I'm suicidal
I'm no more hiding
The pain inside me
Consuming me
Overruling me
What does it feel like being free?
Free of secrecy
Free of pity
Free of poverty
Free of being lonely
Of being unhappy
Free of self-doubt
Self-hate
Being unconditionally loved
How does that feel?
Does it feel free?
Or will love never be enough?
Or pain-free?
Love is depressing
For some a blessing
For others a lesson
But for me, its just another form of abuse
I feel used
Mis-used
Re-used
Confused
Love is abuse
Over-used
Suicide is my only way through

My star
Shining distant afar
Spaced apart
Yet close to my heart
She smiles through the miles
Brightening up my world inside
I Look up at her at midnight
When the storm is quiet
And the earth is silent
She shines through the darkness
Waking up feelings every night
Instilling quiet happiness
Fulfilling inner peace
Her brightness never decrease
My star is the reason I live
I forgive
I still believe
She is my brightness through the grief

Will you marry me?
All of me
The sad me
The bipolar me
The over-emotional me
The over-sensitive me
The clingy me
Would you really marry me?
Carry me
When I can't carry myself?
Love me
When I don't know how to love myself?
Be there for me
When I have no-one else?
Is it possible to marry me?
The depressed me
The anxious me
The low self-esteem me
The me who suffers from PTSD
The obsessive me
Over-possesive me
Jealous me
No
I'm sorry
No-one deserves someone like me

When you're feeling down & worthless
Hopeless
Helpless
Because you're loved less
Depressed
Filled with unhappiness
Sadness
I feel lifeless
Prideless
Striving less
Thriving less
Deserving of my sad mess
My slow progress
I deserve my loneliness
My unsuccess
I am laying my soul to rest
Because my life is in distress

Shattered sunflower
Pain overpowers
This battered flower
Unable to bloom
When she feels doomed
Light like a feather
She gets drained by the weather
Rain, please not again
Storms enhancing the pain
Lightning keeps her afraid
Quietly she waits
For the sun to rise again
The feeling of warmth
The storm when its gone
And the silence reborn
The pain relieved
When the light increase
My heart in disbelief
The sun brought her true peace

You are a fraction of perfection
Your hearts filled with purity in every section
Your smile is beauty in its own reflection
This connection
Is effortless attraction

I contemplated suicide
I attempted suicide
I ran out of room to hide
Ran out of people on my side
I tried
I cried
I lied
Even confide
But the pain won't subside
The hurt won't divide
Suffering in silence
Seeking help in silence
But they silence us
They break our trust
The loneliness eating away at us
Take away the brokenness
The parts that are unendingly vulnerable
Fragile
Brittle
We're crumbling
Suffering
Our lives are in trouble
Crawling
Falling
Dead inside
Deadly alive
Death will be my pride
My escape
From the hate
The pain
Please don't let my death be in vain

"I miss you"
Does not justify how much I miss you
I hope you're doing okay
I'm busy going astray
Wetting my pillow every day
When's the pain going away?
Or is it here to stay?
How long will the love remain?
It reminds me of you every day
I want to call, but I wouldn't know what to say
You I betrayed
In the worse possible way
Feel like I'll never be okay
But I made my bed
This bed of regret
I've met
I miss you, never forget
I love you, never neglect
My hearts still imperfect
Still love you for all your effort
Your impact
You made me feel perfect
But I took you for granted
When only love you demanded
I sincerely apologize
For lies
For cries
Today, my soul dies.

I've lost you
Haven't forgotten you
Your memory
Is engraved within me
Reminiscing
About our beginning
Our healing
Our true feelings
To my life you brought true meaning
Now I'm experiencing
A lost feeling
A sore feeling
With painful meaning
Hurt releasing
Heartache triggering
From your loss
Standing at death's cross
Gone and lost
Life must go on
But my life will mourn
Love you even in the beyond
In my memory, you will forever live on

She is the epitome of breathtakingly stunning
A rare sight I'm desiring
Admiring
Fate brought us into the union
A bitter sweet taste of confusion
Over-estimated by distance
Rejected by resistance
My heart yearning in persistance
A vision suffering from pure reminisce
Her being took over my thoughts
Her soul is where I yearn to belong
Battling between my heart and mind
Geography treating us so unkind
Lord please let her heart be mine
Let her soul be mine
Let her body be mine
Let her love be mine
Praying to exist in her presence
Thank you Lord for her existence
Her perfect essence
She is my true blessing
Thank you for sending her through my path
I promise I will love her with all my heart