“Go be free.” I said

“It’s the right thing”
And instantly regret it.

"If you love someone set them free"
I lied.

"Be free to make decisions without having to factor me in"
Internally kicking myself.

"I thought about what I said and I'm sorry"
Warmer.

"I want you to consider me in your future"
Better.

"You were struggling and I was scared you'd leave, instead I  should have pulled you close to me and reassured you of my love"
Correct.

"I understood what I did, and I understand it might take you some time, but I'm going to fight for us. I'm coming for us. I'm going to get you back"
True.

"I love you, I'm in."
Love.

Dreams we dream of you and me.
Dreams, a song we sing.
You dreamed our cottage by the sea
And a meal after a swim.

I promise I’ll come home for tea.
And a *** to cook it in.
It has a lifetime guarantee
And recipes for chicken.

Dreams we dream of you and me
Dreams a day of rest.
Paradise a prophecy
Two lovers manifest.

It’s an angry girl music morning
In the good way
Channeling shakti through my veins
Out through my fingers
Power in my feet
Certainty in my voice
I feel like I can part the sea
With my words.
Divine feminine energy
My namesake,
Glorious victory
Through peace.
Worn on my sleeve
Like I’m curling a bicep.

I am a musician
And a poet
And an artist.

I have the ear
And the mind
And the eye.

Which has qualified me to say,
Your heart and mind and physical design
Are beautiful in every way.

In the water,
I find your face in the sacred geometry of the waves and the swirling of the sky.
Birds fly, whistling overhead.
I hear your name in the flutter of their wing
and sighs on the current of air,
When I conjure you to my mind.
Each parcel of rainbow light, your love.
Today the sand is soft and warm.
I let it stick to my legs and fall through my fingers.
Pondering this universe in the fractals of the dancing landscape.
Floating weightless and in love.

History could hold
Clues to the mystery of
The mind and its way.

Take a moment to
Spend time in the memory
Of the day before.

A wise doctor said
We should try to make love work
Throw the sink at it

Your heart will always beat,
With or without my love.

But only you could have shown me
Where I can touch it.

The fifth intercostal space,
Beneath your ****** line.

This sacred place under your breast,
The apex of your beautiful heart.

Now when I find my own,
I can only think of you.

Truth is dead.

I am so full,
Little laughs burst out of my mouth
And skips hop from my feet
Twinkles sparkle out of my eye
And happy sighs
I am so full
Kisses escape my lips
And loving words tumble out
My lungs contain shouts
Of excitement.
I am so full
I’m fat with love
For you.

If Love is only
Some chemicals in my brain,
This brings me comfort

Proof that Love exists,
Does not reduce its meaning,
Just the opposite.

Am I drunk? Or are,
Oxytocin, dopamine
Coursing through my brain?

Hypothalamus
Shutting down so we can rest
Sweet R.E.M dreams.

When I look at you
My Occipital Lobe makes
My pupils dilate

When you talk to me
My Broca’s Area fails
And makes me so dumb

An onion can grow from a seed,
            From a tiny place and start its  life  
                                                   from the beginning,
                                                      ­                         to its end.

Or an onion  can grow from a broken piece of itself.  
           If it’s tended to carefully
                                and the conditions are favourable.
                                                                ­          And go on again

  To begin again.

When I told you
I had looked up the time of the sunset and the point that was scored when everyone cheered.
                       When we first kissed because I was sure
                        It was at the same moment.

You told me that
You had searched medical record for the date and time
Of the patient you saw
                      When we met that first time.
                      Because you needed to know.

Little by little your tiny hands
And soft cheeks, you're so close to me
Unravel into each other

Remembering the every day magic
Ernest and shy.
Nervous and happy.

And.

Lovely alone time with you.
At last a moment together
You and a view, take me now.

Kisses so soft and gentle
Under the sun setting sky
Nearly sixty thousand people cheered for us

Let’s make a world,
Where at the end of a long day of work
I could hold your hand to your car outside
And give you a chaste kiss
Just a simple thing,
That a new couple does  
Because they will miss each other
Because you are working late
And flying home the next day.

Let’s make a world
Where one day, if we were married  
We could be out at work,
And I could give you a chaste kiss when your start your day and I go to my ward
And you to yours.
And when we fly to your home country
We could look after your parents together.
And when they die I could hold your hand at their funeral
And swing my arm around you.
And take you home.
Just a simple thing a couple does
Because they love each other.
Let’s make that world.

To lie down with you  in the peace and quiet
To feel your soft touch and body near mine
Pressed against me
Your warmth and taste
Your fragrance and pulse
To hold you and be near you
To feel whole and complete
Next to another whole complete person.
To have you want me and to want you too
To save this touch and put aside my longing
To hold you and pick you up with ease
Lean into the here and now
For the rest of the day
And dwell into the eve.

The quiet hum and midnight darkness
Cool and contained you sit, sealed tight.
Cool air on my face and there you are
Illuminated in the blue fridge light

I roll and turn you in my hands
And hold your glass up to my cheek
Vinegar stings my fingertips,
But the brine is salty and the onions sweet

I replace the lid and seal the jar
I place you back with care
Until my lips taste you again,
I’ll remember you there.

Little seeds, growing.
Little shoots, showing.
Water gently flowing,
To seeds in the ground.

Little bulbs, forming.
Little layers, warming.
Sunlight is transforming,
Little onions in the ground.

Come sit here with me my friend.
Come and rest your weary feet
A comfy seat and window pane
As we watch the passing trains
And people on the street.

Come sit here with me my friend
Come and share with me your day
This sunny view and empty chair
Are not the same
Without you sitting there.

Christmas is here.
Your absence is my present.
How lucky I am
To have the gift
Of missing someone like you.

2020 Vision.

There’s no flying cars
We’re not living under the sea
Mars is still unsettled
Mail is not sent by rockets
But in 2020 all apples have faces now.

Apes have not evolved to work for us
Aliens have not made contact
We still have ten toes
We can not yet breathe under water
But in 2020 we sing songs instead of talking

There is still hunger
There is still war
We can’t yet teleport to a holiday destination
Or read each other’s minds
But in 2020 dorkiness got into the water supply.
Hibernation became an art form
Hermits live in communes
Elle Kay and Veda were never strangers again.

Poor rocket man your pride.
Like the black on my shirts hanging inside out in the sun
You miss the darkness of the sky and the glitter of stars
You just realised, I see in your eyes.
How far away you are.

Poor rocket man your weakness.
Flying to the moon never satisfied you.
From your house in the suburbs here on Earth
A heart that conquered the universe and,
The feeling never escaped you.

Poor rocket man your humanity,
You remember when the scenery flew by at the speed of sound,
Your feet never touched the ground
Remembering you lived in the sky.

I glimpsed you in the universe last night
A shimmering body revealed to me,
Made of Saturn's rings, and stars and heaven.
Resplendent in celestial light.
I felt you follow me on my walk this morning,
Each ray of sun, pebble, and leaf.
Sparkling dewdrops and breeze, your gentle apparition.
When fate forked out in front of me this day,
On the eve, of the anniversary of your death,
In the red heart of despair, and desperation
Your face was clear in my mind, and I would know it.
So that this time I may make a difference.

I think about you when I see a barefoot rider.
Or hear Fields of Barley or Is this Love.
Lime cordial doesn't taste the same.
And an egg is just an egg now.
Crying Little Birdy, dappled light and swaying curtains
Or alto voices that are lower than mine but just as bright.

I think about you when I use a dishwasher stick
That has the scourer with the detergent in it.
When I sit over the crack in a couch.
When it rains and it's cold.
When I have cold feet.
When I slip into cool sheets.

I think about you when Father Ted is on.
Imagine you in Paul Kelly songs.
When I smell cut wood, sanded back.
Or salt air.
Or see grey hair and weathered loved houses.
Or women in vests with lilac blouses.

I think about you in the water,
When I'm in the shower, or at the beach.
When it rains and when I drink.
In the blue and green and sometimes silver.
Or when I'm smothered in an unrequited love
That isn't yours.

You are the sea.
You are cruel.
You are cold.
And I love you.