Her apologies are really thinly veiled guilt trips
Aimed at you
How can someone say sorry
While still blaming you?
Denying the truth
That’s what you do
You call it
“Keeping the peace”

I want to smack the back of your head
To knock into it some sense that’s common
But you’ve got yourself in so deep
Common sense is something you no longer keep

You’re not not there
You got there long ago
But now your eyes have focused
Upon the horizon
There it is
Between you
And resistant distance
Not not achievable
You’re not trying to grow wings
But to grow your soul
Into undeniable
To even yourself
Evolve
Enhance
From “there.”
There is no rule
That one person cannot
Accomplish
Two impossible things
There is always
Not here

Slowly she dances away
But she’ll sway back
Any song
Any day
He says

You tell yourself you flirt with the “ugly girls” to give them confidence
And you seem to really believe it
Which surely affects
My confidence in you
And your assessment of
Ugly

It’s moving on
But not really
I’m looking back
If you called
I’d be there in a flash
Gotta sorta give up
Little by little
Will it ever be gone?
I’ll probably always answer your song
But you’ve  known that all along
Just another groupie
Battle scarred hoopdee
Halfway gone to loopy
Tryna sparkle in the crowd
Teeny light held up to blazing sun
Glowing maybe differently
But the sun cannot notice me
Either by design, or willingly
It is a possibility
To sparkle invisibly
And apparently
The kind of magic to get noticed
By you  
Is not in my ability

I look to you for nourishment
Your presence feeds my soul
You are like grain
So unassuming
Yet absolutely vital
Soul nourishment
I don’t think you even know
You’re doing it

Sometimes
I feel defeated
By my own need
To be noticed or readed
If I could settle for being obscure
I’d surely have a more peaceful world
But here I am writing this poetry
And it hurts my soul when nobody cares to see
I love these poems
They’re part of me
Apparently
Not as beautiful as I wish they could be

I’ve decided
It’s not unhealthy
But who is ever right
In diagnosing their dreams?
How much does how it seems
Personally
Pollute
What really
Should be?

Mister
Your creepy dog is a crotch sniffer
I prefer you keep him on a leash
Safely out of my ******’s reach

You ain’t built for this
And that’s OK
I’m gonna be around
Either way
Unless you ask me not to stay

I make demands
Follow through halfway
And wonder if it will be a win
On this one important thing
That means something
To me
Maybe too much
But not enough
To give it up

Irritation when I see
What passes for great poetry
When front page news is made a joke
Insincere words bespoke
A trending sentiment
And everyone
Jumped on in
To melt
Up and away it went
Unfelt

It’s the time
Between you and I
When one of us might decide
Running away
Is the way it will play
And all I can say
Is I ain’t going nowhere today

What does one do, and how does it go
When they fall in love with a man
….
Named Waldo?
Is it appropriate to say
“Mister, the name is a no no?
Can I call you James, instead
Or maybe Paul or Joe
Or Ted?  
Maybe I can even agree
To call you by the name Wally
Waldo was an ok name
Until they came up with a find that boy game

Boy!  
I done made the front page
More than once
Even all the way at the top
All this brilliance
And you remain
Uninterested
As frustrating as it is
I like it that you’re hard to impress
Whether you’re paying extra attention
Or not
I can only guess

All of the stories are about the exceptional
Half are better
Half are worse
But nobody is interested
In the mediocre
Which is ironic
Since most of us can identify

Curious
The enigma of you
Contradictory in all you do
Smooth and gritty
Dumb and witty
Altogether  way too pretty
*****
Clean
Awake while I dream
Full and empty, too
Light and dark
Fire and spark
So uniquely you

You must have loved me
As good as you were
Capable
And the heartbreak
Ensued
Was ******* you, too

Spark of creation
Unvoiced
Forgotten
Creation
Like honey
Does not go rotten

I am proud of myself
For letting you go
There was a time
I didn’t think it possible
But here I am, sights on someone new
Walking away
With nothing but love for you
Ain’t much different
This girl can do

I ain’t gonna recover from wanting you
It will always be there
I might wind up meeting somebody new
But if you came around
Asking for me
I would answer so hastily
Heads would spin
And everyone would see
There isn’t anyone else as perfect for me
As you seem to naturally be
Beautiful, man, beautiful mind
Beautiful soul, so **** fine
So I will stand here in line
Waving my arms and shouting my lines
Maybe one day, it will be the right time
And I’ll throw up just the right sign
To cause your attention to become mine

You've never been much of a parent to me
Maybe it's too much to ask
Yet lots of people do it for free
A truly thankless task
Until you get old
And can't care for yourself
It will happen to you, too
And when it does
Please don't expect that
I'll be a parent to you

It’s hard to be a grownup
With adult sensibilities
Thinking over the stupid crap
I did when I was a kiddie
There ain’t no going back
To when I was thirteen
And stopping myself from torturing
That poor girl I bullied
I can’t replace
The money
I stole from nana’s purse
When I was a teen
All I can do
Is not repeat
Those stupid mistakes
That may define me

Past the stage of blissful anonymity
He will not acknowledge me
I suppose it means that I am free
These ties are all imaginary
And even though I know it
Chained to him is still where I be
Completely unromantically

She is growing tomato plants in the back yard
I have named one Greta and one Nelson
She remembers
And calls them by name
Greta and Nelson
Tomato plants
Loved by somebody

Overly interested observer
Looking for a reason to feel
Better
Than anyone you don't understand
Never been a parent
Barely even a babysitter
Yet you know
Better
Than her mother

It’s not self sabotage
When it was already destined to fail
Could’ve held on
I suppose
But nobody knows
How long one must wait
After putting it out there
Self agitate
Burning, yet wet
Unlikely bets
The dealer ignoring
My cards on the table
And I laid them out there
The best I was able
Avoiding my gaze
Not a worthy bet
But that’s what one dealer said
There gotta be a table for me
I just haven’t found it yet
I gotta learn how to stack that deck

It’s what I’m supposed to be doing
My gift to the world
For free
This poetry

What do I do with all my time now
When I used to spend all my time
Thinking of you?
It’s not something that can be worked
Through
So I’ve got to get used to un-youing
You
Clearly not an easy task to do

I see you there
That look on your face
Wondering if you made a mistake
But no harm, no foul
My head is not bowed
It's pretty clear I'm too good for you now

I admire your strength
And your refusal to be a victim
But at the same time
You are a victim
Refusing to accept yourself
For what you are
There is no shame to acknowledge
You’ve had it tough
I never worry that you’ll become one to
Lean on it
And trot out your scars
For anything other than to show another
Their scars can be
Like roots of a tree
That grow up
Instead of down
I see that in you
The beauty of your “only you”  blue
And scars wore like a crown

Gender fluid
Poetry
As much as anything can be
Countless times I’ve
An image in my mind
Of who the poet could be
And the true image
Is completely different
From what I used to see
But the perception of the inside who
Is close to true

You carry your pain settled in your bones
I wish and pray you could let that **** go
Those demons
Are merely now almost conquered figments
You’re past it
You have almost won
Drop them
Set yourself free
That surely sounds like winning to me

I came with the perfect poem in my head
But I used a new phone, as my old one is dead
And the process of getting to writing the poem
Made it get lost in my head
But I came here to write a poem
And write a poem
I shall
About all the brilliance
Turned into vapor
Between the thought
And commitment to paper

Logically
I know my professed
Feelings for you
Cannot possibly be true
I’m just a stranger
Behaving strangely
Believing in some fake
Wanna be my destiny
And instead of realizing what a fool I be
I’m delusionally
Thinking
“Well, this is his effect on me”
Day by day
This I see
I mean nothing to you
And I don’t know what you mean to me
But it cannot possibly be
What I think I can see
And the things I think I feel
I must accept they aren’t real
If they were of any value
You would surely feel them too
Vapors of feelings
I pretend to be true
Whispers on winds
About birds and bees
Heard only by trees
Repeated by their leaves in the breeze
Sent to a man
Who doesn’t speak
The language of trees

I don't breathe for you
My heart beats for myself
But my brain takes you in
Like oxygen
Clean and fresh
In a breeze
Oxygen wind
For my brain
Thank you
Very
Please

Reading the atmosphere
Some fools just don’t care
Or they want to antagonize
Often claiming some noble mission
Really a rant in disguise
Kinda like this vibe
Rant in disguise
More than things are different
They are alike
Birth in the unmovable
Vibe of personal truth
In search of somewhere to root
Before transformation
Or disappearance
Personal truth feels vibes
Growing
The ability to connect
Vibes combine
Some volatile-lee
Others mellow smooth
Out there
Everywhere
Vibes
Created out of thin air

The Gathering has thus begun
Signs are everywhere
Something magical
Created by faith
Is heavy in the air
It makes no difference
The majority
The poets have set up
The long game
So spectacularly
And in the end
It will be
The poet who tells the stories
So
We win
Already

Your birthday passed about
Two months ago
And I’m just only now
Remembering it

It is a victory for me
Because I know
By this time you have seen
Sometimes you smile
When reading me
I’ve had your attention
At some point in my history
You’re the kind of man who cares about me
However distantly
Whatever your reasons be
You sometimes think about me
And I call that a victory

Sometimes, maybe
My soul looks beautiful to you
And you see
Your beauty reflected back
Through what you bring out of me
I’m gonna work for those sometimes
Vigorously
You insatiable well of inspiration
Allow me to give you back
The gifts you give to me

Your tendency to overshare
You call “keeping it real,”
But there’s plenty we don’t need to know
Like how on your bio
You mention your fetish for cold steel
Between your **** cheeks
And call yourself a gun freak
Which in your case
Is just another way
Of calling yourself a ****** geek

Bringing it to ya
Boo
Something you never before knew
Me
The one and only
Never been seen
In the entirety of history
Until
Me
A golden rarity
Piece that fits so perfectly
Maybe
You will never know
Unless you try to see

A cry into the void
Whether it be warrior
Or defeated
Most often a lonely
Call
Of the proud
Either at high
Or low
Pure emotion
Into the void they go

I’m not the one who’s so far away
When I feel the snakebite enter my veins
Never did I wanna be here again
And I don’t remember why I came
Candles raise my desire
Why I’m so far away
No more meaning to my life
No more reason to stay
Freezing feeling
Breathe in
Breathing
I’m coming back again
Hazing clouds rain on my head
Empty thoughts fill my ears
Find my shade by the moonlight
Why my thoughts aren’t so clear
Demons dreaming
Breathe in
Breathing
I’m coming back again

Everything to lose
Or everything to gain
The way things are now
You can’t complain
Why make a move
When you don’t have to?
So what’s this lovesick girl to do?
There’s no reason for you to come through
Blameless, beautiful, too good to be true
You
Maybe you feel you can’t measure up
To the vision I have of you
But isn’t that just another way
Of calling me a fool?
(And you know that isn’t true)
You definitely give me credit
You know I’m properly schooled
We could be cool
I know you feel it, Boo
Open the door
Let me walk through
Who knows where it goes?
Wherever that be
I feel that it’s something
You’d want to see
But maybe it ain’t
You can already tell
Or maybe a mix of the both
I promise you will not regret
Letting me get close
Plain and simple
I promise you will not regret
Letting me get close

There is a bird
Outside my window
But not the kind of bird I am used ta
To me, it sounds like a crow
But he clearly thinks he is a rooster

My dreams are not bigger than my abilities
But still out of reach
I am probably lying to myself
Maybe we all are
I like to think I could be great
If the opportunity arose
But greatness is likely
More drive
Than ability
And when driving
I tend to get lost in the music
Greatness gets found
I suppose

I told my grandkids that I’m famous

On Hello Poetry

They were not impressed

I don’t have the heart to tell them
(Or myself)

The term “famous” was a stretch

Now
We’re just repeating ourselves
The grudges and gripes
The praises and hypes
Over-eager types
Finding something to back
The club that has something they lack