "So late?", I glance down,
Only to find you here,
again,
replacing my frown, with what feels like,what could only be describe as a crown.

It's always as simple as your attention.
Simple joys
She brings out the sun.
Simpler happy.
Oct 2019 · 2.4k
A reason not to?
Alexander Oct 2019
In honesty ,
I don't see a reason not to,
I apologise for being crude or being rude or being blunt,

I can feel this urge,
this craving,
this want.

I know you've wanted it,
And I refuse to dennie it,

To be clear an honest, I don't plan to disrespect or disregard,
Your words or agreements.

But I don't disregard your wants, and I don't see why I would,
You make me feel like I shouldn't, but you do like you should.

Your eyes scream at me,
As your thoughts twisting into my frequencies, calling me, but keeping me at bay.

Your body reserved but your fingers twitch,
Watching you closely,
I can feel your nervous, it's not about me, I can feel you wanting me, but nervous.

As I said it's not me, your not nervous about me, you may not know me, but you know me, well enough to or understand or know my intentions, but you know your not nervous because of me, I know you aren't.

But I do know why you are.

You gave me a reason, but I don't feel you can agree with it, I can feel your regret already building as you say no.

But I know why,
your afraid, of the problem, of the situation, of the conversation, of the lingering regret of regrets yet felt.

But what regrets are more fearsome then the ones we create in our selves?

Give your desire to me, rest your eyes from fears, let me take what you want me to have, and I'll give everything I know you want.

To me this submission is one long coming, and now it's silent and waiting,
Every glance, every bitten lip, every idea of desire, every moment in my presence, I've felt you.

Your wants flowing to me like a current from the oceans pull, doubtless as they are, unquestionable,
And unrelenting.

So to be honest what reason not to, when it seems the scales have set, and balance is in my favor, and yours.
it's insane how much I can crave her and we've just met, I understand her needs to be reserved but I understand her wants and feel them enough to question what reservation is even needed.
Alexander Oct 2019
When I woke up that morning it was morning,
noon,
maybe,
the sun was bright,
I do remember that,
Yes.
There was a moment that afternoon,
The sun was hot,
But I was shaded, sitting on my patio, another smoke filled breath passed my lips, "it is love", I thought,every day I've felt it, for along time now, love that is, I've felt it prior, but this was far better,greater, almost perfect.
It is was perfect,

no,


it is perfect.

I considered how love should be,
Could be,

is,

I considered moments, lots of moments,

more moments the all the spare change,

ever,

moments of us particularly.

Me and her,
or you,
or us,
your are her, were her ,
and in my mind always will be,
Her,
the one Her I'll ever choose to have around.
It's is you, or her.

Perspectives.

But understand that morning was the morning,

The morning,

that I'd never be me, but us, or you, and I loved it more then I could love, and I will love it more then I have ever loved,
forever,

And forevermore.

Like the air it is me and I know not how to stop it or change it, I wouldn't,

I couldn't,

for this is my life, our life, your life,

forevermore.
Engagement mornings
Alexander Oct 2019
People, all you people,

Probably just some, or most.
It's all prices and politics, policies, and rules, all those rules.
And laws, or not laws, laws of nature ,not man.
I would want to wish you all a great many things, but to what avail, kindness, gratitude, or just another acquaintance, spectator and player alike, all your trouble without problems.
You the few with so much, here's more for your mounds of extra, and to what avail?

It is not these things, it is not these things we brought in abundance, it is not these things we tax, or rule or judge, or pass, or

see.

Yes see.

Did you there, you all, did you the many forget the spectator?

For the eyes of the mass is you, the passerby , the swipe, the name caller, you the keyboard gangster, or how about you in your window to afraid of the world that you have helped make.

Where are you all the many, my masses,
my people, the human in you calls to the human in me, in them, in us, in ourselves to them.

But there are the policies there are your closed doors, we the few, or me the none, or fewer?

It is not what they make of you, but you, you, yes, you make you, you decide today what's tomorrow.

I shall call Thursday, this day, monday, and thus this has become mine. Not one unlike your own. But limited to your taxing on me.

The wall, is blue, 'the wall is white', don't force my reality to be your own. This is my life as I deemed.

So slow the hole ,the mass, that many, allow my life.
Our life.

Lives.

Life.
We are so much more then we allow each other to become.
Apr 2019 · 225
Your reaction, response.
Alexander Apr 2019
You can't be calm.,
And it draws me back inside.
You can't take in,
So you expell so much.
You won't accept,
so you create regret.
Im here asking for the same hand I gave you,
but your saying to me that's to much to hard.
Im trying to be calm,
But your persistence twards anger governs a response.
Im not trying to be distant,
But your not letting me be.
Im not trying to get away,
But you won't let me find calm.
I wanted to remain calm,
But you couldn't let me.
I wanted you to smile all day,
But instead you pushed me.
You want distance in your actions,
You want me to be gone with your anger.
So distance,
And im gone.
Apr 2019 · 206
Understand this insanity
Alexander Apr 2019
Sunny disposition-- a term used for people that -seem- happy in all situations.
Understand logically- people aren't always happy.
After an extensive period of time I'm not happy. And pretending to be for so long becomes a bad habit.
And that reply when someone asks " how's your day" to hear back" outstanding " is a lie. But if it's all you know are you lying ? No instead at this point it's more the lack of understanding for properly exspressing the pains felt within one's self.
It's become acceptable mentally and it's not okay. But only I can change it.
Apr 2019 · 278
I have destroyed myself.
Alexander Apr 2019
"Why am I always so happy ", they ask," why am I always so positive" they asked. To be honest, I'm not happy, but I am positive.
If I wasn't I wouldn't be me.
If I wasn't I wouldn't be who they know.
I killed that part of me ,I had thought, but it's clear to me he dwells nearer to the surface then I thought.
I was once the personification, incarnation, incorporation, realization, manifestation, expression, representation, actualization, concretization, the very embodiment of pain and suffering. I lived it.
I spent years in pain, days without tears because I couldn't figure out what to feel worse about.
Then came the realization of the illusion I had for so long, I could have saved them I could have saved them all. Then the doubts, not only could I do nothing but watch in horrendous disbelief and dismayed as I looked around at the disarray, no fear, as shots rang out on the other side of the wall, only rage, pain and regret.
Even prior to that my life was an entanglement of people hurting people and me, but I never mattered in my eyes, not in comparison to what happened to them. To all I had to bare witenes to, all I couldn't save.
The understanding that life dosnt let you feel the way you want unless you force your self to.
So I replaced my sad face with a smile.
And replaced my sadness with an idea.
And I told myself I was okay.
But I'm in pain. I hurt. I exist to bring joy to life and life another chance.
I should feel proud and I do. But I don't have anything that exists for me. As I bare witness to all this pain destruction death sadness anguish. I can only imagine a better day. I can only force this smile, this smile that seems to fool them oh so we'll, as long as I am in plain sight nobody will see me for what I feel.
And nobody will understand my sunny disposition is a different type of depression. It's when you know you should be happy you can't feel like you deserve to be. When you smile but you feel sad for wearing it. When you laugh but wanted to scream instead.
I was destroyed. All that's left now is a mask. And that mask is mentioned for the worlds joy while my body is for the worlds pain. Give it all to me and I will bare this sin, this pain.
Call me insane but I'll come back to live again.
All I truly fear is myself.
I love everyone that disappointed me
And I remember all I failed.
May your life be better then this.
May you understand I love you all.
And my pain will grow so your smiles never fade.
My heart is with you.
My mind is gone.
My body all that remains.
This mask all that they will see.
Until I am no more.
Alexander Apr 2019
What can I say it's easy to love alot about you. It's easy to like everything about you. Ask me what I don't like you'll get a shorter answer.
Because I can't figure out a problem with you. I want you, I don't.
I care about you, I care more. I want to kiss you, then I'm over it.
I want to look at your lips, then I don't.
I like you. And the only thing I don't like is how much.
Like love care compassion want
Mar 2019 · 121
Hopping just hopeful
Alexander Mar 2019
Here I am just hoping.
Hopefully, thinking about you.
Thinking about one solid day.
Thinking about what I have planned.
The toys, the blindfold, the cuffs.
Thinking of teeth and hands.
Lips and tongue.
Thinking of how cute you'll be, waiting to see what I do,
Waiting to feel what Ill do.
Blindfolded and ready for me.
On your knees.
On your back.
Feeling every inch of you.
Knowing I want you.
But no ideas as to what's in store.
Hopefully I get that day.
I'll be hopping for it.
Craving it.
Mar 2019 · 121
Right now in this moment
Alexander Mar 2019
Right now in this moment.
I can't ******* stand it.
I can't fathom the things I plan to do with you.
Right now in this moment.
I keep thinking of my blindfold.
My cuffs.
My toys.
I want you to feel it all
The rush the thrill the want the excitement the lust the passion the care.
Right now in this moment
I want my hand around your neck
Your lips to mine.
Your hands on me.
Right now in this moment.
Tomorrow will be new and I won't feel the same way.
I never do.
So right now I want you.
So badly I'm insane
Right now in this moment.
I can't handle it.
Mar 2019 · 135
It's time.
Alexander Mar 2019
I won't say it no point.
I won't announce it.
I won't prep you for it.
No need.
I'm taking you here and now.
I'm going to taste what I crave.
Hear the sound I want.
And feel you move beneath me.
Mar 2019 · 491
My dream. (1)
Alexander Mar 2019
My dungeon, my toys, my way.
She walks in the room, in heals , tied at the wrists, blindfolded.
She walks in nervous, but ready.
She's here to learn how I'll take care of her.
She's here to experience my ways.
"Im excited for you my good girl",
I tell her her first stance, " inspection" using my crop whip, whipping each body part until she's in her proper position. Legs spread shoulders width apart, fingers locked behind your head, eyes straight, chin up.
Examining her body, making sure she's fine, no bruises, cuts , or scratches, she's perfect her body is something to cherish.
Making sure she loves every moment, every touch.
I take my step back, watching her as she waits nervously for my next decision, her body twitching with anticipation.
I lean forward into her ear, a whisper," wall stance", she gives me her hands as I guide her to the wall," hands over one another in an x, legs spread shoulder width apart , *** up." , She follows her command, to the letter.
My hands pull her hair back as I lean forward to taste her neck.
She let's out a whimper, "are you excited?" She groans with a smile ,"yes, very much so Sir".
So I continue.
I run my fingers down her back, before the flogger , I let it drag down her skin gently for her to feel the cold leather, after that, the sting of the flogger. She let's out a moan after moan again and again as it strikes her," It's time to slow down".

I get my crop ready for her beautiful ****. I run my hands over it, spreading her,  as I examine where to strike my crop first.
I pull my hand away an strike, She loves it. She let's out a moan with each sting . I can see her now, so wet her thighs are dripping, it's time to start.

Again I take my step back from her, I take a moment to see her beautiful body.
Back stripped with swollen streaks of skin, from the toys she chose, so sensitive a breath alone warrants a moan.
Her *** paddled red and ready sensitive to the touch, just a graze of the skin and she lifts for me, Asif ready for more, ready for all I can do.
I step away rummaging through a box in the corner ,she stands resolute beautiful wet sensitive and ready, waiting.
I come back with a few objects. I place a toy on the floor and look at her, " next position ,table". I bring her to her knees, hands on the floor extended past your head legs spread , back straight.

I adjusted the toy into position, my hands on her hips I guided her down and onto the toy. I helped her, thrusting her hips up n down on it until she kept going on her own.
I looked down at her with a smile," good girl you *** for me now", as he began to ****** her knees went weak ant the toy pops out. " Not yet" your not done yet" I push her head down, " cross your arms", "lift your ***" grabbing a different toy I slide it into her, one hand gripping her *** as my thumb rubs her *******. "More?" I ask as I go slow with the toy to start, teasing her to speak up, "I'll give you what you want, if your a good girl and tell me", pushing the toy deeper she almost came again from excitement, I pulled it out and waited,,"yes,Sir", " yes , what,  baby",I waited, " I want to *** for you, sir", I continue using the toy until she's shaking for me her *** running down to the floor puddling around her knees.
Exactly what she asked for.
Alexander Mar 2019
Every single discussion with you is insulting and angering.
Every date becomes a new problem and way to micromanage.
Every moment we could be laughing your acting disrespectful.
And I know you really don't understand.
I know you can't stop with your violent outburst.
I know you can't help but insult me when your not happy.
I know you have your own problems I am not included in.
But they are destroying everything we can save.
They are tearing apart everything we could've built.
Sorry is past us but I thank you and cherish you for it.
Making up was year one.
Getting over it and seeing past your flaws as they make you ,you.
Yet none of that matters after year 4
Now your a bully, an I the kid to scared to tell anyone what you do.
You who points the finger, instead of accepting faults.
I'm done

. and
Mar 2019 · 835
Feast of flesh
Alexander Mar 2019
I walked in ready to take you and the moment you looked me in the eyes you new it.
I walked to you grabbed your neck and stood you up. I kissed you biting your lip as my grip tighten.
I undressed you as my hands traced every inch of your body.
Tracking over every detail.
Soon naked I pushed you down on your belly and I lifted your hips your *** sticking up for me i grabbed it as I spread you for me see that beautiful bush and all, I bit down on your *** and my teeth follow down your thighs .Your already wet? I haven't had a taste yet. As I sink my tongue down and into you getting a full taste of you. Licking my way to your **** as i continue to lick and ****. I flip you on your back and continued until you *** for me.
But I can't stop I've had a taste and now I want more my lips and tongue twist a new language across your **** made just for you and your body.
I continue as your moan grows lowder encouraging me to do more licking and ******* as you continue to *** again and again for me dripping down my chin as I lick it off your body. Licking your **** and ***** following around to your cute ***.
After you've *** for me a few times I stood above you kissing you as your hands reach out for my belt. I can feel my hands already found how wet you are.
My fingers twist a tale as the find there way inside you I can feel you *** again as I rub for the right spot feeling you dripping as your hands already done away with belt button and zipper. Grabbing my **** as you *** again. I sit up as you begin to take me into your mouth. I feel your beautiful lips and tongue my body freezing up Asif forcing me to let you continue.
Soon I'm throbbing and dripping with your saliva.
I kiss you as I grab you lifting you into my lap as you grind down on me. Feeling me push deep ,your hips turn n twist.
We continue more n more until you feel me swelling inside you I grab your hips and push you down hard as you feel me now throbbing inside you, you *** for me again as I pull you up and throw you down on your back. Grabbing my **** as your *** still dripping down my shaft n ***** helps lubricate my final stroke as I *** on your chest belly n ****.
Alexander Mar 2019
I'm thinking you shouldn't be so close, your not looking at me like I'm Alex your looking at me like I'm the next meal.
But that's fine your an alpha, but I'm the bigger wolf.
Yes these eyes are grazing over your body.
Can you feel my mind? Can you feel my thoughts?
You'd already know why you should take a step back if you do.
I'm not me, I'm the wolf, hungry with prey in sight.
Alexander Mar 2019
All this time I've found, you to be compelling and comfortable to be near and around.
I've found your mind something that I can enjoy.
Your company something I can appreciate.
And your energy something to keep me excited.
Your kindness and dorky nature make me laugh and smile constantly.
And today was the day, I looked at you and actually thought she's beautiful, ****, attractive, wow.
I saw you at the beach today and yeah I gave you a look or two.
But it didn't register yet.
I had no idea a bomb would Go off in my head hours later in a Walmart, As I'm standing in a cereal isle.
I looked up at you as you dorkishly strolled down the isle and as you made me laugh, it exploded.
Look at her beautiful legs. How I'd love to bite and grab them.
Oh that marvelous back, how I'd love to drag my teeth across it.
Oh that beautiful neck, ohh, I want to grab it so.
Those lips, dark beautiful and ripe for a nibble.
Oh what an ****** dream of decadent delights.
Mouth watering.
Hours later you ask me what I'm thinking.
I'm thinking about what I'm going to do when I'm ready.
I'm thinking about who I want and how I want them.
And yes that's you.
And I was thinking about you. Now that I find you as attractive as i do yes your an attractive thought.
But one I genuinely enjoy.
Mar 2019 · 302
Aroused? No.
Alexander Mar 2019
Arousing me dose not stimulate my senses.
Being attractive won't get you anywhere or anything from me.
But actually being your self, being natural, being real, that's what gets me.
Be silly, because it's who you are, be kind, because it you.
Do that thing you do when you look at me, I feel it every time.
Keep it up I don't find your arousing, but amazing.
Aroused no, after today, no not at all, Im tantalized, twisted, words losing there meaning.
Not all words just the ones I have for you.
A pause for a moment.
I had to filter what I'd say to you.
Aroused is an understatement.
Mar 2019 · 929
You're making it hard.
Alexander Mar 2019
Your smile makes it hard not to tell you your beautiful.
Your eyes have made it hard not to tell you your mesmerizing.
Your voice makes it hard not to tell you your calming.
Your actions make it hard not to like you.
You're really making it hard.
For me not to like you so much.
Alexander Mar 2019
My mentality is sound no matter how insane or unstable, sound it is.
I am always mentally and physically in check.
But what happened with you was quick to leave my grasp of control.
I was doing so good.
Then your voice, you had to let it out, that moan, it instantly rewired my mindset.
I couldn't go on.
I had to stop.
I had to.
Mar 2019 · 82
I wonder
Alexander Mar 2019
Who's next
What's next
Why's time based on minutes? Seconds nano seconds?
When the universe is ever expanding so shouldn't time?
Why's life last so long?
What's with the lack of exploration of the deep sea?  
I wonder how many times she's been kissed?
What happened to the idea of becoming better now it's about being the same.
I'm at a loss for the lack of information yet the gain I stimulation is always great.
Mar 2019 · 88
Pain.. . .?
Alexander Mar 2019
I understand every level.
I understand what it's like to be tortured.
I've been destroyed.
I've walked in on them cheating.
I wasn't there to save her from a ****.
I held him as he died in my arms.
I couldn't stop her heart from stopping.
I couldn't get her to stop cheating.
I couldn't make them happy.
I sacrificed for the amusement of lovers.
I missed his last breath by a moment.
I've died and come back
I've understood suicide and accepted it.
I lost everything.
I had everything taken.
I have been brought to my knees.
I have been force to bleed
I've been stabbed shot at and tazzed light on fire and drown.
Had my stomach pumped.
My skull smashed.
My throat cut.
Pain? Really?
I've grown accustomed to it.
One day however, one day.
I won't be anymore.
Mar 2019 · 88
Yeah you..
Alexander Mar 2019
"**** my mind "you say? How so? In what ways?
Can you twist my thoughts?
Can you even comprehend them ?
Animalistic you said, but I am primal.
I know animalistic, for I've tamed my beast, my demon.
And on a short leash he will stay.
But how do you intend to do this? I wonder.
Can you understand that my mind has been in a black whole of unconscious and subconscious thoughts twisting my ideas into reality.
Know I am no clear thought but the mass of them.
I have no idea what I'm doing only that I'm compelled to do it.
Can you understand that there's a universal dimension of time that's frozen. Separate from ours but filling me with more content context and information for life then I truly understand.
Twisted In thought for life.
But what is this you say? How so?
Yet again the thoughts twisting.
Why must her words compel the ideas of everything and nothingness.
Yeah you...
Mar 2019 · 118
Interested and interesting
Alexander Mar 2019
I'm to forward to care for nonsensical thought.
I'm to honest to not be the real me.
But you've blown my mind.
Words twist as the imaginations vast content
Overloaded.
Thinking about thinking about thinking about you.
Thinking about why I feel you in my thoughts
Asif I know I crossed your mind
Yet the twisted thought of mine is none of a singular idea.
But a cluster of them building, that makes way for intresing ideas,twisted thought, lustfull questions.
A mind is a terrible thing to waist but with your words I doubt that's what's happening. No. Something interesting something truly of interest.
Just one statement can spark an idea
Mar 2019 · 97
Life.
Alexander Mar 2019
Twisted people and there ways
Demented the people and the actions
Kindness not pain.
But pain proceeds.
Man hurt man.
Man hurt women
Women hurt man
Women hurt women.
Life.
These people and there ****** up ways.
They aren't the example
The example is the few.
The example is the one.
The few that try
A helping hand
A beautiful word
A wonderful smile
These change a day in the best of ways.
But most shall destroy sit watch or listen.
Save them the need you.
Life is pain.
Be the release
Sep 2018 · 382
Our monsters shall play
Alexander Sep 2018
She wants more he feels her
Another predator has shown itself
His monster and hers wanting to fest on each other
There eyes in a war of wants
He attacks her his teeth his hands melting into hers his lips the air she breaths
He subdued her only to show he's the alpha soon she's bursting at the seams
Her beast within a roaring flame
His the fuel to keep it burning
Soon there limits have vanished
She pounced upon him grinding down to display her dance for a mate
Soon he has fully released his beast within his eyes telling her more and more
his eyes screaming to crave him as he did her
The ritual begins she mounted her prey her mate her craving
He letting go pushing in and feeling the universe unfold before him again all the wants and lust of the world again converging upon him as her eyes piece his souls
She wants this she wants to be marked and bred she want to be all he wants
His world collapsing around him as all of the wants and desires from within her speak to his soul
He explodes with overwhelming emotion lust passion and want
The beasts only craving more
#Thebeast #*** #lust #want #passion #****** #beasts
Sep 2018 · 1.3k
But if , but if only . . .
Alexander Sep 2018
If you found me,
If you found me you would let me go.
If you knew me,
If you knew me you wouldn't.
If you passed me
If you passed me You'd avoid my eyes.
If you loved me
If you loved You'd say goodbye.
If you saw me,
If you saw You would realize it.
But if only you knew,
But if only you knew.
Thinking of Malcolm James mcormic aka Mac Miller
You'll never be alone again bud
Jun 2018 · 2.3k
The fetish
Alexander Jun 2018
She's delectable
Her every word titillating
Her every touch ******
Lips meant for biting
Her voice meant to moan
Her body's meant for me
Her ******* meant for my teeth lips and tongue
Her *** filling my palms *** its pulled ,grabbed, spread an spanked
Her ******* waiting for my every touch an pull grab kiss and bite
Hips call to my teeth to be bitten,screaming for my hands for more grab them pull them
Legs begging to be kissed nibbled and caressed
Her shoulders and neck meant for my lips my hands my teeth
More I crave them all, the the taste calls to me screaming my name
Her ****** calls to me echoing in my mind forever to trigger my cravings driving me crazier ever time I see her
She's my fetish my craving my desire
My lustrous dream of craving.
Cravings fetish's
Feb 2018 · 310
Chaos
Alexander Feb 2018
His hands bleed as he clutches the shattered Peace's of her heart.
Doing his best to catch those glass like Peace's he bleeds as he smiles,I'm sorry about the blood, he'll say,
I didn't want them to slip away.
She sheds a tear understanding his struggle, but tells him to let go.
He's reply; I cannot I've picked up the Peace's and tho I bleed I won't let go.
"Why ?"she wondered. Why?
He tells her even broken this heart is a good one. And I have come to love each broken peace. The cuts a reminder for the effort it took to pick up them up and hold them together.
So I cannot let go for I love you.
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