Cold..,so cold..
Snow falls in mid february
You'd think like any other winter day but no..
It falls sharp
it falls fast
it hurts me
a sting as if my skin is being cut into and making me simultaneously hot and cold making sure i don't know which or how to feel about it
that's when i realize snow is not sweet and fluffy like the memories of your childhood pet laying against you under the summer sun or in a cozy home with the fire burning as she's tucked under her fleece blankets
snow is nothing but ice
sharp thick and dangerous like the chef knifes of infomercials that you'd watch because it's the adult thing to do
That you'd buy because it was the adult thing to have
days as these are when we realize reality is not your childhood memory
Reality is the grinch whos heart was 2 sizes to small because the heart shrinks as the mind and body grow
It is cooties turning into kisses
Kisses into ***
*** into broken hearts and tattered bodies
Reality is school going from learning colors and 123s to trigonometry and stressing to the point of suicide
Yet they yell words of compromise thinking you're no big deal
Whether your words are littoral or figuratively speaking
Yet don't they kinda go hand in hand
Reality It is from your worse problems being if you had a nightmare at five to living a nightmare not that of monsters under your bed but of the monsters in and out of your head
That make every step harder like they wanna build you up with lead
And making every hour longer adding sand mans sand to your eyes instead of your hourglass
Wishing you could just wipe the weary out of your vision because you aren't getting any more time
Everyday working schooling caring to death
Reality is like snow.
It's a memory from your childhood thinking it'll be light and fluffy
When it's really ice piercing your skin making you realizes that childhood memories stay that way for a reason

Stop please youre scaring me
The ***** in my arm wasnt self inflected
I dont know who did it
But i watch it run i feel the pain
Wait is that my arm?

These voices in my head
Ive heard them but buried them
Did i bury myself instead?

Just let me scream
I AM SCREAMING
but yOU ARENT HEARING
Im so cold
Or?
Is it hot. Its to dark to tell
Because is the you in the mirror
Or is you, me?
What the hell
WHO the hell am i suppose to be

Are you ashamed?

Of the lies that you told
The hearts that you broke
The dreams that you shattered
Of the hopes that you told

You and I were never the same
Never were you the better half of me

I watched it play
Like a movie screen
I was in the cinema watching this all time hit
The one with your hand raised
Such a good movie
It brought tears to my eyes
So sad and bittersweet
The ending itself was harsh

But then again when is life not
Life is real and true
But it is the saddest thing
Life hurts and kills

How can you even call it a life when you aren't living
To live is as cruel as the thought of having a life to “live”

Today I saw you
Right away
A smile, spread across my face
And still it hasn't gone away
Who knew that a few moments with someone
With anyone could make me so happy
My chest it hurts
My heart it's beating so fast
Cant breathe
Why?
You took my breath away
That's why
The low sound of your voice
Your sweet smell
It all kills me inside
I cant hide it from you anymore
My world...
Is what you have become

roaring and chanting
animals trampling

foreign language all around
lost and cant be found

don't understand where i am

figures... It's highschool

You know that feeling?
That feeling where your heart hurts
And you wonder how?
How can this little 8 ounce ***** hurt?
Its mind boggling.
It kills me because i dont want this pain
I dont want to hurt
I want to feel nothing

And why dose your heart hurt when your happy?
Then it hurts even worse when youre sad
Or you feel nothing at all
I mean i was so happy today and just this pain...
It just grew and grew till the point where i had to grab my chest and breathe
The pain it took my breathe away

I know i just was with you but the way you act is so loving but then youre so cold
How can my heart race with joy but be stabbed with pain at the same time

Its killing me. Your love is slowly killing me

I am not beautiful
I dont see what that means to people
Wether its hair or eyes or looks
Whether its a personality
That beauty form dosent really count to me

Beauty is looking at those eyes not for the colors or the speckles
But for the story behind.
When you look into them and see there soul and can tell that their world is changing.

Beauty is looking at someone and noticing all the quirks that mean so much more.

Why is beautiful a word marked on boards and not in our hearts

You are beautiful if you survive thats what i love about you okay?

Make me hate me
Rip and **** me
Beat me down to nothing

Pull my hair
Make me swear
Watch as i lose myself

Twist my arm
Break my bones
Im better off dead

I hate you all
Now let me go to bed

Take a gun
Put it to my head
And pull the trigger

Walk to the room
Put your hand on the light
Turn the switch off

Turn off my world
I dont give a **** how
But **** it all
And
MAKE
IT
END...

Its hard
So hard
Much harder
When you get the chance
To say... Goodbye

My solider
My traveling solider
You wore your heart on your sleve

You mean the world to me

In days you will be on the table
And they will rmove said sleve

Please come back to me
Because its easy to say goodbye when i didnt know
But now i know and i cant
I wont
Say
Good
Bye...

My solider

Scar
Scratch
Which made you crack
The memory or the action

Could it cause an attack
If we brought it back

Burn
Lick of the fire
Which gets you higher
The smoke around
The one within

Who will win
The memory
Your action
Or your repetition

Body please rest
Mind please ease
Even if you do

Friends dont let me be a memory

How long could i fly before i fall
How much time till the clock strikes twelve
How many steps till i hit the cliff
How many more times can i save myself

I wish i was a bird with light lead wings
Because i work so hard to fly and i know
I know
If i give way for a second
Even a second
Id fall

Would it be bad too?
After a drink or two the ground has never looked so soft
The concrete like bouncing rubber
Would i bounce

Another bottle pushes me off
Now i know what its like to fly

I hit
I hurt
I will not die

No matter how much i try

A drug is not a drug
A drug is a drug
As long as its an addiction

If you keep running back
If you keep getting high from the hit or the feeling
If you finally know the difference from want and need

Weither tis a needle
Or a kiss
Where youve been touched is warm
Itches and burns

Thats when you know youre addicted

I fell.
He caught me
He left the marks on my arms
And i will love them till they fade

His kiss drips with honey
His tongue a cool sting
Its so addicting

Draped in black followed by smoke
Im over come with infatuation
Im crushed..
And i love it

I feel it..
The callow aura surrounding those is draining me
Im nothing now
A hollowed out skeleton

Is this what it is to be truly tired?
To be truly exhausted

Im so tired of the lies
Tired of the hate
How we miscomunicate
Tired of the fakes
Tired of the way she looks
He looks
All the looks.

Im just tired of it all
So tired...

Arent you?..

Hello may i have three draws for lucky
May i have three draws

Miss may i ask what are three draws

The days you twit

Miss im sorry, you said it was three

Yes three and hurry...

She yells and hiss i try my best
She yells and hiss and im losing it

My head gets light my eyes feel heavy
And im losing it i feel it...

Here are your draws have a good day

She just walks away

I slowly count 100-1
I snap my wrist every time
I cringe from the pain
Put a smile on my face
Because its work

Next costumer..
Welcome, how are you today?

Its one o'clock in the morning
Staring at the static screen
Wondering what its like to dream

Every been so lonely it swallows you whole
Like alice ive tripped into wonderland
But the mad hatter is just mad
The red queen is just lonely
The rabbit is just lost and wants to go home

I wake up from the dream
Its night and im still here alone
Missing someone i dont have
Wondering when will it be okay

Night is a time to wonder
But i wonder about this land
And in time i come to understand
That no one can keep me up forever
So i just rest my head..

Every breath i take comes out as a shake
I cant control this beast inside
I am craving, dieing from this hunger to rage
I cant but i want
I wont but i will
Im a ******* contradiction to everything including myself
Red, all i see is her red hair
The red i wish to spill
The red she will swim in
I will smile for slaughter cannot be spelled without laughter
I am a sick twisted beast
An animal acting on instinct
What will i do
When will it end
How do i end it
She walks with fear trying to cover her tracks with a false bravado
A deer she is
Hunter i am
Go for the ****
Trapped in the headlights
Now all i see is red..

Under the blanket, so warm..
Dont want to leave
So warm and nice
Is this what its like?
Not wanting to get up
Is it the same as not want to live a "life"
Wanting to sleep forever
Is it the same as being under?
Just dont leave..
Just dont live..
Dont laugh
Just stay and love me
--------
So i told him yes
And stayed in his arms a little longer
Wrapped in them like a blanket
While he slowly pulled me under..

Walk by the loner
the boy in the corner
he is just the outsider
the one they over look
yet he will make the difference
the girl in the stall
crying out
in wretched sighs
like the soul is gasping for air
but do you bother? will you even care?
no its just another person
The pup on the street
ragged down
munching on scraps
do you save her
no you just let it be
let it be
let it be
said the beatles
but would they have if they knew what it’d mean
if they knew  that everyone would mind
mind their own business in time
yet in no time will they see
and we vanish
let us be

Pretty face, All that’s seen
Seen not heard anymore
The way mother says it should always be
Painted a pretty face to hide
Hide the shame
Pain
Blame
Lies
She just wants to die
Oh no
You’re too pretty to die
You must be mine
Says every ******* to every dime
Its hard when you want to just cry
Oh wait don’t
The mascara will drip
That *****
But take it
We arent all perfect
In fact there is no such thing
Perfection is another lie
The one mother cries
It makes me sick to think
Think that the one that brings you in
Brings me in to another lie
Lies on the ground and takes it
Its a thrill to get these chills
Chills down to realize the bruises
Bruises her ego to see how it looks
Looks on the other side
Thinks
****
Just messing up my situation