I'd trade a million tomorrow's
Just to have a shot
Of fixing yesterday.

The fighting,
Arguing,
Slamming doors,
Shattered glass,

None of it was worth the pain I have in my chest.
The handcuffs I wear around my wrists,
Is the intervention I've always needed,
But I wish it never had to reach this point,
The point of no return.

It's my fault you have that black eye,
Bruised ribs,
Fractured collarbone,
A broken and shattered heart

And although they heal,
The mental shock won't.
I deserve to be behind bars
While you live the life I never gave you,
A man who will love you,
And the only finger he will lay on you,
**Is to place that wedding ring on yours.

Nobody knows,
If we'll ever come close,
Dancing in the dark and turning,
Tread on my toes but we'll keep on learning,
Nobody feels,
This feeling that kills,
Like the Earth I'll spin you around,
Hold you tight so you'll never fall down.

Eyes on us but we have stopped caring,
Twirling through the night while the people are staring,
I am not prepared to surrender this moment,
Keep my eyes closed and they will never open,
It's all about us until the music stops playing,
Our heartbeats drown out every word they're saying.

Stripped down
For the World to see,
Beneath flesh and bone,
Deeper than marrow and blood,
Right down to the soul.
Let them see the veins,
Let them watch as my heart
P  u  l  s  e  s
Nestled between heavy lungs,
Shrouded by an aching ribcage,
A heavy blow
That makes me stumble and fall,
Bruises,
Grazes,
Flatline.
Make another incision
While I lay upon the operating
Table,
I don't know what you are searching for,
Nor do I know what you will achieve
when you do find it,
But it isn't here.
Love cannot be found by extracting cells,
It cannot be discovered through
The translucent glow of an X-ray,
Not even an autopsy,
Removing each piece of me,
Could speed up the process,
It's lost,
It's incurable.

Angels are not just souls from heaven who possess wings and a halo,
They not just guardians that have been assigned to us by some spiritual being.

For me, angels are far more real and closer than they seem.
They have more than one identity,
More than one face,
More than one gender,
More than one soul to guide home.

They won't help you win your battles,
But will give you the strength and the ammunition to fight,
They will scream through your soul to your demons if they have to,
Just as long as you have the courage to banish them.

My angels have embodied many forms,
From a young woman whose heart is as bold as the vibrant pink in her hair,
Who has used her own personal suffering and grief to empower herself and everyone around her,
Who has continuously fought her demons and aided the banishment of those who dwell in the people close to her,
Who is braver, stronger and has more love to give than anyone I have ever known.
A heart of a Lion. A soul of a Warrior

To another, a young man who is distant but feels closer than ever,
Who has given me the strength to laugh,
Who has graced me with his strong humour and wit,
Who has never strayed despite the long hours that we spend without communication.
A heart of a child. A soul of a Samaritan

And finally another young woman,
She has given her heart to others,
Who has faced days of rejection,
But still has the ferocity to hold on and keep her head high.
A heart of gold. A soul of a soldier

These angels have helped me
To think again
To speak again
To live again

**And I thank them. I thank them and cherish them. I will always treasure their compassion.

The taste of liquor on my lips
Cannot compare to the intoxicating
Sound of your voice that lingers in my ears,
It makes my head spin,
Throwing the Earth of its axis
And causing me to stumble to the ground,
Limbs weak,
Words slurred,
The cramping in my stomach
From the stab wounds that anxious butterflies
Left behind,
I dread the hangover you'd leave me in the morning,
The throbbing headache from the empty
Space next to me in bed,
The nausea from seeing the creases on the pillow
From where your head rested,
The dry lips from where you kissed me,
Glazed eyes that still shine from where you said
They were beautiful,

I guess I can ease the pain with an aspirin,
Dropping the memories into water and watching
Them dissolve,
Slowly disintegrating and falling apart,
Only to be swallowed and leave a bad taste in my mouth
Like it never happened.

These frightening times,
These bad thoughts of mine
I've had a few, because of you.

The late night drinking
And over active thinking,
I've had to do, because of you.

The compulsive lying,
And discreetly crying,
I feel like a fool, because of you.

I've given up eating,
And sleeping and breathing,
Because I'm cruel,

*And it was all because of you.

The keyboard on my laptop has witnessed too many tear drops
Fall upon it's ebony skin as I type,
Each articulation of painful thoughts
And agonisingly catastrophic formation of words
Forcing another wave of grief to pour from these
empty blue eyes of mine.

I have tried to keep my head above the water,
To contain the wildfire in my head
That threatens to spread and burn under my veins,
Aflame in every single bone in this hollow body
But now it seems comforting to let myself slip
Beneath the surface,
To let the fire turn everything to ashes.

It feels better this way,
To be a chaotic mess.
**At least I know how beautiful I'll be when I open up my heart and mind to the possibility of destruction.

Desperate times call for desperate measures,
In search of gold and buried treasures,
To cure corruption in the mind,
To pay off your demons  but still faced with a fine,
Strike it rich and drill for oil,
Suppressed in fear beneath the soil,
The heart goes bust with no chance to bail,
It's lost its worth and bound to fail,
The brain is poor, it yearns for cash,
Dollar signs crumble, all to ash,
The body waits for income to climb,
But it's stuck in debt with no hope for a
Dime

A thousand times I tried to say
I'm walking away from you,
Forget the clichés and the games that you play,
There's only room for one fool.
Pour gasoline,
And strike up the match,
Burn all your bridges
And breathe in the ash,
There will be no phoenix
Between you and I,
Once it's all gone
Our connections will die.
You drop the sword
And I'll hold the shield,
It's all make-believe
Prophecies unfulfilled,
Your love for me was cavalier,
Unreachable like Space,
Maturity was never your forte
And one day you'll be put into place.

Keep your demons close,
Don't let them get away,
Let them take you off the path
And listen to what they say.

Prohibition is a sin,
Let go of all your fears,
Grab the wheel and speed away,
There is nothing else left here.

These demons you love
Have taken you far,
But they've taken your keys
And have stolen your car.

Keep your friends close,
Don't let them get away,
Speak about your demons
To keep them at bay.

It was not sadness
That caused the tears to fall,
But the transcendent fear
That belittled the crushing
Weight of the world.

Catch the fireflies in the palms of your hands,
Let them shine and dance in the darkness that still stands,
They're free
And so are we.

Crystal infernos rage beneath your fingertips,
Lights that wither all the sadness that hides behind your lips,
They gaze into your eyes
And so do I

Hold out your hands and let those fireflies take flight,
Watch them as they give the world another sliver of light,
It needs the brightness to see
**Who it can be