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Kendra Janz Feb 2019
it’s so frustrating to have so many thoughts but no way to articulate them
concepts swirl in my brain unable to surface in the restriction of english
having to cut entire points out of papers because i cannot explain it properly
handing in confusing works of art as assignments
but not being able to explain why it completes the assignment
having the big picture perfectly mapped out
but a professor that only sees the lack of details in my work
knowing a grade will not reflect the personal mental strenuous of my effort
seen as lazy for not being detail oriented or able to describe details without causing confusion
not being unaware of my own personal thoughts on some matters
or not being able to explain my ideas fully to someone
confusing people more when i try to shed light my thought pattern
handwriting that can’t keep up with my brain
finding it difficult to come up with questions
when I often answer my own questions before they can be asked
constrained to hour long lectures that sap my ability to focus on anything
the need of creativity in order to engage fully with a task
these are all my problems, i cannot bring them are legitimate complaints to a professor
so i suffer silently
Kendra Janz Jan 2019
When the Silver Bird takes wing
No one cares to notice.
No one looks it’s way to see
If it will falls or rises above the clouds.

The Silver Bird never caught an eye
Or thought to itself,
“Perhaps today.
Today they will admire
My outstretched wings and
Be in awe as I soar through the sky.”

To call a Silver Bird happy is,
By far, a hyperbole.
Whenever the Silver Bird
Thinks a thought of happiness
It is no longer a Silver Bird.
Instead the dread that is
It’s every thought
Defines the Silver Bird.

Hovering above the world
Is the home of the Silver Bird.
Without detachment
The Bird would fall to the ground.
And that would be the tragic end.

From the heavens, a Silver Bird is always watching
You do not see them,
As they linger far away,
They watch every movement
Of others, carefully calculating
The intent of others

Nevertheless, the ones who stop
And take the time observe the sky
The ones who pause and listen
Will be the first to gaze on the Silver Bird.

How unappealing is the Silver Bird?
With tattered wings, rotten beak,
No two Silver Birds look alike.
The only way to know of the Silver Bird
Is, simply, through ugly blemish.
That is the mark of  the Silver Bird.

Then the fortunate one who is the first
To ever lay eyes on the Silver Bird
Will move on. They will forget
They ever caught sight of the Silver Bird.
After all, who would want a bird
As broken as the Silver Bird?
None.
That is what makes the Silver Bird a Silver Bird.
Kendra Janz Jan 2019
In the routine,
The boring life I live,
The painful existence that is mine,
The greatest hardships
And never ending torture,
The sickening reality,
The path filled with distraught
And the worst experiences,
Dreadful repetition of days,
Saddening presumptions
That I’ll fail to comply by,
And my burning hatred for society,
You are there
And you make it worth every scratch
Kendra Janz Dec 2018
How can I articulate
My innermost thoughts?
Sting words cohesively
To create an understanding
Of my being?
First, I find it interesting
When I'm in social situations
I feel nothing
It's too much to make
An assumption on my emotions
Alone is simple
I feel alone,
Marginalized, by myself
Much like I did as a child
It becomes more and more clear
I am completely and totally
Unable to trust anyone
Which is the poison of my life
Kendra Janz Nov 2018
have you seen impossibility?
the havoc that combats mundane
the topsy-turvy world that is utterly ignored
fluctuation of gravity, bending of reality
it may seem to be within my imagination
yet i swear my existence is malfunctioning
torn between known and unknown
some days it ebbs like calm waves
today it feels like a storm in rage
in the end, i don’t know if i belong in this world
however, i cannot ignore the call of impossibility
Kendra Janz Nov 2018
The buzz of annoyance,
Yet the sweetness of nectar;
Affection so bitter
Others say to escape
When in the presence of a Wasp.
I do not listen.
They’ve never hurt me before
I have no doubt
I do not get stung
As long as I don’t provoke the bug
It flies innocently about
Unaware of me.
In spite of this gospel
The cruel irony is,
I wish, for once, I’d get stung

— The End —