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Logan L May 8
I have plenty of reasons to hate you
Every misstep mistake and meaningless argument
I still think the names you called me mean something
That they are some sort of definition of what i can be
And it takes a longer time than i've spent apart from you to sit back and breathe
And remember to remember that you don't own me just because you told me you were the only one who loved me enough to keep me

I have plenty of reasons to hate you
But the thing i hate the most is that none of them are good enough
That you could beat me to death
And i'd still like to feel like you loved me
And no matter how many people tell me im right to hate you
I don't want to

I want to love you
I want you to love me
I want the love that I never saw
I want the love outside of the reflection of the firejack bottle your boyfriend bought last night with the money he nicked off my sisters dresser drawer
I want the kind of love that doesn't smell like smoke and shame creeping through the. creaking garage door
I want to love you
I want my mom
I want my mom
I want you to change for me
I want you to be there for me
I want you to encourage me
I want you to want me instead of wanting to own me
I want to own you
But I don't want to be you
Logan L Mar 12
My tongue wriggles in my mouth
Useless tool it is
Unable to articulate my feeling
Into words and phrases for human consumption
So I cut it off
Reattaching taste buds to fingertips
Until those forget how to speak too
And I am consumed by grief
Logan L Mar 12
Words escape me
Wisps of ideas in the wind
Paragraphs and punctuation dance along my windowsill
And as i swing my net faster and faster
I can never seem to fit them together
In an order that makes sense to me
My abilities degrade
Rusted over under merciless rain
That makes flowers grow
A quality wholly different from the tears i shed now
Logan L Jan 14
My head swims with sound
Meaningless and violent
Nerves wound tight round steel bolts in soft tissue
Music harvested from bright brain matter
Fingers working every corner of my mind
They lift my brain from my skull, a hollow shell, more befitting of my purpose
Tapping at my teeth, soft percusionary sound
Curling down my throat, choking sputtering vocals echo through my head
Bile threatens to meet the musicians tools, adding helpless groans to his symphony
Each tap of my teeth threatens to crack my skull
My head giving way to the flood of blood and wasted flesh
Too full of myself, and rendered all the more useless for it
I’d like to think I can do better...
Logan L Aug 2018
Silent, quiet, still, hushed
That empty vast nothing of pressure on your eardrum
Cold loneliness of wordless, soundless space
But not always
There's also a warm kind of silence
Silence like a blanket
A cozy comfortable wall of nothing
Keeping out the sound of the world
So for just a moment
It’s just you and me
Logan L Aug 2018
Summer, field of fresh flowers
Backyard bonfires
Among cinnamon flavored daffodils
Hazy nights, and hazy days
Hazy cold dark maze built into the back of my mind
Every crack and corner and secret passage ingrained into my mind
Every trap and snare and pits of shame
Suffocating, emasculating holes
Arguments and pain pills and disappointments
A unique enemy in a dungeon I can’t ever really leave
Because even when im gone away
It's in my blood, that sweet smell of cinnamon
Logan L Jul 2018
I'm so happy
And why wouldn't I be
With dozens of people
Who care about me
I’m just so happy
Happy for thee
Happy so you can be happy for me
Happy so i’m not so shameful
Happy to be treated like i'm not unstable
Happy I look and I sound and I breathe
Like i'm SO happy to be alive
So happy to be living in the moment
But i'm not always happy that im happy
What does that mean?
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