I am a vault
A Fort Knox of a life that really only matters to me
I am impenetrable
My own
I can weather any storm
Any assault

Letting someone in however...
Hard: Nope, not enough
Terrifying: Yes, and then some
Nearly impossible: Getting warmer baby

But I’m cracking open doors for you
And the shuddering down the halls has not stopped in days

Every combination I give you
Gives me tunnel visions of panic
And the clanging inside my head sounds like an alarm from another time
Not meant for you
But none the less going off
Calling the guards

Even - as I open the boxes
Unfold the velvet covers
And lay my truths before you like treasures

Especially - then I’m afraid

Afraid it will all rust and turn to dust when the air hits it
Turn to dust in the air of the open door you leave behind you

A breach it would take me forever to shore up again

City nights
The breeze lifts my hair as I turn
Much longer now than it was before
Another night is following

The pounding beat of the club ahead beckoning
But I can feel the other nights in step behind
It will be the same but different

And before goes...

Stage lights flash off of studs and piercings
Leather and cigarettes permeate the air
Thick on your tongue
Mouth like an ash tray even when you haven’t taken a drag
The floor up ahead is alive
The heart of the room onstage
Throw everything aside
Dive into the middle of a mass of limbs
Thrashing and dancing to a jack knife of a voice
Losing yourself and finding it again
When you fall they will pick you up
When you crash it doesn’t hurt
When you’re there you’re free

...Turning and smiling into those nights one more time

A wink and a step into a new space
A new beat
A new freedom awaiting

And dive in

I don’t wish on eye lashes
Or search the sky’s for shooting stars
I went out into the world and came back whole

When I met you I realized I had been missing a piece inside me but
I found it before I laid eyes on you

It had just been buried under a lifetime
Stored and hidden from trolls and monsters
Kept safe by a younger me who had no where to run so she hid our heart

I don’t make wishes
And I don’t need to wish with you

I found my fairytale ending on my own
I gave myself the gift of love and woke
And now you are here
And very welcome to join me
On my new adventure
A thing called real life

Fire escapes, pink neon lights flashing, always slick with rain, crouched and watching the gleaming cars below

Ballrooms dripping in gold and coral, strips of lace left behind, laughter floating through the empty rooms

Rain forests so lush your body feels overdressed in clothes, moss under foot, muscle memory from another time

New York hotels strewn with cigarettes and adorned with fey boys and girls in white shirts and black skinny ties, draped over red carpeted staircases

Cafe’s strung with exposed lightbulbs, cobblestone paths leading to the river, espresso and honeysuckle fill the air, as whisperers of what it is to truly live brush past your ear

Thread worn carpets in cabins hung with dried herbs, sunlight pouring in making fantasy from dust motes

Terra-cotta cottages painted like gingerbread houses, palm trees swaying slightly, pink frosted lips tasting of cotton candy and salt water

All my lives
All here for the viewing if you know how to look

Tilt your head
Unfocusing your gaze like my eyes are lights on your Christmas tree
Lean in
“Hello there”

Lost in translation
Who have we become
The littered masses
Throwing ourselves into every day

Mass confusion
Identify crisis’s
Forced upon a population who know themselves
But are taught not to

I know who I am

Do you know who you are?

I will trust your version of you

Give you the choice to be the fullest possibility of yourself

One person at a time now
Stand up
Open
Alive
Everything you want to be and more

It’s contagious, acceptance, let’s spread it like wildfire

Shatter the world to it’s foundation
And we’ll build it anew

Step out
Booted feet ready to go
Cracked sidewalks
Green growing between

Life can’t be kept down by the overwhelming need to cover with concrete

The pressure pours down
I look at my feet
Breathe in the spring scented air
Growth
New green in soil so ready

My skin bare in places that feel as though they’ve been covered forever
The air outside tempting
It begs me sweet to come and play

I want it all
The green
The concrete
The architecture

I may shed it all
My jacket
My worries
Find a beat in the city
Calling
And never look back

The wildness inside is growing weary
She is feral and crawling underneath this icy calm

This season of perpetual waiting is driving us
Keeping us unfulfilled
The Rumbling static energy builds to breaking

And so I dance her to sleep with abandon
Feed her bits of adventure that taste like neon lights and worn sidewalks
Calm her with storms soaked to the bone and never fully dry
Ride with her the windows open till the chill bites at my lips and tiny cracks form
Dive into music till our heart learns to beat again, breaking through the ice, and carrying the echo in our bones

Anything
Everything
All the things
to quell the breathless, restless, mind numbing desire...