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1.3k · Oct 2019
depression genesis
Laokos Oct 2019
the closeness of
my soul is
upon me
with the
right music

the body eats
and eats
eats - i can't
help but
feed it

the heart cries
and sings
between each
stranger it lets

madness encircles me
like a kettle
of raptors

my spirit reeks
of death
the genesis birthed
from it

the greatest
opportunity to
develop and
grow beyond
my tired limitations

i am not
done yet . . .
722 · Jul 2019
looking back, ahead
Laokos Jul 2019
ring the
crystal chime

ring the
my mind is
a stallion

ring the
to all the people
that at least tried to
love me

ring the
break like the ocean
against the cliff

ring the
and watch every
crown melt

ring the
and bless your

ring the
and fade away

ring the
you are no

ring the
you never were

ring the bell
    your time
     was here
     was now
     was yours

did you drink it deeply

did you try

every moment
was treasure
every moment
was fleeting
every moment
was hiding
every moment
was yours
every moment
was beautiful

like first

like a crying

like a

like sleep

ring the bell then and

your smile
was here

and it had
more power
than all
the gods
618 · Sep 2020
the eddy left behind . . .
Laokos Sep 2020
folding the sirens of
eternity in on themselves
as this scant hour
rebuilds its stage
over and
in the light of my eyes

already there is a perception
of being caught
in a loop - of a lesson
playing out
before a malady
of ignorance

i am free to see it
and i am free
to miss it

it is the long
of the breaching
whale - an exchange
of currents for
the transformation of
sky into
ocean depths

it is
hidden union
in transience

in beautiful
600 · Jun 2019
circus, umbra/arcadia
Laokos Jun 2019
I think about
the veil most
of us

the one
that seeks to
distance us
the ugly,


severe directness

of the cold scales
of survival.

-we are not so far

   the 9 to 5
    the supermarkets
     the advertisements
      the entertainment
       the gas stations
        the toilets
         the dinnerware
          the morning talk shows
           the sidewalks
            the right angles
             the hot showers
              the doors
               the locks on the doors
it all adds
to the illusion

they're all
monkeys clamoring
to distract

this man-made
cacophony is
a powerful
and we
to our own
quite easily.

                                                     I lost
                                                sight of  the
                                            sun below the  h
                                             orizon.   I had t
                                               oo many que
stions to ask before the earth came between us.  and now the night
                                reminds me that she never left.
                                            mute         music
                                            magic       mother
   ­                                                    you
If reading on mobile, horizontally makes spacing correct.
558 · Apr 2020
Laokos Apr 2020
all the
great religions
of the world
are ships

i am more
in the
Laokos Apr 2020
"isn't that something you
want?" she asked.
"no" i replied. "what i desire cannot be given. only by providence can that which is unattached be realized and only by letting go can it be integrated."
"well then...", she said with a smile,
"...perhaps it's time, hmmm?"
and at that she folded
in on herself
over and over
like complex origami
until she became
a butterfly.  

then she fluttered
into my
chest and took
root in my heart
like a seed.  

she grows there
now like a low moon
lover bathing in moonshine,
dripping in starlight,
changing in
the glow.
490 · Apr 2020
ultra violet knife
Laokos Apr 2020
a minute too late
or a minute too

solitude in spades;
loneliness laurels.

no avoidance of
the void dance.

shamanism in the
modern age.

the glow of consumerism
fading in and out
like shallow breaths.

the light flickers only
a moment before red
turns to black.

a lifetime arrives
like that.
406 · Dec 2020
she said
Laokos Dec 2020
what are we
even doing?

I can't
promise you

I'm leaving,
I have to
do this

I've never
been on my
own before
and I want to
see if I
can do it

I can't be what
you want
me to be

if it's meant
to be
it's meant
to be

I saw your
at the bar
last night

it's not
that I don't want
to see you,
it's just that
I don't
have time

I would
say we should
grab a beer
and catch up
I'm only in
town for
a little bit
and my family
comes first

you could've
reached out
to me too
you know

you have
my number,
I don't
why you
talking to me?
382 · Mar 2020
basking basilisk
Laokos Mar 2020
the sweet succor of
my own narcissism reflected
back to me from the mirror
in the bathroom; i am a crocodile
warming in the sun.
373 · Aug 2019
Laokos Aug 2019
torn free from the ground of
pregnant ideas and withered
internal dialogues.

aloof in the face of destiny, crying
for refuge among the disowned,
the dismembered, the disinterested.  i
alone exist in the maelstrom of abstraction
crafted painstakingly through my ages
and seasons.

a mind as sharp as mine
to raise me without feathers
and place me
among the mulch.

i blanket my canvas with
woes and worries alike, neglecting
the foul-mouthed begotten son
arranged among the pillars left standing.

crooked trees and iced stone to
through these ears of clay.  

i miss the days of youthful
ignorance and exuberant hope shot at my
future like a cannon of pride
and confidence.  

today the final summer flowers exhale
notes of sweet becoming, ever mingling
with the hum of nature's eternal embrace.  
the bodies celestial in ambiguity spin and
swirl in irrevocable sincerity.  from rise to
fall, through night and naught, the world
recurs again to weave itself anew.
356 · Sep 2019
. . . forge (t)
Laokos Sep 2019
what we become in
    rejection to the templates
        we succumb to
a positive negation of what
we once believed to be our
cast aside even the idea
of a revelatory rebirth
silence and space do not
    describe it
emptiness, void - they too fail
the more i write about it,
the less i say about it
338 · Sep 2019
the yielding prisoner
Laokos Sep 2019
the last
vestiges of my
terminal romance
are sputtering out

God is blowing
smoke rings
around my heart

the people that feign
caring talk
about fish
the sea

one workday is
followed by
many more
of the same

and the
days off

335 · Sep 2020
Laokos Sep 2020
the   view
                            stands beneath
the carousel efforts
to blast through
impregnancy aBLOOM!!!!
(w)ith feral legacies
aligned intimately ornately
     posthumous adulterer
awakens    in               need
****** corrective agency
towards Fenitbow
           and Glightrovee  ab-surd as
qua as qua
asqua aqua qua
a^s is trite melody infer[no]
t a x i     yellowing  each pavement
by truth in yo ' fa ' ' lo ((lo))
    i by horns and turns
in plyable waves arrest
what justice      juices
quai noyh thlume
323 · Oct 2019
slow learner sojourner
Laokos Oct 2019
. . . and finally i
allow the sun to
set on another
failed love

two years too
late ?  or maybe
right on
time . . .

my shell and my
spear - this heart
of mine in its
place of power
again ,
but changed

as an emerald bird
of thunder
frees the water
from its cell
in the
295 · May 2020
before the alarm
Laokos May 2020
brief echoes of the past
arrange themselves in my present
like shadow puppets on the backs
of my eyelids while i sleep.  

there is an uneven fulcrum
digging into my lower back no
matter how i turn my long

my eyes open into
the same familiar room, with
the same familiar speckles on the
ceiling that they always do.   the
shadows resume their innumerable
forms and i wake
to write another step towards
the beveled edge of immortality.
291 · Nov 2019
under a birthing sky
Laokos Nov 2019
i counted all the
times you helped
me to see
the uglier angles
of what i
present as myself

i always believed
in the image i
had of you in
my mind.  one
of a goddess
among men - among
apes with smartphones
but , as
i got closer , i
realized that your
face was nothing
like that goddess ,
that you were
just another girl-ape
with a smartphone
trying to be
whatever someone or
something told you
to be

i lost count
i lost faith

you are below
the wind now

delighting in flesh
in dark rooms
that hide your
pain for a few minutes

in love
only in
286 · Oct 2020
Orpheus cum nubibus
Laokos Oct 2020
i am Orpheus in the clouds
playing clown for the masses.

i'm half of the shaft of light
breaking mosaically into
millions of pieces across the kitchen floor.

i'm a smoky chandelier swaying with
the bravado of a censure on high-holy-day.

i'm the royal velvet lining your blood.

i am a poem, without reason, read to you
by a stranger.

i am 200 tons of cracked granite one thousand
feet above you splitting off from the face of
the mountain.

but more so than any of that,

i'm a peculiar kind
of nothing

typing words onto
screens before
i die.
281 · Jun 2019
net worth
Laokos Jun 2019
you are a fisherman's

you stretched
as soon
as you left my hands
to catch all the
fish you


i'm sure you did -

of them.

you're very good

at catching


you're not so
good at
catching just

272 · Oct 2019
long, blonde
Laokos Oct 2019
those long legs
and hips
to sink into

blonde , college girl
in my building

sometimes , if i'm
lucky , when i sit down
to eat some
rice i catch a
glimpse of her
starting her run
across the street
from my balcony

those three seconds
are sometimes the
best part of my

i'm embarrassed to
admit it but
the other day
i took my time
eating my
rice , hoping to
see her again for a
few seconds at the
end of her run

i waited
and the sun
went down

orange and
crimson and
purple and

until there
was only broth
left in my

and not
a long blonde
miracle in sight
260 · Jun 2019
a cold comfort
Laokos Jun 2019
in place of a
lover's embrace
I fill my chest
with smoke.

I suspect now
there are more
walls around my
heart than ever

there was once
a light called hope
beaming brightly

but that light
was just a trick.

what was once
a raging pyre,
is now but a
few embers glowing
softly in a
charcoal bed
of gray and black.'s not any of you.

too much given?
the price to learn,
at least for
something like

I sit quietly in
a dark room
just listening
to: cars, planes,
people and dogs
pass in and
out of existence.

there is a pleasing
chill coming
through the open
a delicate intrusion
of Winter at night.

a car locks,

a pipe bangs,

a door opens
259 · Jul 2020
in turn
Laokos Jul 2020
i never thought this day would come
with death's dusty pink collar
blooming in senescence as
the goldfinch flies with
exuberant locution.

what tome have you written in your
faulty hand? blameless brokenness
becomes me as
the light of tomorrow's sun
reaches these cracks today.

i'm no puzzle...i walk the line
of cynicism and bitterness
leaving yesterday's
nubile romance face down
in a shallow puddle of rain water in the
street. the sign said 'STOP' and that
was the end of its instruction.
257 · Jul 2019
Laokos Jul 2019
another page

with words

on it.

     another extraction

     from , spilling

     free.  ashes from

                ritual to the

                dexter , projections

                of intimacy to

                the sinister.

                           this space does

                           not allow

                           anything and yet

                           is open to everything.

a lightning strike

s  l  o  w  e  d

to  the


of  a

l  i  f  e  t  i  m  e  ,


behind your eyes.

     the circuit is

     already complete.

but not fate , not

          determined , not


don't you remember ?

you already let go.
read horizontally on smart phone is correct spacing
Laokos Jun 2019
Now hanging on to
something almost
completely fabricated
in my mind

I'm over you
     -I'm not over you
I don't miss you
     -I miss you

I have to
laugh at myself
or I will
rot from the inside

That ship has sailed
I know there's
still a place
in me for you

Maybe it will
always be there
     in the years to come, it will flourish with flora and verdure
          your absent form no longer stands out

 your emptiness
          there is growth,
          wild growth
Laokos Mar 2020
inverse my talent
to let go and
be what i'm not.

transverse my axle
and you'll find
a kind of heaven
greasing the pole.

what speaks without words
always, a riddle
unto itself.

the tree of life
is laughing exaltations
in polarizing resplendence.

bright bones are
jubilantly marching
ever deeper into the
triumphant unknown.

we are woven with
mystery, riding waves
of inherited momentum
on a sea of uncertainty.

ex mysterium, ad mysterium

and don't forget about
the punchline -

238 · Oct 2019
Laokos Oct 2019
fire in the nighthouse
a lemon in the

you stand among the
bloodshed , legs in
the forest -
why haven't you
left yet ?

there is no council
to seek , no wise
matriarch , nor a hermit
living deeply - there never
was , it's just you
brother , just you sister

you must find your
own way through

you are lost among
all these copies -
people living their lives
as other people

people following people
following people long dead

what momentum stalls
your true spirit from
moving here ?  what limits
bare their teeth as you approach ?

ra ! ,
you are fury and
wrath and recompense

you are cool green
intellect piercing through
the light of the

you are deeper hues
hidden behind blindness

you are death
reaping life and you
are here now ,
ra !
235 · Jul 2019
of what the dim keeps
Laokos Jul 2019
sent you
from a
no one

I long for the days of
no man.

here, I
insight from
this tree
moving in
the wind.

no romance has ever
shown me such wisdom.

no human has ever
displayed such power.

there is a
that escapes

that escapes
us all.

may it always be so.
234 · Jun 2019
Laokos Jun 2019
Just outside, the

plays.  An iron gate is rusting shut
across from

traffic lights
maintaining perfect
a newspaper
on a bench losing its
ink to the gutter.

I get the feeling
you've done this
before.  Now

I see,

I         was             just
cycle you like to repeat.

And so it was,
the brief respite attained
through our
lips and arms



a sunset
for a sunrise.

I was just happy to see those
colors stain my sky again,

I refused to

I get the feeling
I've done this before.
Now I see, you   were   just
        cycle  I  like  to  repeat.
233 · Jun 2019
into the dark
Laokos Jun 2019
somewhere there is
a man sitting
alone in a cave.

the immensity of
the cavity is obscured
by darkness, he
cannot tell how
deep it goes.

he has resigned
himself to whatever
this absence

the man hears
nothing but himself
echoing back
at him.

he can no longer
discern whether he
is going deeper
or just laterally.

he stopped here
for a moment
because here
was as suitable
a spot as any
in that Cimmerian

his heart is heavy
as his mind projects
the images, memories
and emotions
of his most recent
love lost.

he is afraid that
all this shadow will
swallow him
or that
maybe it already

that ultimately,
this ritual pilgrimage
to the underworld
would claim
him as payment.

but he knows that
this place also
offers unparalleled
boundless healing
and metamorphic
growth to those
that traverse

all that you find here is you.
all that you face here is you.
everything you didn't realize you were capable of.
every deeply malevolent impulse.
every twisted thought.
every terrible act.

but also the courage
to face them,

the grace to move
into them

and the love
to understand

you will lose
yourself here.

you will find
yourself here.

...once more into the dark.
Laokos Apr 2020
she's in my mind
only, ever
in my mind.  i am
a beast drinking blood
in cold shadows.  she's on the stairs towards the gods with gold-flake mirrors on fire.
i can't be soothed by their plasma flesh pixels anymore.
i can't be soothed by their carbon copies.
i will soon be below their real for good.
in need no more of the soft same semblance displayed on the shelves.
i swim in deep pools collecting aloneness on high. the
romantic disaster laughter is muted. these days i can't
help but feel, every now and then,
that death
a great kindness
in disguise,          but

not in the
way you
230 · Jul 2019
she wins this one
Laokos Jul 2019
to fall
once more
the pen
of a failed

do your
knees shake?

does your
spine tingle
think of me?

                                         . . . do you think of me?

   -  ha!
I'm still running
groove deeper
into the ground

it only works
if you want
it too

(it's only
ever been
me that
wanted it)

when you
get drunk
and get
all the attention
all those
room temperature
do you ever
me back
into the night?

do you ever
think, " I ****** up, he was unlike
                     any man i've ever known, he really cared
                           about me."


you don't

I think
it for you

for me

to feel
better about

and you?

you're not alone

busy not
writing poetry
about me
Laokos Sep 2019
these words
powerful as an enemy
as loving as
no woman
no woman
no woman
no woman
no explanation
no arms
no legs
no lips
no hands
no one
now just
one beer and a hit
is all i need
to forget about my
to forget about my
blundering , blubbering past self
weak and desperate for
embarrassment shadow
224 · Jul 2019
thin in blue no. 12
Laokos Jul 2019
i never seem
to get enough
these days
always waking

to start coffee,
fix my hair,
sit in bed drinking
the coffee
plumbing the depths
ways to get through
another day,

try to remember ways
that worked

maybe a quote
or a character
a poem
a song
a memory
an illusion
could even be
another person

but time draws
ever nearer
ever closer
at last
that silent cheetah
is sprinting

before i know it
i'm sitting
in my car
turning the key
with whatever
semblance and steel
i finally gathered

-a real live
cubist representation
of my
driving to work
at 3:49 a.m.

three black cats
the street
that watch me
the glowing night
in their eyes

satellites of some
indifferent future

hidden with
the devils
on the horizon
Laokos Jul 2019
days go
like cars
go by
like days
by like
cars go
like days
go by
cars go
by in fashion
in form in
unison in

awake to repeat
on time
today as skeletons
flame contagion
bright against
your ripe apple

again arranging
your pattern to
fit   /   feed
the mouth sloppy
below bit-beady
black holes
186 · Sep 2020
a drizzle of honey
Laokos Sep 2020
you've never been
more beautiful
than when i
don't know you

all that
hidden skin
raw furnace

every drop
of light that
kisses your
is an invitation
to rise
like the
sun and shower
you in

every orbit
of your
celestial body
my flames
to lick and
as we spin
through each


so close

threaten my
with eruption
as you
pass by

tipped *******
twelve o'clock
on top
of orchid
petaled hips
perfuming my
garden of

i want to
do to you
what the
bee does
to the lily
183 · Jun 2019
vela del lecho de muerte
Laokos Jun 2019
don't you dare smile
in the face of the
day.  don't think for
a second that
you are in control
of your feelings.  
see that person ahead?
don't acknowledge them.
head down, eyes forward,
mouth shut, heart
...good, now you're
getting the hang of
it.  now, accept everyone
else's authority but
your own, amass financial
debt, relieve yourself
with the proper drugs,
find someone under
the same
enchantment as you
and call it love.  
have kids because it's
the next step.  raise them
in your image.

watch them repeat the
same cycles
and as you're dying, have
a flash-thought-
  "did I even notice who I was?  what I wanted for this life?"
and as the thresh
ceases to be held you
light a candle of hope-
your love the spark,
your children the fed flame.
you say,  
     "they will sever the momentum I couldn't, they will
          see it."
-after all they are made
to be better than you,
not simply blind copies.
yet as the kaleidoscopic walls
usher you on you wonder,
     "how many of my ancestors have lit this same vela del lecho
         de muerte?  how many were hoping it was their daughter or

the security of tradition and
the risk-reward of novelty
played out across
lineages.  both correct
and incorrect in their
own ways...

which one reaches through
the ages and hums
your spine?
180 · Jun 2019
The Lesson Thus Far...
Laokos Jun 2019
What came forth
     but this,
successful in a
     solitude not
yet understood.  In
     a way he
lays, afraid of
     too many ways
to lay waste
     to his wasteland.

-such a cryptic oversight.

Now, at night
when the pennies
drop his pockets

"what a terrible thing to waste!", they say

"all in good time."

"one foot in front of the other."

"if it's meant to be, it's meant to be."

Oblivion comes with a smile
and a promise.
#cryptic #solitude #lesson
178 · Jun 2019
shatter song
Laokos Jun 2019
everything breaks

the eyes
the touch
the soft smile
the body
the kiss
the walk
the hair
the slopes
the ****
the folding into

       -all of it.

they draw me
in and
draw me

take me in
then cast
me out.

I keep
coming back


I love them-
   all of

I love them
more for
breaking me
than I do
for loving

every swift
crack at
my heart

a little bit
more of

the good parts-
   what might become
   the best parts.

and one day,
everything I am
will be
destroyed again

and I will


I will crawl
forth from
my belly

on skinned
bloodied elbows
with a
smile on my

growing and
in the
174 · Sep 2020
the view from here
Laokos Sep 2020
it's obvious,
isn't it?

it certainly
like it

you see
it too,

i'm imagining it?

it's probably


your head
is upside

facing inward
laughing at

and there's
a light in

that's always

you should know
Laokos Sep 2020
~           *light on,
still-frame freeze of black bodied eight-legged life
     clinging to stained acrylic. we stare at each other pretending we're not real
until one of us moves.
it was me.
168 · Oct 2020
darkness in mind
Laokos Oct 2020
stars align in
a blanket of
        future snow
dusting time's
plateau with
        a smear of
red paint across
the fallen angel's
        face shedding
tears in the naked
light from the
        hollow of a
mirrored heart
playing shadows
        like a work
of art

it's an expansive
drama of forgotten
         leagues keeping
memories in silence
between the ravines
         of what has and
what has yet. digital
ridges serrate the
         landscape of quiet
burdens borne by the
beings of beastly
counting seven in
perpetuity in honor
        of the bell that
tolled so long ago now.

there is a low roar
bellowing from the
         womb of novelty
coming to upset the
balance bristling with
         charged particles
of transmutation and
flashing in a dance of
         lightning from
the void. born from
eternity to create in
         time those wildest
dreams from the
darkness of God's mind.
167 · Mar 2020
prevailing wind
Laokos Mar 2020
loveless years pile on top of
each other like cars,
in a derelict lot.

without giving in
to easy despair, he moves
through them as empty
as the wind
blowing through formless sky.
165 · Jul 2019
collapsing star
Laokos Jul 2019
"what, you're too good to say 'good morning' to me?"
     she asks me as she slumps through
     the front doors of work.

     I say,
"you didn't hear me say it back?"
     . . . she didn't.

some people try
     to drag everything
into their own collapsing

     but I brush it off and
               walk away, successfully
          escaping her gravitational

later, minding my own
     ****-stick, she fires another
     "you sure have a chip on your shoulder today,  I'm staying out
     of your way!"

this time I don't
even acknowledge
                         her **** bird trying
                         to land on me,
                                                  just smile right
                                                  through her.

I turn my
head to

the smeared
clouds are
rippling in
a smooth cadence
of anticipation.  

a storm is coming . . .
it's gonna be a good one.
154 · Aug 2020
dead man's flowers
Laokos Aug 2020
Displaying myself for the auction of love, I stand poised in the light of anxiety.
     "we'll start the bidding off at ten dollars, do I hear ten dollars?" cries the auctioneer. I run my hands down the buttons of my shirt making sure it's neat and straight. "come now ladies, surely one of you lovely creatures would trade ten dollars worth of paper and cloth for this tall drink of water! Do I hear ten dollars to start the bidding off?" I use the sweat from my palms to tame my hair down. Scanning the crowd from under his sharply slanted brow the crier retreats a step, "alright, how about five, do I hear five dollars?" I put on my brightest smile, conjuring every ounce of good-heartedness I have in me. The room is silent. No hands go up and it's clear that lowering the price of bid won't change it. The auctioneer bangs his gavel and declares 'no-sale,' then gestures for the staff to remove me from the stage. Two sharply dressed men then lead me to the back for 'processing' where I'm told that 'someone will be along shortly.'
     Behind the door is just an alley with dumpsters and trash bags full of glass bottles. They shove me out with a pat on the back where I land right next to another man dressed just like me, only much older.
     "how long you been waiting, pal?" I ask him as I sweep away the garbage from me.
     "any minute now," he says weezingly.
     "come again?" I say.
     "she's going to turn that corner," he says, raising a brittle finger towards the end of the alley. "I've been expecting her for some time now, but you know how women can be, she's probably just doing her hair." he laughed and it turned into a hard cough.
     "look buddy, I don't think..." I begin, but just then a beautiful woman comes around the corner and starts toward the gentleman caller.
     "ha! I told you, didn't I tell you!", he says through a mostly toothless mouth. "My lady, you are truly a vision, just as lovely as I remember!" he proclaims, holding up a bouquet of long-dead flowers. When she reaches the man she pulls out a pistol from her purse and sends one straight through his flowers and into his chest. He falls back into a bed of garbage bags still holding the flowers, his last smile frozen on his face.
     I look at the woman and she winks at me as she puts her pistol away, turns and walks out of the alley. I stand there for a few moments, processing what just happened. Then I bend down and pick up the dead man's flowers, run my hands down the buttons of my shirt and tame my hair. "Did you see that," I think to myself, "she winked at me!" A smile stretches across my face. "I wonder if she's coming back? Better wait here, just in case."
153 · Jun 2019
Field of Giving
Laokos Jun 2019
There's nothing more
true than letting
go.  Ironically, there's
nothing to hold
onto anyway.

Flowers blooming in
a wide field
following the Sun's
arc - there is no
zenith, only what
they're after.  Still,
they move with
the wind whether
it's gentle or
violent.  And when
they are uprooted
and torn apart
they do not blame
the wind for they
have done what
they could and still
are.  Even in pieces,
with ripped petals and
broken stems, they
know how to give.
152 · Sep 2019
Laokos Sep 2019
mind shard stuffed
deep between
the lobes
adjacent to
the whirlpool
looking out through
a brain/body eyes
no separation
no points
no way out friend
how did "you" "get" "in" "?" " "
150 · Jul 2019
mind to cleave
Laokos Jul 2019
born from a splitting
ache in the back-left of my head
like a drill bit whirring in an empty paint can.

i'd give you pearls for hands my love,
ever-winter washing over our foaming cerulean eyescapes.  

inside your drums I hear
a pulse that cries for
hips and thorns entangled
under your

one more summer breath from lung to lung
under moonlight for the promise of elevation.  
you are not
who you say you are
my dear - you are a
future memory
stalking sweetly today under the guise
of novel pleasure , but time will
reveal your skin to me
under the electric lavender
of my

you are wood grain
and strata -
born too, it seems, from a splitting.
149 · Jun 2019
suckin' on the bone
Laokos Jun 2019
you know, the
weight of this ****
isn't very poetic.

the long days alone
do ******' hurt
sometimes -
guess i'm not as
tough as ol' Hank
or Ernie -
guess i'm still
just one lazy beauty
away from
having the guts
to end it.

jesus, some days
I just want to
crack my head open
to get rid of
these feelings and
voices and imaginings.

I think ,
      "just one girl who truly cares would make it all ok" , but
I know it won't.
in time, they'll leave
me too
and I'll be right back
here suckin' on the

****, I need something
to begin in me,
something with grit and
indifference and ingenuity
and terrifying passion.

I'm so tired of
these days of chewing
the gravel and flat
echoes ;
     of waiting to die ;
     of waiting to live.
148 · Jun 2019
summer birds
Laokos Jun 2019
every summer,
dead baby birds
on the
walkway leading
to the
entrance of
my apartment

last summer there
were three, all
pinked skin, just
a few inches
from each other.

the ants
found them
first, scurried all
over them,
they could before
the cat(s) got
to them
at night.

this summer i've
only seen one,
nice and
plump with
plumage. this
it was gone
too though,
nothing but
the pile
of tree seeds
it was on

they nest there,
in the dryer
vents on
each floor.
-drawn there, I
guess, by the
and lofty protection
from predators.

thing is, they
clog the exhaust
with their nests
and people
complain about
wet clothes.


and safe from

but not safe
from one
phone call
to management.
142 · Apr 2020
universal banker
Laokos Apr 2020
it's also
a trust
and without
any deposit
there is no
133 · Jun 2019
scheduling conflict
Laokos Jun 2019
here I go,
blundering through another day

trying to show up for my end of
the bargain.

I sit here,
with this pen and this notebook,
and the stuff is
supposed to barrel through me.

it's supposed to shake the debris free.

it's supposed to melt the lock.

it's supposed to blast my cemented mind apart.

it's supposed to summon shadows and make them dance.

it's supposed to swim on the surface of the sun.

it's supposed to show me all the rainbows in the darkness.

it's supposed to shine the silver on all my shredded scraps.

it's supposed to reach through all my ******* and show me:

     emeralds and pearls\teeth and knives\
     blood and glass.

it's supposed to twist the blade and spit in the ****.

but this morning,
it's the big bupkis

just the weight
of its silence...

that *******
has the
day off
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