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778 · May 2018
Murmur
Alexis May 2018
I will give you
mountains,
with jagged
                     edges
that spell your name,

if you say but one word
from your silent lips
All echoes will clash together,
I will make them the triumphant song
of your arrival

a single tremble,
a whisper,
just a careless breath spilling
from your lips
would be enough

I am crumbling to dust
under the weight of your silence,


say one word of love or hate
from your lips meant just for me
and i will
            
give you mountains
jagged with edges that
spell your name

              
give me one sound,
just a hint of your
scarce voice
so I know you still
exist
602 · Jun 2018
Habits
Alexis Jun 2018
I have grown
accustomed to a certain
way of existing.

because
you have somehow sprouted
around my weary heart like lush ivy.

twisting,

turning,

intertwining,

knotting yourself up into
even the most solitary of shadows.
and gripping on so tightly,
that sometimes I remember it's the reason
why it gets so hard to breathe
when I think of you.

and
you no longer are separate from
myself.

you have grown onto me
in a way no one ever has before. you hold
such a powerful grip
over the feebleness
that has aged on the edges
of my soul.

and
it doesn't matter if you
want me or not,
for I have grown an unlikely habit
of holding you in my heart.

and I am not accustomed to
letting you go

Because separating even an inch
of you away from me could cause a
mental breakdown.

I am not accustomed to
loving anyone else.

you have become my whole reason to live,

and I am
irrevocably in love with you,

Only you

you are a habit
I just can't let go of
507 · Jun 2018
Daylight
Alexis Jun 2018
I’m so exhausted
of reliving the same pain
and then dying  from it
over and
   over and
      over again

you  never leave my
                                     mind

every thought of you
rises in me like a new dawn
every memory stains my eyes
with tears that linger within me like stars  
in plain daylight
dimming the sun to a point
where I can barely see

your love has buried me
so     deeply within      myself,

I rise and you begin to  rise within   me
like a wondering shadow clinging to the side of the   moon


but is forever lost

because the daylight finally shines in my eyes
and this time I won’t let it go
452 · Mar 29
The Girl in the Mirror
Alexis Mar 29
We've all imagined
Wedding dresses and vails
growing up
losing our pig-tails and overalls
trading them in for
beach waves and crop tops
only for the person in our
Reflection
to turn into a complete
s t r a n g e r

staring blank faced at a girl you can't recognize anymore
drawing imaginary lines on our bodies with our eyes
cutting away the imperfections with
our hands shaped as
scissors,

wishing
we could look like
the models in the magazines
or
the actresses on the tv screens
But, society tells us
we can Never be
Skinny
enough
Never be
Pretty
enough
That our features will
NEVER
be
Good
e n o u g h

Because the girl in the mirror who has lost all hope
can Never amount to
what we have been taught from the time we could
walk and talk
what beautiful is;

We went from carefree children
to teens who are
depressed and anxious
all the time
most of us addicted to Nicotine and Alcohol
our parents tell us to smile and quit with the attitudes
but behind closed doors we criticize ourselves
enough

The little girl in her pigtails
playing with everyone on the playground
so innocent
so pure
get labeled as a racist
in the 6th grade because her skin is white

By the time she enters high school
she knows better than to state an opinion,
the teachers know Best,
never stand up to a man,
he's superior to you,
even when behind the closed doors
he touches you when you say STOP
but you know better than to say something
cause you had to have wanted it,
take it as a compliment,
it just means you're pretty

if you say anything you'll be labeled as a
W h o r e
if you keep quiet it's an invitation for
M o r e

people asking
"why do you flinch at a simple touch?"
how do you explain years of torment to a complete
s t r a n g e r,
you don't, you smile and act dumb

pretty is a vocabulary word to describe anyone
but the girl that is seen in the mirror
because she is
Not
Good
e n o u g h
and she knows that

she has lost friends cause she can't trust them

she changes her style monthly

trying sooo hard just to be
accepted
she doesn't remember
the little girl in pigtails,
she doesn't remember
what a real smile looks like,
the pain behind her eyes
c l o u d s
her reality
the voice in her head telling her
"you're eating too much"
"you're an idiot"
"you'll never amount to anything"
and she
s     l     o     w     l    y
fades away
til there is nothing left
to put back together
cause her mind and heart are
s c   a   t t e  r e     d
aimlessly
shes numb and she
thinks, this is what happiness feels like
no more pain
no more criticizing
No, more
pretending to be okay
243 · Oct 2018
After all this time
Alexis Oct 2018
We’ve known each other for two years,
So, why now
Why, After all this time
You acted as if you dispiesd me;
You taunted me, called me names
The script you read burned holes through my heart
The less you knew the better

The constellations that formed from the stars in your eyes, used to make my thoughts freeze
But after all this time, I’ve moved on,

and yet the curiosity has gotten me
After all this time I’m
Tongue tied,
a twisted mind
Over the mystery of you,
Wanting to know
Every dimension of your personality,
Your mannerisms,
And what makes you laugh,
So I can strive to be that one person
That truly knows you,
So I can be on your mind,
Like you’re on mine

Every moment of the day
Even after all this time,
I am lost, swimming
In a sea of irrational possibilities
That maybe you could like me too
189 · May 2018
The mirrors distortion
Alexis May 2018
A mirror tells lies
Wrapped in pretty paper and bows
Because those of you fortunate enough to look beautiful in a mirror
Are rotting to the bone with a disease
Influenced by social media
“NORMS”
their beauty doesn’t go deeper than their skin
To find the real beauty in someone
You must look past their outward appearance
And into their
Soul

If you want to see someone truly beautiful
Go look into the mirror past the makeup
And into the heart
of the person you know best
Yourself
Because you are the definition of beautiful
In every dictionary around the world

beau·ti·ful
ˈbyo͞odəfəl/Submit
adjective
pleasing the senses or mind aesthetically.
"beautiful poetry"
synonyms: attractive, pretty, handsome, good-looking, alluring, prepossessing; More
of a very high standard; excellent.
"the house had been left in beautiful order"
Alexis Jan 2019
The Words That Broke me to Rubble

The mountains I once said I would climb for you,
Have come crashing down
You are that one who caused it to ignite
The dynamite that turned stone to ash
The words that would sarenate me,
now drive daggers through all who are gullible enough to listen
Your words broke me to rubble
Your gaze broke my heart
Your touch shattered my skin
The mountains I once said I would climb for you,
Have come crashing down
And there is no one at the bottom to save me from hitting the ground
If you haven’t yet read my poem murmur
Alexis Jan 2019
I'm here sitting
alone,
the smell of coffee runs through
my veins,
some music I probably will forget
playing in the background
In a few years I'll be arguing with
the thought of you,

But I'm here,
I am here,
writing about what's happening

pretty boring right?

I call myself a poet
but I can't use simple metaphors,

I call myself a poet
but I can't describe exactly
how you make me feel

I call myself a poet
BUt I'm not so...
what am I?

I'm just a kid
scared of life and the dark
finding new ways to cope
searching for someone to love,
desperate,
not holding unto my dreams
how can I choose with my mind
what's right for the heart to choose.

And you see?
Don't you see?

don't worry I can't see it either

I can't see how I am
I can't see how other people see me
I wish I could.

I want to believe this was a dream
or
a nightmare at that.

But at last.
I'm here wishing that in another life
I could be with you,
or
maybe in other deaths,

I wish to be there
I wish to see what I can't
with coffee waking up my senses
like a kid in summer waking up early
to go play with his friends.

I wish things were different,
so I wouldn't have to wish anymore
73 · May 2019
Dreams
Alexis May 2019
May your dreams attend
the Sandman’s watch
with happiness and bliss,
and may those dreams be soothing
as the lightest fairy’s kiss.

May evil tidings yet abide
in cells you’ve buries deep.
Let not even the strongest rumors
of their shadows ere
disturb thy sleep.

Put aside your cares and woes,
and for this night abide,
where azure waves
lap silver shores
and hopes drifts
along with the tide.

And so, goodnight.
I wish thee well
and when you next arise
let nothing stop
thy happiness
beneath the golden laced,
pastel skies
21 · Mar 30
Dear Future Self
Alexis Mar 30
It's weird to think that I am you
and you are me
we may not live the same life
or like the same things
but I am you
and you are me

It's weird to imagine how you
wish upon the same star that I do
but we wish for different things
I wish for a fulfilled life
a family
a future
I have no way of knowing what you wish for
but still, I am you
and you are me

It's weird to think that you have grown so much
from where I am today
I look back 6 years from now,
and I don't recognize myself
Is it the same when you think of who I am today
no matter how different we may seem
I am you
and you are me

— The End —