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Jul 24 · 58
Conflicted
K Jul 24
I feel trapped in this world
As if I don't belong here
I don't belong here.
I know
But being reminded of it makes me feel worthless.
no one knows what it's like to be you
no one knows what it's like to walk in your shoes.
And honestly, no one ******* cares.
No. one. *******. cares.
that's the problem
which is why we hurt ourselves
which is why we cut ourselves
to find that piece of pain to keep ourselves going.
To constantly wish to die
but secretly hope to live
hoping one day that this misery will change
we hope it will change
but maybe it won't.
maybe it will all be the same
maybe life will always go on this way
maybe your family won't understand
maybe they won't support your dreams
maybe no one will love me
maybe I will be alone
maybe.
maybe.
maybe.
it will change
or maybe my thinking won't
maybe my mind will keep spinning.
Nov 2018 · 117
Short
K Nov 2018
Imma keep this short-
*** I gotta go,
Don't let anyone steal your shine,
Or make you feel left behind.
You are worthy ,
You are capable,
Depression will not break you.
Suicide will not overtake you.
Better days are coming
and I'm trying to believe that too
So lets work  on ourselves together
So that It can come true.
I'm rooting for you stranger.
-k
Had a really bad day today. Felt like literally no one listened to what I had to say, but I'm trying to say positive the best way I can. So if you too had a ****** day you are not alone!
Sep 2018 · 1.3k
Incapable Of Getting Love
K Sep 2018
Maybe I'm incapable of  getting love,
Since it never comes my way.
Love is like the mailman.,
Carefully carrying precious packages and mail,
Delivering it to the rightful owner.
But why dosen't it ever get delivered to me?
Don't I deserve it?
It passes everyone else but me.
Meaningless relationships pass
Love enters some
Love exits onother
But love never seems to treat me right
All love seems to do is treat me wrong
Suffocated me slowly till I'm outta breath
Grab my heart and strangle it,
but just enough so it begs for more
I always tell myself "Maybe I'm unattractive"
Or "maybe my luck isn't right"
Cause I'm starting to believe I'm incapable of getting love
And I'm gonna cry tonight.
....
Aug 2018 · 2.1k
Open Cuts
K Aug 2018
These open cuts lay open in remembrance of you.
Everything we had,
All that we did
All who we are, was-
and still is up to you.
You made a choice,
And picked your sacrifice.
You tossed me to the side-
As a new woman caught your eye.
Captivated by her beauty,
As if mine wasn't enough.
Constantly mystified by the twinkle in her eye-
As if mine wasn't worth the time.
You bruised me,
Your ignorance abuses me.
So these open cuts lay hollow,
And beg for your return.
Hoping one day you can heal them.
And ignite the fire that was never burned.
Aug 2018 · 295
Don't Cry At My Funeral
K Aug 2018
These tears mean nothing to you,
Good.
Don't cry when I die.
When I make this desperate mistake,
I hope I continue to mean nothing to you.
Even when I'm finally dead,
Don't cry.
Don't make up lies saying you were always by my side.
Don't say sweet **** about me when you wouldn't even look me in the eyes.
Or have a conversation with me.
I meant nothing to you.
When I cried to you,
You didn't listen
When I tried to tell you,
You tossed me to the side.
So *******.
Don't cry.
Don't cry when I finally do it.
I'm at the point where I'm so tired of life and everyone in it, am I the only one?
Aug 2018 · 77
Your Eyes
K Aug 2018
Your Eyes

Your eyes can pierce into my soul
And I would let it.
You can look at it all
Every inch
I know you won't be ashamed to see it
I know you'd pay to see it.
And I know the way I am feeling
When I look in your eyes
It seems like your hiding in plain sight
Whats behind those eyes?
Do they tell sweet lies?
Do they care?
Or do they stare?
What's behind those eyes?
K Aug 2018
I wish I could escape from you.
Escape from the emotions I have about you.
I wish I could escape from this captivation that entangles me,
I tell myself that one day we could be together,
But I feel myself sinking into that familiar dark abyss of loneliness again.
You caused it.
Seeing you with her caused my heart to shatter into a million pieces,
Once again I'm alone.
Once again I feel alone.
Once again I feel trapped.
Because I am I love with a man older than me,
And entangled in a love that will never be.
So I sit here,
And wallow in this familiar desperation,
The loneliness keeps me company,
But only for now.
Jul 2018 · 192
Like The Movies, Right?
K Jul 2018
I always thought love was supposed to be like the movies,
An ordinary man meets an ordinary woman and they fall in love right?
I mean c'mon?
Two not so perfect people meet,
and they form an unlikely relationship that last forever!
That's what love is supposed to be, right?
Love is suppose to be this heart racing , mind captivating pleasure that enables you to show your feelings in a way you never did before.
You're not supposed to be hurt,
You're not supposed to be depressed.
You're not supposed to wake up feeling like **** because the man you're in love with you can't have?
That's not what love is?
Then why does it feel this way?
Why does my heart feel like its ripped into a million ******* pieces by the man I love?
Why?
That's not like the movies.
Growing up, I always thought love was supposed to be this pain free thing. I guess I was wrong. :(
Jul 2018 · 994
Tears On My Keyboard
K Jul 2018
Tears on My keyboard as I write this,
Cause my heart hurts
I don't have you,
but yet it feels like I do
I can't wrap my head around it,
On why I feel this certain way about you
I'm Heartbroken over someone I never was with
But that's what a crush will do to you,
That's what being in love will do to you.
I will take your heart and dance with it,
Spend the night with it,
Then smash it into a million pieces when it's done
Then when you fall for another man,
It will do the same thing,
Time and time again
It fells so good
But hurts so bad
From your smile
To just being in your presence
I feel so ******* stupid
That's why there're tears on my keyboard.
Jul 2018 · 330
I Hate It (But I love It)
K Jul 2018
I hate the way you make me feel
You make me feel in a way I never felt before
No one captures my mind like you.
You are in full control of me
and I have no clue
I try to run
but I can never run too far
There is something in my heart that pulls me back to you.
You're always in my thoughts,
You're always on my mind.
I feel like I'm yours
like I belong to you
But how?
I don't know.
Was it your smile?
And the way it slowly crept up and it caused the sweet lines and creases around your eyes?
And how they lit up when you saw me?
That was 2 months ago
and I still think about it.
You're just being friendly and here I am falling in love with you.
Maybe I'm too young to understand love
but I think i know what some it is,
Cause when i look at you
I feel like
I finally have lived.
-K
Jul 2018 · 189
Pretend
K Jul 2018
Pretend

Sometimes at night,
I pretend the pillow next to me is your body.
I pretend that it's you
And I lay next to it.
I pretend that the pillow mimics your shallow breathing,
That it is slightly rises like each breath that you take
And I pretend I hear your soft heartbeat in my ear,
Instead of the piercing silence that surrounds me.
Sometimes I pretend  your smooth hands wrap around me softly,
And that your body presses against mines.
Sometimes I pretend that you’re with me
That you wake up with me
That you kiss me
I’ll never understand why my heart chose you
And I’ll keep playing pretend
Cause we will never happen anyway.


-K

— The End —