Sunshine falls upon your auburn hair
As the sweat drips down your nose onto your shirt.
The light dances upon your wet skin as the cool water touches your tongue.
She looks at you with amazement in her eyes as if she’s found a prize.
Her emerald eyes glisten with fascination as your muscles clench with every move.
Her lips spread to call your name in hopes for a kiss.
The heat is not what is burning her skin, it’s the fire in her eyes as she looks at you.
Sunsets, storms, eclipses, and meteor showers are all phenomena’s of the world.
But you weren’t an object.
You were a feeling. An emotion. A physicality.
She didn’t know her heart was an acrobat until you danced on the tightrope with it.
Flight is something she use to fear but now craves it like an addict craves a fix.
You were her high.
Birds fly high in the sky but always come back down.
Not a day has gone by where I have hit the ground since I have met you.
A breath of fresh air I have taken.
Breathed in something that was so intoxicating.
Loved someone so deserving of love.
Gone to sleep with the desire of dreaming of the day when you are the first face I see in the morning and last as I fall into oblivion.
Tear stained pillow case
Mascara chunks on my cheeks
Just trying to feel safe.
Feet frozen in place
Body shaking with panic
Heart is shattering
Eyes red and puffy
Ears are ringing with silence
Nose runs yet stuffy
People all around
Why does the room feel empty
I am all alone
Seasons change and leaves had browned.
Here i am sitting, hoping for a single sound.
Flowers begin to wither away
I thought it was just any other day.
A year has passed
I never knew that conversation would be the last.
The yelling, the screaming.
God, just give me some meaning!
Im exhausted Lord, i need advice.
Why was my mother to be a sacrifice.
Lord i love you, but why so much pain?
My eyes are full of vision, but what do i gain?
Mother, father, are you there?
I feel you everywhere.
The smell of amber and vanilla i think of you.
You are gone but still here too.
Cigarette smokes fills my nostrils as my head rests on my pillow.
Wet cheeks begin to warm as my anxiety intensifies.
Hungry but full
Tired but overwhelmed with insomnia
Mirrors surround me as I try and close my eyes but gently weep.
The glare so vivid, I can still see the monsters watch me sleep.
Oh wait, their inside my head.
Hands in my hair
Legs won’t stay still
Tongue is begging for a drink.
When will the nightmares stop?
Will I ever be able to dream without seeing a glimpse of my past?
Where can I hide from my demons?
Why do i let myself get this down?
How do I make the loud quiet?
7:21am and finally fell asleep.
The light shining through the window breathes warmth on my bare feet.
Another day, another reminder that darkness will fall once again.
My eyes will remain open until I am no more.
Ceilings up above me
Oh where do you lead us?
Cold air on my feet
Where may i walk?
Walls all around me
What is outside?
Door handles jiggle
But why can't i escape?
Black vision full of serenity
But why the nightmares?
Windows glisten with raindrops
Why is the thunder in my head?
Sheets lay bare on my body
But why do i feel naked?
Mattress forms to my body
But yet im all alone.
Good morning beautiful girl
Are you ready to put me on?
Hurry now we are at the break of dawn
So wash your face
And pick up the pace
Let's finish this beauty race.
These are the words we love to hear.
Little lady, pounce in your foundation
We dont want to see any indiscretions.
Buff out your contour we dont want to look to sharp
Oh c'mon honey, this is only the start.
Wet your brush its time to shine
Apply that highlight so we can blind.
Now its time to grab that golden shadow
The one that reminds you of your mama.
As she would tell you "blend baby girl".
Finally, pick out the maroon lipstick she loved on you
We all know she wouldn't want to see you blue.
Braid your long dark locks of auburn hair
Because she is with you everywhere.
Just go look in the mirror.
You'll see her face smiling back at you.
Oh no what have i done.
All i wanted was to not have to bite my tongue
But for some reason i still continue to do so.
Fear of hurting you?
Fear of breaking your heart.
All i know is im surrounded by crowd
But all i wanna do is quiet the loud.
Sometimes the noise is comforting
Others the silence is deafning.
The bruises on my heart are weak and naked
I dont wanna let you go we are supposed to be forever.
My brain is in shreds
My heart is a mess
But still, i love you.
You dont understand and i dont expect you too
But this pain i feel is too soon
The loss of my mother
The loss of my father
Its is like i have forgotten all of who i am.
I am a girl.
I am a woman.
I am a child.
But i am not whole.
The thought of losing you is a knife to the throat
But why do i feel like im barely afloat.
I mean cmon. We are young lovers wild and free.
Then why is all the trouble with me. I dont know.
I dont know.
I repeat these three words as i plea, please stay with me.
I cant lose you too.
Your love is beautiful like that of a song
And your warm touch gives me this feeling of being wanted.
Thank you for loving me.
I love you too.
Leaves blow in the dusty wind
Young hearts go sepearate ways
A child is born and an elder has died.
We call this the season of life.
Trees blooming pink little fruits
Bees pollinate to drink the nectar
Grass blows in the mild chilly wind
The drizzle of rain falls on my cheeks
Red fills his cheeks as he kicks his little feet
The lighting strikes one more tree
Air is scorching his skin under his shirt
Cold air blows upon her face
Orange and yellow fill the streets
The couple on the porch open the newspaper
Bark on the tree begins to fall
The sounds of trick or treat are in every ear.
White flakes dance in the sky above them
Warm cocoa fills their throats
That last bit of warm air leaves their lungs
All to be reborn once again.
It started out with a small white pill
Into the mouth and down the throat
Who knew something so little could ****
The body dissipates into nostalgic rhythm
Down the throat into the mind
Fading into a darkness that can't be stopped
We dance with colors that make us blind
The brain sleeps while the body twitches
The empty orange bottle falls down
Tears follow as she sweats from the fear
She weeps in her pink and white gown
The stomach begins to turn and ache
The aches cause scratches on her skin
A pain only a fix will get rid of
Nothing can stop it, not even men
Her blood boils for her dealers rescue
Why does hydrocodone close your eyes?
Mama wake up.
The tabourine man knows you cannot die
All that was left was a body, and no soul.
Stick out your tongue
The touch that is so desired by me
That i am finally able to see
This is what i have been missing.
Voices so clear but not so near
Oh honey, you are so dear
To my heart that didn't happen from the start
But now it is.
Thank you sparks.
You see my love,
My worth has not been a priority
Within all of my relationships it was delegated seniority
My beauty and my grace
Were never seen past a pretty face.
But with you i feel safe.
With you im home.
No matter how near nor far
My heart will follow you wherever you are
What may be wanted may not be true,
But i do know, no one is as good as you.
You see here lover, you instilled a confidence inside
To where never again do i want to hide
When i was born to stand out
In the middle of any crowd, and for that, i say thank you.
Thank you lover.
I looked through the kaleidoscope only to see the nameless faces of those who once crossed my path.
I dreamt of a face who i once knew so well, but so quickly turned into that of a memory.
Those eyes of onyx and hair of sand took me by suprise as i only knew you by your voice.
That glistening pearlescent smile blinded me as reflects of enamel danced with my heart.
Only by a picture did i realize that i had entered into a rabbit hole in which couldn't be jumped out of.
Only by a voice did i learn of the many ways that a girl can be loved.
I sat underneath the decaying roof as i listened to your vocal chords sing with a deep tone that took my breath away.
How did i know an innocence could be so ******?
The birds crowed as i learned of my troubled future. The ants scattered as i would step on what was once their sanctuary.
But who would've known a similar voice would spin me around only to leave me in a corner for you to pick me up.
The golden sun rose only to set again.
Her olive skin reflected that of her hardships. Her emerald eyes made those who met her grow full of envy.
Prince Charming was to late, but was still desperately wanted.
She wanted him to rescue her, but she would always wake up.
His voice once again became a memory.
Those faces that once danced within her eyes were now turning to ash.
Those voices turned into that of a deafining silence.
It was then she realized, the once so colorful kaleidoscope had shattered into pieces to small to be fixed.
The dances of those faces she once knew so well began to disappear.
The sounds of church bells and the pleas of pastors saying "do not fear for God is near" echoes in my ears as i watch my father leave his temple to walk with the almighty.
The warmth of his hands began to fade into cold, and lifeless limbs i did not recognize.
Lingering sounds of a flat line accompanied by your voice of despair to let my father go.
That was when the first few petals fell.
Your vivacious smile accompanied by your long midnight hair was buried within the garden under the dead apple tree.
The whispers of silence were deafining to your ears as you wet your pillows with the taste of brandy on your lips and the black streaks ran down your cheeks.
The once so full flower was beginning to thin.
My hands turned cold as yours pulled away into those of another who was not my father.
A rose petal fell.
Time ceases to stop or slow down except when we are feeling melancholy.
But time with you was like taking roses off of a thorny bush with your bare hands; delicate and painful.
Just like you and i.
A child was left for the elders, but little did they know, she was an old soul.
I saw the sadness projecting through your eyes as you were trampled by this concept we call life.
I attempted to be of aid to you mother, but the demons wouldn't let go.
Little did i know your demons could wither a flower.
White oleander ran through your veins as you put those little white pills into your mouth.
A rose petal fell.
Then the day came where you were flying high. The sounds of white noise and tear drops hitting my skin haunt my dreams as i learned of the rose being taken away from me.
But did you know mother?
Did you forsee the quick end to a great future?
I did not; however, i knew there was not going to be much of a story to tell if you did not stop playing with the thorns.
But like a flower, you were delicate.
I guess that is where i get it from.
With every beautiful flower comes a root.
The last rose petal fell.
All that is left is a seed and thorns.
But to make a new flower, you only need the seeds.
A rose is like a Phoenix; the flower dies, but the seeds are reborn.
You left me with a seed of your life that i can use to continue to blossom into a beautiful rose like you.
And one day, my petals too will fall and wither.
But my flower wont be made weak with thorns, but strong with them.
The thorns i have will be my story even as my thorns watch my petals fall to the cold damp soil that is my pillow.
Every petal falling is a different ending.
Your rose died with you.
Just like my fathers died with him.
But my petals wont fall.
My petals will one day wither to only be replanted again.
I gently weep to the sound of silence that surrounds me
Where have you all gone?
Why have you deserted me?
The sticky flames roll down my cheeks as they start to bleed bright red pigment under my skin.
I’m not okay.
But that was yesterday
Today I got up
I swept my floor
Polished the furniture
Removed the spots of my tarnished yesterday from the silver of today.
What is today?
Today is the day I said no more
Sadness, anguish, depression, anxiety
Pain, suffering, laziness, exhaustion
Today I am new
Tomorrow I am strong
I am beautiful and wise
My testimony shines through the tiny cracks of my bleeding heart
Piece by piece I will mend my broken soul
I may not be okay tomorrow, or even next week. But I know, one day, I can say:
Today, I am okay.
— The End —