Sometimes we run
into the arms of a terrible person
just trying to escape a broken heart
because loneliness has been known
to taste like warm whiskey,
parliament lights and the kiss
of a lack luster lover who spent more time
trying to lie you between the covers
than they did learning to say your name
out loud, you know the type.
I'd be lying too if I didn't say
I've been that kind, that tall glass of water
promising to dampen a dry tongue
which ain't got the courage to say I'm sorry,
not to nobody else but to themselves.

So I want apologize for not seeing
or perhaps ignoring how crushed you were
when I rolled you up in my arms
the way hikers do sleeping bags
and I held you in my lap
because the car was packed
and I didn't know where else to put you.
You must have felt safe there
thinking you were the place
for me to lay my head on this road trip
we call life, but little did you know
had the trunk not been full
I would have been sitting alone
face aglow from my cellular phone
texting other women,
probably with a smile.

I am here to tell you, you deserve better
and I don't want you ever settle
for anything less than a lover's embrace
because comfort plus time
equals unease on your mind.
Worrying whether this companion of yours
has become a stone tied to your heart
with a heavy rope and its tugging you down
into the dark blue depths
filling your lungs with ice cold seawater
with every last breath.

I want you to be with someone
you can chase for the rest of your life
and when you get tired of swimming
they won't leave you treading,
chumming shark infested waters
with blood from a poorly stitched heart
but they will follow and follow
until you both find that deserted island,
that paradise you promised one another.

I am not beautiful...
        I am choked up tears, cover-up smiles
        the kind of light that turns you blind
        from having too less or more than enough.

I am not beautiful...
        I am scratched out scars, burnt out heart
        the kind of storm that wrecks up lives
        creeping stealthily through the night.

I am not beautiful...
        I am not your quintessential girl
        the kind that walks with a perfect stance
        swaying waist of 26" and pretty face all made up

I am not beautiful...
      I am edges and curves, messy hair and everything you *never dreamt of
       The kind that repulses you by skin, and attracts you by mind
       Someone you'll never know because. . .

I am not beautiful.

As poets we are supposed to be master of words
Especially if those words are meant to describe how we feel inside
But when it comes down to you I'm more of an idiot than a poet
Simply because there are absolutely no words that come to mind
Then what makes it worse I have no idea why this is
Why I find myself staring at a blank sheet of paper for hours on end
Why I can't stop thinking about you even when you're miles away
Why I want to know ever little detail about you before I even take a glance at your physical beauty
Honestly this time I'm just clueless
Maybe it's because of that smile of yours
Or maybe it's because of those pearls for eyes that shine when the sun rises
I just really want to understand why I change so drastically when in your presence
Why my heart temporarily takes control of my mind when you walk by
Please I just want to understand why...
Why I become so happy when you say something as simple as hi
It is just so strange for I
But I would truly dread the day you say bye

I never understood how both
a self-obsessed egomaniac
and a hopeless romantic
could inhabit one body;
perhaps it is the reason
I have spent so much time
in front of the mirror, hating myself.