Crying so hard you gum up the works
flem and spit that's gotta go down
nowhere else but the throat

Saying the wrong thing
being met with immediate silence
as you sweat and shuffle in your shoes

Hearing the wrong thing
and not knowing if you should speak
so you swallow followed by
'uuu-'ntil someone stops you

I feel like I'm stuck
on what is
and what's snot

Post nasal drip
is when mucus in the nose
drops down to the throat

Voice coated and smothered

'It's not that bad’
a prime example

Single file line
Stand up straight
Sit cross legged
Don’t talk

Single file line
Stand up straight
Sit cross legged
Don’t talk

Take a buddy
Stand up straight
Sit cross legged
Don’t talk

Take a buddy
Stand up straight
Sit at your desk
Don’t talk

Take a buddy
Don’t leave your seat
Sit at your desk
No talking

Hurry back
Don’t leave your seat
Sit at your desk
No talking

If everything
Was to prepare me
For real life
Or the next grade
Why do you
Keep changing
The instructions
And why did no one
Ever teach me
How to talk

I like to be in my room with the lights off
I like the way darkness feels as it wraps it’s cold hand around me
I like how quiet the lack of light can appear to be
And how loud it is when you learn to listen

I like when there are no street lights on outside my window
When I’m not the only one covered in the blackness of the night
It is so hard to feel alone when everyone is the same
Stuck in the timeless embrace of shadows

But

Again and again the sun will rise
And it will cover the earth as if it had never left
Leaving the opposite to feel what i had felt
Warming my face with the daily schedule

When the sun is up I have to do everything
When the sun is down I get to do anything
The biggest difference imaginable by just two words
Could be the reason anyone ever truly lives

I can feel it on the nape of my neck
a single drip slip sliding down

Is it me or the heat?

My breathing is shallow
calmly alarmed
afraid to exist past the lips

Nervous of the temperature
this place generates
weathered down to the pore
with no semblance of rest

Did I make a mistake
in not finagling for AC
and laying under layers

as i drink the sadness
of the stars
gulp it down
to the lees
i wonder
what's a greater agony
going to bed with the crushing
burden of your own existence
or
the deafening echo of the universe
saying that you don't matter

all my life
i've been preparing faces
to meet the faces that
i've met

friends
family
the man who delivers newspapers
at our doorstep each morning

i've laughed at their silly jokes
as they tossed their heads from side to side
in naive stupidity and their sheer ignorance
a pompous lot, the human race i tell you

i've acknowledged their staunch morals
and tried to make them my own
as they scorned at the girl in a skimpy dress
and chewed on mutton bones gluttonously

all my life, i've been trying hard
to blend in
with people who've shown me
that i don't belong with them

and tonight when i shed gallons of tears
i have only my bed and pillow to share
i've learnt that my sadness
is my very own