I’m choking on my existence
Didn’t even want it in the first place
Now I’m struggling
Dealing with the consequences of being born
I just want to live
But surviving seems to be my way of life

I feel like a ghost in my own home I keep to myself even though I live here I feel out of place like I’m visiting someone for the first time
That weird thing you do on the couch were you try to not take up to much room were if your offered food you politely declined feeling like a nuisance to get the food they paid for trying to not touch anything but also clean up because even though it’s not your mess your a guest so it fine but this is my home I walk so quietly like I’d disturb the dead I know this is home so why do I feel like a stranger when it’s all I know

You broke my heart like you were use to it
I took you back trying to find the pieces of me
You came back with a grin if only I had know I was there for your humour
Weeks go by and you leave again and I was more shattered than the first time even though some part of me had realised you’d go
I guess I’m use to it
When people leave they take a piece of you with them maybe it’s so you always have a missing part of you or because that’s the trophy they collect once they finish their game who knows I don’t but I’ll move on because a part of me will always love them but I will not stay chasing my past to not see my future

I want to make friends
But it always ends in failure
From beings terrible at keeping a conversation
To being left on read
I want to expand my bubble
But that’s hard to do
When even thing I say
is just not worth your time
From lol and wbu  
To
emoji face and seen :10.30
maybe I’m just hard to talk to or I just haven’t tried enough
But I didn’t know talking to people my age was as hard as it was

I miss the smile you had when you saw the sun the way stars were the best part of the day
Talking about things you enjoyed didn’t stop at once sentence
I loved how you fell so quickly finding love in anyone how running felt
falling in the grass
Swimming in the pool
I miss the parts of me I lost growing up
I’ve falling out of love with myself

Sometimes I imagine your tongue lightly kissing my neck with your eyes the smile into my memory your name I could not whisper enough for the stars to know and the bittersweet taste of regret has made its home in my bed
agony curls its self around my bones like chains that remind me I belong to you and even if I turn into the land we stand on I will see you again.