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Blakbuttafly89 Mar 2021
Once Apon a time...
I was so scared to fight back with you to simply make reason of our issues. I was afraid that you would walk away, so my tongue grew quiet and I replaced my voice that once was there with food to fill the void. My spirit became weak as you grew cold.... You left me anyway and still till this day I wake at night with tears in my eye. I still want to know why? The only conclusion I came up with was the weight gain.  I still remember those words you once said... you told me that “I get Pregnant too much” as if I was trying to trap you or that I wanted another child by you after enduring those many walks of shame for months! I’m so mad at myself for allowing you to misplace my heart like you did. I’m still searching for the pieces.

                            

*Post-Partum Blues
Blakbuttafly89 Aug 2020
when it Dark at night my reading light shines bright, as i write this little poem that’s been stuck in my head. because when it’s dark at night, I reminisce about you and wonder if you’re up there dancing and trying to sing, that was definitely your thing, I was so busy being mad with you and trying my hardest to move on from the pain in  me that you caused I forgot that we almost had a chance to make this parenting thing work for our daughter. I’m so sorry my love,  Forgive me,  Time will pass but I will never be able to forget you or our love Because truthfully you made your mark in this world when we made her she is you she loves to dance and sing  yes that’s her thing,  her eyes her smile, the way she acts,  she is you my love. I wonder all the time if you are up there watching over us and early today i got a sign I seen a Dove fly over the projects. A Dove Flew over the project! I gained hope because I knew you made it,  you were OK
xoxoxo              


PS never stay mad at the people who you care about too long because one day you’re gonna close your eyes wake up and they will be gone,  and you’re going to wish they were still here
Blakbuttafly89 May 2019
I am so sorry for ever putting you last,
cause you deserve the world.

you deserve not to be picked around,
and left to wonder
may be he will fall in love after the next kiss
on lips as soft as this

You dont deserve to be depressed
believing that your life is always coming to an end,
this is it

I am sorry for settling down to soon
switching lovers before a new full moon

due to me ending and beginning with new loves...
i apologize for stunting your growth
made it super hard understand your worth
definitely made your heart grow cold
just a little too soon

And to my heart you bleed different
i know its because of me
Im sorry i didnt show more light
my mind wanders alot keeps my judgement on a permanent night  
Cause my long time friend "Depression" my dark cloud  took up all of the room.
Lunch time writing
Blakbuttafly89 Mar 2019
Dance the night away whether on your feet or in your dreams...
dance dance dance and dance
Cause life is not as bad as it may seem
for life is only but a dream
Blakbuttafly89 Jan 2019
there is no other place id rather be than laid up under you kissing talking learning your ways but making luv to you now thats my favorite part... hmm
my lips pressed against yours is sweet tasting ****** and
with each stroke i can  feel your love growing inside of me sweet vitamin D sent heavenly
i never want you to leave stay your my guilty pleasure... my release  therapy
i must have you i need to taste you please stay....
in bed with me
Blakbuttafly89 Dec 2018
Hurt just left feeling empty
Feelings kicked around in the dirt
I am truly angry because I remembered your name and forgot mine
And I am lonely.. maybe just out of fear but more so because I refuse to fall  for
Another chocolate man standing over 6ft tall grinning in my face as if the Fire I thought we were making was real
my heart still aches for you 7 to 8 months later.
I cant believe I had to pay numerous copay's for therapy because I allowed you to get in my head and make me feel less than.
I know ill never get to say these things to your face so ill leave them here to travel through cyber space
Im still angry that I Remembered your name and Forgot mine
Blakbuttafly89 Dec 2018
IT TOOK EVERYTHING IN ME NOT TO LOOK FOR HIM IN PLACES AND PEOPLE
IT TOOK EVERYTHING FOR ME NOT TO CARE
SO THAT I MAY LOWER MY GAZE
TO WHAT HAD ALWAYS BEEN RIGHT THERE.

HE OPENED AND LEFT ME HURT SO YOU SHOWED ME JUST HOW LITTLE MY FLAWS WERE
I KNOW YOU LOVE ME
I CAN TELL BY THE WAY YOU OFTEN STARE
U LOOK AT ME LIKE IM THE ONLY QUEEN IN THE ROOM
EVEN THOUGH IT’S PLENTY STANDING AROUND HERE AND THERE

I WAS SCARED AT FIRST SO I WAITED… AND WAITED
NOW HERE I AM STANDING COMPLETELY NAKED
MELANIN BROWN CHOCOLATE DRIPPED TO THE FLOOR
PROMISING TO LEAVE YOUR HEART MIND BODY AND SOUL THIRSTY FOR MORE

WE MAKE LOVE ANY AND EVERYWHERE
LIGHTNING AND SPARK ALL TYPES OF FIRES
AIMING TO PLEASE ME IS YOUR ONLY DESIRE
MINE IS TO LET YOU KNOW IN EVERY WAY THAT IS
ONLY YOU WHO I HIGHLY ADMIRE.

I WAS SCARED TO BE THE FIRST SO I WAITED… AND WAITED
YOU SAID IT LAST NIGHT AND MY HEART MELTED
I LOVE YOU TOOO!!!

P.S. HE SAID THAT HE GIVES THANKS TO ALL THE MEN WHO HAVE LOST ME TOO THEIR OWN INSECURITIES. HE KISSED A WAY ALL MY FEARS AND GAVE ME MORE THAN A TASTE OF HIS LOVE SO THAT I COULD TELL IT WAS REAL…
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