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LNI Mar 2018
How are we supposed to love if we don't even share the same definition?
It's farcical.
People say they love you, but they don’t.
They love how you make them feel.
They love you because you’re appealing or wealthy or something else.
Thus they're taking something from you.
They love how freely you live your life and how they lack any responsibility towards you.
They love you since you make them feel ecstatic and whole.
Thy love how you make them come and how you drink their juices.

But don't hurry to judge them as we've all taken away recklessly by the spiral band of morality.

But this isn't loving.
This is pilfering.
This is usurping upon my way of existing accomplished painfully.
This is seizing my ability to fight.
This is begging for my sympathy.
This isn't loving.
This is projecting on me something that I’m not.

Love was supposed to be lovely.
It was supposed to be about giving not taking.
It was supposed to be about accepting not judging and manipulating.
Love was supposed to be therapeutic not the sickness.
What have we done to love?
I’ve given up entirely to love.
I’m going for my love from now on.
I am love.
I must be love.
3.5k · Mar 2018
LNI Mar 2018
Blighted and sorrowful of all creatures are women.
And I, one of them.

I’m massacring my unborn children as a merciless contemporary Medea.
Is there any sense in reproducing creatures of perpetual sadness and despotic desires?

Motherhood. Motherliness.
A fragile pebble carried carefully by my heart.

My mother, sad as the gloomiest Sunday, hopeless as a death wish.
She would often ask me to smile. She was complaining that I was very cheerless for a girl.

Then she would show me how to do it.
It’s still the saddest smile I've ever seen.
3.3k · Feb 2018
Don't seek love
LNI Feb 2018
There's no love.
But there's Eros.
There's no romantic love.
But there's passion.
Don't seek Love.
Be love.

The inner beast should first be tamed.
love, eros,
3.1k · Apr 2018
LNI Apr 2018
With loathe and resentment
I wish for contentment
But there ain't too much of a thrill
When my emptiness cannot be filled.

With pills and black heels
I'm paying my bills
But my emotional debt
as you bet, I tend to neglect.

Yes, I acknowledge
it has gotten to be a bit of a pleasure
feeling so much displeasure

But ****** has mothered me so much
And now I am mesmerized by her soft touch

And people ask WHY
But don't they know that I swore to die?

I need sleep,
But Morpheus must be a Scorpius
As he is my star, my king
with his burning sting

I don't mind
If I've become blind
As I've already survived from that tainted spring
where Tiresias got his mortal drink

And maybe
I'll transform myself into a man for seven years
Penanced to **** sacred deers
But my ******* are blessed
to cut them off my chest

How could I eradicate myself?
death, deathmonger, soft, touch, pleasure, debt, heels, bills, mesmerized, addiction, ******, addicted, pills, why, die, Scorpius, Morpheus, king, star, sleep, deer, sacred, years, blessed, breast, transform, man, chest, cut off, penanced, **** eradicate, myself
3.0k · Jan 2018
LNI Jan 2018
When a new day begins
We butcher our desires.
2.9k · Jan 2018
LNI Jan 2018
Past & Future
Our unsubstantial twin ghosts
2.8k · Dec 2017
LNI Dec 2017
I encountered an old Lady Poet in the underground last night.
Gloom crawled around while hope faded.
I looked for consolation in her mouth agape.
I hurried home to be alone and write about her.
Her ageless provocativeness electrified me.
I was left wholly.
Thank you, Lady.
You might be homeless
but don't you know you're a Queen?
2.7k · Jan 2018
Inner me
LNI Jan 2018
It's Sunday inside me.
A witness to the sweet joy of a life without attachments.
2.5k · Jan 2018
LNI Jan 2018
Never trust an uninvited body
Lulled to sleep by rage songs.
Waiting is desire
Yearning is surrendering
1.9k · Apr 2018
A body of one’s own
LNI Apr 2018
I worship a body of one’s own
In a world where nobody is born naked anymore.

Please, show me how to own my ****** In the realm of human crudity.

So, bear with me, as I clear my thoughts.
Why is everyone more horrified by ******* and vaginas
Than authoritarianism in China?

We don’t blink an eye while watching executions on TV
Or images of refugees drawing in the Aegean sea.

But we need to be protected from the sight of women’s ******* as we stay unruffled on the sight of war cripples.

How bewilderingly curious we are
To watch the remains of a terrorist attack.

Or a knife across a throat that starts bleeding,
Or observe brain fluid's seeping.

But how indifference and repulse are leading
When it comes to watching vaginas discharges and period bleeding.

And how terror and fear are defeating
The grandeur of an image capturing an ******’s screaming.

How startlingly we have tangled the splendor of yearning for ****** violence with the horridness of capricious ultra violence.

The body doesn’t corrupt humanity. The body is humanity.

Where was your Jesus when you’re greedy?
Was he baptizing the human body’s affair with its holy cravings seedy?

Beware, beware,
of the fools who have debauched the human flesh
and give it to the dogs to tear.
1.9k · Dec 2017
A verse
LNI Dec 2017
The bliss of solitude I understand it at last
My heart with pleasure fills
To mingle with the universe and feel
The life I have is all I have
And I will contribute a verse.
1.8k · Dec 2017
Lying on a grave
LNI Dec 2017
I don't want to be amused
But I want to be introduced
To a celebration of the fatality
Of my own mortality
1.7k · Oct 2017
Unsoundness of my mind
LNI Oct 2017
My skin
In grief
My hearing
My sun
A raven in flames
My autumn
Flights away
My heart
So strained that it could break in thousands pieces
The higher the tension
The smaller it's pieces
The smaller the pieces
The harder to pick them up
Every single time
And again
And again
And again
For how long may I ask?
1.6k · Dec 2017
Dear bartender,
LNI Dec 2017
Give me a poet for a lover
To loudly kiss under my bed cover

A philosopher for a friend
My way of living to defend
A pieta for a mother
To help me beauty rediscover
And a whiskey to forget
I have none of them yet

I suppose I will accept the facts
And overcome with bravery's acts
that life sometimes *****!
1.6k · Dec 2017
LNI Dec 2017
Letting men into my bed
Men with no desire to let me into their hearts

And though I have been talked ***** to every which way
I have never been told that I am loved

But the thing is
I am love.
1.5k · Nov 2017
My mental health
LNI Nov 2017
The sanity of my mind in its most breathtaking imperfection
It's memories all blue and drunk with anger
A graveyard instead of a brain
A reckless driver of my hormones

I wish I'd stop feeling at all
Because feeling is painful
Existing isn't light
My bones, broken and trapped in my dead flesh
That won't let them escape.

I can't walk
I can't get out of bed
I scream help but just like my dreams
No voice is coming out of my throat

Either I'm dead or voiceless
or everyone else has gone deaf

I am racked with pain
My courage has become too bitter to swallow
Hope will never appear at this abominable party
That my body has become

My faith is fake

My knees clank
I numb
I wish I was dead
Or instead never been born

My eyes, a sun of shame too bright to look at
Men are the meat and women the wine
I swallow them both
I'll take them with me as I go

Cause I don't wanna go alone
I cry but no one listens
Except the dead or the desperate
The latter will never help another one of them

So I'm stuck with the dead
The deaf ones
I'm stuck in the deaf-land of the living dead

Blood, your beauty is my last home

Fill a bathtub with you and dip me into my mama's belly again
With all her ****** warm fluids
I want to be a baby again!
I want to start again!

With no pain

Blood, stop inviting me at night
It's not polite
I thought you were good
But you're as messed up as everyone else

I agonize
The rapes
The thirst for my mother's milk
I wish she was dead

But in a way, she's already dead

Please blood, make your whispers stronger
Your invitation more seductive
Fill the bathtub and fill me up
Fill the crater that trauma and torment left in my heart

Kindness, please fill the bathtub instead of the blood
Why you never knock my door?

Compassion, could you try to fill this bathtub?
Why you've disappeared?
Actually, we've never met.
But now it's the best moment to make it up to me.

So, come Compassion
and I'll forgive you and I'll love you
and I'll fill every day a bathtub with you
and swim in its endless depths
bigger than every ocean

every day

Kindness, Compassion,
Have you both become deaf?
Or are you voiceless?
The blood has taken you both

I'll never know if I go

But death isn't scaring
Life it is
How life alters you to the bone it is
Isn't it?
1.4k · Oct 2017
From my insomniac poetry
LNI Oct 2017
What am I,
If not an imperfect morning,

A violet sorrow shimmering in the blazing sun,
An assemble of shrouded thoughts struggling to express themselves,
A lovesick heart seeking to soothe itself,

A glass full of dust,

A moon sinking under the seductive candlelight,
A breathtaking waiting to vision our crashing existence.

I am what I am.
538 · Oct 2018
The war is over
LNI Oct 2018
The war inside me is over
And now I'm looking for my Oikos
I chose a way full of trials
I chose the way of exile

My flesh shall be my poetry
and my bones my final shield

There’s no God other than I
There’s no holy other than me
I took the way of an oxymoron tale
I took the way of a massive fail

My skin in ultimate grief
My hair resisting to the winds

My body is my vehicle,
my home and my miracle.

Penelope on her own for a female Odyssey
Of rigorous honesty

Now, seeker, rise up and speak your truth.

— The End —