you play your gentle fingers down my spine
as smoothly as whiskey warms my veins
it fills my veins abruptly like dandelions popping out of fresh spring grass
A sprout of color, unwanted
It tangles my thoughts into roots dig them self deeper into me
and I cant tell if they are weeds or they are apart of me.
Do these **** grow from your words?
Or do they grow from my thoughts.
Whenever I feel lost
And the presence of you is nowhere to be found
All I have to do is write to find you again.
Its funny how you can sleep next to someone
Feeling their heart beat aganist your shoulder blades
Their warm breath trickling down your neck, and sending chills down your spine
Their arm draped over your ribs, and their hips curving into your own, melting you into the bed
As you lay there, with darkness surrounding you with comfort
under the layer of cool sheets
you hope you can melt into them, and not ever return.
You are surrounded by layers of warmth that don't quite reach your bones
Because the freeze of loneliness ripples through you like snow piling onto a empty street
Those frozen drops are a gentle reminder that the arm draped over you
is no longer a sense of comfort
but your own burning stake
I fell in love with the tiny parts of you
The tiny feeling of warmth of your hands touching my back.
The tiny part of you that speaks the truth only when your words are slurred.
The small gestures you make to heal the wounds you made
The tiny park in your eyes, that looked at me in fleeting moments when I thought I was enough to keep that spark burning.
Resentment makes up the other whole, and the tiny sparks of you caulk everything together.
The caulk is dripping and cracking
I mistakenly spread those sparks and lit them on fire
to fill the empty cracks you left in me
Now the sparks have faded and I am left with only the cracked dried parts of what I thought was you.
Or maybe I am only left with the cracked parts of what you left of me.
Your words warm my skin
your fingers strike my soul
as you would a match,
you light up the darkest corners of my mind
like how the breaking sunrise sets the sky on fire
my starless midnight turned to a blazing wildfire dawn
as I lay there looking up at you
I realize to love you,
is to burn
if you are a wildfire,
then I am the sunken, hollow trees
welcoming the wildfire that is moving swiftly,
and dauntlessly through my raw heart
as you raged through me,
you burned a path
the air I breathed that was once dry,
is now entwined with the aroma of you
my mind once tangled by roots
is adorned by the gold hues
of the sunlight that now reaches me
you planted compassion in my veins
you sprouted warmth in my bones
you grew flowers in my soul
a wildfire burns to make room for new life to grow
you breathed life back into my tired soul
The way they leave, tells you everything
The way your eyes filled with nothing
the words that fell from your lips have left splinters in my thoughts
The way you filled the empty boxes with things that were once ours.
You filled those boxes with empty words and promises
I come home to a place where there is no longer heart, but only hurt. I stare at the dusty wood floor, wishing that I could burn the squeaky boards that once held your footsteps.
My heart still sits in that apartment, covered in the filth of your own despair.
You came back as fast as you left. The words you spoke I unpacked and kept.
The words still fill my mind with quiet whispers
filling my head like a gas chamber
and I wait till I find you in that last puff of smoke
The way you left tells me everything
That I should of left those boxes packed.
If someone were to ask me "describe falling in love", I would say
Falling in love starts with
Awkward silences that fill the room around you
Nervous gazes that are filled with curiosity
Conversations that turn into fingertips
and hands that warm my souls skin
It’s the feeling of the hard floor against your spine
And hands tangled in your hair
Eyes connecting for the first time
until you get lost
with no intention of finding your way back
Its the the feeling of lips grazing your ears
and wanting to drown in the
moans that flood the room
Falling in love is
Blankets on the floor
kisses soft and gentle
until clothes end up getting lost somewhere
and the floor is burned into my back
Hips molding into mine
And your laugh that will always
vibrate across my lips
Falling in love
is the feeling of being in a bookstore
sitting across the table from you
and you told me to pick out a book
I want to reach over and whisper to you
We could go to every book store
And buy every book
And all of those pages and words
could never encompass
the feeling of being in love with you
It’s the feeling of late night car rides
and Christmas lights
As you pulled over
To watch me stare at the lights
you ask me to describe the
lights to you the way I see them
And I want to lean over and say
The lights do not hold the same
magic as being in this moment with you.
Falling in love is
the aroma of chocolate chip cookies
Friday nights curled on the couch that turn into
soft Saturday mornings,
forehead kisses and
finally having that morning coffee
with you in bed.
I realized I could never describe to someone
what falling in love is like
if I were to try and explain
what it was like to fall in love with you
I know that they would be heartbroken too.
— The End —