I bet if someone didn't believe in me,
and doubted me,
and told me I couldn't do it,
I'd believe a little bit more in myself.
And I'd work
and push myself harder
to prove them wrong.

Why am I alive,
What is my life's purpose,
I want to know but that would ruin the enticement of my own secrecy.

****

IT FEELS SO GOOD TO HEAR SUCH BEAUTIFUL WORDS IN MY EARS

WOW

I think it's just
human
to not fully understand why someone would
forget you
after you showed them a part of you that's
not always on display.
You'll make yourself suffer and mentally
try to grasp
why.
It takes awhile to heal,
so try to forget about it,
just like they've forgotten about
you.

The angst from last summer
is not a friendly pat.
It's a dive bomber airplane
and I'm under attack.

Love: Holding someone

Peace: Feeling centered with yourself, knowing where you are and feeling it, light winds and being in the sun

Secret: Feeling dark on the inside & outside

Empty: Not wholesome, alone

Free: Living without hesitation

Grief: Seeing those around you hurting and that in itself is what’s hurting you

Longing: Overcome with strained desire, needing something so much that you’re feeling tense with want

Regret: Shaming yourself and ignoring forgiveness

Anger: Frustrating your thoughts into one ball of rage

Oblivion: Finding your unknown

Competition: Fighting for your own self against the odds of others

Hope: Always looking for something more, the future should be bright

Have you ever felt so rooted into someone that you just think of how hard you would cry into their shoulder if you'd ever leave them?
Have you ever pictured leaving behind something that you'd never dare to lose?
I don't want to lose what I have here.
And what I've got is pretty great.

I will cry hard.