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 Aug 2020 KillerKhooler
Bree
I’m addicted to the feel of cold metal sliding across bare flesh
Addicted to the instant
when nothing marks smooth skin
immediately before
red rivers rapidly rise
painting a once white canvas
with a flood of emotion,
tears on my cheeks,
sobs caught in my throat,
numbness replaced by pain & sadness.
Addicted to the imperfection
of red welts and dotted scabs that follow,
fingers drawn like magnets
to the texture of healing skin,
tracing over and over and over now fading ridges
Amazed that I am strong enough
to heal myself over and over and over.
Convincing myself that I am strong enough.
I find strength in my weakness.
6 months self harm free! Writing about it helps fight the urge
You saw me smile
I hid my pain
You heard me laugh
The tears you never saw
You held me tight
You never knew i wanted to run
You watched me sleep
You never saw the nightmares
You heard me sing
The anger you never felt
You thought i was happy
How wrong you were
You never knew
 Mar 2020 KillerKhooler
N
My Diet
 Mar 2020 KillerKhooler
N
I am on a diet
from sharp knives

I have been fasting
for about two months

Here is my clean
untouched wrists

But what if I got thirsty
for a drop of my blood?

What if I got hungry, and swallowed
all the knives in the kitchen drawer?
I haven’t cut in about two months or maybe a month and a half I can’t remember, but it’s been so long since my hands laid on a knife. I am craving that rush of blood. I am scared of getting hungry.
 Mar 2020 KillerKhooler
N
Untitled
 Mar 2020 KillerKhooler
N
Anxiety wraps
itself around me,

like a coat that
doesn’t fit me

like a lover that
doesn’t love me

like a fire that
doesn’t warm me
I rewrote this poem because it felt unfinished.
Break my bones;
cut my throat.
Pull me open,
learn the ropes.

Breath me in;
taste the fear.
Shank my skin;
stand and cheer.

Kick my head;
let me bleed.
Unbolt my veins;
enjoy the read.

Gouge my eyes;
punch my face.
Wrap me up
in your embrace.
Get to know me like I do you; inside and out.
 Mar 2020 KillerKhooler
Anya
Him
 Mar 2020 KillerKhooler
Anya
Him
he keeps asking
why
I don't write
about him

my dear,
my sweet darling,
it is because
you
do not cause heartache
and pain
like the others did

I do not know
how
to write
when I am in love


Often in longing, away from YOU
I saw the blues - of ocean & the skies,
The roaring of rivers and the storms
The shining of the sun and the moon
Waiting for promised LOVE to come back

Now when the crops are harvested
And the birds are singing
And when the clouds thunder rain
And the trees have bloomed flowers
The mountains look fresh and green
The breeze is so gentle and cool

That's the time we meet again
Paddling our LOVE in our small canoe
In the river of LOVE
Flowing into the shining ocean

Now we are together LOVING each other
Like bees ******* the honey
Fireflies buzzing around a lamp
Stars and moon decorating the dark sky
The birds soaring in blue skies
The rainbow on the blue sky

How happy we are again
To be together with each other
Oh darling - my fair LOVE
Oh seasons and lives
We longed for each other always
All day and night,
And kept our promise of LOVE




So the world sings
The love song of LOVE-Rz
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